A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I needed advice on a situation I am in currently. I've known one of my friends for many years. Just under 2 years ago he told me he likes me more than a mate. The day he told me I told him I needed time and we'll see where it ends up as I wasn't sure of my feelings. A year ago he moved abroad to study and he told me again he still likes me and wrote me a love letter . When he came back in December he then told me again. I said I feel something but I'm scared it will ruin our friendship. In March I then told him I liked him more than a mate. His response was he focusing on his studies which was fine. He came back to England in July and we spent a lot of time together. I then confessed my feelings to him again and his response was well speak about it later. When I did confess my feelings and he hadn't responded with an answer, he started to hug, cuddle and hold hands with me at any opportunity available. This went on for a few weeks until I found out from his brother he likes a girl where he studies. I was shocked and I confronted him , he tried avoiding the conversation until he eventually admitted it. I was shock and upset that someone who was my best friend could play with my feelings. He said he didn't know he was leading me on and mentioned the girl he is seeing what's to take it slow. P.s he also mentioned when I told him my feelings in March he didn't believe me.What am I suppose to think of what's happened?Did he intentionally lead me on?Is he confused?What am I suppose to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2016): I think the best thing in this situation is going to be honesty on both of your parts. Men and women are different when it comes to their feelings and how the express and deal with them. He expressed he liked you and that feeling wasn't returned. Understand that his feelings were hurt during each of those times he expressed it and didn't get what he hoped in return. That DOESN'T make you wrong at all because it would have done any good to say that you had feelings that didn't exist. However naturally and possibly even subconsciously, I can only imagine that he became guarded with his feelings when it came to you and probably genuinely did not believe you when you finally said that you did have feelings for him.At this point because it sounds like he may be pursuing another girl (whether fast or slow) I would ask if you guys can sit down and just put everything out on the table. Explain to him how you felt when he was hugging and holding hands with you and what you thought that meant. Then explain how you felt when you heard that he was dealing with someone else. Use "I" statements rather than "you." Meaning "I felt really hurt when I heard you were seeing another girl." Rather than "YOU hurt my feelings. YOU broke my heart. YOU lead me on." Do you see the difference. Ask the hard questions, and give him the opportunity to be honest as well. Hopefully you'll get the answers you're looking for.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (13 September 2016):
 To be fair to the guy he told you more than once that he had feelings to you and you brushed it off.
He's moved on now so you can't hold any bad feelings to him as you never gave him the chance he wanted.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 September 2016):
 From the sounds of it I don't think he went out of his way to lead you on, he told you twice he liked you am sure that took a lot of courage, but you where not sure back then, and now that you are he has met someone else. The thing with it is I am sure he did have feelings for you, probably still does, but the timing between you both was not right. He probably does not want to hurt this girl he is with now, and is giving it a chance. It might work out, it might not, but I do think that you need to move on from this as well, as maybe it is a sign you should not pass the friendship code.
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