A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my ex broke up 1 month ago. We were together for almost 5 months, which was my longest relationship. Anyway, he always said that if we broke up that he wanted us to stay friends. I usually stay friends so that's not a problem for me. Now that we're broken up, I dont really know if he really meant what he said about being friends. We broke up because he's going through a really tough time, so he turns to getting high and drinking. Things didn't start getting bad till 2 months into the relationship. That's when he started drinking and getting high a lot. During the time when he would get high, he would barely talk to me. The first time it happened, he apologized and said he understood if I wanted to leave but he wanted me to stay so I did. But this same thing happened again and again about a month ago. I always gave him more chances because he really meant a lot to me and things would get better for a while but then go bad again because of him not talking to me. But a month ago he said he wasn't gonna ask for another chance cause he really messed up and I don't deserve that because Im an extremely sweet, beautiful, kind hearted girl. All he wanted was my forgiveness. He told me he understands if I don't forgive him and if I hate him. He said that he doesn't wanna hurt me anymore and he feels like all he does is cause me pain and he doesn't want that at all. And he doesn't want to be a bf if he can't be a good one, not that he's not willing to be mine. Sorry this is kinda long. I just wanna know if he really meant what he said when we broke up and about wanting to still be good friends. We haven't actually talked since the the break-up though. He's always been honest with me but Im just not sure now. I kinda just want a second opinion.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Yeah hun it sounds like he needs to sort out his problems before he can commit to you it does sound like he cares for you but yet he is putting drink and drugs above everything at the moment so i think you need to stay clear from him until he solves his problems and tell him he needs to get his act clean before you are back in his life it is the only way for him to get better as he will then get a taste of what he has lost due to the drugs and hopefully get the help that he needs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys.
And to ClosetRomance14, I never said he did it because he thought I didn't deserve him. If he wanted out of the relationship, he could've done it before the day we broke up. At one point in the relationship he asked me to tell him if I ever lost interest in him or was interested in someone else and it'd be fine, so I agreed and asked the same from him. While we were barely talking, I told him more than once that if he wants out then just say so and it'd be fine. That's all he had to do but he never did. A week before we broke up he said he wanted me to stay but the next week we broke up. He said all the texts I had sent about not deserving the stuff he was putting me through started to make sense to him after he was sober.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Awww Sweetie, your matter of the heart is so touching..and..while you're asking for advice, you already know your decision..and..you know that you've already forgiven him, as it's not your nature to hold grudges against anyone, not even against one who wrongs and hurts you..Equally, that your boyfriend cares enough about you to be candidly honest with you about his destructive behavior and simultaneously "free you" as to protect you against his dysfunction speaks volumes of his selfless love for you..I am so touched Sweetie, as both of you are kind and sweet..and You have already forgived him and will always be there for him, whether platonic friend or lover. Equally important, I'm sure he would welcome, employ, recover and forever value and appreciate your advice and support in his struggle to heal. ~SO VERY TOUCHED~
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Im sure he wants to be friends. But i don't think he was honest when he told you he was breaking up with you because he didn't deserve you. Maybe he said that because he just didn't want to be in the relationship any longer and didn't want to hurt you. but i do agree about him not deserving you. You seem like a nice and awesome girl, do you really want to be with someone who is going to put drugs first and you second?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (27 October 2010):
Well if he thought so much off you then he would have stopped letting you down and been a better boyfriend to you it sounds like he is feeling sorry for himself and saying he cant be a good boyfriend is bull as he has a choice like we al do and he picked getting high before you. He needs to deal with this not you.
Dont you contact him let him contact you if he wants to be friends its his place to contact you first as he is the one that finished with you so let him do the running and make the effort in being a friend.
If you do end up becoming friends make him see that drink and drugs are only going to fuel his problems and if they are that bad then he will need professional help.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I'm sure he did mean it but understand that drugs REALLY mess with your brain. They change so much of your biochemistry and how you react to things and people. He seems different because the drugs are affecting him. It is best for you to be away from this guy until he sorts himself out. You don't want to be dragged into that world.
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