A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 7 weeks pregnant and can't have this baby because of being in a really bad and progressively worse relationship. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and overall an angry person and so is his family. He wants to have this baby but I don't want to expose a child to that type of environment. I want to leave him. If I adopt I know I will want to keep the child and/or there will be a custody battle. I don't want to tell him I aborted the pregnancy. Has anyone told their boyfriend that they had a miscarriage instead of an abortion?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): hello ,im in the same boat really.Ive just found out im pregnant and ive only just turned 16.Its my dad thats the problem he is a rwally bad alcoholic and can be violent as well as cumsy.He drinks all day .He is only at home friday to sunday but i dont know how i would keep a baby in the sane house as him as i dont want to put my baby at risk.I would not consider aborting/adoption however as it is not the babies fault my dad/your b/f is the way they are.Instead i think i am going to have to move in with a close/supportive relation.I hope that you would do the same as a life is a gift and i dont want you to regret your decision in the future as you will not be able to bring that life back.congrats on the pregnancy i am really looking forward to having my baby im just scared about the situation im in.xxx
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Many women lose the baby in the first trimester. It happens so frequently that many women wait until the second trimester before they tell anyone they're expecting, just in case. If there's a miscarriage in the first trimester, there is almost never a reason. It just happens.
Here's an information link about first trimester miscarriages.
http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,4444,00.html
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): I am 7 weeks pregnant and can't have this baby because of being in a really bad and progressively worse relationship. My boyfriend is an alcoholic, drinks & drives and overall an angry, immature, irrationale person and so is his family. He wants to have this baby but I don't want to expose a child to that type of environment. I want to & need to leave him. If I adopt I know I will want to keep the child and/or there will be a custody battle. I don't want to tell him I aborted the pregnancy. Has anyone told their boyfriend that they had a miscarriage but in truth had an abortion? Do I need to have a reason for the miscarriage ready when I tell him? Do doctors tell you the reason when you have a miscarriage? If I tell him I went to a local hospital, can he call & find out if I was actually seen there? Thank you so much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): First of all you need to have this baby...its not the babys fault! You shouldn't be having sex with someone like that anyway! The problem is people have sex not thinking of the posiblity of getting pregnat!! You have to think he could be my babys father! Even if he was a good man and didn't drink but you new he wouldn't be a good dad cause he doesn't want kids and you new you would have to tell him to spend time with your child...you shouldnt have sex with people who are not able to be a good parent!! Period! That's your bad!!! Have your baby you made and he has to get it together! And until he can don't let him around the baby!!!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (3 October 2007):
It is a decision you will have to make for yourself but please remember this.
It is your body and NOBODY, absolutely NOBODY has the right to tell you what you should do with it.
If you choose to abort the boyfriend need never know and your case would be treated in the strictest of confidence. In short - the only people who would know are the professional people who would carry out the proceedure and anybody you choose to tell.
You label out each side of the question very well so all you have to do now is decide for yourself - nobody else but yourself.
I would have thought though that the earlier you make the decision the easier time you will have coming to terms with your decision whatever that happens to be.
Just make sure the decision you arrive at is wholly YOURS and YOURS alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Abortion is a choice that you make, either have one or don't, other people's opinions shouldn't influence you. You are only one to know your heart and mind. As to him finding out medical information, in the States, we have protection from release of such confidential information to third parties under the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (aka HIPAA). Unless he is your spouse, a parent in the event of a minor or you have given him spedific permission in the form of a power of attorney, the medical provider should not release information. (And yes, I've had an abortion once too, it's not the end of the world.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Just ask yourself exactly what do you want. If he is so abusive then get away from him now. Could you cope on your own with a child? Do you really want to have a one and give it away? How would you feel if you aborted it? All these questions need asking and asking now. Dont worry you will not be the first person to go through this. I had an abortion at the age of 17 and can honestly say that i am glad that i did. I skipped out of the hospital and always made sure that contraception was on the top of the list in future. But everyone is different. The decision has to be yours, not someone else. Which ever decision i wish you well, not an easy one.
take care and keep in touch if you want.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Thank you for all of your help. Do I need to have a reason for a miscarriage such as there was stress in my life? Does a doctor normally tell a woman that had a miscarriage this information? If he asks for the name of the hospital that I went to (for the diagnosis of a miscarriage) & I tell him a name of a local hospital, can he call the hospital & verify whether or not I was there? Thank you again very much for your help. I am just scared as to what to do.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 I think the question should be how do you feel about having a baby. Boyfriends come and boyfriends go. You could simply break up with him and move away before he even knows you're pregnant. I know most people would say, it's his right as the father, to know he has a child and to see this child, but it sounds like he will not be a good influence on this child, and could use it as a tool to seek revenge on you. I wouldn't have an abortion simply because the b/f sucks. Think first of the baby, and how you'd feel about being a mother. Forget about him. You aren't even married so as far as I'm concerned, he has no legal right to that child. What you choose to do, should be up to you and no one else and you can tell people whatever you want. It's no one's business but yours. Just make sure you aren't giving up something that would bring you much joy and happiness in the long run (the baby, that is - not the b/f). Good luck.
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A
female
reader, little miss helpful +, writes (3 October 2007):
 i think for the sake of the child you shouldnt have it i no its sounds wrong but everything you have just told is deffenatly not a good enviroment to bring a child into.
i would always say never lie but in this situation i think it would be a good idea for you and the child.
dont do adoption some kids are happy but alot of them arnt and would you be able to give it up once you have seen it and yes you are right there could be a custody battle.
no one can make you keep a baby you know whats best so its down to you.
take care and i strongly feel you should leave your partner as you dont seem to be in avery good enviroment either.
take care hun x
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (3 October 2007):
 I think this is a good time to review what you want from your life. Having an abortion is an incredibly difficult decision to make and no one can tell you to go ahead or not as this is up to you. If you are considering abortion then it is important that you do it quickly because it is less complicated early on. It is possible to tell your BF that you suffered a miscarriage but perhaps this is a time in your life when you should review what you want. It sounds like you are in a dead-beat relationship with an abusive man. Regardless of the baby, don't you think you deserve a bit more in life? Surely being single has to be better than dealing with him and his family. You can just walk away, not tell him where you are going and start over somewhere else. Not wanting to have a child in such an environment is surely a sign that the relationship is beyond repair. Perhaps having a child will give you the courage to stand up for yourself and start making more of your life. Abusive relationships often make people feel helpless that they will never escape but now you are thinking for two!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Im sure that many people have done that. You have to think about what is best for the child. Also I have concerns about you, why would you stay with a man that has these traits?
I think that if you choose to abort the pregnancy you must be prepared for the mental feelings that come with it, these are more damaging than the actual experience.
Also, if you choose to tell that you miscarried you must be sure not to throw in the truth when you fall out with him and be sure that knowone else knows what you are going to do either as he will find out. I would advise not having a child and putting it into care - there are too many lives ruined by this and many unbalanced children created.
Although I would never usually advise to lie to your partner, where the safety of the child is concerned you have to do what is necessary.
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