A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My 24 year old girlfriend recently told me that she was violently assaulted and raped when she was 19 in a parking lot by a soldier in the navy. She managed to fight him off at some point and the authorities came and arrested him. He was dishonorably discharged and served two years in prison. She got counseling and seems to have put it behind her. However, I can't seem to come to grips with this new information and find myself in a state of completely detachment.I am just in utter shock and disbelief and I can barely look her in the eye and talk to her. I did my best to tell her i love her no matter what, but I hit a point where the shock was just too much and I have become completely aloof around her. We are extremely attached to each other and now I feel completely hollowed out.Although the incident was reported, she has only told her parents and now me. I am regretting that she even told me but it must have been a big step for her. Although we get along great, we are having problems as it is so this isn't exactly helping. I know it's not her fault and i don't blame her. But i don't know if i will be able to handle this information and still keep a normal relationship. She is very mature btw, which is a trait i am probably lacking. Nonetheless, i am hard pressed to just put this aside because the imagery going through my head is so graphic in nature. I can't look at her without feeling completely repulsed against my god-given will.Any comments would be appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 You may feel repulsed by her because during sex you don't want to scare her or hurt her, or think she's dirty or contaminated. These feelings do not seem rational but they do go away. The important thing is to not let these feelings go on for too long. You and your girlfriend can use this incident as an opportunity to grow closer, more intimate to each other.
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