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male
,
anonymous
writes: HiI'm in my mid 20's and I've been going out with my girlfriend for approx 5 years now and we have been mates since school and share the same social circles.Recently, I went out for a drink with a friend of mine (Girl B)who I know through working for her mum parents small business. We have been really good mates for 10 years or so. In a drunken state we kissed and she revealed she has had feelings for me for some time now. I have always had strong feelings for her, but just always thought it was a no-go area, or something that would never happen. Now, I am questioning whether I really want to be with my girlfriend at all. I do not want to use Girl B as an excuse. The fact that I do not feel guilty about it and would not object to doing again is making me wonder whether my girlfriend is right for me at all. Am I just in a lull with my girlfriend and am using Girl B as an exciting way out? Or does this incident highlight a problem that could appear long term (and would prove more difficult if we get a house/married etc) and it just took last weeks event to open my eyes?Please help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Commitment. It is more then a word. It is a desire. It is an action. It is a promise. It is a part of love. Sometimes it is all that will keep two people together. Sometimes it is everything. It has meaning.
You are committed to your girlfriend and have been for five years. You have built something with this wonderful and loving woman. You know her. She knows you. She loves you. You love her.
Kissing another woman while you are in a relationship with another is a bad judgement call. Where was the wisdom in hanging with Girl B and then getting drunk with her? Why did you put yourself in a situation where you would have impared judgement and then act on an impulse of an attraction to someone who is not your girlfriend? Would you have done this if your Girlfriend knew about how you felt about Girl B (go to the bar with Girl B)? Would you have done kissed Girl B in front of your Girlfriend?
If you said no, then you KNOW what matters. You know what is right.
You make a decision and fast.
You either cut it off with Girl B and re-dedicate yourself to loving your Girlfriend. This means telling your Girlfriend the truth of what happened and that you are very sorry and that you realize you love her and it is her you choose. Then make a promise to yourself to never put yourself in a situation like that again; the Girl B incident and then KEEP IT.
The other option is to still tell your girlfriend of what happened, how you fell, apologize and then take the time to let the break up mend before pursuing another relationship.
I think what this incident highlights is your own shortcomings. And I am sickened that you can be attracted to a girl who is aware of your status and choose to seize a drunken oppurtunity to tell you how she feels. Cowardice is ugly in anyone.
You have someone who devoted themselves to you for five years and who loves you. She waits for you and trusts in you. And you have a crush from some girl who lacks morals and character. It's a no brainer.
It is natural that you would develop some feelings for some woman who you are starting to spend more time with but it is unexcuseable to act on such a desire when you are intimate and committed to another woman.
In the end, it is still your choice.
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