A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was having a friendly conversation with a guy I just met. I could tell he was interested in me, but I have a boyfriend (of four years). I'm a pretty friendly person, so I didn't mean anything by it, except maybe enjoying the attention (being unavailable makes you miss being pursued).Anyway, he asked me out, but I told him I had a boyfriend. I felt kind of bad, so I told him we could hangout. He gave me his number (he doesn't have mine, though.) My boyfriend is aware of all this but it takes a lot to get him jealous.Can/should I call/text this new guy up, or would this only lead to disaster? Is there harm in being just friends with a guy who is interested in you?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 It is harmful to hang out with a man you know is interested in you when you have a boyfriend, unless it is for work related things or you have to see him because of a mandatory thing. Hanging out as "friends" isn't happening! He likes you as more, so to him there is more than friendship. Hanging out with him will then, to him, be flirting with him and encouraging him. It's rude and ignorant to both him and your boyfriend. If you meet up with him you are telling him "I like the attention you give me, please continue to court me".
You can hang out with a guy as friends if all he wants is friendship as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): Cindy gives great advice and Ill support what she states. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2011):
 Of course there's harm, and my guess is that you know it perfectly already. This guy is interested in you- he is into you as a woman, he does not care about being just friends. So, if you encourage him, you are either confusing him and wasting his time for the sake of getting attention , or purposedly setting up the scenario to be able to say : It just happened... It was totally innocent and we were hanging out as friends, BUT...I am not saying that's impossible to be platonically friends with the opposite sex, but it depends from the circumstances. If you both were, say, avid birdwatchers and you had met at the local birdwatching club, then it would make sense that you'd want to meet in future to talk about the mating habits of swallows and nightingales. But, ...it did not go that way. The guy sort of hit on you, and you sort of liked being hit on. I seriously doubt that it's the depth of thoughts and treasure of wisdom that he revelead during your short exchange making you want to pursue this "friendship". It was just chemistry .If you care about your current relationship, you won't do anything that may remain formally correct ( just for a little while , probably ) but substantially very incorrect toward your bf.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (2 May 2011):
dont text himfrom what you have said there chemistry between the both of youand it is highly dangerous to call him, to text himor add him on facebookGood Luck
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