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male
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anonymous
writes: Is it truly possible to be in love with two people at the same time? or is that just something people say when they're afraid to admit how they truly feel, or are scared to say they don't love their partner anymore? I always thought that it wasn't possible, and that if you truly had feelings of love for one person, then you couldn't possibly share those feelings with another. and if you did, that obviously meant you must not have loved the other person, or don't anymore. But a friend of mine dropped a bombshell on me yesterday telling me that she's in love with me, yet is also still in love with her current partner. She said that over time, her feelings for me just kept getting stronger, and she just fell in love with me, and can't imagine her life without me. But she's still with this other guy. Anyway, my question really is do you think it's possible to TRULY be in love with two people simultanously? Or is she just confused about one of us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): I don't know if this answers your question but I am in a situation with a fella who claims he is in love with two people - me and his wife.
I recently fell in love with him when he came for a visit to my country. We both fell into it unintentionally while he was over, spending four of the most wonderful days together, and now we write daily and phone weekly. He says (and after much difficulty) I have come to believe him when he says he LOVES me and I mean the world to him. However, he has also said that he loves his wife and has suggested more than once that he can't give up his family but still wants to see me and be with me.
Now I know what you are thinking - I was thinking it too...PLAYER! But his words and actions don't seem like someone who is just out for sex. Surely to God, he could've gotten that in his own country!!
Anyway, we are talking about meeting in Europe in a few months and while I want to see if, for no other reason, to this is REAL (or just a holiday fling - which he adamantly insists it's not) I'm just not sure if there is any point to any of this.
That having been said, I can't help but wonder if he is so happy and in love with his wife, what is he doing with me? Clearly I give him something that is missing in his life.
Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): Yes, you absolutely can love two men at the same time. Take it from me, to keep your life much simpler and happier, just don't go there. I got involved, after 30 years, with my first love. I'd been very happily married for 25 years when just a phone call reignited the flame from so many years before. I'd been married for 25 years to some one I love dearly, who has been a wonderful husband and a fantastic father when I spoke with my old love after 29 years apart. The sexual tension was still there and I found it irresistable. This is not a reflection on my husband, he is wonderful in every way. Anyway, my first boy friend and I have had a nine year affair and have just recently ended it...sort of.
This has been a long distance affair with our seeing each other only 3 times a year, or so, but speaking daily. I had been able to keep my husband in the dark because he is so trusting and would allow me to travel with my "girlfriends" whenever I wanted to. But this has taken a huge emotional toll. I feel that I have given away the emotional energy that I should have been putting into my marriage even though my husband still thinks I am the best wife ever and loves me deeply. I love him too but I do feel that that love is diluted by the energy I put into my love for my boyfriend. I will do everything in my power to keep my husband from knowing of this affair, not to save myself, I believe he would forgive me anything, but to save him from the pain that would serve no purpose since the affair is over. I know this sounds like I am a bad person, but, you can't help who you love. I love my boyfriend who would have been a terrible husband and I love my husband who has been a wonderful life partner. The thing is that my husband and I were incredibley happy (and still are, as far as my husband is concerned)until I allowed this other love back into my life. I feel like (as they say) I am "tap dancing as fast as I can" to keep them both happy and I am the only one suffering. My boyfriend and I recently ended it and I am depressed and down but trying to hide it so my husband does not wonder why I am depressed. Any way, I do love them both but my advice to every one is to do all you can do not to put yourself in that situation. In our society it is just too unacceptable to be involved with 2 people at the same time and it is way too painful to have to choose. My husband is a wonderful person and I will do everything in my power to keep him from knowing about this. I think ultimately, this affair was an act of complete selfishness though I can say I truly love the other person.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Well i grew up thinking that you were meant to be with 1 person i was a a relationship for 5 years and had a child we started having major problems mostly because of me we both ended up on massive pills and speed binge anyway 3 years down the track i find myself in love with my new girl who ive been with for 3 years since i met her in my drug binge and now that i am straight and have been for 2 years i find myself still in love with my ex and loving my girlfriend now and its doing my head in i dont know what to do or if it was actually possible typing in "can you actually be in love with two people" to google leading me here i also have bi-polar but i definalty am in love with both of the and for very different reasons i was going to write a book but thats what the net is for GOOD LUCK EVERYONE
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reader, markus  +, writes (5 August 2008):
the answer is yes. it is possible to love two people at the same time. even to the point of equal status in your life. enough to make you feel that you cant even choose to be with one .its a horrible fact as you could infact lose two people being in love with two people. how do you choose and let the other loved person down. its like choosing witch arm to chop off. you need them both for different things. and the fact the someone admits this confirms its true. she could of said. i am loving you but losing love for my partner. but she/he said that they love you both. if you truely love someone how do you let go of them. the only anwer that i am trying to confirm is that its possibly the most heart rendering experience of anyone life. and its 100% true that you can love two people at the same time. and the person going threw this just tends to push them both away as he/she think they dont have the right to be happy. major ups followed by major downs.
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female
reader, PhDiva  +, writes (24 July 2008):
What an interesting topic...Love is a relative term - depends on who you ask. It means something very different to everyone who experiences the emotions associated with it. I tend to agree with those who understand the process of evolution and realize that what separates human beings from animals is our ability to reason, feel guilt and set boundaries. I have been married for two years and recently have "fallen" for a man I believe to be a compatible soulmate. As one of the other responders indicated, every individual brings different qualities to the table hence the reason we are attracted to others. It's more than just appearance (the fact that this man is a dead ringer for Lance Armstrong has nothing at all to do with it) - but seriously, it's about a "feeling" that you experience when this person is in your presence that elicits a physiological response that you find unexplainable. Making the choice whether or not to pursue a relationship while you are either married or in a committed relationship - is also relative. There is no right or wrong as long as you are (or plan to be) honest. My struggle is now to make that decision, my fear is that I am NOT with my life partner. Time will tell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I have loved more than one person at a time before. It is possible, and I believe that it is natural. Being an American human, living in society, we are taught that monogamy is good and right, and that it's the only way. If you take a look at many species of animal life on this planet you will see that not many are truly monogamous. That does not mean that there is no love shared (the need to protect, shelter, procreate and just be near others of the species) between these creatures. The only thing that separates us and the other animals when it comes to companionship is guilt and jealousy. Without those, we could live happily in poly amorous relationships. I don't think that that means you should cheat on a significant other; society’s rules are pretty powerful. But everyone should think long and hard about the relationships that they chose before making a lifetime commitment to just one person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): Yes!!!!!! You can love two people at the same time. I have been married for over 15 years. I had my share of boyfriends and broke hearts and had all of my fun. I fell in love with him while we were freinds. He is my soulmate and I can't imagine my life without him. I miss him while he works, I call him all the time, I love his touch.
Two years ago I met a wonderful younger man than me and my hubby. It started out innocent because I am not the type to flirt or even bother checking other men out. He was in love with me from the start; I am a model. He saw my pictures and loved them. I also write for magazines and I met him through this business. I swear I don't know when it happened. I wish I could say that things were bad in my marriage. Not. We are closer than ever. We have been having this affair for almost three years. It's mainly emails and phone calls. We met once in a hotel, and anything could of happened but the guilt drove me out of there before I did something I could regret. But before I left he kissed me and I swear I have never felt anything like that and I am very passionate and so is my husband. My heart was beating so fast and I will never forget that kiss. He says he loves me and I believe him. He wants to come and see me again and I am so afraid because I know that I won't walk away twice. But bottom line, I stopped talking to him for a year. I stopped modeling, moved away and he found me again. No he is not trying to stalk me or anything. But the minute he called me and i heard his voice, I felt it. I had missed him for all the two years we were apart and now it's as if nothing has changed. I know i will love him for the rest of my life. But I will not leave my husband he is my first love and my soulmate. To those that are reading this and seem confused, just read it with an open mind. I use to say, 'Never' too and now I am living and loving two people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Being in love with someone has nothing to do with being honest fair. That's what you're suppose to be when you are committed in a relationship. Being in love is having very strong feelings for someone that you can't control. And yes, I think you can be in love with two people at the same time. I am in love with two men right now. Both of these men give me something different. I fell in love with both of them for different reasons. You cannot control your feelings. Love is a feeling just like anger is a feeling. If someone dies, you can't control your feeling of sorrow, or if someone makes you mad, you can't control your anger. You can try to hide your feelings, but they are still there. Same thing with love. It can't be controlled.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I do not think it is possible to be "in Love" with two people at the same time. My boyfriend of three years and I broke up a year ago because our parents would not let us get married. After that though we were officially broken up we still saw each other and did things that ordinary friends do. Now it has been two weeks and I have totally broken off all contact with my ex boyfriend. Meanwhile there was another guy I had been talking to (over the phone and messenger) for the past month or so. As soon as I stopped talking to my ex boyfriend I felt a surge in my feelings for this other guy. Right now I am madly in love, I am so in love that my heart rate is always fast, I cant eat cant sleep. The most confusing part is I do not know which guy my heart is beating for. I know I cant have one, but I love him. I know I love this other guy because I can have him. But when I seek the answer deep down I know that I have truly loved my ex-boyfriend and am just infatuated to the other. If my parents would let me marry my boyfriend and his parents let him marry me, then I know that I would not even think about this other guy. "Love happens only once, the rest is life". I was reading some of the posts here where people are talking about cheating on their spouses and what not. DON'T DO IT!!! It is the greener grass syndrome as one person called it, soon that will be over and you will ask yourself why you did it. Unless you are in a meaningless, loveless, abusive relationship, don't leave your spouses for another.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008):
hi,
you know, i have the same problem...and question. There is a man i am in love with, and he said, he has fallen in love with me too....however, he also says, he loves his girlfriend too! So, what the heck? I don't think that's possible. Yes, there are different forms and types (and levels) of "love"...but IN LOVE? See, just "love", as wonderful as it is, can be given to many different things at once, yes, that's possible...like say for instance, you can "love" your dog, "love" your kids, "love" your car, "love" your spouse, whatever.....but that doesn't mean you are IN LOVE with that. I think IN LOVE is different. To me, this man i am IN LOVE with, who openly says he's also IN LOVE with me, DOES "love" his girlfriend, but is not IN LOVE!!!! BIG DIFFERENCE. Well, it certaily would be interesting to see others opinions on this!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? This is a trick questions. Love has many different forms. If someone is truly in love with another person, then he/she would not be able to fall in love with someone else. There is the posssibility that he/she could be infatuated with another person. This has happen to me and for a few momnets, you think that you are in love with two people. That is not possible. The point is that infatuation is not the same thing as love and should not be mistaken as love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I've known him for two. I had my "first time" with him and he was the first guy who totally made me fall head over heels in love.
But I'm also friends with another male friend who I've known for 2 years now, we get on really well, and he's stated that he has feelings for me. We once both had crushes on each other before I got with my boyfriend but I guess I convinced myself we could only be friends.
Now we've been chatting more, my old feelings have come back. At the same time I still have my feelings for my boyfriend. So I do believe it is possible to be in love at the same time. I feel for you, as I don't know what to do in my situation. I love them both too much and I can't bear to lose them so it's really difficult to make a decision :( Good luck with whatever choice you decide to make :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): I think it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. I never thought this could be possible as to be truly in love with someone means 100% trust and honesty and not wanting to hurt that person; and falling in love with someone else goes against all of those things.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, I love him and have spent 6 happy years with him, never even thinking about anybody else and always picturing our future together forever. Recently, however I met a guy who I had an instant and very strong connection with, we have a lot in common and it's like neither of us could control the connection we felt when we first met. Over the past few months I have spent more time with him and can't stop thinking about him, i think i have fallen in love with him. It is very difficult for me, I know that i am in love with my boyfriend and it is killing me everyday to think that in my head I am being unfaithful by thinking about someone else, it is, however, uncontrollable and the only control I have over the situation is to stop myself from seeing the other guy before anything can develop any further.
I think in this situation you have to let things be for a while. Maybe spend time alone or with friends, stop seeing the other person and then you can give it a chance to fade away or realise that the love you feel for one person may be stronger than the love you feel for the other person.
It is so hard because no one wants to hurt someone they love but ultimately you have to follow your heart and i do believe that when you are head-over-heels in love with someone and 100% happy with everything then you won't fall in love with someone else. You may meet people that you connect with but you wont open up to this connection because you are so happy that you dont need to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I am in love with two men. One I live with and have been with for two and a half years. The other I have been friends for five plus years and have been in love with him the whole time, but we have never been in a relationship. I am considering leaving my current partner for my friend and he wants to be with me. But I don't know if I have the grass is greener on the other side syndrome or if I seriously want a life with this person. My current partner is a great friend and lover but just doesn't seem to understand me like my friend and my current partner and I argue alot and leaving him will hurt him and I don't want to do this. But I think that we argue because of my true feelings for my friend. So yes I think that you can be in love with two people, but how you decide which one to be with I have no idea. Sometimes doing nothing can be your answer.
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reader, Fade878  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Being in love means you are honest and fair. You cannot be this when in "love" with two people. I can assure you that her BF does not know she is in love with you and if she has to hide this fact-she is an untrustworthy person.
Love knows no shame.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Hey,
I think that it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. However, i strongly beleive that love and relationships take a on a certain route and go through different phases. I think that the first stage of love which i will call the "butterfly" stage is the only stage at which you mentally cannot be in love with two people. It is during this time that you develop the strong emotions and attachements. I would doubt whether your brain could manage to do this with two people and in a way i see it as the forming process and only one state of love can be formed at once. However, this does not discount the possibility of going through stage one with another person once you are at a different stage of love with the initial partner. In our society it is more about being committed and respectful towards your current relationship and not opening yourself up to enter the initial stage with someone else.
I also think that the stages are slightly different for each realtionship but that they form a general pattern, which i wont go in to here.
I, like yourself thought that this was impossible, but having found myself in a situation where i beleive i have very strong feelings for two people i have had to re-assess my analysis, and this was what made the most sense to me. For me, the second person was only allowed to enter into an interaction at the first stage because they were from my past. This meant that i had already opened up to them and attraction etc had already been defined. This is why people from your past that you once had feelings for pose the largest threat and are the most common reason why relationships may fail. In this sense, they can almost skip the first stage pass go and collect a new partner without.
This is obviously just my thoughts but i hope it helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): I think it can be possible. Your heart just grows for another,but if it comes to that....Then your in trouble because feeling will make you do things you don't want to. IF you ever feel you love two people, you need to try and stop them feelings............Before its TOOOOOOOOO late
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): yes u can love two people at the same time as you cant help who u fall in love with..
its hard to know if ur in love or ur in lust but take ur time and think bout it if u think or know ur in love with two people then find out who u wanna be with as u may love two but can only have one
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): i think u can love to people at the same time as u cant help who u fall in love with its part of life n the againi also think when u say i love you dont always mean love it can mean lust as lust n love feels n looks the same only way u wil know if you mean it is search deep down
feelin dont change like the weather so if you think u love two people or know it do somethin befor its two late
pick cause in the end 3 people or 4 will get hurt n u wil not have any of the guys u love
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Yes it is possible to be in love with two people both equally and unequally. Being human beings and not being able to control the biggest organ, he heart, you can never dictate who you fall in love with. The idea of being in love in our modern society is man, woman, seeing each other and they simply melt in each others eyes. However the reality is that after a little while, you learn about each other, you learn about yourself and you realise that your partner is not who he once was and neither are you, but you are still in love with him. The problem is that as time has passed, he is no longer able to give you butterflies or make you giggle like you did before. You still love him, then someone else shows you what he doesnt anymore, you fall in love with him, but you are still in love with your previous partner. Partner one knows you, love you, challenges you, but doesnt cherish you, yet partner two loves you, cherishes you, gives you butterflies, knows how to wow you. How do you choose which one? Well you dont do you. The reason men in olden times had more than wife, was not because they were greedy, it was because one did something the other wife didnt do, For examples one was a child bearer, one was a very good cook, one was a good organiser and so forth. The same with love, you can love two people or three equally as they both conribute to different aspects of your life. You cannot be in love with two people that do exactly the same thing. Its like going to the shop and asking to buy two toasters, they do exactly the same thing, why have both, when you can have a toaster for toast and a grill for toasties. Simple answer is you can indeed be in love with two people and also make it work if you know what both parties contribute to you life and vice versa.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): I found myself in this predicament and went to therapy. My therapist says I love my wife, but I'm in love with "Mary." I don't know what that means. My wife knows about my affair and for the last seven weeks now, I have had no contact with the other woman. It has not done any good. I still think about the other all the time. I can't stand hurting my wife, and I'm scared to death to lose all I have, my friendship with my wife, my relationships with my grown children, etc. But I may be hurting her more by staying with her. Do I love my wife? I think so. Do I love Mary? I think so. This situation sucks. I don't wish it on anyone, but it does have me convinced that you can love more than one person at the same time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): Yes,I too,think it is possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time.My boyfriend who I am in love with has been gone in the hospital for 4 months,I met someone else and developed a strong friendship which has turned into love also.I love my boyfriend and in turn I love the other guy 2!I know this is true!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): I believe you can, it maybe be confusing and the long term effects can be very harmful, but you can truely love 2 people...I don't think you realize it until you are in the situation. Just be careful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): No, I don't think it's possible to love two people at the same time, although I'm not sure, but I have been with a man for 2 years and I love him very much, I honestly do, but I am not that old (18) and it's a long time to be in a relationship. I recently been seeing quite alot of my ex who I was with for a year and we have had such a good time and I really miss him and well I've never been entirely sure that I was over him but I now honestly think that I simply miss the fun that you can have at the begining of a relationship and the unknown. Although I havn't be cheating I still feel incredibly guilty about how I feel. I think I just got into a serious relationship soon possibly too soon, but I am willing to give that freedom up becasue the man I am with at the moment is amazing. I hope this helped but I wrote it partly for me too because I wanted to see if this is actually how I feel, and it is :).
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): I think it is possible since it has happen to me. I have recently read in a book that as humans we are meant to have many partners either at the same time either in a period of time but the only thing that keeps us away from that lifestyle is modern society and norms (sometimes laws).
So i think that this is possible, yeah definitely....
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Your friend isn't confused. And if she is, I must be also. I am in love with two men right now. At first, I thought I was crazy because I am married with 2 children and have been for the last 9 years, but I met back up with an ex who I have always thought of even on my wedding day, but had no way of finding. I don't think I ever fell out of love with him and now we are seeing each other again. I love my husband, but I love this other guy also. I want a divorce, but I don't want one at the same time. My ex knows I am married, but my husband doesn't know how I feel. I know it would crush him, but I can't help how I feel. I know this can't go on forever and I will have to make a decision, but I just need more time. Give your friend more time and she will figure out what to do. Do you love her? In that way, I mean. You said you were just friends and she may just feel like that because you are so close. We women are emotional at times, so you just always being there as a great friend can open that love door. Don't talk for awhile and see how she feels after that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Yes you can and I should know. I'm married and I'm also in love with someone else and have been for the past 8 years. This man will always be in my life and I never want to loose the friendship or love we have. He sees a side of me i can probably never share with my husband. I know that is wrong, but that is how it is. He makes me happy as does my husband, but just having them both in my life is happiness for me. I know that i make him happy also. Don't get me wrong I love my husband as we have been together for a long time, and he is wonderful. I just don't think he is like my soulmate as i feel that this other guy might just be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): I know exactly how the feeling is.. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i have been hanging out with him and his cousin for one of those years. Well a year ago we had slept together and i thought it would be a one time thing. well it wasnt it happend a lot more after that. Then he would talk to me about a lot of things like o remember this and that. it hurt really bad. Then we stopped talking for a couple months and then it happend again.. i really love my boyfriend and i see my future with him but this man brings a part of happiness in my heart i never knew i had. i guess i need advice too. but yes you can be in love with two people.
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reader, bhianxie  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Yes! it is possible... that you fall in love with two person at the same time. see the fact that if a person found another person that she or he thinks deserve the love that she/he have. if in that case the reason for that is this... that the love that you are giving to the person is not enough or there is something wrong with your relationship, another reason is that you change something with your partner especially the way that you are treating her/him. you can't blame the person if he or she look for another one because he or she might found someone that can give what she desires that you can't give..
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I do believe it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. We are all complex individuals with varying, sometimes even paradoxical character traits. This being said, there are cases where two separate people fulfill all facets of YOU. It is gruesome, and confusing, and yet there is a sad beauty in it. Our society keeps us so bound: when did love and happiness become an ultimatum? Besides, read any history book--this "phenomenon" has existed since the beginning of time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): yes it is possible. but it must not be simply in the bedroom. it is about getting groceries, paying the bills caring when one, two or all when sick. it's planning birthdays and holidays TOGETHER. it must be equal from all angles to prevent foolish envy from creeping in. as with a "normal" two-party relation, it is about coming together in all aspects of life for the greater good of the family unit. it is about giving, not getting. when we give of ourselves that we really get the most. i should know, i lived it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): Yes you can and do but trust me its dangerous and heavy stuff worth talking about to people I am 8 years in to this and its eating me up big time!hope it works or doesnt for you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): Yes! It is possible! I think anon from 25th June has it spot on! We are all very complicated unique beings with intricate personalities.. and as well as the basic needs of food, water, sex etc we all have tiny intricate needs which need to be met - a lot of the time we dont realise what these are until we meet someone who brings them to the surface... then we feel close to them as they've uncovered something which has laid dormant/unnoticed. We can also sometimes feel a little vulnerable becuase of this and so feel a stronger need to be with them.I have been in a long term relationship for 3 years and truly truly love my boyfriend. I cant see myself with anyone else in years to come - he's there in my future. However, another person who I clicked with upon meeting a couple of years ago (innocently clicked) and have been in regular touch with for work purposes has made his feeling known to me and after spending time together we discovered that there were strong feelings there. He taps into a part of me that I forgot was there. I dont love my boyfriend any less in fact, this has all made me love him more!! I feel like a more enriched person as new/sleeping parts of my personality have been uncovered. I've no idea how this will work out .. i've told my boyfriend what is going on, after hiding it for a small period of time. We're trying to work through what this all means and it has been pretty heartwrenching... but honesty has definately been the best policy and it's the best advice i can give anyone in the same position.
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reader, McCool +, writes (28 June 2007):
No, I don't think you can be in love with two persons at the same time.. I think it's more a case of you love one and you are "In Love" with the other. Loving someone and being in love with someone are to totally different feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Why, yes. Absolutely. Finding one’s true love does not, I think, preclude other loves. Here is my reasoning:
One’s personality has many facets. When you looks for a soulmate, or a life partner, you build up a picture of the perfect individual from the most devastatingly intimate standpoint: being inside your own skin. You know yourself and your life experiences and desires, and construct an ideal based on them. But such a person is an impossibility, as others cannot know you as you know yourself. No one person can simultaneously satisfy every one of your desires. There are people who come close, and they end up being the ones with whom we would commit to a lifetime. But even with a near-perfect partner, there will always be parts of you that are not fully explored by your relationship.
That does not mean that your relationship is unsatisfying – on the contrary, it may be rich, fulfilling and extremely important. You may be very much in love with your partner, but part of love is accepting that your partner is a unique individual with a unique personality.
And part of that uniqueness necessarily involves slight mismatches between your vision of the world and his. You may love and cherish those differences, but that does not mean they do not exist.
There may be another individual who satisfies those desires, who brings out in you things that may have been swept under the carpet with your other love. There may be multiple individuals who each make a part of you fall in love with them. And in fact, this is bound to happen, even in the happiest relationship. The very uniqueness of your soulmate dictates it.
There is usually one constant person, to whom you will return and with whom you will always be in love, but even that is not a given. There may and in fact will be others with whom you will fall in love periodically, perhaps even forever. Different people speak to different parts of your personality, and you may fall in love with more than one such person. It takes time and introspection to work out whether your emotions are more properly infatuations or passing fancies. Perhaps even a therapist ?.
But if you remain in love with multiple individuals after this process, such a state is not only possible, but probable, and ought to be celebrated as an expression of your own individuality and the strength of your personality and desires.
And there’s nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The mistake most moralists make is in their assumption that love is some finite quantity that you dole out to the “right” individual, and that multiple loves somehow weaken that bond. I rather hate to sound mystical about this, but there are infinities in your soul, and every lover you have has your entirety, without diminishing what you are capable of giving to someone else.
In summary – no, there is nothing absurd about being very much in love with two or more individuals. It does not impoverish either relationship, and may even serve to energize them both. Love is not a scarce resource. Loving two individuals who speak to different parts of your personality is quite natural. But if at all possible, none of the individuals concerned should labour under false pretences or illusions. Such things destroy relationships, and poison an atmosphere of trust which is integral to love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): I am also in the same situation of loving two people( being male of course). I love someone, but we have had problems in the relationship then for some strange inconceivable reason i started a relationship with a guy from work and i fell in love very quickly and now i can't decide who i want to be with as they both have different qualities, which i love and am now in a total dilema. It's not that easy when you are in a situation, which could totally change your life, depending on who you choose.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): No, you can not love two people at the same time. At least not in a healthy and enduring realtionship. To stay with someone who says that they love you but also love another is self destructive and devastatingly painful for all involved. Eventually, the healthier partner will leave the triangle, and the confused and ambiguious lover will start searching for another person to triangle into the relationship. There are a few reasons for this. One an ambiguious lover likes the drama of a triangle. Two, the lover likes the attention. Three,the lover fears commitment and or intimacy. Four the lover is a misogynist. It may be a combination of all of the above. Bottom line, anyone who claims to love another would not put someone they claim to love in this situation. And the people who are supposedly loved, will never trust that they are the only one, even if a choice is eventually made for one over the other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): I am in the same predicament and I know that I am totally confused!!! Love is not always enough. Sometimes something or someone you WANT is not always what you NEED. It is so hard to let go of the one you WANT. I pray for the courage everyday to let go of the guy I want, knowing that the other one is who I need!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): I do not believe you can be IN LOVE with 2 people at the same time. I have been with a man for over 5 years. We have recently had some rocky times and long story short tells me he loves me and someone else. WTF?! It is not possible. He either does not love me or does not love her. It's one or the other in my book. I love this man with ALL my heart and I don't believe feelings this strong can extend to more than 1. Call it confused, limbo whatever. He is just scared to commit or does not want to be in a long term relationship any longer. Whatever it is he is not coming clean 100% with either of us. What he is actually doing is pushing me away. That is not love. That selfishness!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): God, how I wish I knew the answer to that question. I have been married for almost 12 years to a wonderful man, however, I've been friends with the other guy for 10 years and have been having an affair with him for the last 3. He too is married and has been for a long time. I just recently admitted to him that I loved him. Of course, that's when the question came up, "Can you be in love with two people at the same time"? I truely feel I'm in love with him but I know I still love my husband too. I say yes, you can be in love with two people....I can't imagine my life without either of them. What a heartbreaking situation to be in. I warn anyone that is contemplating having an affair, please reconsider, I see only pain in my future.....and worst of all, I won't have my best friend (my husband) to console me when it happens.
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