A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need advice about a situation I'm in. There's a woman I work with that is very out-going, whom I'm very attracted to. I few days ago I invited her out for a drink after work. We had a wonderful time. The conversation came easy, there was a lot of teasing, and all night we were all smiles.At the end of the evening, I offered to walk her home. As we walked, I teased her about giving her a good night kiss. The next thing I know, we are passionately kissing each other. Quite frankly, it was more than I could have hoped for. It was very aggressive kissing that went on for some time. When we finally said good night, we again were both smiling and laughing about what an enjoyable evening it turned out to be. Now here's the twist. Due to our work shifts, I didn't see her for a few days. When I did see her, she acted like she didn't see me. When I went up and said hello to her directly, she ignored me. Here are the details that will help flesh out the situation. I'm a 44 years old, married, with children. In general, I look like I am about 35. She is 26. However, she has the maturity of someone older, maybe 30. She knew I was married before all this happened.My guess is that after some basic animal desire was consummated, she realized she was fooling around with an older married man and she doesn't want it to go any further. I know it wasn't the influence of the alcohol. We are both health nuts and consumed less than a glass of wine.Here’s where I need your advice. What is the best way to deal with the situation? My ideal scenario would be to talk with her and let her know that it's ok if nothing further comes of our relationship. We can still be friends or at least cordial towards each other.I'm perplexed by the situation. At the very least, I wish we could roll it back to the point before any of this happened. Back to when she was just this out-going girl with a terrific smile...
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 November 2008):
 Are you in an open marriage? If not, you're a very confused man and seem to have lost focus of what the problems really are. You seem to speak very eloquently so I'm a little perplexed at your lack of common sense. You list the details of this event like you are an accountant crunching numbers.
You are a married father. Who cares about this other situation? You should be focusing on your family and not some woman from work. To be blunt, there seems to be an elephant in the room and you can't see it. It's my understanding that the purpose of giving advice is to help someone make the correct choice. You're seeking advice about the potential ways of dealing with an illicit relationship.
First of all, you can't be friends with this woman. Period. Friends don't make out in bars. Friends respect each other and that includes their spouses and home life. Friends give you a ride when you car is broken, help you paint your fence or visit you when your sick. Friends do not do things to break up a marriage and hurt others. You need to understand what a friend is.
Unless you desire to be single you should be asking how you can stop yourself from falling into this trap again. If you're not getting the attention you need at home, talk to your wife. Get help from a therapist and try to fix your marriage. If nothing works, dissolve the marriage and leave knowing you tried. Do things in the right order. One last thing, stop flirting with women outside your marriage. A really strong marriage can withstand the temptations and feelings we all get from time to time. A grounded person will fully know that their marriage is more valuable than a passing crush or the new really attractive person at work. A wise person will understand that flattery feels good and we all like to have our egos stroked from time to time. A wise person will also understand that flattery is no substitute for many years of trust and depth that a nurtured relationship offers.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 November 2008):
She probably did it in a drunken state because she fancied you a bit.
Then went home and told her friends who all rightly said "MARRIED??? KIDS???? HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER?? REPUTATION AT WORK!!! ARE YOU INSANE???"
And then you didn't get in touch.
So now she is ignoring you. She's doing exactly what I would have advised her to do.
Go home to your wife.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (15 November 2008):
 Hi, It is my opinion that she is embarrassed, perhaps she was attracted you before, you were out together. She is probably afraid as well, that you might want more, and you do work together, which could be tricky. She wants her job, and no gossip, I would think. So my advice, hopefully you are happily married, oh yes, stop flirting, with other women, if you are not ready for the consequences, would be
to write her a short note, apologize for your part in what took place. Let her know that you only want to be friends, and you did not want to compromise her in any way. Then, step back and realize that the things we do, could impact us in the future, positively or negatively. If someone saw you kissing the lady, and told your wife, then what? Your attractions should maybe stay just that, sttractions. Just a thought. Take care and stay in touch.
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A
male
reader, timorous +, writes (15 November 2008):
Yo man, don't cheat on your wife. However, I admire you for having the courage to post this on a public forum. It takes some guts to openly speak about your weaknesses. I just hope that you feel bad about cheating on your wife and won't do it again.
My advice to you would be to avoid this younger woman as much as possible. She clearly attracts you and since you are married and have children, you have no business having affairs with other women. I don't want to sound scolding, but your actions have been reprehensible. Again, I commend you for seeking advice on the matter and hope that this response will deter you from further relations with this woman.
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