A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel I have messed up very badly.Me and my fiance are past the "honeymoon period".and since then all we've been doing is arguing, well rather him arguing, me listening.I also get very jealous all the time. We love each other to death, and we even made plans in the past to get married in the near future, but lately he's been out of character.He has a history of manic depression and some anger issues, but he never showed them until about month 4 of us dating. Earlier today I really screwed up apparently, because now he wont even talk to me.He was having family issues.. I let him vent his problems to me on the phone for about an hour, letting him yell, and get his anger out. Then I told him I must go because I had plans for that evening, he said "fine" in kind of a pissed off kind of voice, and then he hung up, with no I love you or anything. I left with my friends who I had made plans with earlier that day, he was calling her phone over and over, but we didn't realize it until about an 2 hours later. So I went home and picked up the phone to call him. He was extremely angry with me, saying that I abandoned him when he needed me, I explained to him that he could have just asked me to stay home and talk to him and I would have. He told me he expected me to stay home on my own, that I should have known better.Well now he hasn't been answering my calls, and when he does he makes up an excuse to get off the phone.I'm worried about our relationship because I love him dearly and would do anything to give our relationship that honeymoon stage type feeling again, since we've both been stressed, and I also want to get him talking to me again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): It is sweet that you are trying to be there for your guy. Many partners of people who have manic depressive (bipolar) disorder become co-dependent, which is quite terrible. You should read about manic depressive disorder, learn about the treatment, and learn to be aware of the manic depressive rollercoaster. Also you need to do something for Yourself- learn how not be or become co-dependent. In time if the MD is not treated proberly the partner will depend on his behaviour...To be with a person who has MD requires a lot of independence. Make sure you understand his past and history-it will repeat itself. Also people with MD need medications (lithium) or something else. They need to go regulary to doctor's appointments/therapist. It would be useful for you to go to therapist too. In the long run for people with MD it is better to stop addictions like smoking, drinking alcohol (it doesn't work well with medications) etc. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Hi,Read more (everything) about 'manic depressive people'. You will better understand why he is reacting like this. I advise you to look also on forums to exchange experiences. I can say many things about my experience and the experience from others, but this doesn't help you. Make your own reseach about MD. (I wish somebody told me before). Btw, when I read your story, I can understand that he was disappointed when you did not offer to be there for him, but this situation might be your lucky eye-opener.Hope it helps to make up you mind
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): Props to the above reply she is good helped me with alot of my questions in the past.
As far as my point of view I agree with how the man feels and has acted it feels to us sometimes that we are the only one's reaching out and when you have hard times and need someone we are right beside you, Aha but then we have our bad days you go out with friends or wont reach out as we do. Anger problems and all that aside it does make us withdraw when we find our love/kindness is not returned in our time of need.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): This is reality setting in. The truth is, from what you have told us is that he actually doesn't sound like the great guy you thought he was. If this is after only a few months, it IS going to get worse.
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