A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible!I have been single for almost 4 years. I haven't dated anyone I just haven't found anyone that I'm interested in until now. A few months ago I seen this guy that works at my local Walmart store. The first time I seen him I said to myself " he's the one " I had never talked to him before but I have seen him somewhere else before. Every time I go to Walmart I see him it doesn't matter what time of the day I go.Currently I still haven't talked to him and I see him all the time. Every time I see him I get butterflies like CRAZY and I just don't know how to explain the feeling. Somehow i knew his name already without even talking to him. You all are probably wondering why I haven't talked to him and it's because I am VERY shy and scared to talk to him. Every time I see him he's looking at me, there was one time I was right beside him I felt him looking at me and I felt like he was about to talk to me but then, I had my 7 year old daughter with me at the time and she said something very embarrassing, and I just had to walk away.I know I probably sound like a kid in elementary school but how can I get his attention or even get brave enough to talk to him?! I just feel like he's the one and I have never had that feeling before. How can someone you have never met or talked to give you butterflies and make your whole mood change?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2019): That really is lovely that you have finally got talking.
You need to build a strong basis of friendship if you intend to get together.
I would hate for you to jump on him too fast so hold out a bit and talk.
You can now take yourself off the mentally ill list because you have had a break through in reality but not everyone does so try to stay level headed or the poor bloke wont live up to your expectations.Well done.
And if you jump his bones already and it doesnt last then just notch it up.
Remember a guy likes to put effort in order to value what he gets or what he's about to get!
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 June 2019):
 That’s great, just go slow. Him already knowing your daughter’s dad isn’t always a good thing and he’s still a new guy, so no more “the one” stuff.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 June 2019):
 Good for you!
Just GO slow. GET to actually know him before jumping in with both feet.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE!
I went shopping alone, and he came up and talked to me. Turns out that he has noticed me and wanted to talk to me several times. He is single, with no kids, and knows my daughter's dad. We exchanged numbers and agreed to hangout tomorrow (Saturday). He mentioned that he doesn't mind that I have a child, he's 27 a year older than me for some reason my profile here has the wrong age.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 June 2019):
OP, time for a single mothers’ group. He’s not the one. You don’t KNOW him. You need to stop rushing off into fantasies because it’s not good for you or your child. You’re an adult and a mother - those things both mean you need to stop allowing childish crushes to take over.
He could have a partner already. He could even be gay. Imagine your “the one” judgement being a gay guy. See, YOU DON’T KNOW HIM. Had you not thought he was the one and just been interested in him, my advice would be slightly different, but because you’re infatuated and convincing yourself he’s the one, I think it’s a bad idea to try to talk to him.
If he’s there all the time, it’s just because he works there a lot. It’s not a sign. You won’t have been paying attention to all of the other employees and customers there all the time too.
There’s also a reason it’s hard to ask someone out when they’re at work. Work isn’t for asking someone out, particularly if you don’t work with them or know them already.
Just ask him how he is IF he’s on the tills serving you. If he’s interested, he’ll continue the brief conversation each time. If he is not a cashier, do NOT talk to him because it’s weird to go up to a stranger who is just doing their job and not serving you.
You were a teenager, then you decided to become a mum. There’s no room for you to be an immature teenager any more, especially not with crushes on men you’ll introduce into your daughter’s life. Butterflies when attracted to someone are extremely normal and don’t remotely signify “the one”.
I know you’ll feel deflated and like we’re being harsh, but we’re trying to wake you up. A stranger is not “the one” and, being a mother, you don’t have the luxury of childish infatuation without consequences any more.
If he’s a cashier, just say “hi, how are you?” when he’s serving you and let him decide if he’ll continue the conversation and ask you out. If he’s not a cashier, put your crush to bed because you don’t get the opportunity to strike up conversation without it being awkward. Either way, you NEED to stop the fantasy and come back to reality. Get relationship counselling if you’re still convinced he’s “the one” when you don’t even know him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2019): Grammatical-cleanup and typo corrections:
"The vast majority are too irresponsible; or disinterested in dealing with someone who has to get home by a certain time for their kid, or can't always find a sitter on the spur of the moment."
"He doesn't get just the woman. He gets the kid, and the kid's dad is somewhere there in the background."
"All that time, you had to raise a kid; and now you're smitten over a guy you can't even get-up the nerve to talk to."
Not only did I make some corrections in these remarks; but I wanted to reemphasize them for the sake of clarity. I want you to come back down to earth. You're not a school-girl anymore; and guys who can barely take care of themselves can't afford to take-on a lady who'll fall in-love, and has a child in tow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2019): Well, you did say you've been single four years; and no one seems to spark much interest. Well, not many guys that age want to date single-moms. The vast majority are too irresponsible; or disinterested in dealing with with someone who has to get home by a certain time for their kid, or can't always find a sitter on the spur of the moment. It wasn't simply because nobody stuck your fancy like Walmart-guy!
If I had to guess, you're a rural or small-town American girl; and perhaps the pickings are slim anyway. Not many guys in their early 20's are mature enough to deal with such situations. Even when the child is his! Let's not forget to mention the baby-daddy drama! They're just not ready for that! He doesn't get just the women. He gets the kid, and the kid's dad is somewhere there in the background. Be it good, or bad!
You're still pretty young. I suspect that you haven't dated that much; because you were with your child's father, or someone else up until 4 years ago. All that time you had to raise a kid, and now you're smitten over a guy you can't even get-up the nerve to talk to.
In a way, I'm kind of happy that you can't. You've got a kid already. He's a minimum-wage earner who probably has to pay for school, or is just scraping by. Dating a young mother would be quite a big step when he's barely making a living. If he's always there, it's likely his full-time job. Not putting him down for his earning-potential; but someone who has a child to rear can't get too weighed-down with a guy who doesn't have the means to take care of a family without considerable financial-hardship. You can date, but you'll fall for him. You already think he's the one!
Just remember, you and your child come as a package-deal. You're not childless; so you can't afford to put your heart on the line for meaningless or casual-relationships. You have to be level-headed with both feet planted firmly on the ground.
If you're considering someone you haven't even talked to yet "the one;" I foresee either another kid, or a very shaky relationship will ever come of it.
If you're between 22-25, and you have a seven year-old; you've been a mother since you were about 16! That means your youth ended while you were still a teenager; so it doesn't surprise me to read you're gushing and crushing over a guy like a girl about that age. Your childhood had to stop back then to become a mom! It doesn't mean you've matured, only that you became a mother very early in life. You're struggling to take-on the responsibility. Life-experience is limited to that.
You've been alone awhile; and he has something about him that draws you to him. For your sake, I hope the crush wears-off. Long before you get the nerve to talk to him. You're still thinking like a 16 year-old school-girl; and you're likely to wind-up with another child, but no man. Get your head right first.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (4 June 2019):
 OP if you are too shy to even say "Hi" to him how are you ever going to get anywhere? Its time to put on your big girl panties or else you are going to continue to be in a fantasy world. You don't know anything about this man and I don't know how you can find out things if you don't make a move! Looks are nice but as others have stated..you don't know what kind of a guy he is, what his status is (girlfriend/married/kids) and more important..what kind of a person he is???
What department is he in? Can't you walk up and just ask a question about something in the dept? At least smile and say "hi" and see how he responds.
OP you say you have a child so you must have contact with men before! Gather up your courage and go for it! Whats the worst that will happen?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 June 2019):
First I think you need to reel in that whole "he is the one" fantasy.
He could have a GF. Or a wife. Or be a total asshat.
HE IS A COMPLETE STRANGER.
Why not just say:" Hi, how are you?" next time you see him. Kids say the darndest thing, you can't let that stop you from AT LEAST say hi.
Who knows maybe he will try and have a conversation back with you.
IF you do nothing but OGLE him, all you will accomplish is make him think you are stalking him or he has something on his face. So woman up and say hi. Being shy is OK, but don't let it hold you back.
Chill.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2019): You really are in a situation. Poor you!You looked at an unknown guy and told yourself "He's the one! " and from then on youve been unable to say anything to him.Actually you are going through a very acceptable form of mental illness.You havent specifically done anything wrong except you picked some random guy and told yourself that he was your future life partner and the ultimate answer to everything but life is not that simple.You know nothing about him except maybe he looks sexy in your opinion.Its just not enough to build future plans on and to make matters worse your shyness and your hormones have made it impossible for you to speak to him and even know if he's married, or dating, or a pervert into little kids, or a player or a user.Maybe you should shop elsewhere or ask your doctor for anti anxiety drugs or relationship counselling because your mind is making you imagine that you are in a relationship or a potential future relationship and it wont allow you to see commonsense or reason.Most relationships start with friendship which is impossible for you as you have no connection.Some people enjoy crushes but personally I think they are a form of torture.It must be rather odd for your daughter who is very real and present in your life.Avoid this guy.Avoid the shop if you cant avoid him and try to get some reality back into your life.And if possible try your doctor to see if you can get some counselling to help you work out realistic life goals and targets.Maybe you need a helping hand or a bit more cash or even more friendly people around you.There are many support groups for single parents who give so much of their lives, often asking very little in return.
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