A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It may not help that im a social worker my job is to notice this kind of thing but my long term boyfriend has horrendous dreams. These occur probably 60% of the time. He screams and cries and appears so distressed. When hes dreaming he struggles as though hes trying to get away or push something away from him. Often when i wake him up hes crying but he always says he doesnt remember them. Hes getting impossoble to sleep next too. Ive asked him to go and see someone but he refuses too. Do you think there could be a reason from his past why these dreams occur? How can i make him get help? I just dont know what to do anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012): Hi there. Night terrors are not always caused by trauma, some people are just prone to this sort of sleep disorder but it can be caused by other things such as stress, expeshally if he hasnt always been like that. He needs to seek medical help if its going to stop.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Hi,
I work in a sleep lab where we assess this sort of thing regularly. I think he should definitely go and get medical advise. We all have traumas to varying degrees but people generally don't behave like this in their sleep. It's abnormal, and I am fairly sure you are describing a 'parasomnia'. It affects you and it probably disrupts his sleep enough (even if he's not aware of it happening) to make him tired/ sleep deprived.
Videoing him having an episode is a brilliant idea and will be very helpful for him to show his doctor. I'd hope that his doctor would refer him to a sleep specialist. You should try and go with him to these appointments as a 'witness' - it's key in getting the diagnosis right. Make a note of what time it tends to happen after he falls asleep; this helps establish whether it's coming during deep sleep or dream sleep (sounds like the latter).
It's not something he should ignore. There are ways to manage parasomnias so you both have plenty of reason to be optimistic about getting this sorted out.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (10 November 2012):
 Something is causing it, regardless of when he needs to address it. I agree with Chigirl, record it and show it to him and explain that you're concerned about him and that it is impossible to sleep with him anywhere.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 November 2012):
 Maybe record his cries and outbursts either by sound record or by filming him? Then show it to him the next morning to show him what you have to put up with at night. At this point, it is not only about his health, or your health, but about the future of this relationship. If you've reached your end point, and he is unwilling to adress the problem, then what options are left other than end the relationship, or sleep in separate rooms? Ask him if that is what he wants, because if he doesn't start to cooperate and do his part to make sure this relationship works, then it is one sided and can not work. This isn't a threat, it is a matter of fact.
His past can give him dreams, sure, but his presence is more likely to give him these dreams. Things he's not dealing with, things he's surpressing perhaps. Doesn't have to be big secrets from the past, but if he's not coping at work for example, and then trying to ignore how he is failing at work, then this could give just as bad dreams. But no point in speculating, it could also be he's on some medication that does this to him, or many other factors. He needs to see his doctor. And then it'd be a good idea to show the doctor the videotapes of him at night, or the recordings.
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