A
female
age
36-40,
*andrasly
writes:hi therei first met my guy at a work conference two years ago of around 500 delegates. a bit deal for us. i wasn't listed to go but applied for a sit in position at the last minute, past the submission deadline, nevertheless, i got a spot.we first locked eyes at an evening supper his company hosted in partnership with mine and he sat across the table from me. he kept smiling but i ignored his advances as i felt really self conscious of my outfit. the next evening i felt compelled to go to a late night bar and let my hair down. i got there with a colleague and bought a drink and went up to the roof terrace to enjoy the midnight views. i got talking to a guy as my colleague disappeared, then another guy came over to where we were standing and introduced himself. my heart skipped a beat as i thought he was cute,. he proceeded to ask me if i remembered him from the night before. he was the guy smiling at me. we spoke and chatted and really hit it off but i had to go back to my hotel as it was late. i saw him the next day before we left to back home but we didnt swap numbers.back at work my boss asked me to call a company and ask them about their services. i knew my guy worked there but i didnt get a business card so asked a colleague, he said call this guy - he wasnt at the conference but should be able to help you. so i rang up but no answer. left a message and went to lunch. i got back to a voice mail and called the guy back. we spoke about what my boss wanted and i mentioned i met a few of his colleagues. then he said wait - whats your name, i told him and he said i think i met you at the bar. my heart skipped again and we started laughing and chatting like old friends ( i dont know what my colleagues thought)very loong story short, we spoke for a whole weekend and i suddenly thought i didnt know his marital status. he said he's currently into the 2nd week of a break from his GF as shes been wanting to get married but the thought of marriage and kids scare him right now. we continued to speak over the 3 months of the break and talked about how easy it was to talk to each other and how it feels like forever we've known one another. he admitted that the end of his relationship would have to be his gfs choice but he would be there in a flash if it ended. His gf decided to come home. i was devastated but wanted to keep our friendship.we decided to remain friends but the fact that we fancied each other took hold. we'd talk about each others days, political views, fave books and movies, but always had an undercurrent of sexual chemistry. he's get jealous and protective whenever i had boyfriends and vowed that he'd hunt them down if they ever hurt me.a year into our friendship he had a big bust up with his GF. she wanted him to propose after being together for 6yrs and asked me for my advice. as much as it pained me he was my friend, so i told him to go for it, but only if he wanted to, not because he felt he needed to. he said he wouldn't propose until he met me. so we met up for the 1st time in a year and it was amazing. we talked and talked laughed joked and unfortunate - kissed. he proposed shortly after and i told him i couldn't be friends knowing my feelings for him. but i stayed. we met a further two times. the last time we met i said i must stay away. i stayed away from him for 2 months then he text me on my birthday but i kept it short and sweet. he kept sending me accidental messages and i learned he was on honeymoon for 2 weeks. i told him to keep away but he said he just wanted to catch up and see how i was. we free flow into conversation so easily and its hard for me to keep away from him. im torn between my feelings, our friendship, chemistry and his marriage and im so lost.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): -A cheater
-A work relationship
-A man with obvious commitment issues (A six year relationship and no proposal plus a fling with you on the side while in a serious relationship. Texting on his Honeymoon)
-He's married get over it.
You're free and single and he's cheating on his new wife. This man isn't your friend but a male seeking sex. He didn't like you enough to dump his girlfriend. He doesn't like you enough to divorce his wife. This is not a man you want any kind of relationship with. Dump this guy from your life and move on. He will only complicate your personal life and work life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): Please, please, please do not be the one to ruin his marriage, I absolutely detest home wreckers ( not saying you are one).
If you really wanted him to stay away you wouldn't text him back, you wouldn't converse with him regardless of how "easy" it may be.
I've been in your position, he chose who he wanted to be with and although your plutonic, the feelings are there and that can only lead to complication down the road. You've already crossed that line when you two kissed.
He's already started his marriage off on deception. If you cant handle being friends without controlling your feelings, you do not need to be talking to him.
How would you feel if you found out the man you married is in contact with a woman that he kissed before you were engaged?
He is now a MARRIED man which means its time for you to vamoose.
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