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anonymous
writes: I'm in love with my boyfriend but he's been cheating on me. Anytime he does he always comes back to ask for forgiveness and i always take him back. we made up after a break up and i left for a vacation. now he's making a move on my close friend and she told me.Everyone says i should leave him and i really want to but im scared when i get back to school he'll sweet talk me again and i'll accept him back. I know im not happy with him but i cant seem to leave him. he knows this and so he always does things to hurt me.I need help immediately.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (6 February 2005):
 Hi dear,Are you in love with your boyfriend, or in love with the idea of a boyfriend? These are two distinct situations.From your letter, it doesn't sound like he's really giving you much to love about him. He cheats, he weasels his way back, he tries to cheat again... with your friend! You're understandably hurt, rejected and resentful.So why do you take him back?I suggest you do because you want to have *A* boyfriend, even a deadset loser like this one. And believe me, this guy sounds like rock-bottom slime. That's what I mean by "being in love with the idea of a boyfriend", as if it's more important to be with someone, even a loser, than to be with someone who cares for you. Here's the truth, dear. You don't have to "leave him". He's already left you. A couple of times that you know about, a probably a fair few times you DON'T know about. He doesn't show any respect for you and he doesn't appear to have a lot of affection for you, either. Why are you dithering? You don't have to do anything, except make up your mind that you deserve better and that you won't take him back.You're really better off without a "boyfriend" who makes you feel unattractive and who, by your own admission "hurts" you, so cut him loose. Tell him that you don't want to be treated this way anymore. Then, don't take his phone calls, delete his texts and avoid talking to him at school. It's easier than you think.Good luck!
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