A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What does he mean??Hello Guys:I am very confused now, so I ask for help here. I am a foreigner in this country and my husband works in another states, he is very mean to me and am used to live( for study) separated from him. But I have never thought about devoice, so I hided the unhappy facts from my parents. Last summer I got a part-time job and met a guy at work. I had crush on him and fell in him in a very short time. Then I realized that I should do something with my marriage. I was very honest with him , and he said he understood . I could see he was very into me at the beginning but he only likes me , and he loves his ex. so we started dating and had some happy time. But later , I found he was really bothered by my marriage and trying to be away from me( I had got through a really hard time) . So after 2 months, he told me he thought both of us had something that hvvadn’t been figured out in our lives, so he needed to have a think about it. , then half month later, he told me he talked with his ex…I didn’t want to know more about that, so I interrupted him and finished our last conversation, he wanted to be friends but I didn’t answer yes/no. At that time my work contract also ended, so my husband and I went back to my country and I told my parents my decision and they were supportive to me as always( actually they also got a chance to know more about my husband and were very disappointed with him) , so my husband and I stated to separate. And about him, I told myself, I am married and too young for him(9 years younger) and his ex is 3 yrs older than him ,how can we be both the types he love? and that lady , she must be very charming and special( I can guess something about her)One more thing I forgot to mention, I wrote to his ex through facebook during my hard time because I had no one to talk about it and I thought no one but her might give me an answer, but actually I got nothing . I was asking her what happened and told her how he loves and wants to marry her.( I think that might be another reason to make them back together )And I also hadn’t contacted him since I talked with him( I assumed that as he dumped me). When he got known I was back , he emailed me to ask about how I talked with my parents. I was not going to reply him ( I blocked him on IM and deleted him from facebook----I still check his facebook everyday?) since I decided to completely disappear from him and I don’t understand why he is so concerned about my marriage situation , he has a gf now and my personal stuff has nothing to do with him. But on the night I got that email , I met his on the way home( although I tried to hide gmyself from him , but he still found me) and we talked a bit , he asked me about my school stuffs. I don’t want to know things about him and asked nothing because I think his life is all about his getting back with his ex and their happy time,. After that I had a time missing him so much and I also noticed that his relationship on facebook was still shown as’ single’ and I checked it everyday to see whether it was changed. But our houses are so closed and I can guess he doesn’t spend weekend at home from his room lights, and that did help to destroy my hope about him. We also chatted several time on IM and he sent me emails about his work and his accomplishments. I told me about my stress at school, it looks that he concerns about me very much from his response. Last wed, I found he deleted his ‘relationship status’ from facebook , I was shocked and I think it does mean he is not single any more and he doesn’t want to hurt me, so he deleted it. Then I decided not to contacted him from then on. But I got an email from him on Monday midnight and it was about his accomplishments at work and asking about my school and job hunting. I know I am suck, and I responded. From the his second email, I can see he replied me right after he got up( he used to check email in the morning and he has been always replying me at the time he got it) and he still cares about me very much from his words. But I want to get rid of him from my life, and actually his deleting facebook relationship status did change some of my minds and helped me recover. But he keep contacting me, what should I do?What does he mean? In the whole thing , my six-sense always work most, but now I really need people to wake me up and help me move oneThank you very much for your time to read this long story in my bad EnglishBestErin
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at work, crush, facebook, his ex, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Thank you so much!there are some points I didn't make it clear1. I am sure he hasn't married her2. we are from different culture.And I agree with you and I really need to have a talk with him in a very straight forward way. But my concern is if I am confirm about that he just cares about me as a friend, and I really don't want to be friend with him and I want to walk away , in that case, that will hurt him, which I least want to see.Also , how can a guy be with his gf as well as keep being friend with his ex(I am actually not counted)?I think most girls can't do that, are guys natually like that?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Maybe you should have an honest talk with him about his relationship with this other girl and his feelings for you. Ask him if he is in fact married now or seeing her? If he is not, how does he feel about you? Does he just like you as a friend or more than that? From what you say you are assuming a lot of things and don't really know. You would probably feel more sure about what you should do if you ask a few straight forward questions and then get straight answers. When you ask if he's married now and he says he is then you don't have to ask anything else. You can just treat him as a friend, and nothing more. If he's not married or about to be, then ask him if he wants to be friends or more than that. It sounds like you dated at one time, so he shouldn't think it strange that you want to clarify the status of his feelings. You might be understandably confused. Also, is he from the same culture as you or a different one? If you are from different cultures, the two of you may be totally misunderstanding each other. If you are from the same culture, it could be I'm not understanding what is obvious to you in what you have related. If you know for a fact that he is married now or just not interested in you in the way you would like, then you most likely should stay away from him for your own good. if you don't actually know, then you should ask. It sounds like when he tried to tell you about a talk he had with the girl friend, you wouldn't listen. Maybe he was going to say he was over that relationship with her and was ready to get to know you better. Does he know you are separating from your husband? Some of this important information can be exchanged in such a way that no one gets embarrassed. Of course, if you have good reason to believe he is the kind of person who would lie about these things then go with your intuition. If you believe he is truthful then ask some questions. Then you will know better what to do and feel better about doing it. I hope things work out well for you.
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