A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this guy for almost 6 months. He announced at his bday party to his friends that I'm his gf. The next day we hung out with his friends and we all had a good time. He was snuggled up to me and gently caressing me. I said hey sometime we should take a pic together. He said we have time, to which I responded yes we do :)Fast forward a few weeks and he got into a car wreck and I volunteered to come pick him up. He said I wouldn't ask you to do that, not even if we have been together for years, unless I needed to go to the hospital. So I stayed up with him until he got home. Things were going ok and start of August he started having small convos with me and at 1st I chalked it up to works been busy for him. I did say hey is everything okay? I'm worried. You have been distant and I'm worried I did something wrong. He said everything is ok between us and I did nothing wrong. It's just work hun. I've tried to be a respectable gf and not smothering/pushy. I know he has a very busy work schedule. I usually wait a few days between messages to send him one saying hey hope u are doing well etc. He told me of his dr appt and we chatted for a sec. I tried to put a cute little flirt in our convo but he didnt respond to it (I get it. He had his appt on his mind. No anger about that.)So he got his replacement car and he was all sweet and flirty with me. He told me this month was a slow month for them but he did have new hires and work stuff to push for sales. The last message I got from him was he broke his elbow. I said omg what happened? do u need anything? He didnt give details. Next day I sent him a greeting saying I hope you are not in as much pain today. I'm here if u need me.So now here's my dilemma…I found out the same time as his friends about his elbow. Hes been very small talker to me and one of his friends even tried to see what's up and he gave them both very short sentences and wouldn't go into much detail about his injury. I was his friend on fb and he unfriended me there. His friend found this extremely odd of him. I would like to know what's up with all that but I dont know how to go about getting him to talk? I can say I did not stalk his fb or leave comments on all his photos. I might have given him a like on a post or two but that's it. I'm thinking the worst and I'm scared. Help!!!(I have gone back through our old convos and he has been very lovey, has said I love you many times. He has even planned things years in advance. He told me his greatest fear is waking up and finding i blocked and unfriended him. He has really.. and i do mean really bad self esteem issues. He has even asked me why would i want to be with a guy like him? he doesnt have muscles, he isnt fit etc. I honestly think he is amazing just the way he is.) I can tell you that he told me if he was done with me, he wouldnt play. He told me before that a woman he wanted to date didnt wanna change anything about her and he was very worried about her health so he did say to her he is not going to persue this relationship. So i am pretty confident if he didnt want to be with me, he would tell me flat out. Please help me calm my overthinking mind
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2022): I'm with @Honeypie on the part where she says:
"He unfriended you. THAT should tell you everything."
I strongly disagree with the part where she says:
"If I were you I would send him 1 (ONE) text saying"
And when a strong opponent of 'just move on' like myself, disagrees with a strong proponent of 'go no-contact' like Honeypie telling you to send 1 text, well, you know that your situation is the epitome of 'It takes all kinds to make a world' :)
There are people out there in whose nature it is to end up making you doubt your own reality. If you stay, my bet is sooner rather than later you'll find yourself looking into his eyes and experiencing the horror of your own tomb owing to the hollowness, and the absence of any memory of anything you two have shared together, that you'll see there.
"He told me his greatest fear is waking up and finding i blocked and unfriended him."
And he goes ahead and unfriends you?...
Sweetheart... Run.
*This* exactly is you being strong. Trust this: Run. Now.
Not one word. Not one text. Not one phone call. Run.
I only have your post to make an opinion from, but you're describing here Dr Jekyll who, through Mr Hyde, surreptitiously exerts the control and power he craves.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2022): You are both very immature - I find it hard to believe you are as old as you are,I had a lot more sense about guys when ten years younger than you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2022): Typo correction:
"What's in his character, that makes him treat you how you should be treated; and the way you deserve to [be] cared for."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2022): You have to take budding relationships one day at a time. If you get a constant outpouring of gushy sweet-n-sappy love-talk, it's all fake. You have to slow your pace. You can't get all anxious, because a guy doesn't give you a rundown on his every breath, and every move. You pump the brakes. You don't immediately start blaming yourself for his odd behavior. Open your eyes and ears!
OP's always tell us they back-off, they take it slow, they don't push. Seriously?!! But do they really?!! Likely not, because the anxiety and uneasiness comes through in the post. He does something weird, and the first question they have is "what did "I" do wrong?"
It seems he may be accident-prone, and what you really need to know is, if he's on medication? Observe how much he drinks, and if he likes to use recreational drugs. Does he have any medically-diagnosed issues with his equilibrium, due to side-effects from medication or a physical-disability? Does he have medical-issues requiring prescribed medication? He may not be ready to share that with you; so he may have cut-off some of the ways people can go-back and follow-up on any unmentioned mental-health, or physiological health-issues. Social media can be quite revealing due to oversharing.
Romantically-speaking? Chillout! This might be a red-flag. Let things happen slowly and deliberately.
Don't crave too much pretentious love-talk; because too much of that is usually phony. Actions speak way louder than words! You might want him to be sweet and romantic, but your appetite for it should be reasonable and mature. You can stand only so many spoons of honey or sugar; and the same goes with romantic-gestures and sweettalk from guys you date. Dudes who drown you in "I-luv-u's" and an overly-generous supply of compliments will make you addicted to a fantasy-romance. You're mature enough to expect better than that. You should expect more sincerity than that. You want to be treated like an intelligent and desirable woman, not a love-struck schoolgirl.
Let's be frank here. If he is just an ordinary average-guy, why should you presume you have to meet a higher standard in your appearance? If such a thing should cross your mind, that's your issue to contend with. Not his! Guys who aren't that hot, have a lot of nerve to expect the women they date to meet supermodel high-standards in their appearance!!! You should look nice when you go out; but no more than what's sensible, and what you're comfortable with. You dress according to the situation, your don't be too casual if you know you should dress-up; but the same applies to the guy you're dating. If you are the same person he became attracted to, and started dating six months ago, why should he expect any different six months later? Use your common sense.
Women who believe they have to kill themselves to be datable; need to work on their self-esteem. Know what you're worth. That's developed long before dating and subjecting themselves to men who are that superficial or narrowminded. You're in good-health, you have a sound mind, you take good care of yourself, and you try to look nice mostly for your own reasons. He should like (and eventually love) you for you, just as you like him for being himself; and for the way genetics created him. What's beneath the surface. What's in his character, that makes him treat you how you should be treated; and the way you deserve to cared for. That is what you're looking for. Meet your needs, don't yield to your vanities.
He may be hiding issues about his mental or physical health. I would give him some room; then ask to have a heart to heart talk about his sudden unexplained behavior that has put you on alert. Take no unfeasible excuses, and don't be brushed aside or gaslighted.
Girlfriend, never need any man so badly that you'll put yourself down, and disregard all your own reasonable standards just to please him. That's selling yourself short, and you'll usually get the wrong-guy for settling. It may take longer to find him, but it's worth the wait and effort. I'd take the present situation as reason to pause.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 August 2022):
 If I were you I would send him 1 (ONE) text saying, I wish you all the best but this isn't working out for me. I don't seem to be a priority in your life nor do you seem to want to spend time or even talk to me about what is going on in your life.
You can't MAKE him want to talk to you or share his life with you.
But you CAN decide for yourself that this is NOT the kind of partner you WANT.
He unfriended you. THAT should tell you everything.
It's only been 6 months, OP Stop wasting your time on a guy who seems emotionally closed off.
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