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male
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anonymous
writes: Is it truly possible to be in love with two people at the same time? or is that just something people say when they're afraid to admit how they truly feel, or are scared to say they don't love their partner anymore? I always thought that it wasn't possible, and that if you truly had feelings of love for one person, then you couldn't possibly share those feelings with another. and if you did, that obviously meant you must not have loved the other person, or don't anymore. But a friend of mine dropped a bombshell on me yesterday telling me that she's in love with me, yet is also still in love with her current partner. She said that over time, her feelings for me just kept getting stronger, and she just fell in love with me, and can't imagine her life without me. But she's still with this other guy. Anyway, my question really is do you think it's possible to TRULY be in love with two people simultanously? Or is she just confused about one of us?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Yes it is possible for a woman to fall in love with two men ... They are commonly referred to as sluts! ~ One of the two men ~
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): im in the same position now its horrible . i have been with my bf just over a year and we have been through thick and thin together ,, but over the months my love for him was fading and now ive met this really nice man hes soo sweet and ive told him its not that easy just to leave my boyfriend ,last time i left him he got suicidal .. im stuck lol .
but how i think of it ,soon i will look back on this and think "thankgod i done this ,i followed my heart and im happy" :) good luck too everyone else x
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): Yes, it is true indeed. I'm dealing with this too at the moment. I really love two girls at the same time, but I can't really decide whom I love more. And it is hard for you, as well as for your partner. As I had a discussion with my girlfriend before, about me liking that other girl more. But I don't know whom I love more. So it IS true that you can be in love with two people at the same time. Well, at least, that is my opinion about it. I don't know what other people say about it, but I think that it is true. And so do my feelings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): Yes you can, I'm dealing with this right now and it's been the hardest thing I've had to deal with. It's kind of comforting to know that other people are going through the same battle though. My wish for everyone is that they find their true love. I ask myself everyday, who can I not live without? I'm still waiting for my heart to tell me the answer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I definetly think that it is possible to love more than one person, actually more than two. I am in love with three guys and it is the hardest situation i have ever faced. I love all of them more than the other one and i dont know which one my heart will settle with. I often use to think that if you love one person then you cant fall in love with anyone but through experience i found thats not actually true. or maybe i am just in a state of confusion but when i think any of them being with someone else it really gets to me maybe its because all three of them are really nice to me and all in different ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): I believe it's true, because the same thing is happening to me, but I'm like the girl who's in love with her boyfriend, and also her close friend. In my perspective, I love both guys, but sort of in different ways. The more I hang out with my friend, the more I know that I want to be with him. But there's also those times when I want to be with my boyfriend, because I feel secure with him, but I still long to be with my friend. It's a pretty confusing situation. If you want to be with her, then hang out with her more.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): Well to be curt, why do you think some religions allow a man to marry more than once? Christians are told to choose and only have one partner. This takes strength and great character. Yes love brings people together, but it can also tear them apart. This is why I believe marriage is more than about love. Its about commitment and honesty. When you get married there will always be challenges and temptations to lead you astray...you have to be strong minded and self disciplined to honour your vows. If you really loved someone with all your heart and they die then it is okay to move on - so if the relationship dies surely its also acceptable (which is why divorce is now permitted). Having said all this, she still have to make a decision and stick to it. Give yourself and her some space (like a few months) and if after 3 months you still think of her and she still thinks of her...write her a letter. Tell her that you want to write her a letter as a friend and if she is still with this other bloke just keep writing her letters as a friend, telling her what you are doing and stuff.But I guess by the end of the third month either you or her or both of you will have forgotton each other it will dwindle to nothing anyway. But never say never....life throws weird twists and changes to us all and who knows 10 years down the line fate might bring you together once and for all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): I believe this happens to all of us. It is one of those taboos that we violate- but, we love more than one person- the difference in people is in whether they express this love for both people. Right or wrong - it does happen to all of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): Realizing through the years, I understood that loving two persons is fine and avoidable how much you want too, the more I resist and not thinking about it the more I wanted that person. The only difference is, you should know your boundaries and limitations, you should be cautious with your actions that every move has an effect.. Be true to your emotions but be responsible handling it.. make sure no one gets hurt..
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): yes, it is very possible to love two women at the same time. i am in that situation now and i can tell you that i love them both so much! if you feel jealous about them on something then you really have that love for them. it is simple, why would you feel jealous if you don't love them?
hope this will help.
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female
reader, Lorenn.  +, writes (8 January 2010):
Personally, i don't think you can love two people at the same time. i think it's confusion as emotions do tend to take over and some people do not know what they want. You can't love two people, simply because that cannot be 'real love' your mind loves them, not your heart, if you was in love your feelings would project on one person, not two. This is just my opinion. But i hope it helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): It is the most difficult and painful situation ever. It isn't easier either when you're the person who loves two people. I have a boyfriend of four years, whom I adore and respect, but I am also deeply in love with someone who was my best friend. I hurt him in ways I could never forgive myself for, and that hurt makes me hurt due to the fact that I really do love him. I cannot bear to think of him with anyone else, yet I have to let go because I have chosen to make my current relationship work. It's horrible. I'll probably grow old wondering whether or not I made the "right choice" :-(
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): well i will let you no something.. i fell the same way as her... i love my new boyfrind truly do but i still love my ex... its easy to love but to mean it is different.. but i can say i truly mean it wen i say i love them both .... if that helps u
if not sorry
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): ahm..honestly yes..and thats too hard!!!but i have to face it ..
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): it is possible to truly love two people at once. Though it can be the hardest hing ever
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reader, vin_c_boy  +, writes (6 December 2009):
Yes, you can definitely love two persomns at the same time.I dated a girl for three years and then she moved to another country. It was a case of "out of sight, out of mind", and we married other persons. Thirty five years have past since we broke up, but I have now found her. We chat online everyday and we telephone each other twice per week. She talks to me on the phone for three hours at a time. I love my wife and she loves her husband, but we are bonded by our past. We both admit that we are deeply in love with each other. However, we are not prepared to enter into an adulterous relationship. We wish our friendship to be platonic. Yes, we can deeply love two persons at the same time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I am in love with my husband, and we have a wonderful family. We compliment each other in many ways, and he is truly my best friend. I am also in love with his brother. At first I was horrified, and we stayed as far from each other as we could, but eventually we could no longer deny it. The brother and I have become very close, and he spends a lot of time at our house.I never wanted to be that woman, the woman who says she loves and adores her husband yet has an affair-and with his brother no less! But here I am, madly in love with two men. Both of them fit me so perfectly, just in different ways. When all 3 of us are together, I feel like everything is perfect. I don't know that I could live without either of them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): It is possible i am in love with 2 most wonderful people in my life i always wish to marry both of them and that they would like that i feel like god has given me love and i give it to the world through these two people i love them so much and losing one or the other would hurt me!!! I spend time with both but always confused in my mind when i am with any one of them i also had fights like any other normal relation shp and break ups... but i always try to patch it up :) the feeling after fight get even stronger thought i think it is possible to love every one in this world 1,2,5,10,100,1000, what ever number is, but finding time for all of them is virtually impossible. in this world the main thing is to live not for life but for love and that is what i am doing and no one can stop me because i will defend what i love with all my ability! To bad i am not muslim i guess...I will put it simple though if you love a flower only one of its kind when you will look at sky you will know that there is none other flower like the one you have in any of those stars, planets, the flower is special to you and that is why when you look at sky you feel happiness the greatest joy of life... adding my opinion you can have more then one flower, loving them equally with all your heart and when you look at sky you will still know that there is no flowers like these two here any were in the whole universe. I want to ask all of you to love each other and give love to this world it is the only real purpose in this world love will open you up to your self and others that you love it is the best gift of life there is it is part of nature and all created by god that lives within us! Cherish every moment of your life and know that what you have no one else has and admire that because it is all a gift from God.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): Over 40 years ago, I also fell in love with a young 19 year old woman at college, who claims she "loved" two men at the same time. It still hurts emotionally to care about a person and then be dumped, because she had an existing boyfriend back in her hometown (about 250 miles away)and she wasn't honest with me when she claimed she had stopped seeing this person. For 7 months we were basically married, but once she went away for the summer and the former boyfriend surprised her with an engagement ring, she said she got carried away in the moment, but that spelled curtains for me. What's interesting is that I would not ask her to marry me, because I deep down did not trust her. To this day, I cannot reconcile her words and her actions. I had several indications that she was cheating on me when we were at college, but I was too "in love" to break the relationship off myself. My advice would be to run like the wind if you find yourself caught in a triangle, where the woman is so confused about her true love feelings, that she is unable to make a decision early on so that someone's heart doesn't get thrown in the wood chipper! Then again, years later when I found out that she and her husband had engaged in the wife swapping scene, and she smoked marijuana on a daily basis, I thanked God that things worked out the way they did, since I would not have engaged in either of those activities. It's always nice to find out that you dodged a bullet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): Well maybe,
But sometimes it does happen. Who says that out of the billions of us that wouldn't meet two people who we absolutely are dazzled by and love. It's not impossible but out there. Maybe you should see if you feel the same way for her. Or maybe she could leave for like more than a month without seeing you, sometimes we lose interest if we're not around them for awhile. Hope I helped somewhat, btw, you love both ur parents..hopefully and you couldn't pick over them so just thought i should say :)
I'm young in age but I tried ;)
BR
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Love is just an emotion. You can love more than one person as easily as you can hate more than one person. This doesn't make you a bad person.
What's worse? Spending your life looking for that one perfect person, ditching relationships as you go? Admitting that you've fallen for more than one person? If the person you loved also loved another, would you end the relationship? Would you demand that they end the other relationship, forcing them to choose?
Personally, I hold to the simple truth that people are happier when they find love, and as long as everybody's happy, there's nothing wrong. In fact, it leads to fantastic feelings of compersion. If that's a mystery word to you, look it up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): I am going through the same thing...I have been married for 14 years and he is a wonder man NOW...I have two children with him and he treats me great.. My husband had two affairs on me about 7 years ago and to keep him I promised not to talk about it too much and kept it to myself...but about a year and a half ago an ex came back into my life..my husband was never around always busy and I became lonely...my ex lives a bit away from me so we don't get to see each other very often but we talk everyday..and I am crazy about him...because of that I have started to rethink what happened with my husband and I can't get over it...I love my husband, he is a great provider a great father and I told him about this other guy that I had feelings for him and he is being a great husband now...but don't know if it is too late...I have tried to let the ex go, we went 4 months without any contact and I cried and missed him terribly...My husband doesn't know I am still in contact with this guy.....it is tearing me apart...cause I can't give either one 100% of my love..it is so painful...my ex would come to be with me in a heartbeat if I left my husband...so confused just don't want to make a huge mistake...but yes you defiantly can be in love with two people.
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reader, st496855  +, writes (6 October 2009):
Yes you can think you can love two people at the same time. But real love honors and respects the person you love. You would not cause them harm by any means, you would lay your life on the line in selflessness because of your love for them. That kind of love inhibits the creation on another love. Although, love is an entity that needs to be nourished. It is possible that a starved love can go through a dry period and be reduced to an ember. That could cause you to seek that all consuming love elsewhere. Love requires maintainence. If you allow love to grow and create the atmoshpere for it, it will flourish. Most people who find themselves in a position that they love two people is with an ex, former crush, co worker or friend. why? Because that nourturing has already taken place at some point and can be felt more readily. Love is not to be confused with the natural human law of attraction when a chemical response is caused in us at the presense of certain phenomes in another person ie that crazy chemistry people talk about. That is in fact science. Love is an emotion as well as a enitity ie when people speak of being "in love" out of the emotional realm and being in the state or abiding within the presence of love. It is always important to protect your heart and peace of mind, as well as others. When finding yourself in a potential state of division one must avoid those catastrophic results at all costs. Very few people have what it takes to allow a partner to live out there love with another knowingly and in full freedom with the idea. Jealousy or societal pressure will often come into play destroying the relationship. Take it or leave it. It is always best to know yourself, love yourself and search your heart and soul. Be truthful , honest and wise protecting your heart and happiness and those you truly love no matter the sacrifice. Life is too short to live in the "What Ifs" if your not wholely and truely happy make some changes for you do not look for completion in someone else. You will only find yourself tired and lonely in the end.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I can say that its possible. You have to be able to understand that you have to be able to support emotionally to both partners about your love to them. Is it possible to be in a relationship with two people at the same time, yes but it also requires the other two people too care about each other as well as you. Just understand that you must make sense of your feelings and descern between love and infatuation between the two. I've been in love with to ex girlfriends but I don't know how to deal with these feelings because I know it will never work because they are different and they won't be emotionally strong enough to deal with it. But I know in my heart I will never be able to find someone who understands me and makes me feel loved and cared for as much as these two women that I care for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I can say that its possible. You have to be able to understand that you have to be able to support emotionally to both partners about your love to them. Is it possible to be in a relationship with two people at the same time, yes but it also requires the other two people too care about each other as well as you. Just understand that you must make sense of your feelings and descern between love and infatuation between the two.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I have been with my husband for 21 years but I have also been in love with my first boyfriend for years and I love both of them and feel pain for them both. I do not want to leave my husband but I cannot do with out my first love in my life.We have never been intimate but their is a deep deep deep deep love. Does this make me a bad person.
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reader, IrishLass52 +, writes (17 March 2009):
I am with you, I am currently with who I thought was my soulmate, the love of my life, and he is also in love with someone else. I can see the difference in how he is with me, therefore, my insecurities have festered and I am just probably not helping matters. I cannot be in this type of relationship beause while I think you can have feeling for more than one person you can only truly be in love with one, the one who completes you, the one who you think of always. I am hurting so bad, he says he loves me very very much and doesnt want me to leave him but he also loves her and cannot promise an exclusive relationship. I dont know what to say on the matter as it is so fresh and new to me and hurts very much. But dont we owe it to ourselves to have someone who loves us exclusively.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): I didnt believe that you could love two people, i thought that if you were happy with your partner it would be impossible to fall for someone else but i have...
ive been with my fiance for almost 5 years, now im in love with a male friend of mine who tells me he loves me too but we only admit our true feelings when we've had a drink. when we're sober we dont acknowledge it at all. This sparks another debate- does alcohol make you speak the truth?
Up to now i have kissed my friend but gone no further, he wants it to happen and it has a feeling of inevitability to me, we will sleep together eventually, i know it. I just feel like such a traitor to my fiance as i love him dearly.
from Samantha (Britain)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): It is possible - and with our ideas about marriage and the fairy tales we are fed from the time we are born it is no wonder people feel torn. The reality is if people are truly in love with one another they will want what is best for the other person. You can love two people at the same time. Be honest with both of them. My girlfriend of three years is married to my best friend. We all get along great and everything is out in the open. It works for me as a busy professional because I cannot meet all of her emotional needs, and he tends to be deployed alot. It gives him peace of mind that his best friend is looking out for his girl while he is gone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): Yes. It is possible to be in love with two people at one time. I have been married for 22 years and love my husband very much. I have recently run into a friend that I have not seen in eight years. In my heart I knew I had feelings for him, but never realized it until we met about a year ago. There's always been the connection, but he felt it too. For a year now we have been seeing each other when he's in town and I truly love him, but at the same time, I truly love my husband, too. I'm not sure at this point, which direction I will go. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): I honestly don't think you can love two people at the same. I've recently gotten out of a situation like that. my ex-boyfriend says he loves me but at the same time was telling someone else that he loved her too. Soon his love for her became greater than his love for me. Just like the bible No one can serve two master, either he will love one and hate the other or be devoted to one and despise the other. This holds true to love as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): I am going through this, its very emotional for me...I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have a baby together...well before me and my boyfriend getting together i was with a guy for about a year, he always treated me very good, the guy im with now is just like opposites or something?? I mean he treats me good just not the same way...I recently was contacted by my ex, all of a sudden my life was turned upside down, like im in love with him like its always been there...My present boyfriend knows theres something going on but i know he doesnt like him...I dont want to choose, I love them both and i like where im at now but i always wonder is this what i want for the rest of my life, i guess its only human to wonder... but i cant have them both and i cant choose over either.... I dont know what to do about it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): Being in love with two people at the same time. i do believe this statement can be true.
I have been with my husband for 15 years and in those 15 years we have grown closer and our love for each other has grown.
Before I meet my husband I meet a man with whom I admired and enjoyed, intellectually, we had one sexual encounter, he was a gentleman in every aspect of the way; he was deffinantly someone whom I wanted to be with and wanted to get to know much better. But he was with a friend of mine whom I disliked the way she was treating him, he was nothing but a piece of meat to her, a place to lay her head and a place to dig deep into his pockets. Never the less we lost contact and it has been about 19 years since I heard from him and I haven't heard from my friend neither.
Recently in the last 6 months I have been chatting online to friends and yes I have made some new ones. I started chatting with someone that I could not place and he did not have a picture of himself neither. At this point we started talking and this is the same man I had a sudden rush back into me and I felt something, a part of me come alive. I have thought about this situation for sometime now and I have had several conversations with my husband. My feelings for him have not changed and we both know that we are staying together, however, my feelings for this other man in my life are real. This man has brought back something that I thought I lost sometime ago and he can lift me up; make me feel like whole again. You can be in love with two people; I had thought I had forgotten this man and what he brought to my life and now that he is back I will never let him go. The old saying you never know what you got until it is gone; this rang true for me and I don't want to let my husband nor my companion go again. The three of us have decided to bring the three of us together has a team and enjoy each others company. Sometimes when life troughs you a curve you have to take it by the horn and decide what is the best thing for you. What will make you whole, full and what makes you happy. Sometimes it takes more than just one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I believe you can be in love with two people at the same time. My entire college career has had triangle after triangle. At first I fell in love with the totally unexpected. I was setting my heart on a guy but what I fell in love with was a female classmate of mine. We ended up dating for over a year and because of my lack of experience in relationships, I took her for granted at times which ultimately lead to our break-up. Not even a month went by when I discovered that she was involved with a guy from her hometown. So a year has gone by and she's still in a relationship with this guy and after many attempts to move on I still find myself in love with her. Two guys have been in my triangle, but I always ended up choosing her over them. I guess this time karma's a bitch. Now she says that she's in love with him and me. She says that we're just "different." I understand that physiologically we are, but I still feel that even though the heart feels, we are still adults who should be able to make mature and responsible decisions regarding everybody's feelings and not just hers. I sacrificed my feelings for those other guys, why can't she? Sure, sometimes I wonder what if, but I own up to my decision. AND, I was completely honest with everybody in the party and I'm still cool with everyone. Her boyfriend is left completely in the dark but she says that it would be something that she would regret and wouldn't want to risk that if it made them break-up. So, I guess my question is, does she sound like she's in love with me? She'd do anything to protect her relationship with him, but when she's with me it seems like it's all about me. When she goes home, we have limited options to communicate because of where she's located and because of that she neglects me and spends all of her time with him, but when she gets back it's all about me again. AM I GETTING PLAYED?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): i think trully you can love two people, you love them for different reasons. But you cant be happy feeling the love .. you get torn and all partys involved get hurt ,so no one wins.. you cant adventually hide the feelings and either partner will figure out that you do,., not a good situation to be in,, however , we dont pick to feel ,,.
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reader, lostwife +, writes (5 December 2008):
Well I am married and I have recently started seeing another man. I thought it was just sex at first because my husband cant perform anymore. I only started seeing this other man to take care of my neglected needs, but I am in love with him now! I wake up thinking of him, I go to sleep thinking about him. I feel sick and lonely without him. I am lost! So yes You can love 2 people
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): Gay male perspective here: I guess I just thought it was so cliche' to love your partner and to be "in love" with somebody else. But the reality of it recently reached up and grabbed me.I've been with my partner for almost 20 years, but before he and I ever met I had a tremendous crush on a guy that I was very good friends with. He, I thought, was straight. He was married for many years and had a child with his wife. Recently, she left him. Now he tells me that he wants me in his life. So I'm finding myself in love with him, but still understanding and recognizing that I love my partner. Interesting it isn't that different for him--he still loves his wife (even though she left him). Life is WAY too complex sometimes. I swear, it sounds like I could go on some afternoon talk show with a story like this.
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reader, harper06082 +, writes (30 November 2008):
Oh most definitely you can love two people equally at once. I experienced it myself and now I am in the terrible situation where I am one of the two.
I am just so afraid if he does choose me then for the rest of our lives he is thinking about her.
I don't think there is a real answer for anyone is this situation. You can probably never make the decision unless
you are forced into it, such as one or both give you the ultimatum and you realize you can't lose them. I wish there was more written on this by professionals
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): I never thought it possible either but then it happened to me and it was honestly one of the most devastating things I've had to make a decision about. It was exactly the same - I was in love with my partner and fell in love with a friend at the same time. I chose one and I am happy with him, but I still think, wonder, and dream about the other one all the time and I can't deny that it was also real love with him too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): It is possible and it stings like hell. Avoid at all costs. It hurts either way you go and it hurts for a long time. A very long time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): Me and my best friend really like this guy and he won't choose between us and he told me that he loved me and told my other friend he loved her and we are just wondering if it possible for someone to like 2 people at the same time? Can you help us? We both really like this guy and we have excepted it and are not mad at each other for this and we both know we are in love with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Hi, what a difficult question to answer, I have been married for 16 years, love my Husband,but am not in love with him,we've had our problems,I met someone who I had very stong feelings towards, which turned into Love,a love so deep that I am now totally confused,A love that I have never felt for anyone else before in my life. I had an affair got found out and felt so guilty for all the heartache we caused, but even now my Love for that person will not go away even though I am with my Husband who loves me deeply,I live with this silently every day, it hurts so much, I have not known pain like it. I do not envey anyone else going through this. People may say that we are selfish but untill it happens to them, they will never know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): This is a sad one. I met and fell in love with the love of my life as a gauche teenager and I have never loved another man since. When he didn't seem to return my feelings, I went away, because it just hurt too much to be around him and be nothing to him. While I was away (and I am talking years here), he married someone else. I came back to my home area some 20+ years ago and have been with my current partner for the last 10. It is a harmonious relationship in which I am reasonably content, even though my heart still lies steadfastly with my first love of 30+ years ago. No, we are not having an affair, and nor will we, but I now know that my first love returns my feelings. It is a bitter/sweet discovery for obvious reasons because the conviction that I was born to be with him has never gone away. Who knows what the future may hold, but one thing we are never going to do is seek out happiness together at the cost of another person's unhappiness. I have read lots of posts about women having affairs with men who won't leave their wives, and I don't sit in judgment, but you have to ask at the end of it all whether you would want a cheat as your partner. I wouldn't. To all those women tearing themselves into pieces over a man who will not leave his wife - my advice is that if you really love him, support his marriage, don't try to destroy it. Yes it sounds barking mad to say it, but I really love my old flame too much to put that pressure on him. He would be torn between two women he really loves, and that is not fair. Of course it hurts, but if you love someone, you put them first.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): I don't know if this answers your question but I am in a situation with a fella who claims he is in love with two people - me and his wife.
I recently fell in love with him when he came for a visit to my country. We both fell into it unintentionally while he was over, spending four of the most wonderful days together, and now we write daily and phone weekly. He says (and after much difficulty) I have come to believe him when he says he LOVES me and I mean the world to him. However, he has also said that he loves his wife and has suggested more than once that he can't give up his family but still wants to see me and be with me.
Now I know what you are thinking - I was thinking it too...PLAYER! But his words and actions don't seem like someone who is just out for sex. Surely to God, he could've gotten that in his own country!!
Anyway, we are talking about meeting in Europe in a few months and while I want to see if, for no other reason, to this is REAL (or just a holiday fling - which he adamantly insists it's not) I'm just not sure if there is any point to any of this.
That having been said, I can't help but wonder if he is so happy and in love with his wife, what is he doing with me? Clearly I give him something that is missing in his life.
Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): Yes, you absolutely can love two men at the same time. Take it from me, to keep your life much simpler and happier, just don't go there. I got involved, after 30 years, with my first love. I'd been very happily married for 25 years when just a phone call reignited the flame from so many years before. I'd been married for 25 years to some one I love dearly, who has been a wonderful husband and a fantastic father when I spoke with my old love after 29 years apart. The sexual tension was still there and I found it irresistable. This is not a reflection on my husband, he is wonderful in every way. Anyway, my first boy friend and I have had a nine year affair and have just recently ended it...sort of.
This has been a long distance affair with our seeing each other only 3 times a year, or so, but speaking daily. I had been able to keep my husband in the dark because he is so trusting and would allow me to travel with my "girlfriends" whenever I wanted to. But this has taken a huge emotional toll. I feel that I have given away the emotional energy that I should have been putting into my marriage even though my husband still thinks I am the best wife ever and loves me deeply. I love him too but I do feel that that love is diluted by the energy I put into my love for my boyfriend. I will do everything in my power to keep my husband from knowing of this affair, not to save myself, I believe he would forgive me anything, but to save him from the pain that would serve no purpose since the affair is over. I know this sounds like I am a bad person, but, you can't help who you love. I love my boyfriend who would have been a terrible husband and I love my husband who has been a wonderful life partner. The thing is that my husband and I were incredibley happy (and still are, as far as my husband is concerned)until I allowed this other love back into my life. I feel like (as they say) I am "tap dancing as fast as I can" to keep them both happy and I am the only one suffering. My boyfriend and I recently ended it and I am depressed and down but trying to hide it so my husband does not wonder why I am depressed. Any way, I do love them both but my advice to every one is to do all you can do not to put yourself in that situation. In our society it is just too unacceptable to be involved with 2 people at the same time and it is way too painful to have to choose. My husband is a wonderful person and I will do everything in my power to keep him from knowing about this. I think ultimately, this affair was an act of complete selfishness though I can say I truly love the other person.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Well i grew up thinking that you were meant to be with 1 person i was a a relationship for 5 years and had a child we started having major problems mostly because of me we both ended up on massive pills and speed binge anyway 3 years down the track i find myself in love with my new girl who ive been with for 3 years since i met her in my drug binge and now that i am straight and have been for 2 years i find myself still in love with my ex and loving my girlfriend now and its doing my head in i dont know what to do or if it was actually possible typing in "can you actually be in love with two people" to google leading me here i also have bi-polar but i definalty am in love with both of the and for very different reasons i was going to write a book but thats what the net is for GOOD LUCK EVERYONE
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male
reader, markus +, writes (5 August 2008):
the answer is yes. it is possible to love two people at the same time. even to the point of equal status in your life. enough to make you feel that you cant even choose to be with one .its a horrible fact as you could infact lose two people being in love with two people. how do you choose and let the other loved person down. its like choosing witch arm to chop off. you need them both for different things. and the fact the someone admits this confirms its true. she could of said. i am loving you but losing love for my partner. but she/he said that they love you both. if you truely love someone how do you let go of them. the only anwer that i am trying to confirm is that its possibly the most heart rendering experience of anyone life. and its 100% true that you can love two people at the same time. and the person going threw this just tends to push them both away as he/she think they dont have the right to be happy. major ups followed by major downs.
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female
reader, PhDiva +, writes (24 July 2008):
What an interesting topic...Love is a relative term - depends on who you ask. It means something very different to everyone who experiences the emotions associated with it. I tend to agree with those who understand the process of evolution and realize that what separates human beings from animals is our ability to reason, feel guilt and set boundaries. I have been married for two years and recently have "fallen" for a man I believe to be a compatible soulmate. As one of the other responders indicated, every individual brings different qualities to the table hence the reason we are attracted to others. It's more than just appearance (the fact that this man is a dead ringer for Lance Armstrong has nothing at all to do with it) - but seriously, it's about a "feeling" that you experience when this person is in your presence that elicits a physiological response that you find unexplainable. Making the choice whether or not to pursue a relationship while you are either married or in a committed relationship - is also relative. There is no right or wrong as long as you are (or plan to be) honest. My struggle is now to make that decision, my fear is that I am NOT with my life partner. Time will tell.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I have loved more than one person at a time before. It is possible, and I believe that it is natural. Being an American human, living in society, we are taught that monogamy is good and right, and that it's the only way. If you take a look at many species of animal life on this planet you will see that not many are truly monogamous. That does not mean that there is no love shared (the need to protect, shelter, procreate and just be near others of the species) between these creatures. The only thing that separates us and the other animals when it comes to companionship is guilt and jealousy. Without those, we could live happily in poly amorous relationships. I don't think that that means you should cheat on a significant other; society’s rules are pretty powerful. But everyone should think long and hard about the relationships that they chose before making a lifetime commitment to just one person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Yes!!!!!! You can love two people at the same time. I have been married for over 15 years. I had my share of boyfriends and broke hearts and had all of my fun. I fell in love with him while we were freinds. He is my soulmate and I can't imagine my life without him. I miss him while he works, I call him all the time, I love his touch.
Two years ago I met a wonderful younger man than me and my hubby. It started out innocent because I am not the type to flirt or even bother checking other men out. He was in love with me from the start; I am a model. He saw my pictures and loved them. I also write for magazines and I met him through this business. I swear I don't know when it happened. I wish I could say that things were bad in my marriage. Not. We are closer than ever. We have been having this affair for almost three years. It's mainly emails and phone calls. We met once in a hotel, and anything could of happened but the guilt drove me out of there before I did something I could regret. But before I left he kissed me and I swear I have never felt anything like that and I am very passionate and so is my husband. My heart was beating so fast and I will never forget that kiss. He says he loves me and I believe him. He wants to come and see me again and I am so afraid because I know that I won't walk away twice. But bottom line, I stopped talking to him for a year. I stopped modeling, moved away and he found me again. No he is not trying to stalk me or anything. But the minute he called me and i heard his voice, I felt it. I had missed him for all the two years we were apart and now it's as if nothing has changed. I know i will love him for the rest of my life. But I will not leave my husband he is my first love and my soulmate. To those that are reading this and seem confused, just read it with an open mind. I use to say, 'Never' too and now I am living and loving two people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Being in love with someone has nothing to do with being honest fair. That's what you're suppose to be when you are committed in a relationship. Being in love is having very strong feelings for someone that you can't control. And yes, I think you can be in love with two people at the same time. I am in love with two men right now. Both of these men give me something different. I fell in love with both of them for different reasons. You cannot control your feelings. Love is a feeling just like anger is a feeling. If someone dies, you can't control your feeling of sorrow, or if someone makes you mad, you can't control your anger. You can try to hide your feelings, but they are still there. Same thing with love. It can't be controlled.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I do not think it is possible to be "in Love" with two people at the same time. My boyfriend of three years and I broke up a year ago because our parents would not let us get married. After that though we were officially broken up we still saw each other and did things that ordinary friends do. Now it has been two weeks and I have totally broken off all contact with my ex boyfriend. Meanwhile there was another guy I had been talking to (over the phone and messenger) for the past month or so. As soon as I stopped talking to my ex boyfriend I felt a surge in my feelings for this other guy. Right now I am madly in love, I am so in love that my heart rate is always fast, I cant eat cant sleep. The most confusing part is I do not know which guy my heart is beating for. I know I cant have one, but I love him. I know I love this other guy because I can have him. But when I seek the answer deep down I know that I have truly loved my ex-boyfriend and am just infatuated to the other. If my parents would let me marry my boyfriend and his parents let him marry me, then I know that I would not even think about this other guy. "Love happens only once, the rest is life". I was reading some of the posts here where people are talking about cheating on their spouses and what not. DON'T DO IT!!! It is the greener grass syndrome as one person called it, soon that will be over and you will ask yourself why you did it. Unless you are in a meaningless, loveless, abusive relationship, don't leave your spouses for another.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008):
hi,
you know, i have the same problem...and question. There is a man i am in love with, and he said, he has fallen in love with me too....however, he also says, he loves his girlfriend too! So, what the heck? I don't think that's possible. Yes, there are different forms and types (and levels) of "love"...but IN LOVE? See, just "love", as wonderful as it is, can be given to many different things at once, yes, that's possible...like say for instance, you can "love" your dog, "love" your kids, "love" your car, "love" your spouse, whatever.....but that doesn't mean you are IN LOVE with that. I think IN LOVE is different. To me, this man i am IN LOVE with, who openly says he's also IN LOVE with me, DOES "love" his girlfriend, but is not IN LOVE!!!! BIG DIFFERENCE. Well, it certaily would be interesting to see others opinions on this!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? This is a trick questions. Love has many different forms. If someone is truly in love with another person, then he/she would not be able to fall in love with someone else. There is the posssibility that he/she could be infatuated with another person. This has happen to me and for a few momnets, you think that you are in love with two people. That is not possible. The point is that infatuation is not the same thing as love and should not be mistaken as love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I've known him for two. I had my "first time" with him and he was the first guy who totally made me fall head over heels in love.
But I'm also friends with another male friend who I've known for 2 years now, we get on really well, and he's stated that he has feelings for me. We once both had crushes on each other before I got with my boyfriend but I guess I convinced myself we could only be friends.
Now we've been chatting more, my old feelings have come back. At the same time I still have my feelings for my boyfriend. So I do believe it is possible to be in love at the same time. I feel for you, as I don't know what to do in my situation. I love them both too much and I can't bear to lose them so it's really difficult to make a decision :( Good luck with whatever choice you decide to make :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): I think it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. I never thought this could be possible as to be truly in love with someone means 100% trust and honesty and not wanting to hurt that person; and falling in love with someone else goes against all of those things.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, I love him and have spent 6 happy years with him, never even thinking about anybody else and always picturing our future together forever. Recently, however I met a guy who I had an instant and very strong connection with, we have a lot in common and it's like neither of us could control the connection we felt when we first met. Over the past few months I have spent more time with him and can't stop thinking about him, i think i have fallen in love with him. It is very difficult for me, I know that i am in love with my boyfriend and it is killing me everyday to think that in my head I am being unfaithful by thinking about someone else, it is, however, uncontrollable and the only control I have over the situation is to stop myself from seeing the other guy before anything can develop any further.
I think in this situation you have to let things be for a while. Maybe spend time alone or with friends, stop seeing the other person and then you can give it a chance to fade away or realise that the love you feel for one person may be stronger than the love you feel for the other person.
It is so hard because no one wants to hurt someone they love but ultimately you have to follow your heart and i do believe that when you are head-over-heels in love with someone and 100% happy with everything then you won't fall in love with someone else. You may meet people that you connect with but you wont open up to this connection because you are so happy that you dont need to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I am in love with two men. One I live with and have been with for two and a half years. The other I have been friends for five plus years and have been in love with him the whole time, but we have never been in a relationship. I am considering leaving my current partner for my friend and he wants to be with me. But I don't know if I have the grass is greener on the other side syndrome or if I seriously want a life with this person. My current partner is a great friend and lover but just doesn't seem to understand me like my friend and my current partner and I argue alot and leaving him will hurt him and I don't want to do this. But I think that we argue because of my true feelings for my friend. So yes I think that you can be in love with two people, but how you decide which one to be with I have no idea. Sometimes doing nothing can be your answer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Hey,
I think that it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. However, i strongly beleive that love and relationships take a on a certain route and go through different phases. I think that the first stage of love which i will call the "butterfly" stage is the only stage at which you mentally cannot be in love with two people. It is during this time that you develop the strong emotions and attachements. I would doubt whether your brain could manage to do this with two people and in a way i see it as the forming process and only one state of love can be formed at once. However, this does not discount the possibility of going through stage one with another person once you are at a different stage of love with the initial partner. In our society it is more about being committed and respectful towards your current relationship and not opening yourself up to enter the initial stage with someone else.
I also think that the stages are slightly different for each realtionship but that they form a general pattern, which i wont go in to here.
I, like yourself thought that this was impossible, but having found myself in a situation where i beleive i have very strong feelings for two people i have had to re-assess my analysis, and this was what made the most sense to me. For me, the second person was only allowed to enter into an interaction at the first stage because they were from my past. This meant that i had already opened up to them and attraction etc had already been defined. This is why people from your past that you once had feelings for pose the largest threat and are the most common reason why relationships may fail. In this sense, they can almost skip the first stage pass go and collect a new partner without.
This is obviously just my thoughts but i hope it helps
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): I think it can be possible. Your heart just grows for another,but if it comes to that....Then your in trouble because feeling will make you do things you don't want to. IF you ever feel you love two people, you need to try and stop them feelings............Before its TOOOOOOOOO late
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): yes u can love two people at the same time as you cant help who u fall in love with..
its hard to know if ur in love or ur in lust but take ur time and think bout it if u think or know ur in love with two people then find out who u wanna be with as u may love two but can only have one
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): i think u can love to people at the same time as u cant help who u fall in love with its part of life n the againi also think when u say i love you dont always mean love it can mean lust as lust n love feels n looks the same only way u wil know if you mean it is search deep down
feelin dont change like the weather so if you think u love two people or know it do somethin befor its two late
pick cause in the end 3 people or 4 will get hurt n u wil not have any of the guys u love
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Yes it is possible to be in love with two people both equally and unequally. Being human beings and not being able to control the biggest organ, he heart, you can never dictate who you fall in love with. The idea of being in love in our modern society is man, woman, seeing each other and they simply melt in each others eyes. However the reality is that after a little while, you learn about each other, you learn about yourself and you realise that your partner is not who he once was and neither are you, but you are still in love with him. The problem is that as time has passed, he is no longer able to give you butterflies or make you giggle like you did before. You still love him, then someone else shows you what he doesnt anymore, you fall in love with him, but you are still in love with your previous partner. Partner one knows you, love you, challenges you, but doesnt cherish you, yet partner two loves you, cherishes you, gives you butterflies, knows how to wow you. How do you choose which one? Well you dont do you. The reason men in olden times had more than wife, was not because they were greedy, it was because one did something the other wife didnt do, For examples one was a child bearer, one was a very good cook, one was a good organiser and so forth. The same with love, you can love two people or three equally as they both conribute to different aspects of your life. You cannot be in love with two people that do exactly the same thing. Its like going to the shop and asking to buy two toasters, they do exactly the same thing, why have both, when you can have a toaster for toast and a grill for toasties. Simple answer is you can indeed be in love with two people and also make it work if you know what both parties contribute to you life and vice versa.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): I found myself in this predicament and went to therapy. My therapist says I love my wife, but I'm in love with "Mary." I don't know what that means. My wife knows about my affair and for the last seven weeks now, I have had no contact with the other woman. It has not done any good. I still think about the other all the time. I can't stand hurting my wife, and I'm scared to death to lose all I have, my friendship with my wife, my relationships with my grown children, etc. But I may be hurting her more by staying with her. Do I love my wife? I think so. Do I love Mary? I think so. This situation sucks. I don't wish it on anyone, but it does have me convinced that you can love more than one person at the same time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): Yes,I too,think it is possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time.My boyfriend who I am in love with has been gone in the hospital for 4 months,I met someone else and developed a strong friendship which has turned into love also.I love my boyfriend and in turn I love the other guy 2!I know this is true!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): I believe you can, it maybe be confusing and the long term effects can be very harmful, but you can truely love 2 people...I don't think you realize it until you are in the situation. Just be careful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): No, I don't think it's possible to love two people at the same time, although I'm not sure, but I have been with a man for 2 years and I love him very much, I honestly do, but I am not that old (18) and it's a long time to be in a relationship. I recently been seeing quite alot of my ex who I was with for a year and we have had such a good time and I really miss him and well I've never been entirely sure that I was over him but I now honestly think that I simply miss the fun that you can have at the begining of a relationship and the unknown. Although I havn't be cheating I still feel incredibly guilty about how I feel. I think I just got into a serious relationship soon possibly too soon, but I am willing to give that freedom up becasue the man I am with at the moment is amazing. I hope this helped but I wrote it partly for me too because I wanted to see if this is actually how I feel, and it is :).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): I think it is possible since it has happen to me. I have recently read in a book that as humans we are meant to have many partners either at the same time either in a period of time but the only thing that keeps us away from that lifestyle is modern society and norms (sometimes laws).
So i think that this is possible, yeah definitely....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Your friend isn't confused. And if she is, I must be also. I am in love with two men right now. At first, I thought I was crazy because I am married with 2 children and have been for the last 9 years, but I met back up with an ex who I have always thought of even on my wedding day, but had no way of finding. I don't think I ever fell out of love with him and now we are seeing each other again. I love my husband, but I love this other guy also. I want a divorce, but I don't want one at the same time. My ex knows I am married, but my husband doesn't know how I feel. I know it would crush him, but I can't help how I feel. I know this can't go on forever and I will have to make a decision, but I just need more time. Give your friend more time and she will figure out what to do. Do you love her? In that way, I mean. You said you were just friends and she may just feel like that because you are so close. We women are emotional at times, so you just always being there as a great friend can open that love door. Don't talk for awhile and see how she feels after that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Yes you can and I should know. I'm married and I'm also in love with someone else and have been for the past 8 years. This man will always be in my life and I never want to loose the friendship or love we have. He sees a side of me i can probably never share with my husband. I know that is wrong, but that is how it is. He makes me happy as does my husband, but just having them both in my life is happiness for me. I know that i make him happy also. Don't get me wrong I love my husband as we have been together for a long time, and he is wonderful. I just don't think he is like my soulmate as i feel that this other guy might just be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): I know exactly how the feeling is.. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i have been hanging out with him and his cousin for one of those years. Well a year ago we had slept together and i thought it would be a one time thing. well it wasnt it happend a lot more after that. Then he would talk to me about a lot of things like o remember this and that. it hurt really bad. Then we stopped talking for a couple months and then it happend again.. i really love my boyfriend and i see my future with him but this man brings a part of happiness in my heart i never knew i had. i guess i need advice too. but yes you can be in love with two people.
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female
reader, bhianxie  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Yes! it is possible... that you fall in love with two person at the same time. see the fact that if a person found another person that she or he thinks deserve the love that she/he have. if in that case the reason for that is this... that the love that you are giving to the person is not enough or there is something wrong with your relationship, another reason is that you change something with your partner especially the way that you are treating her/him. you can't blame the person if he or she look for another one because he or she might found someone that can give what she desires that you can't give..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I do believe it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. We are all complex individuals with varying, sometimes even paradoxical character traits. This being said, there are cases where two separate people fulfill all facets of YOU. It is gruesome, and confusing, and yet there is a sad beauty in it. Our society keeps us so bound: when did love and happiness become an ultimatum? Besides, read any history book--this "phenomenon" has existed since the beginning of time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): yes it is possible. but it must not be simply in the bedroom. it is about getting groceries, paying the bills caring when one, two or all when sick. it's planning birthdays and holidays TOGETHER. it must be equal from all angles to prevent foolish envy from creeping in. as with a "normal" two-party relation, it is about coming together in all aspects of life for the greater good of the family unit. it is about giving, not getting. when we give of ourselves that we really get the most. i should know, i lived it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Yes you can and do but trust me its dangerous and heavy stuff worth talking about to people I am 8 years in to this and its eating me up big time!hope it works or doesnt for you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): Yes! It is possible! I think anon from 25th June has it spot on! We are all very complicated unique beings with intricate personalities.. and as well as the basic needs of food, water, sex etc we all have tiny intricate needs which need to be met - a lot of the time we dont realise what these are until we meet someone who brings them to the surface... then we feel close to them as they've uncovered something which has laid dormant/unnoticed. We can also sometimes feel a little vulnerable becuase of this and so feel a stronger need to be with them.I have been in a long term relationship for 3 years and truly truly love my boyfriend. I cant see myself with anyone else in years to come - he's there in my future. However, another person who I clicked with upon meeting a couple of years ago (innocently clicked) and have been in regular touch with for work purposes has made his feeling known to me and after spending time together we discovered that there were strong feelings there. He taps into a part of me that I forgot was there. I dont love my boyfriend any less in fact, this has all made me love him more!! I feel like a more enriched person as new/sleeping parts of my personality have been uncovered. I've no idea how this will work out .. i've told my boyfriend what is going on, after hiding it for a small period of time. We're trying to work through what this all means and it has been pretty heartwrenching... but honesty has definately been the best policy and it's the best advice i can give anyone in the same position.
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male
reader, McCool +, writes (28 June 2007):
No, I don't think you can be in love with two persons at the same time.. I think it's more a case of you love one and you are "In Love" with the other. Loving someone and being in love with someone are to totally different feeling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Why, yes. Absolutely. Finding one’s true love does not, I think, preclude other loves. Here is my reasoning:
One’s personality has many facets. When you looks for a soulmate, or a life partner, you build up a picture of the perfect individual from the most devastatingly intimate standpoint: being inside your own skin. You know yourself and your life experiences and desires, and construct an ideal based on them. But such a person is an impossibility, as others cannot know you as you know yourself. No one person can simultaneously satisfy every one of your desires. There are people who come close, and they end up being the ones with whom we would commit to a lifetime. But even with a near-perfect partner, there will always be parts of you that are not fully explored by your relationship.
That does not mean that your relationship is unsatisfying – on the contrary, it may be rich, fulfilling and extremely important. You may be very much in love with your partner, but part of love is accepting that your partner is a unique individual with a unique personality.
And part of that uniqueness necessarily involves slight mismatches between your vision of the world and his. You may love and cherish those differences, but that does not mean they do not exist.
There may be another individual who satisfies those desires, who brings out in you things that may have been swept under the carpet with your other love. There may be multiple individuals who each make a part of you fall in love with them. And in fact, this is bound to happen, even in the happiest relationship. The very uniqueness of your soulmate dictates it.
There is usually one constant person, to whom you will return and with whom you will always be in love, but even that is not a given. There may and in fact will be others with whom you will fall in love periodically, perhaps even forever. Different people speak to different parts of your personality, and you may fall in love with more than one such person. It takes time and introspection to work out whether your emotions are more properly infatuations or passing fancies. Perhaps even a therapist ?.
But if you remain in love with multiple individuals after this process, such a state is not only possible, but probable, and ought to be celebrated as an expression of your own individuality and the strength of your personality and desires.
And there’s nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The mistake most moralists make is in their assumption that love is some finite quantity that you dole out to the “right” individual, and that multiple loves somehow weaken that bond. I rather hate to sound mystical about this, but there are infinities in your soul, and every lover you have has your entirety, without diminishing what you are capable of giving to someone else.
In summary – no, there is nothing absurd about being very much in love with two or more individuals. It does not impoverish either relationship, and may even serve to energize them both. Love is not a scarce resource. Loving two individuals who speak to different parts of your personality is quite natural. But if at all possible, none of the individuals concerned should labour under false pretences or illusions. Such things destroy relationships, and poison an atmosphere of trust which is integral to love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): I am also in the same situation of loving two people( being male of course). I love someone, but we have had problems in the relationship then for some strange inconceivable reason i started a relationship with a guy from work and i fell in love very quickly and now i can't decide who i want to be with as they both have different qualities, which i love and am now in a total dilema. It's not that easy when you are in a situation, which could totally change your life, depending on who you choose.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): No, you can not love two people at the same time. At least not in a healthy and enduring realtionship. To stay with someone who says that they love you but also love another is self destructive and devastatingly painful for all involved. Eventually, the healthier partner will leave the triangle, and the confused and ambiguious lover will start searching for another person to triangle into the relationship. There are a few reasons for this. One an ambiguious lover likes the drama of a triangle. Two, the lover likes the attention. Three,the lover fears commitment and or intimacy. Four the lover is a misogynist. It may be a combination of all of the above. Bottom line, anyone who claims to love another would not put someone they claim to love in this situation. And the people who are supposedly loved, will never trust that they are the only one, even if a choice is eventually made for one over the other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): I am in the same predicament and I know that I am totally confused!!! Love is not always enough. Sometimes something or someone you WANT is not always what you NEED. It is so hard to let go of the one you WANT. I pray for the courage everyday to let go of the guy I want, knowing that the other one is who I need!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): I do not believe you can be IN LOVE with 2 people at the same time. I have been with a man for over 5 years. We have recently had some rocky times and long story short tells me he loves me and someone else. WTF?! It is not possible. He either does not love me or does not love her. It's one or the other in my book. I love this man with ALL my heart and I don't believe feelings this strong can extend to more than 1. Call it confused, limbo whatever. He is just scared to commit or does not want to be in a long term relationship any longer. Whatever it is he is not coming clean 100% with either of us. What he is actually doing is pushing me away. That is not love. That selfishness!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): God, how I wish I knew the answer to that question. I have been married for almost 12 years to a wonderful man, however, I've been friends with the other guy for 10 years and have been having an affair with him for the last 3. He too is married and has been for a long time. I just recently admitted to him that I loved him. Of course, that's when the question came up, "Can you be in love with two people at the same time"? I truely feel I'm in love with him but I know I still love my husband too. I say yes, you can be in love with two people....I can't imagine my life without either of them. What a heartbreaking situation to be in. I warn anyone that is contemplating having an affair, please reconsider, I see only pain in my future.....and worst of all, I won't have my best friend (my husband) to console me when it happens.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): Yes you can.
I'm single. Not young. Find myself in this position. It is not lust. It is two very caring men that I happened to date casually and found myself loving both of them and being their friend.
It has become a living torture. I can not juggle the situation much longer..I am NOT enjoying myself because of the emotional strain. I do not want to hurt anyone. I am in pain just thinking of the outcome.
And yes, I could lose both of them.
It is true you must decide what is best for you. And I do not mean to sound selfish. Most people would think what a terrible person I must be.
I often think of just ending it with both. They will be confused and hurt.
And yes, one relationship was not going great so I felt no guilt in seeing the second man. This is probably the key. It was my responsibilty to speak up to make things better with the one man and I did not do so. Therefore I am responsible for my own mess.
ALWAYS speak up in a relationship. If it costs you the relationship it was not meant to be...speaking up can heal it if it is solid. Speak up and then decide if you wish to see the other person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): Of course it's possible. I'm in love with two people right now. One happens to be my husband, and the other is my girl friend.. my best friend for years and years. Over the years my love for her has grown immensely. Now, if I were straight, everyone would think it were ok for me to say "I love my best friend". But because I happen be be bi-sexual, well, it's suddenly not ok. It's just another illogical double standard that people think they need to hold. I'm trying right now to figure out if it's ok to have sex with my girl friend, but apparently, just the feeling of loving her is bad (because I'm bisexual).
If you want to add to the advise people are giving me, you can read it at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-married-and-bisexual-if-i-were-to.html
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): I am in the same situation as you are. I am married, but found myself in love with someone else. The problem is that he is married and has kids. I don't have any kids, but I find myself giving more effort towards him than to my husband. He had told me that is in love with me as well. I will say that the past year has been the hardest for me. It's not healthy to feel this way about two people. I ask myself this question all the time "can you be in love with two people" my answer is I don't think that you can. If you were in love the the first person you wouldn't need anyone else in your life. I think that she is scared to tell her current partner the truth. I believe its more of a comfort issue with her and doesn't want to leave her partner because of the uncertanity that she may have with you. I would stay away, I got involved and it has been one of the worst and hardest things for me to deal with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): I have been in your shoes and went with it....for 3 years! I really fell for him and because i was his friend first and foremost, i gave him so much understanding. Please don't do this...stay strong. The fact that she told you she loves both of you means she is in a very confused place. Tell her exactly how you feel and give her some space to figure out what and who she wants. Do not start something while she is with her boyfriend, it is not a nice place to be. Take care of your heart.xXx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): I believe it is possible, as I am in a similar situation myself. I never thought it possible because I always thought that if you do, then you are not being loyal to the first person with whom you fell in love. After about year 9 in a 13 year relationship, I was undeniably drawn to a person and 4 years later, at year 13, determined I was in love with a second person. It is awesome but at the same time because of my prior beliefs was somewhat hurtful because I felt I was not being true to my first love. Love happens. How many times have we heard that you can't help who you fall in love with. I believe this now. I think that most people will have a problem understanding how this can be true until it happens to them. I can honestly say that I love two people. Words can't describe it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): I completly agree with you I think you can only truly love one person ,because if you are in love with that person than you are not even thinking of someone else.Now i think your friend is just confused and needs to decide between the two.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): I'm currently in the same predicemint you are in, but I'm married. Now what am I suppose to do. Cheat on my wifr. I don't know. The thing to remember is the choices you make today will effect the life you lead tomorrow.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): I agree entirely with Yos...I am,at present in a very awkward situation where I think I am in love with two people, to make things worse they've both said they're in love with me also. The difference is, one is and old love of 11 years that has me bound and the other a new love that runs very deep. I know this cannot go on (hence agree its temporary) and I have to choose...you could say this is a win win situation but I also lose. I question whether I truly love my partner or do I love the life and comfort zone we have and am too scared to step out of it but I also question whether I truly love this most wonderful new person or do I just love the way she loves me ? I wouldn't wish this on anyone and eitehr way someone, one of them and me will get hurt...?
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (7 September 2006):
 I agree with you Yos, using a real example always makes better sense as well, but as I said before, I dont really think you can truly be in love with 2 people at the same time.
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male
reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (7 September 2006):
 Perhaps another way of putting it is to say that you can temporarily love two people, but that it is an unstable situation, and cannot last. That you (or your emotions) will have to decide one way or the other. It's not sustainable.
I was 'in love' with two women for about a month once. It was completely unbearable. It convinced my that it's not possible to be in love with two people at once. If that makes any sense.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): I'm in the same perdictiment but you can be in love with two people at the same time....its not neccerely like that though shes probably falling in love with you but loves her partner.....shes confuse of who to be with shes not going to dump her partner if you dont feel the same way about her....girls are afraid of being alone.....but the feeling she has for you right now is the best feeling
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): I'm in the same perdictiment but you can be in love with two people at the same time....its not neccesarily like that though shes probably falling in love with you but loves her partner.....shes confuse of who to be with shes not going to dump her partner if you dont feel the same way about her....girls are afraid of being alone.....but the feeling she has for you right now is the best feeling
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female
reader, stina +, writes (7 September 2006):
 Hello Anonymous,
I think it's possible to have feelings for two people, but to be in love with them both? I don't think that's possible. And it seems to me that you already know why.
I think this girl sounds rather insensitive. If she was really "in love" with the both of you, she wouldn't want to hurt anyone - including her current boyfriend. Has she told him? I doubt it. That's not love.
When it comes to you, if she really loved you she would have dumped her current boyfriend to be with you. Because I seriously doubt that you would go for the whole 3-way relationship thing. Right?
I think this girl is just confused. She's struck a point in her relationship with her boyfriend that seems to be going nowhere and because of this she thinks that something new would be more exciting. That something new seems like it would be you.
I'd leave her alone for a bit so she can figure out what she really feels. It seems as though she is just very confused and needs some breathing space and - more importantly - to have a talk with her boyfriend about why she wants to stray from the relationship. I would encourage her to do this. (However, I wouldn't necessarily tell her to let her bf know she loves you - that's just unnecessary hurt). Hopefully she can patch things up with her current guy.
So to sum things up - no, I personally don't think that one person can be in love with two people and yes, I think she is confused.
Take care.
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female
reader, destined for happiness +, writes (7 September 2006):
I do believe it's possible to be in love with two people but it's extremely complicated. You shouldn't allow yourself to be caught in that web; in life you need to do what benefits you. Although you may love eachother, you should let eachother go to see if it truly is meant to be -don't wait around for the drama and hurt to yourself. If you do stick around and do get hurt, you have no one to blame but yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): BonyM Girl you rock my nads!!
I love the Bible as it is so full of wisdom and all of life's lessons and problems are in it as well as solutions; it is so underrated and overlooked as a book of guidance and counsel.
It sounds like she is lacking something from her main man and therefore relies on you to "fill in the gap" which isn't very healthy and shows that she doesn't fully understand the words LOVE and COMMITTED.
I do my best to stay away from such individuals who can rip through other people when they use them to fill a need.
There is no mutual giving and taking in her relationship or she just doesn't care about these things.
While we strive for "perfection" it will not be attained in this life. This should not discourage us from still giving our 100%.
This woman is not someone who can be reliable or trustworthy as she doesn't understand nor live the 100% rule.
I say stop being there for her; back it off for some time.
She needs to be strong on her own and not go back and forth between you two in hopes one of you will make her decision for her.
I haven't met one person who is happy with someone who is confused.
Let it be and wait for someone stronger and better suited for a good man who desires a long term relationship where it is built on a foundation of trust.
Good Luck.
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (7 September 2006):
NO. I dont care if people go on at me for mentioning the Bible but I dont care, it says in the Word that that NO man can love two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other..... basically, you cant love 2 people at the same time because while one maybe nice to you, the other one may be nice also, but the fact you are with someone else means you are not loyal to person A whilst with person B etc so how can you truly love 2 people at the same time? How canI possibly TRULY love my man, and have the cheek to say I love another man, it doesnt work like that. If I truly love my partner, no one else, will or can come into the relationship. You may LOVE one and be FOND of or LUST another one. but TRUE love for your partner cannot be halved, or split in any other way xXx
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male
reader, Yos + ♥, writes (7 September 2006):
I don't think its possible. At least not in a true sexual partner love way. I see an aspect love as the desire to be in a deep connected relationship, the kind that you can only maintain one of at any time.
It's possible to have a crush on more than one person, and to lust after many. But that's a different thing.
With your friend it may be that they are not getting their emotional needs met by their partner and are looking to you for that. Be careful.
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female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (7 September 2006):
 my personal opinionis no. I do think however it is possible to lust over two people. Maybe you should stop seeing your friend for a while and let her follow her heart. I am sure that she will be able to get her head together if you give her some space to think. Good luck hunny
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female
reader, joeymac +, writes (7 September 2006):
Just to reply to the anonomous writer who says u can be in love with 2 people...
HOW? one sexually and one emotionally??? then neither of them are love! love is a bond that u share every part of a relationship with. just because my best mate is the most hilarious person ever, doesn't mean i'm in love with her because of that part of the relationship. we'd be in love with everyone we knew if that were the case. if someone isn't fullfilling u in a relationship then maybe u just don't love them as the connection isn't that strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): I don't think she loves you, I think she's probably just having a hard time with her boyfriend, not that something's happened but perhaps the novelty's gone and her attention's on you now. I think she just has a crush on you and the thought of starting a new relationship seems exciting, whereas she's prbaly feeling a bit fed up of snuggling every night with her boyfriend, but thefact she even says to you she still wants him proves she loves him and not you. she shouldn't even be saying that to you, don't get involved she's just a bit confused and curious, everyone goes through it, don't let yourself, her and her boyfriend get hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): I think that you can be in love with 2 people, which makes life very hard sometimes. If you look at your relationship with both people, you might find that both relationships have different meanings to you. Possibly neither one on it's own fulfills you completely, but together they possibly do? One partner might fulfill you emotionally and the other sexually. These are powerfull emotions and to suggest to turn away from one of them, will be devastating for you. Can you be sensitive and caring to both people, or does the one relationship suffer, because of the other?
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male
reader, davie  +, writes (7 September 2006):
She either only "truely loves" one of you, or nether of you! If she feels so torn that she loves you both then maybe neither is real true love - as if it was she'd know which of you she wanted to be with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): It sounds like she's leaving herself an option for when(there is no "if") she and the other guy split up. Please save yourself grief and don't get tangled up in this... wether you want to see it or not, this is a mind game. Don't fall for it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): I honestly don't think it's possible. If you truly love someone they become your everything and you don't want to be with anyone but them. And you would never do anything to hurt them. She might just love either you or her current deeply and be in lust with one of you but being in love is completely different and I think a lot of us forget this over time. We take each other for granted and I think over time the true meaning of being in love gets lost or blurred. If she truly loved either one of you she would be able to choose because she wouldn't want the one she claims to love to suffer.
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