A
female
age
30-35,
*aileyLove
writes:Well, so I'm kind of having this problem here. I don't usually write on these kind of things, but I'm soooo confused...Ok, so, my friend set me up with this really hot guy. He's exactly what I look for in a guy... he loves the same kind of music I do, he's funny, he's cute, and he's an all around good guy! But there's a problem... his age difference, he's 4 years older than me. I don't mind, niether does anybody else, but there's more to this.So, after my friend set us up he and I have been "hanging out" alot, in fact everytime we hang out we end up making out. It's amazing. But my friend came up to me and told me that he cheated on his last 2 girlfriends and he wants sex. I thought to myself, "Ok, no big deal. He's cheating because he probably wasn't into those girls... And sex isn't that big of a problem either. I don't mind."And, I've known him for, what, 3 weeks? We've been hanging out alot. But am I even his girlfriend?? We kiss alot and we spend alot of the time either talking to each other or hanging out. But he hasn't officially asked "Hey, be my girlfriend." The last time we were hanging out I asked why he would bother to hang out with me and all he answered was, "Because... You're cool." That's it.I'm too embarassed to ask if we are even going out, because what if we're not? Then what? Make things awkward? I can't ask my friend about this because she's too nosey and would confront him herself and tell him that it was a question from me. Still awkward.Plus, ever since my friend told me that he's into younger girls and wants sex, I've been picturing him as a womanizer! I don't know who to believe! I trust my friend, but she's BFF with one of his ex's, so maybe she's trying to keep us apart. And I can't trust him yet because I've known him for 3-4 weeks.I mean I like him and all but I can't read his signs. Are we dating, or no? I feel like we are, but I'm not too sure.Another problem along with him that needs to be answered is that the 2nd to last time we hung out he asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I wanted to say yes... but I'm not that kind of girl. I would wait until, maybe, 2-5 months of being together. If I say no I may lose him, if I say yes I could still lose him... or make things worse for myself. I could get pregnant. I could get killed by my parents! Or his!All I need to know is if we're going out, if so... then I won't really need to be confused with so many things.Oi, what should I do?!-Are we dating?-Can I trust him yet?-Does he even care about me?-Should I have sex with him to seal the deal? (Sorry, that sounds nasty. I don't mean to make things official, but, instead, to prove that I'm a girl who cares.)
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his ex, womaniser Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): yep men love a good chase :) the longer you make him wait the better
A
female
reader, KaileyLove +, writes (30 April 2010):
KaileyLove is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks people. :)
Y'know I will admit that sometimes my emotions can get the best of me. I felt so... (lovestruck? Without being in "love", of course) But, anyway, I have seen the light in this horrid and confusing situation.
You all had some excellent advice, and I especially like the suggestion of "letting him chase me". Haha, I love playing hard-to-get! I think I'll try that.
No, I won't have sex with him. If he wants it, he's gotta work for it. 'Cause I'm not an all-you-can-bang buffet.
Lol, anyway, THANK YOOOOOU~!
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Ive been in exactly the same situation, and basically, you can act like your dating, but until he actually says something, then your not.
You gonna have to be brave and talk to him, I wish I had :(
If you both want different things then it wont work out.
I wouldnt sleep with him until your going out, especially if its your first time, you'll regret it.
Also, if you give him everything, what would have have to gain from going out. But saying that you have to be careful that he just doesnt want sex. Go to the cinema or out shopping or for a meal. Proper dates instead of hanging about making out.
Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): You're going to sleep with him, while you are too embarrassed to ask if you are BF and GF yet?
Let me give you a little advice. Take a long, hard look at this situation. This is a textbook example of how girls get played.
Effective players don't get all nasty & pressure girls into sex all the time. They just bring you up to the edge of an official relationship, and then hold you there. They know sooner or later you will probably give them sex voluntarily in an attempt to tip things over the line and formally make it a "relationship". And when you do, he wins. He can screw you a few times, get bored, and then leave without ever committing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): Sleeping with him will prove nothing. He'll invariably look for another fling once he's bored with the sex, as he seems to cheat habitually. If you're not interested in a serious relationship then there's no reason not to cave in for his physical gratification. Otherwise, it's probably not in your best interest to enable his behavior.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): One-Don't sleep with him sleeping with a guy right away makes him lose interest. Men like the chase because in the end they know they had to work for something.
Two- I dont want to be a pessimistic because I know they is good in everyone but I hate to say once a cheater aways cheater.
Three- Just ask him don't play games. If you want to know if you are a couple if you really want to know. In the mean time, let him chase you.
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A
female
reader, ladyjaye +, writes (29 April 2010):
 what you need to do is listen to your friend she told you he's a serial cheater right? hes what about 21/22 he probably isnt looking for a serious relationship like what you are... maybe he is just wanting a... shall we say "wham bam thank you ma'am" is that what you want?... tell him what you've heard about him and see if he admits to it and why he thinks he did it... if he denies it then bye bye!! if he admits it and seems remoarseful then test him, see how long he waits until he keeps pestering you for sex. dont deliberatly get into situations where he is likly to rip your clothes off continue to hang out enjoy the kisses but always keep your heart out of it... if he can wait until you are ready and it doesnt look as if he can then great you win and if he cant wait then you still win because you have lost nothing... gud luk!
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