A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Oh boy, where do I start. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, he's everything I've ever wanted in a person; faithful as hell-we basically see each other everyday or every other day and he does so much to prove how much he care for me. Around the time we made 4 months I asked to use his i-phone to go online guess what I found...yup, a porn site open. At first I was just like okay whatever he's a guy I guess, so I didn't say anything to him. As time went by the images of those girls kept roaming in my head and I suddenly realized that it hurt me he was watching porn. I mean don't get me wrong I use to watch it myself when I was single but I'm completely head over heels in love with him and our sex is FANTASTIC, and there wasn't a need for me to watch porn.I began to wonder if there was something missing...I found myself crying one day over it and decided to confront him, he told me he had been single for almost 2 years and since he hadn't found a girl he really wanted to be with he picked up the habit of watching porn on a daily basis. Angry, hurt and confused I asked him to PROMISE not to ever look at porn again or it might lead me into losing feelings and eventually breaking up. Scared himself of loosing me he promised he wouldn't look at it...Months go by, and ever 3 to 4 weeks I would say "Baby, you haven't watched porn since you promised right""Nope, baby I swear""Swear on your mother and nephew""I swear on my mother and my nephew babe"(silly to make him swear but whatever)So this went on every once in a blue, until this mothers day that past I was on his computer and guess what..I found out he had been looking at porn. My heart sank, I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Tears started running down my cheeks, I felt sick, I wanted to vomit- the fact that he had been lying to my face over and over again is what did it for me. He's a GREAT guy, smart, doesn't even have girls that are friends to avoid problems because he knows it would bother me if he did, does anything to make me happy- I just never expected he would be lying to my face. At first he denied it saying he hadn't looked at it, he didn't know how that got there (bullshit duh) and finally after me questioning him so much he fessed up to looking at porn at least once a month his excuse was (he had been used to it and couldn't stop cold turkey, the reason he lied was b/c he thought I would have broken up with him if he had told me the truth) You know what funny a woman's intuition is always correct- I knew something wasn't right when I found myself asking him repeatedly during the past months "You haven't looked at porn right babe"I'm crying at I write this, I'm sick to my stomach this is the man I love so much in the world he's perfect besides this porn thing. So I told him not to lie to me again and that if he had to watch it once in a blue fine but not to lie about it... This is killings me I cry sometimes imaging him looking at other females it feels like he's cheating.. I even had given him really sexy exclusive pictures of me before I found out he still was looking at porn and I guess that wasn't enough. I'm a pretty girl, size 4 in jeans always dress nice, have my hair done, I get manicure and pedicures, in college pursing a bachelors, I always smell great EVERYWHERE and I know h loves my body and me... I don't get it :( I recently asked if he had watched it since our huge fight/ talk he said he hasn't but if he does he won't tell me but If i ask he'll fess up... I don't what to do- even if it's once in a blue ugh it still kills me imagining him jerking off to some bitch..
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much male reader again, instead of making it a huge deal I'm just going to pretend he either doesn't do it or it really doesn't mean anything. As long it doesn't interfere with our sex life (which it isn't thank god) I'm not going to nag him and cry over it about it anymore. He knows what he has and if he chooses porn over me than I know he isn't the one for me.
In reply to the girl who's pregnant- I think he defiantly has a bigger problem because choosing porn over sex isn't healthy who wouldn't rather have the real thing. But have a serious heart to heart talk and if it's because your preggo and maybe he's scared of being on top and hurting the baby. I'm sure things will get back to normal when you give birth if they don't try some getting him some help and if he isn't willing it cut it back and have more sex than perhaps as much as it hurt he's not the one for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): well i really dont know what to tell you, becasue I kinda have the same probelem. i live with my boyfriend though, and for one i am preganant and feel very un attractive, because of how much weight i have gained and i just look different. and two i TRY to have sex with him all the time and he wont.... it drives me crazy!!!! once i tried for a week straght and he would not give it up and when the seven days were up i woke up in the morning to go to the bathroom and looked in the living room and there he was jackin off to porn! I have never been so mad! so at least he is giving it up to you. mine wont and he tries to sneak it all the time and accifently leaves the dvd player on with the porn in it!?! IDIOT! i know how you feel and it hurts and i really haven't found anything to make it better and i have asked him why, he would rather watch porn than have sex with me and he says you can ask any guy and they would say they would rather watch porn than have the real thing which i think is BS!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I'm sorry that you found yourself in this predicament. Many women feel the way you do, including myself, because...like you stated....when we are in love we don't fantasize, jerk off, drool over or make fools of ourselves over other men. It is apparently just a difference in the way our minds work. I wish we didn't have to deal with this as women because I truly believe this is an unwelcome intrusion in many relationships and even the cause of divorces now. Some men become addicted to porn and stop having sexual relationships with their wives or girlsfriends, so it is not as harmless as many people would like us to believe. If you have a good relationship, the sex is good AND he truly has tried to cut back, then I don't think you need worry about it. The best thing you could do for yourself is try not to think too much about it. It has no impact whatsoever on his feelings for you, even though it does affect your feelings about him. Fighting over it could destroy your relationship however.Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): No problem, you sound like a pretty cool chic. Males are just different, we can be totally in love but still appreciate the female form and it doesn't take away from anything we feel for the woman we're with. We masturbate and think of all sorts of disgusting things and that's just our biology, I guess. Let him have his porn and as long as it's not interfering with your sex life, it's no threat. It can be a healthy outlet if used in moderation and means nothing so don't take it personally. You start bringing insecurity and guilt into the relationship over it, then it just creates more problems. Be cool with it and stay confident about yourself. There's no competition as far as he's concerned so don't make it one. He knows your the real deal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, specially male reader I guess your right giving him alternatives such as if you continue to watch it we're done is pretty stupid. At least he does know how I feel and how much it hurts so I'm pretty sure he'll watch it less and less. It's just like urgh you know since females are different if we're madly in love we don't have the urge to go look at naked men nor fantasize about them.
"He's going to continue to look at porn and if you put him in a position to lie about it, he will."
Very true!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, specially male reader I guess your right giving him alternatives such as if you continue to watch it we're done is pretty stupid. At least he does know how I feel and how much it hurts so I'm pretty sure he'll watch it less and less. It's just like urgh you know since females are different if we're madly in love we don't have the urge to go look at naked men nor fantasize about them.
"He's going to continue to look at porn and if you put him in a position to lie about it, he will."
Very true!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 May 2009):
Urgh this is the most commonly asked question on this site. You may not get many answers as everyone has answered this a million times already so put porn into the search bar at the top of the site and read their answers there. Also check out the articles section.
So anyway:
Men wank. They just do. They get themselves off just like they fart. It feels good and it's simple and fast. It is very VERY different from sex.
Sex with you is special. You are his perfect girl. His princess and queen. He loves you. When he has sex with you it's a lengthy emotional ride with cuddles after and effort to please you and show you he loves you.
Wanking over you is special. To be done when he misses you and you are not around and he'll think about you and how sexy you are and how great it is that you are all his, then take his time and it'll be a bit special.
Girls in porn are designed to look dirty and disposable. They do not need foreplay or cuddles. They are there to get him off and he can be selfish and then just shut the computer down and will have forgotten their faces within 2 seconds. They are there to be used and disposed off like a tissue.
He cannot think of you in that way. You wouldn't want him to. You want him to care about you. You want him to know your name and respect you.
Guess what? He does care for and respect you and therefore can't subject you to the dirty thoughts in his head and then forget you 30 seconds later.
He needs someone disposable to have a quick wank over and then he can get on with his day.
If you can't take the fact he does it then stop asking him about it and tell him to be a damn sight more careful with his internet history.
Read up some of what the men on this site have said and hopefully you can understand it is really nothing to be threatened by. Just something to try and stay ignorant about.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, RaeMay +, writes (24 May 2009):
 well you could try talking to him and saying
"baby i dont like it when you watch porn because its like im not good enough for you"
and you could tell him that everytime he feels like he wants to watch porn to tell you so that you can be his porn. just tell him how it makes you feel. there are many bad habits out there and there is always a way to break out of it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): You do nothing. His porn use isn't personal and it is no reflection on how he feels about you or how attracted he is to you. You may not want to hear this, but men like variety and enjoy looking at naked women and this includes your guy. He's going to be sexually attracted to many different women (real and in magazines) no matter how awesome you look and as long as he doesn't act on it, it should not make you insecure. He's going to fantasize about making love to other women, sometimes when he's making love to you, and that's just human nature, male nature. These are his private thoughts and are not a threat to your relationship and it sounds as though you have a sexually healthy one so I would let this go. He's going to continue to look at porn and if you put him in a position to lie about it, he will. Pick your battles.
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