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Confused about a freind. She's nice when we are alone and she's agitated with me when we are in groups. What's going on?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 March 2007) 1 Answers - (Newest, 23 March 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *ude007 writes:

I have fallen in love with a close uni friend. We both commute to uni but live in opposite directions quite a distance apart. I see her most days and despite not having anything really in common – we do feel quite close.

I have always fancied her and recently after spending a lot of time with her working on a project I have really fallen for her. I have spoken to her face to face about how I feel - and she now knows that I have feelings for her.

She said that she does feel close to me – but only as a friend – and that she doesn’t feel that spark. She said that I am a good person and whoever I meet will be lucky to have me. However to me that means that I will never really be anyone more than a friend from uni in her life and makes me sad and sort of scared – I care about her more than anything in the world - shall I give up and move on? Or fight to win her heart?

I have never felt this strongly about anyone before – both of us have never had previous relationships – and I’m finding it harder and harder each day to live my life – and to be around her. I’m hurting really bad.

There is a twist with our friendship – she does tend to ignore me in group situations and rarely speaks to me in a group environment. When I ask if I’ve done anything wrong – she says no – but I feel like I annoy her when being myself with others.

She can be quite agitated to me in groups – say things to others to have a laugh - and act like she is annoyed with me at times in group situations. However she is completely the opposite ‘kind’ and ‘different’ when alone together.

I’m confused about our friendship and what to do next? Any advice would be cool?

View related questions: move on, spark

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A female reader, livi United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2007):

livi agony auntHey there,

first of all, that cant be a nice feeling, so well done for being brave about it :D

People always change in groups, sometimes the bigger the group gets the more the IQ drops!

Perhapse when in a group talk to her directly and ask her things she cant laugh at you about.

Also i recomend talking to her about what you are thinking, and if she still acts disrespectivly towards you, then perhapse you deserve better.

Good luck with it all. :D

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