A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:sex had always been an exciting thin for me as a child. as an adult now, i dislike it. i have always been a virgin i even broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted me to have sex with him. later when i was to try it, my partner was like you are open and i was deeply confused. penetrating me was very painful even though i wanted to pretend, i could not bear it. he insisted that i was not well lubricated that why i was having pains. i couldnt bear the pain so we had to stop. i keep asking myself could i have lost my virginity without knowing? i wasnt into games so how at least i could have seen red. and so i dislike sex but i love deep romance. i am 22years old.
View related questions:
broke up, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 You might not have a hymen, many women don't. Some are not born with one, some lose their's by riding bikes, horse riding, walking in the street, jumping in the air, having a medical examination or wearing a tampon. The hymen is a thin piece of tissue that covers the entrance of your vagina. When the penis breaks through it, it hurts and sometimes (not for everyone) there is a bit of blood. But even without a hymen, you are still a virgin if you haven't had sex before. Even without a hymen, first time sex can be painful. You've never had anything in your vagina before, so the entrance is small and it hurts when you get penetrated for the first time.
You are wrong to pretend. Never pretend during sex. If you are hurting the guy has to know, or he won't know when to go gentle or when to go slow. If you hide things from him then of course the sex will be bad. Sex is not something you have to suffer, it's supposed to be fun. When you have sex for the first time you are nervous, scared and anxious, so you tighten up even more, your vagina goes dry and tight and penetration is even harder.
You and your boyfriend need to do more foreplay and you need to try to relax. If you hate sex and suffer the pain in silence, of course things will go badly wrong. The fact that you say you hate sex but like "deep romance", makes me think that your not even turned on and aroused. That will make you even drier. You must feel sexy, you must find the guy sexy, you must want to have sex with him, and then it will feel better.
I'm not saying first time sex won't hurt, but for all these reasons your pain is probably worst than most. Go back to kissing and touching until you feel more comfortable and start feeling sexy. Try to touch yourself and masturbate to find out what feels good. Talk to your guy and tell him what hurts and what feels nice. Ask him to go very slow. If you are very dry, you can use some lubrication. But the most important thing is for you to feel relaxed and actually want to have sex with this guy you are dating.
You are a virgin. I say are, because I doesn't sound like your boyfriend managed to do penetration properly. Go talk to him, ask him to slow down and do lots of sexual things without penetration for the moment until you feel more comfortable about sex.
Here take a look at this website, it's about sex and playing, tons of positions, tons of stuff to think about. I want you to think about having fun with sex. Maybe you could try going on top, not to penetrate, but just to get used to the penis. Take it slow, and try to have some fun. http://www.sexinfo101.com/
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 You cant lose your virginity without knowing, the act of losing your virginity is having sex, and if you haven't done it, then you're a virgin.
...............................
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Yes, it's possible. It's even possible to lose your virginity without seeing much or any blood.
However, your hymen could still be in tact. Penetration can happen a few times before it breaks. Sex can be a bit painful or uncomfortable the first few times you have it, especially if you're not well lubricated but also even if you are.
...............................
|
