A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 30 year old recent divorcee and I started seeing this guy only 2 weeks after I left my husband. I met him while I was still married and we hit it off very well. I wasn't happy at the time, and it opened my eyes on my own situation. It took about a year for me to go from not being happy to actually leave and divorce. I knew it was dangerous not to wait longer before starting dating again but it was stronger than me and I had to go see him. We had wonderful times but also horrible arguments on the future of our relationship. He knew I had been miserable and was trying very hard to be specially nice to me and made me the center of his life. I resented too much attention and had trouble expressing my feelings for him. I showed him I liked him but never really told him the words. We planned trips together and had great conversations and great sex.After 5 months - but I could tell it was actually since the beginning - he told me he was in love with me and I was the one and even asked me if I could see myself having kids with him, which I really wasn't ready for! I think he wanted to have some definite answer on "us" whereas I was more casual about it, although I was committed.A few days ago, we had one more massive argument (always on the same thing) where I cried so much that it reminded me of my marriage days...He wanted to know how I felt for him and wanted me to say the words that I like him and he's a great guy and be more complimenting of him. And the words couldn't come out. So he decided to leave and asked me if that's what I wanted too (and I didn't beg him to stay) so he took a plane and asked me not to contact him again and wished that I am happy in the future. I am lost, I don't know what went wrong. Was it too early for me to start seeing someone? I felt like I was ready in my head for some happiness and fun with someone I liked and who liked me but I guess it wasn't enough for him. Should I have waited to see him?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): It does take a very long time after a divorce to be able to date what I would class as successfully without comparing them in some way to or the bringing back of feelings about the ex. However most books and manuals say a year is enough time even with all the contact, communication and solicitor things that you invariably have to have. I don't think you said anything that the guy wasnted to hear because deep down although you like him you do not feel that way about him. You have had quite a few opportunities to say that you would like to be with him long term, want children with him etc but you have never said it. I think this is because you don't feel it and now that he is gone you are just missing the relationship part not him. If you had wanted to be with him you would have definitely said so so maybe he is not the one for you. Unless you are 100% sure let him go , don't drag him back into your life because you feel lonely and currently there is no one else. You do say that you were committed to him but it appears you wanted to take things more slowly and on a more casual basis. If that is the case then leave it a while and see how your emotions and thoughts are. If you really think you can't live without him then call him but be prepared to commit.
|
