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Can you really be in love with two people at the same time?

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Question - (7 September 2006) 260 Answers - (Newest, 23 November 2012)
A male , anonymous writes:

Is it truly possible to be in love with two people at the same time? or is that just something people say when they're afraid to admit how they truly feel, or are scared to say they don't love their partner anymore? I always thought that it wasn't possible, and that if you truly had feelings of love for one person, then you couldn't possibly share those feelings with another. and if you did, that obviously meant you must not have loved the other person, or don't anymore. But a friend of mine dropped a bombshell on me yesterday telling me that she's in love with me, yet is also still in love with her current partner. She said that over time, her feelings for me just kept getting stronger, and she just fell in love with me, and can't imagine her life without me. But she's still with this other guy.

Anyway, my question really is do you think it's possible to TRULY be in love with two people simultanously? Or is she just confused about one of us?

View related questions: fell in love

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012):

Wow. And wow. I had no idea this many people went through this, like I am right now.

And I had no idea this many people would actually go through with cheating on someone they love.

And I had no idea so many people put the feelings of their lover before their spouse. Some lady said she would break it off with her lover if it hurt his feelings, but she wouldn't keep her legs closed for her husband and his feelings?

And yet she loves them both? That doesn't sound like a love for two people, that sounds like she's in love with one and putting up with the other.

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A male reader, mea United States +, writes (22 November 2012):

I would love to hear an update from "A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011)". About two years ago, he wrote about having a new love alongside his wife of 14 years. I think this would be quite instructive for those who are wrestling with this question.

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A male reader, Philz South Africa +, writes (5 September 2011):

As for me YES, I had once been in a situation of LOVING two people at the same time (deeply in love with both of them). In such a way that when my first girlfriend finds out that I was involve with another girl, I had to beg her, to please understand the situation I was in because i really loved them both and EQUALLY.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011):

The opposite of Love is Fear, this tells me it is possible to either Love or Fear. These two things exist side by side just like light cannot exist without darkness. Love in itself has no fear, hurts no one, seeks no evil and seeks not its own. It is possible for Someone to fall in love with another even whiles with a partner with whom they are in love. What sets the diffrence however, is that, because you dont want to hurt the other person, you find a way to ensure you dont break their heart. This means, even though you are in love with another, you find a way to break it or not showing it completely. True love, will ensure none is hurt, but will accept to hurt self in other not to hurt another.

My advice for you is this - If you are in a relqtionship and love your partner, if you find that you have begun to develop love for another, do not express it, the expression may eventually brak that person if it develops and you dont take it to th end.

This brings me to the second aspect of love - Love can ware off if there is no response or if there is negative response from the other. To keep love going, there must be a positive flow from one to another, and when it is two sided love is unstoppable. If it is one sided, the potential is that Love may ware out. Absolute love should be two sided - flowing between two persons, one to another, another to one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011):

For yes, because it is just that he/she love that first person because from the whole of it. The second person is fell in love because you see something that you didn't see to the first person..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011):

I don't know .... I guess we can all allow ourselves to fall in love with more than one person. Personally, if I love someone then I don't even feel an attraction for anyone else. I am totally loyal to the one I am with.

If it was normal to love more than one, why aren't more people in this situation? I really don't think that most of the people I see in happy relationships also are in love with someone else. I think that most of the people who have posted here are the ones that are actually in this situation, and thats why they found this thread.

Ever thought that people who get confused over loving two or more people could have a psychological disorder such as Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder could be the culprit? Many people suffer from disorders of this type. It often culminates in being unable to differentiate between love and close friendship. The mis-wiring in the brain tricks these people into questioning whether they love a person who is actually a true friend.

Without ROCD or some other disorder being in the picture, it is possible to love your friends without taking it further, and without wanting to take it further, but it would be possible to allow yourself to. It depends on how you live your life and your morality. If you love another you ARE cheating on the person you have chosen to spend your life with, and you WILL cause pain and suffering. If you truly loved either, then you would not be able to cause them any pain, and you would rather take the pain internally to protect them. If you are selfish by nature, then you will only think about your own needs and will go ahead and do what you want to.

I know that if I was in a relationship where the man told me he had feelings for someone else, then they would never see me again .... I value fidelity.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011):

I believe so, I want it to be true.

I met someone over the summer who I instantly felt a connection with. Unfortunately, he went away and the feelings weren't mutual. I met my current boyfriend and he amazed me to no end. He still does. But a few weeks back, the other man has started to talk to me again and has told me that he loves me. The feelings for him just came back immediately. I really believe that I love them both.

I don't want to cheat, and I definitely don't want to hurt either of them, but they both know how I feel. I don't know what to do though.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011):

You are right... I would not "LOVE it" but the question was not whether it was right or wrong but only whether it was possible. It is but possible... but not necessarily advisable ....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011):

Ask your self this question. How would you feel if that person you love so deeply done it to you? would you LOVE it! lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011):

I believe a person can love 2 people at once. After all who is to say what love actually, truly means to an individual.

I have a wonderful wife and 3 children. I fell in love with my wife the moment i met her 14 years ago and when each child was born my heart filled with heart stopping parental love. Different kinds of love arguably but still love. Parental love is no stronger in my first child than my last so why can't the emotions for a lover be any different. If there was only one person on this planet for each of us then we'd all likely be very unhappy. The reality is that most of us can easily live in joyful love with anyone of a number of people provided that both parties continue to work at keeping the relationship alive and interesting.

To me love is about caring for a person, supporting them, giving them affection that lets them know they are worth something, sharing experiences with them and trying to make sometimes mundane everyday lives more interesting. We change through our lives and are different people to the ones we were when we started. So we may look for different things to what we believed we would as a younger people. This should not mean that a relationship is no longer "working" because ideals change.

Recently I met an old school friend and immediately formed a very deep connection with her. This has turned into a passionate love and she feels the same. It is true I have asked myself everyday "why is it that I wish to love out side of my marriage... what is wrong here?" but there is no answer. I am happy with my wife. The fact is that I simply have a different kind of love for my lover. I am older now and I enjoy developing a new maturer kind of love along side the other, but from the perspective of an experienced adult as opposed to a goofy twenty something. Whilst this new love only exists because we want it to, it does have a positive effect upon how I feel and therefore how I interact with others. The new love also helps to further develop the older one. Other than this, there is no purpose in terms of building a family. Neither of us wants to leave our real partners as neither of us has negative feelings or "complaints" towards them. I guess you could call it greedy but there are many wonderful aspects to this unconventional relationship so why shouldn't it live for it's own sake... like a painting as opposed to a manifest.

There are many contradictions and complications to a life like this and as with any human when daily temperaments change so do the tones of how we reflect upon everything including our relationships. Everyday we have the choice to do and say what we like regardless of effects to other people. Every day I try to behave (probably like a lot of people) in a way that is regarded as socially acceptable. I do not seek to deliberately upset others as I travel through my life but I have followed instinctive feelings. I have to live with the conscious that this knowledge could destroy my family and everyday I question whether that signifies whether I really do love them. I believe I do love both woman and very deeply. No one else can tell me otherwise. Whilst socially this is regarded as being wrong, instinctively I feel it is right because I can see the positive effect it has upon both of them. Perhaps you may think me "broken" in some way but I feel complete in loving 2 very different and wonderful people and as long as I am continually trying my best for both of them who can say otherwise?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011):

I believe a person can love 2 people at once. After all who is to say what love actually, truly means to an individual.

I have a wonderful wife and 3 children.

I fell in love with my wife the moment i met her 14 years ago and when each child was born my heart filled with heart stopping parental love.

Different kinds of love arguably but still love. Parental love is no stronger in my first child than my last so why can't the emotions for a lover be any different. If there was only one person on this planet for each of us then we'd all likely be very unhappy.

The reality is that most of us can easily live in joyful love with anyone of a number of people provided that both parties continue to work at keeping the relationship alive and interesting.

To me, love is about caring for a person, supporting them, giving them affection that lets them know they are worth something, sharing experiences with them and trying to make sometimes mundane everyday lives more interesting.

We change through our lives and are different people to the ones we were when we started. So we may look for different things to what we believed we would as a younger people. This should not mean that a relationship is no longer "working" because ideals change.

Recently I met an old school friend and immediately formed a very deep connection with her. This has turned into a passionate love and she feels the same. It is true I have asked myself everyday:

"why is it that I wish to love out side of my marriage... what is wrong here?"

but there is no answer. I am happy with my wife. The fact is that I simply have a different kind of love for my lover.

I am older now and I enjoy developing a new maturer kind of love along side the other, but from the perspective of an experienced adult, as opposed to a goofy twenty something.

Whilst this new love only exists because we want it to, it does have a positive effect upon how I feel and therefore how I interact with others. The new love also helps to further develop the older one. Other than this, there is no purpose in terms of building a family. Neither of us wants to leave our real partners as neither of us has negative feelings or "complaints" towards them.

I guess you could call it greedy but there are many wonderful aspects to this unconventional relationship so why shouldn't it live for it's own sake... like a painting as opposed to a manifest.

There are many contradictions and complications to a life like this and as with any human when daily temperaments change so do the tones of how we reflect upon everything including our relationships.

Everyday we have the choice to do and say what we like regardless of effects to other people. Every day I try to behave (probably like a lot of people) in a way that is regarded as socially acceptable. I do not seek to deliberately upset others as I travel through my life but I have followed instinctive feelings. I have to live with the conscious that this knowledge could destroy my family and everyday I question whether that signifies whether I really do love them. I believe I do love both woman and very deeply. No one else can tell me otherwise.

Whilst socially this is regarded as being wrong, instinctively I feel it is right because I can see the positive effect it has upon both of them. Perhaps you may think me "broken" in some way but I feel complete in loving 2 very different and wonderful people and as long as I am continually trying my best for both of them who can say otherwise?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011):

Ok, after reading all your posts, it appears that a solution is required that needs your own sense of judgement.

Long story short, I met a girl in a bar, she had a boyfriend, whom she claims was her first love and her soulmate, he has a girlfriend who he wants to leave.

Im under no illusion that I was this girls "bit of fun" to counteract the fact her boyfriend/soul mate was doing the same.

Recently, ive fell for this girl and she has fell for me but ultimately, now this is the important bit, she loves me, but I dont have her heart.

My conclusion to this matter is that ive told this girl im walking away, she still isnt with the guy she wants, but she still wants him, therefore my advice from this is that, sometimes in your life you need to grab your balls for everyones sake who is involved, and get over the short term feeling of loss and hert and ultimately move on with your life.

Women invariably cant look beyond their feelings and choose however the man who knows most about the situation needs to grab his balls, accept the situtation and make the call.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011):

Oh, thank goodness!.. I am relieved almost to the point of laughing to see how many other people are in the same boat! And might I say, to all those who have already posted here and described their own similar situation - thank you! It doesn't bring you much closer to an answer on what to do, but reading so many echos of your own thoughts makes you feel better.

For my part, the story is the same almost word for word to some others here. Two guys - boyfriend and the other. Boyfriend is the nicest guy I have ever met, loving, supportive, understanding. I miss him when he's not close, I am comfortable with him, I would build my life with him (slowly). And I would be devastated if we were not together anymore. But he doesn't know! And if he did, I am sure it would be the end of us because cheating is one of the things that he feels strongest about. What irony, huh, that his beloved girl is so 'loose-minded' as some might say?!..

The other makes my heart beat when I see him, he inspires me, I smile just hearing him speak, his touch makes my body sing. I make him laugh, he is comfortable with me, we very nearly read each other's minds. We love the same things, we learn from each other... He is also fifteen years older than me (though neither he nor I feel it), his situation in life is much much more complicated than mine, he also has a girlfriend, and on a daily basis he is torn by guilt and doubt. There is no way really for us to be together... The relationship was not looked for by either of us, we met quite by accident and immediately felt as if we'd known each other always. I fought it for quite a while, swaying between attraction and righteousness. And when I finally gave in, it was beautiful. Always that feeling that, while you're together, there's nothing else you need or want in the world. Oh dear...

Am I deluding myself in thinking that I could be with my boyfriend and be close friends with the other?.. I love both so very deeply, even thought, as correctly mentioned before, in fairly different ways. Each brings out a different part of me.

You see, lately the guilt has been getting worse and worse, especially for my other love. And I am clear on the fact that I would rather give up the joy of being physically with him, the painful pleasure of thinking about him in an amourous way, than see him unhappy even for a short period of time. Even if other aspects of being with me are a joy to him, which he seems to crave. And so now to 'complicate' things even further, I want to be friends with him.

One thing I am sure of - I do love them both and feel almost physically unwell at the thought of losing either!

What is the answer? Well, I believe it is doing my best to change the other relationship to a friendship (even though there will likely always be a degree of self-control needed). Perhaps, it would be the greatest possible confession of love to both of them - to really truly give up the greatest and most beautiful temptation I've ever felt.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010):

yes I know you can love 2 people at the same time I am married and I am in love with both my husband and another man. I have known my husband 12 yrs and we've been together 10 yrs I ve known the other man for 8 yrs and it makes it very difficult because we live in the same city close by and I love my husband unconditionally and we have 2 children together the other man has no children and was my husbands friends. Even though we all hungout together and known each other for yrs it makes everything very difficult. I love this man for 4 yrs now and we kiss hold hands go out but never anything sexual i know we both would love to but I am still married. So yes I believe people can love 2 people at the same time.

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A female reader, rae7878 United States +, writes (9 December 2010):

no. Because if you truly loved the first person then there is no way u could fall in love with the other person.I mean yeah u can love a lot of people but not be in love with more than one person

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010):

Yes it is possible be inlove with two person at the same time.I am experiencing it now!Hard to give up both because you cant.That your heart and mind dictates you they both are important to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010):

I know it is possible to love two people at the same time. I love my husband of almost 30 yrs. I will never leave him and he loves me without question. But he also knows that I met someone online that I fell in love with and he with me. He knows I am married and recently I travelled over 6,000 miles to be with him. My husband helped set up the trip and made sure that I was comfortable. I was going to stay with this other man but my husband said, "What if you meet him and decide that you don't like him?" So he treated me to a 5 star hotel. He told me that was his gift to me. I was in luxury. I met my online friend and still love him and miss him now that I am home. I will travel to see him again and spend more time with him. Next year he will come here after he finishes graduate school.I love two men, they both know about each other. The other one wants to marry me and that is the problem. I told him that can never be as I am already married and will not leave my husband. SO it will remain his choice to stay in this relationship or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010):

I do think that you can love two different people at the same time. My first love and I met when we were 15... we have dated on and off for 9 years now. I broke it off with him about two years ago, he moved to Buffalo NY and since then found my ex gf. She was so wonderful to me and so exciting, but like clock work my first love came back into the picture. I broke things off with my ex gf and was pretty ok with my decision moving forward with my first love. We finally were adults, making plans to move back to one another, etc. Well with him being so far away, I fell back into things with my ex gf. Her and I began dating behind his back and without him here as frequently as I had her became hard and very confusing for me. Months have gone by and things have become harder. She knows the situation and has stuck by my side, hoping and waiting that I would break it off with him and come back to her. All the while he doesn't know about the realtionship with her and she is on her way out of the door. So I ahve been stuck in an awful, awful position for months now. I am the end of the rope and I have to choose. Though I love her and she seems to be what I need right now... I cannot let him go. I have let him down so many times before I cannot bare to do it again. There is so much involved in both relationships and I know once I let once go I will continue to long for the other. Therapt hasn't helped... I just don't know what to do. I am so torn up about it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010):

Yes! I wish it wasnt

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010):

Yes.

I love my partner with all of my heart. I can't imagine my life without him because we enjoy everything that this world has to offer, together, and I think we definitely complement each other's strengths and weakness. I feel so lucky to have found him and I still get butterflies when I see him. I miss him so much when he is not with me, so I am always excited to see him. I love him so much and I would never leave him for anyone else, because we have such a connection that I feel only the two of us understand.

Simultaneously, and unexpectedly, I met another love a few years back and though I tried to push the feelings away, they remained. There is an unspoken connection between us and feel that we will always love each other. Ever since we met, we have always been friends and will remain friends, being respectful of the people we share our lives with. His partner is just lovely and I think they are both very happy together, but I love him very much and I feel he reciprocates my love, though we never have spoken about it. I always wish them the best and I hope he and I can always stay friends because I just want to make sure he is happy.

Love to me IS a gift and I feel blessed to feel such love in my life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010):

I hear soooo many different opionions... but the thing is there's a big difference between loving people and being IN LOVE with someone... You can love all your friends and even your closest friend (of the opposite sex) but that doesn't mean that your in love with them or want to be with them; You're only in love with your significant other... It just might be very hard to distinguish the two feelings you have between the two making it seem like there are these gray areas but "TRUE LOVE" is plain out black and white there's no way that there can be gray areas...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010):

Yes, I think you can be in love with 2 people at once. I know b/c I am. I feel it in my heart for both men....I have been w/one for 15 yrs, and one a reconnection from my teens- but it is spiritual, I don't think there's anything I can do about it. If I have to be honest eventually which is my nature, I will just speak the truth- I love you both.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010):

It's absolutely possible to love two people at the same time. If you believe that the body dies but the spirit never does, it is plain to see that we have lived many lives and have many sould connections all through our present lives. When we are drawn to another person, there is a significant reason for it. It is not your imagination when you feel drawn to someone. It is real. It does not mean you don't love the one you're with, it just means you are truly alive. Because we live in such a physical world, we have all these rules we need to follow constantly, such as "if you kiss another, you are cheating" "if you talk to another, you'll be a target of suspicion." If we were living in the spirit, the connections we have would be understandable and much more respected. If you are with your spouse, and you find that you are in love with someone else, it doesn't mean you no longer love your spouse. It just means you probably had a past life with this other individual and have karma or maybe you were lovers or partners many times before, and although you are "not avaialbe" to each other in the present life, it doesn't mean you don't miss one another....It's natural and normal. Don't be hard on yourself. Respect your current marriage, or relationship, and love them both. Remember, the only difference between loving someone you're committed to, and loving someone you're not committed to, is SEX. You can love the other person all you want. You can be in love with that person too. Just avoid sex with them if you're committed to someone else, that's all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010):

You cannot love two people the same. It simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010):

Yes it is possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time. I never thought loving 2 people was possible but I left my boyfriend of almost 4 years and I thought I would never find someone else and I wasn't trying to find someone else but I did it just happened and i fell in love with my current boyfriend...But now I feel torn because I still love my ex boyfriend he was my first love and he still writes me once in a while and he tells me he is still in love with me. I wish I didn't love 2 people at the same time because I sometimes feel like i'm cheating on them by loving 2 men and it's hard to talk about my ex because I miss him a lot but he is in a different country now and I don't know when I will see him again but I love him and I love my boyfriend and I didn't choose to love 2 men it just happened and trust me I wish I didn't love 2 different people.

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A female reader, Tiffany1990 Australia +, writes (9 November 2010):

While i am not, and i haven't been in love with 2 people at one time, i do believe you can..

My sister is married, but also has a boyfriend. She is in love with them both, She got married, but when she met this other man, she became friends with him and fell in love, and i believe she bought it up to her husband. (not sure on the ins and outs). They both know about the other man.

A few weeks ago my ex told me that he had feelings for both me and his now partner (who he left for me originally), but he wasn't sure what they are. Last night he told that he loves both me and her. He is doing counseling with her to see if he thinks they can work (he also has a child with her), and he's going to do counseling by himself as well. We had a roller coaster of a relationship stemming from the fact that his ex (at the time, now they are back together) abducted his daughter for 6 months, and his drinking became worse to distract himself, and i became clingy and needy. Whereas he says what he has with her is comfortable, she wasn't clingy.. But i also know he does settle for whats easy. So yea, i believe you can, and unless you are like my sister and everyone knows about it and is happy to continue, then i don't think it is easy for anyone.. I doubt she knows that he loves me, i still love him and want another chance, and know it will be different this time, and i don't think he quite knows what he wants..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010):

One can truly be in love with two. Those of you who say you can-not are not being honest with the rest of us or yourselves. My first love was my first kiss, my first encounters. We have been separated for too many years of which we had no control over. We have both married others. Now we have found each other after 50 years and we have picked up exactly where we have left off. We love our spouses but we love each other so deeply. God gave us a beautiful gift of LOVE. What we do with it is the issue.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010):

i agree that it is possible to "love" two people at once but at the same time its a double edged sword

the person in love with another person than the one there with feels that they have to hide there feeling around certaint people and it hurts hiding those kinds of feelings.

at the same time if the person you are with finds out (which inevitably they will) it will make them feel inadequate and like they arent good enough for you

so yes i agree that its possible but no i dont think its right true love is a bond between two people one man and one woman not one man and two women or two women and one man thats just an infatuation and a childish one at that ill admit

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010):

I agree with most of the people here... I too think its possible to be in love with two people at the same time. I met my first true love on the first day of high school and we clicked instantly. After a couple years of close friendship, we realized we were in love with each other and became a couple, even though I had to end a relationship with someone else to do so. Our romance didn't last long- only about two years- we both had a lot of growing up to do. But over the past 11 years, our connection has not changed. No matter who I'm with, or who he's with, our love is still palpable. He's been honest about it, but I have been a coward. Every time I meet another man, I cease all contact with him. I feel as if the new love in my life will immediately sense the love I have for my friend, and I don't want to risk it. I doubt my friend and I will ever be exclusive with each other, so I figured what was the point of ruining a potentially exclusive relationship? But...

I got married. And I started dreaming about my friend, even though I wasn't talking to him. And then we started chatting online. And I realized that maybe I shouldn't have got married. Because even though I love my husband, I will ALWAYS be in love with friend, and it physically hurts to have to deny it. I haven't laid eyes on my friend since I met my husband, but sometimes I just want to see him, or kiss him, or hold his hand, and I don't want to have to justify my desires or feel responsible for causing someone else pain because I'm being true to myself.

I'm pretty lucky actually. My husband has never been able to support me financially; I've worked and paid all the bills pretty much our entire relationship. We've had three kids in four years.. it's been very hard, and even though I love him and he's a great guy, he has never put forth the effort required to support a family. He's a great friend, but not so great a husband. So, I moved out. I told him I need to be free to be myself and make friends (and reconnect with friends) and form relationships with whomever I choose. And I don't feel guilty because I know I would have done so regardless of whether I was in love with someone or not. But now I'm free to be honest with myself and everyone involved, without having to put my husband through the pain of leaving him for another man (which never works anyway- if you leave, do it for yourself). I don't think I'll ever get married again. I just want to be free to love who I love, and evolve, and enjoy my life with no obligations (except to my kids).

(Exhale) It's nice... :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010):

YES, I think it is possible.

like many others, I found this page because I was asking myself the same questions... I'm married, and have met another woman. We're crazy about each other. This other woman is also in a committed relationship (engaged).

So the two of us found each other in this big world (although we weren't looking for anyone), and neither of us wanted nor expected anything to happen, but there was an initial spark, which has slowly evolved.

At first, neither of us said anything about the feelings we had for each other, both of us ashamed that we could even think these thoughts - we were already in loving relationships! (but it turns out we had the same feelings and internal conflicts).

The fact that both of us could love two different people, and that this love comes from a deep place in our hearts (we've tried to prevent it, ignore it, resist it, dismiss it - but it remains!) - this suggests to me that this is definitely possible for men AND women, and is probably a lot more common than people think (or will admit to themselves).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010):

I agree with whoever said it's possible but it rips your heart apart! I'm in this situation and I never asked that for myself. In my wildest dreams, I never thought it could happen to me. I always thought we could love one and lust another at the same time, but never love two at the same time. I'm in no infatuation with either. I care for and love my partner as much as I love my husband, just in a different way. I was forced to choose between them because my husband found out about the affair. As my lover was crazy about me, he wanted me to live with him and I did, as my husband didn't want to see the sight of me anymore. Now he wants me back, but I don't know what to do. I still deeply love him but I can't leave my partner anymore. It was like having to choose between two children of your own; I don't have kids, but I can imagine it's the same kind of thing. Would you possibly be able to choose between your two little girls, or two little boys, or between your little boy and girl? That's exactly how I felt.

My marriage was having problems, but I never stopped loving my husband because of these problems. I just needed some space, some "venting", which I found in my lover, current partner. It wasn't sex. My ex cries for me every day, phones me and says he loves me and wants me back. I'm in a horrible situation. I know I can be happy with my partner but I miss my husband. I simply and genuinely love two at the same time. I don't wish that to my worst enemy!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010):

I've been the victim and the guilty, the player and the played, but I can't help but wonder .. Should this really be about whether or not you can 'love' two people? Or should it maybe reflect what we choose to make of the word 'love' ?

Love is a word, no matter what we do with it.. I am not married, not engaged, not in this horrible situation, that so many people seem to be facing, and I feel with these people.

I am young, probably, compared to the ones talking, but I can't help but wonder: Is it love you're feeling .. Or is it lust..?

It's generally a mistake made by teens, but throughout my life, I've come to see, that many adults easily make the same mistakes, wisdom and understanding does not automatically come with age, only with experience.

Everyone here talk about how the idea of a relationship is created by the society. How it is made up, through novels.. Well, is the idea of 'love' - the word - not exactly the same case? What do you feel when you look her/him in the eyes and tell him you love him? what do you express?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010):

Interesting concept, especially as we actually descend from polygamous society (yes we do). Not entirely practical to enjoy all the love when these feelings are also mixed with the natural human desires to put down roots and reproduce.

Discuss.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

Everyone seems to agree that a person can be in love with two people at the same time. What in God's name we do about it is the big question. People have said "it rips your heart apart." Sure it does. With this situation there are awful days but then there are blindingly bright days are there not?

I'm like all of you people, I love two people. I used to torment myself - rip up my own heart to figure out what to do. Then I made a decision: EMBRACE IT.

If so many people love two people then maybe, just maybe, this is absolutely natural and okay. Screw dogma and what everyone else says because they are not YOU. They don't feel what you feel.

If you decide to cut one person out of your life, you'll only end up burning with desire and love for that missed person and will most likely destroy them too. Love is so precious and beautiful, instead of hating yourself for loving so much, just roll with it. We're human - of course we're selfish! Unfortunately, this is just part in parcel of being a human being.

The real crime in our society is that we are not open to this concept of loving more than one person when it comes to a mate. Until that happens, enjoy the love and take one day at a time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

I believe you can love two people at the same time. But if you allow yourself to admit it, you will recognize that you love one more than the other. The love for each of them may be strong, but it IS different. Remove all of the consequences, rational thoughts, and "right" thing to do and just see with your heart....then you will know who your true love is.

I learned this from my own personal experience. I say I love two men, but if I am truthful, I only truly love one. I will offer this ONE everything that I am, if I could only rid myself of the guilt, pointing fingers, and sharp tongues.

Though I am married, I know this other man is my true love....my soulmate. I have knwon him for 10 years and we recently rekindled our relationship. But I stay with my husband feeling that I owe him something more, because he has been good to me. I care for my husband, but the love I have with him can NEVER compare to the love I have for the other.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

I think its entirely possible to deeply love more than one person at the same time. I believe this largely because, when we fall for someone we fall differently and I think the way we love them differs too.

Anyone who sells you the 'one and only' line will belong to one of two camps.

a) the camp of inexperience that has been brain washed by romantic novels.

b) the camp of ignorance that has been institutionalised by society and organised religion.

Dont judge your friend, be cruel or tell her what she should or should not be feeling. Because while she's now made peace with how she feels, how she chooses to act from this moment on will be one of the hardest decisions she will ever have to make.

Afterall while it is possible to love two people its also soul destroying. Even now she knows that she'll have to cut one of your from her life. Anything else would be unhealthy.

Do you even reciprocate these feelings? If not, do her a favour and disappear. She'll thank you in years to come.

No one masters our emotions, and only we ourselves can master our behavior. Anyone else who says any differently is either a hypocrite, a sheep, living in a fairy tale, or a bible bashing hick.

I mean no offense to those with a faith. But then if you truly have a faith you wouldn't be throwing someone else's words about; you'd have the strength and the insight to use your own.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010):

I had a non-sexual romance at 14 years old with what was my first boyfriend. We broke up after he started dating a classmate of ours. Fast forward 40 plus years I am married and recently got back in contact with my first boyfriend and realize that I still love him and never stopped. He told me that he realized he had made a mistake dating other girl but was too stubborn to try to contact me after they broke up which was only a matter of weeks later. All this said I am in love with two men but in different ways. I love my husband due to the amount of time I have been with him the things we have been through together, our children, and he is a loving husband, but a mellow type of love. With the boyfriend there is a burning, passionate,I would die for you type of love. I want to be with him but he said that he would never come between me and my husband because it is wrong. Haven't had sex with him due to the distance between us (1200 miles) only have corresponded through emails but I know that if given opportunity it would happen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010):

I to am in this situation. I am in pain every time I think about my past with my ex. He and I were together for 5 years. I broke things off because I wanted more. He lived far away and neither of us had the money to move. We both loved each other with all our hearts. But I wanted someone that could be with me everyday and someone I could touch every day. I was being selfish. We broke things off about 2 years or so since I broke things off with him. I am now currently with a wonderful man who would do anything for me. I love him but am at the point I don't know if I am in love with him. I have and will continue to have feelings and love for my ex. He was my life, my world, my everything for 5 years of my life I still love him and will continue to love him for the rest of my life. I want what I have now but I also want what I use to have with my ex. It is tearing me up inside when I tell my boyfriend now that I love him and knowing all along inside that I can not give him my all. He wants to marry me and I don't know that I can when I have so much love in my heart still for my ex boyfriend. My ex boyfriend and I are still friends, he and I still talk on occasion and play online games together. I do not think he knows that I still feel the same way for him as I did when he and I were together. I hold back saying I love you when we talk and that tears me up. I am just glad to know that I am not the only one out there that is in love or loves 2 people at the same time and don't know what to do....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010):

I really do think you can love two people at the same time. I fall in love with a guy who I was with for 4 years I left him not because I didn't love him but because he was on drugs and I couldn't do if anymore, two years later I started dating someone new we are living together now and I love him very much but I'm still in love with my ex.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

I don't know if you got any response to this, but I must say I am in the same boat as that girl of yours. I am in love with two different men and I KNOW IT. I think you CAN love two different guys/girls but perhaps maybe one more so than the other or you're afraid of what might happen if you choose to go with one versus the other? A lot of women tend to go towards the security/comfort side of things even if they might not love them as much. It all depends. if I were you and you think you two could have a great future then talk to her more and see if she shy's away if she doesn't that's a great sign for you. OR you can just slowly remove yourself from her and see how she reacts OVER time NOT right away of course because some women who don't get the attention from a man that they normally do will act VERY different in trying to get that attention back right away. If you don't show it for a while and she still shows sincere interest in you then you're in luck! Keep her!

If you have more questions you can reply to my email below (it's not my real name) :). I do that for safety reasons...

[email address blocked]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010):

I have not told anyone this except my best friend. I have a boyfriend...we've been together for about 3 years. We're kind of engaged, though again, only my best friend knows about that. I put too much on one person evidently, so please read this and know that there are more people going through this than you think.

I connected with an old friend this summer, one I've known for 10 years...and the spark was unbelievable. It shook my world and showed me there's more. I couldn't believe there was so much light and vibrancy on this earth until we hung out one fine Sunday by the lake...I could almost hear his thoughts. We laughed and talked and looked at each other like each of us had just found the answer to everything. Later he said he wanted to tell me those three special words that day.

We hadn't seen each other in 3 years. (I had some fun with him in college during my current relationship breakup...but I didn't feel anything for him then. Go figure. I really can't explain that part. He said it might have been just not the right time. This isn't the right time either though.)

He looked different but in his eyes I saw half my life. I saw myself as he sees me. He told me that he's never lied to me, that he feels like he can be himself around me...he actually said those three words one night, a couple weeks later, over the phone. And it was painful music to my ears...since I'm still engaged to my current guy, who I love very much. So here's the duplicity.

I said I loved him back.

It was the truth. I searched for what it really meant, and why did I say it back to him? Why did I never stop myself from flirting and engaging his attention...drawing him in...it felt like the most gratifying and natural thing in the world to make him speechless. A recurring theme in these thread answers seems to be selfishness, and I think I have to agree. I felt like I was jerking him around, and I told him so. He's quite easygoing and he takes life as it comes--I wish I could be the same. I admire that about him...I admire too many things about him. He managed to get me into bed twice...and I said no many times before it happened. But it still happened. And I loved it.

But weeks later, it's actually hitting me. What I've done. And for the life of me I can't take it back. The love I have for my boyfriend feels like old love now...still my favourite, still real. But only real since he doesn't know I have fallen hard for someone else.

I had a crush on my 10-year friend for years when I was younger...from the minute we met, till about age 15. 4 years of my youth. A long time. We went out for one year when I was 14...and it was a total dud. We didn't even kiss. I was afraid of him...he was too good-looking and charismatic for me...I was just a gangly teen with braces and no sense of confidence. I broke up with him near our anniversary or just after...and we had the best conversation we'd ever had. I thought, ok...this means we're meant to be just friends. The lingering crush has come through and magnified about a thousand times since then. It managed to simmer through my first real relationship when I was 16...my first kiss was then...he proposed to me on prom night...and I said yes with no knowledge of what it truly meant.

My boyfriend captured my heart once upon a time...and still has a big part of it, or I wouldn't feel the pain I feel. I avoided seeing my old friend today for just that reason. Pain. I don't want this anymore. I nearly stepped in front of a truck the other day because I wanted everything to stop. I wanted my heart to stop aching, my mind to stop reeling, but as I watched the truck go by, I saw a church.

It didn't really help, but it just sort of nudged the idea forward that ending it all is not the answer. It was my way of not wanting to cope with what life is handing me. But I'm still here...still loving two men. I nearly told my boyfriend that I loved someone else. But I know how hard he will fall if I say anything. I can't hurt him...but he has a habit of hurting himself too.

I am selfish, for keeping this to myself, for perhaps making my old friend fall for me. I don't know how he even likes me sometimes. I sort of don't get it. But then again, whenever I look in his eyes, all else disappears, and for a split second, the pain recedes. He feels like he doesn't have to cover up his real personality. He is kind but blunt, energetic, affectionate, romantic, insightful, strange, mysterious, warm, intelligent, strong, and he knows what he's good at. He knows he's got it going for him. And I won't be with this person. I'll never get the chance...but he wants kids...and I don't know if I do. He's young but he wants to settle.But if I'm so conflicted now, how will it be any different? If I drop my man and go with him, how will he be the one to fill every void? How do I know?

Is it out of fear that I just lie to the man I still love for the rest of my life?

I will probably never see my old friend again, since he's leaving in a week to go south somewhere...and he will eventually find another woman. When he does, maybe it will be easier for me to think about him less. Jealousy has been creeping in, ever since he mentioned someone else he wants to sleep with, and it takes extreme effort not to let it poison everything. For whatever happens, I still want him to be my best friend. He loves me, but he won't wait.

I don't want to be without them both. Selfish? Yes. And another good point..."What is love?"

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010):

I, too, think that it's possible to love two people at the same time. As others have commented, we live in societies where we have to choose just one person to love romantically, although we can love others -- family and friends -- profoundly and simultaneously.

I'm in sort of that situation right now. I have a wonderful, loving, caring, kind, considerate boyfriend who I've been dating for a year and a half. We get a long beautifully, have fun together, never fight, and have similar interests. He's pretty close to perfect, and meshes well with my friends and family. What more could someone want? But a piece of my heart has for all this time belonged (and will forever belong, I fear) to my ex-boyfriend. The ex is a much more flawed, more complicated person, but is wickedly funny, clever, adventurous, intellectually curious, energetic, perceptive, and has a sensitive soul. After we broke up we remained friends, which both of us have tended to do with past partners, but also because we were enmeshed in the same social circle. Although nothing physical has happened between us since I've been with my boyfriend, the feelings between my ex and I are undeniable. He and I just "get" each other, and time always seems to whiz by when we're together, because we're engaged in lively conversation and because I'm laughing at all the random and wildly creative things he says. On the other hand, we broke up for a reason -- we were always butting heads and he was so passionate about his hobbies, that I felt like a bit of an afterthought. I've known for a while that, even though he has been in several casual relationships, he still has feelings for me and would like to make it work. Sometimes I want that, but I fear that I would be giving up someone really, really amazing for a situation that already has not worked.

I, too, have constant anxiety because I feel guilty for not giving my whole hear to my boyfriend, and for not being able to hide from my ex the fact that I still care about him immensely. It's a disservice to them both, and I feel selfish for being so indecisive. And I feel a bit ashamed for being a bit of a coward and not making a final decision.

That said, I know that my feelings for each are real, and I can understand how this might develop, even innocently, in situations more complicated than my own, i.e., when someone is engaged or married.

Good luck to you all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010):

I do understand your present situation. It is a challenging situation to be in. You are emotionally attached to one and physically attached to the other. One would automatically say stay with your wife, because she's the one you married and have children, which I think is the best thing to do. You have to realise that a career women in most cases don't have time for carring for family. She always chasing her career, and her dreams. Family is secondary to her. At the same time you need to also look at your happiness and your kids. What I suggest you do is pray about it, and allow the LORD to guide your thoughts and he will reveal the right person to you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010):

The simple answer to the question is YES, you can love two people at the same time. I am in such emotional turmoil right now, yet it is disturbingly comforting to see that others are going through the same situation as I am. I have been married to my wife for 8 years and we have 3 children. I love my wife will all of my heart and soul. There is another woman in my life that I have fallen in love with, and I don't know what to do. My wife is the most caring, loving, beautiful woman, and is amazing with our children, yet my other love shares all of the same qualities, is a professional with a career, and is equally in love with me. I am so confused right now, and cannot sleep at night knowing that I will soon have to make decisions that will have devastating effects on my relationship with not only both of my loves, but all of my children as well. I know that it is possible to love two people, equally at the same time. Unfortunately our society, our morals and beliefs will not allow such a situation to continue or thrive. I do not want to hurt either of the wonderful women in my life, and in the end I know that both will end up being hurt. As for now, I am the only one that is being torn apart emotionally, and it is killing me to know that I will soon be faced with making a decision that will cause irreversible damage to one, or both, of these beautiful people. I just don't know what to do, and it is breaking my heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010):

Guys this situation is heart breaking, i cant believe im doing this to my partner. We have had problems recentl in our relationship but i've always loved him.he suggested we go apart but i suggested that we work it out knowing that there's another man in the picture.he agreed and and said he wants to work it out too.i cant let him go yet i cant let this new guy go either.i dont know what im gonna do. this is a mess.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010):

I truly believe that it is possible to be in love with two people. Let see I have been married for two decades I truly love him I really do but I'm also in love with another man I have tried to let him go but I love him. We have tried to stop seen each other but the love we feel is too strong I don't even know what to do with all this mess.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010):

Yes, I think it's possible. I have feelings for two different men at the moment, one is so strong that it blows my mind and the other one is sort of creeping up on me.

I guess the thing to ask yourself is how do you feel about her? If you love her back then do you think that the two of you have a future together?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

Oh dear! I, like other posters, found this question trying to dig some info about my own situation. Some weeks ago, I would have thought this was something selfish, but now, I have to swallow these very own words as I'm in this situation now. My biggest concern is that I'm engaged. Several weeks ago my life was perfect. My fiancé and I have been dating for some years now. But lately, he's been "absent", busy with his projects, and stuff like that. I don't blame him but I used to have eyes only for him, ears only for him and heart only for him...until I met this other guy. At the beginning I didn't pay attention to him, only few words here and there, saying hello and saying good bye. But lately he's been closer to me ad we've been talking more and more, we talk almost every day. My fiancé is on travel a lot and I haven't seen him since June. All these months, I have tried to keep communication and our relationship as alive as possible, and because of the time difference we only talk for a few minutes twice or three times a week.

Then I met this other guy for whom I have grown some feelings, first pure sympathy, then some caring and now I like him a lot. When I see him, the whole world stops. We talk and laugh very often. We've become close, and now every time we say good bye I feel a hole in my heart. We look at each other and no words are needed. He calls me often and when he talks to me about feelings or things like that, I try to switch the subject or make a silly joke. I'm afraid he knows what I feel, but he also knows I have someone else in my life.

My fiancé is a worthwhile person, he's patience, caring, intelligent, social, humble, fun, sweet, he'll do a great husband and a great dad.

My new friend is fun, proud, smart, strong-willed, protector, he's got a reputation of being tough and disciplinarian (his work involves these traits), but with me, he can relax and be himself. He can let his guard down and I think he enjoys that, and I love that he trusts me so much to allow me get to that place in his life where nobody else gets.

It pains me that I'm doing this to my fiancé, I can't find an explanation or a justification for what I'm feeling, and I think I'm just a selfish person, I feel bad about the whole situation.

Why spoil something good like the relationship with my fiancé if I think he's the right person for me? I have loved him so much and for so many years I have been able to be faithful and loyal to him, even when we were physically apart for months; and now that everything fits in place and I have the perfect life and the perfect plan and the perfect partner, this other marvelous person comes my way. I can't stop thinking about him, I feel the need to see him and my eyes desperately look for him. Last week, he held my hand and I felt as in a cloud, I just let him hold my hand. It was the best feeling I have felt in a long, long time.

I don't want to hurt him, I have told him I truly think he deserves somebody wonderful to share his life. He was silent.

If I were alone, I would love for this person to be me. My head says I do not need to play with fire, and I must stop, I'm going crazy. My heart by other hand, beats fast every time I see him.

I wonder what would I say to a friend who is going through the same dilemma?

I just don't dare to think the answer because that would mean I should apply it to my own life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010):

I am currently in this situation which is so mind blowing. I sit here and ask myself this question just about every day. I believe you can love two people at the same time but the level of that love is different between the two. Yes there might be moments where you tell yourself you cannot be without either one but truth is your feeling that way because you yourself believe your "in love" with both people. You have to look within yourself and find out who is the one you heart calls for at the end of the day.

Advice my mother gave me maybe it could be at help for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010):

It's very interesting how alone you feel in a problem until you find others going through the same thing. I have been married for 22 years and love my wife very much. I reconnected with my high school prom date five years ago. There has always been a spark there and it was there still 25 years later. They both know about each other and understandably my wife is very upset and jealous. While my "girlfriend" understands that I am married and stil love my wife. Reading the thread, someone pointed out being "in love" takes time...I agree with that and maybe I have been using the wrong words to describe my situation. I have also said that I am "in love" with two women, however when I really think about it, I love and care for both of them, but I am not "in love" with either of them. I feel I could spend time away from both and not long for either of them although I would miss them. In my perfect world it would be nice to share the rest of my life with them both. I know my wife's biggest fear is being alone as she gets older (we are all approaching our mid-forties). So I suppose to answer the question, Can you love two people at the same time, the answer would be yes. Can you be "in love" with two people at the same time, I would say no as when in love you entire soul is wrapped up in that person so you simply do not see others around you. Either way it is not an excepted norm which means for those of us struggling to figure out how to live our lives loving two people we must tread lightly, be careful with the feelings of those involved and allow all parties to feel safe and secure the relationship... it's not a competition of who is better in bed or is the best cook. It is as simple as just loving two people at the same time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010):

well i think that is is possible to love more then one person at the same time. i see nothing against that. but i am in that problem right now but instead of two people i am stuck with three. like yes i love them all the same and i have told them all about each other so they are informed but i am giving the on time to think about if we could date or not the other on i am keeping as a close friends like a best friend or something basically someone i can talk to about everything. and the other one i am dating right now but we are on a break because he wants me to change. i will say this now normally i would never change for anyone but i have had a cruch on this guy for like 4 years so i am aloud to change for him. but to answer your question yes it is possible to love more then one person at once.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010):

Maybe it's like how you love your friends. You can love all of your friends and be willing to die for them. And just 'cause you have a friend you love very much doesn't mean you don't love your other friends just as much. But yeah, it's weird. With the romantic relationships you're only "allowed" to love one. I don't know what to tell you, dude. I'm sorry.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010):

I think it is totally possible. I have been with my girlfriend for five years and initially, we were blissfully happy. Everything was perfect and I can honestly say we were so happy and completely in love. However, over time we seem to have lost that spark. We still love each other and I am still attracted to her, yet something seems to be missing. When we first started going out, we spent all our time together laughing and having fun and when I didn't see her for a few days, my heart longed for her. However, these days, We hardly see each other (I work nights) and it doesn't really seem to bother me. When we do see each other, which is quite rare, we have a good time, we enjoy each others company, and it makes me realise i do still love her. However, we might go a week without seeing each other and I don't miss her. That can't be right can it?

Then to make matters worse, there is "the other woman". I met her at University four years ago and whilst there was an initial physical attraction, there was no sign anything would ever happen between us. We had a chat when we bumped into each other and that was that. I didn't even really consider her that close a friend until we were placed in the same study group and began chatting more and more. In the last year, we have been texting each other non stop and mu feelings grow with every passing day. Perhaps I knew all along what I was doing was wrong, but it just seemed to creep up on me and before I knew it I was in love with two people. When i'm with my girlfriend, I find myself thinking about her. It's driving me crazy. We have met up three times since graduating and we have both told each other how we feel. I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that I love her, but at the same time and with the same honesty, I am still in love with my girlfriend.

Maybe i'm not content with my girlfriend and went looking for something else as a result, maybe i'm just confused. Either way, I can't stand it. I understand how selfish this is, but it is a nightmare. I don't want to hurt anyone, yet I suppose I only have myself to blame for finding myself in such a quandry. I sometimes think I want to leave my girlfriend and take a risk, then I think about it logically and realise we have something good, something that used to be great and maybe with more effort could be great once more. Is it worth throwing that away for a risk?

Part of me says yes. I love this other woman so much. I feel the same way I felt with my girlfriend at the start of our relationship, but then that makes me think, am I just bored and looking for something exciting?

Relationships are difficult at the best of times and whilst I hold myself fully responsible for this whole sorry situation, I do not regret falling in love with this other woman. Whatever I decide, I will hurt someone and I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. But I need to decide and soon. Good luck to everyone in this situation. You really can't begin to understand how heartbreaking this is until you have gone through it yourself and I empathise with everyone of you in similar circumstances.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010):

Instead of taking the time to figure out if you love two people, take the time to examine, what is love?

So what is love? Is it an intangible feeling that floating in and out of relationships? Or do people tend to use the word love interchangibly with words like desire, infatuation, attachment, and lust?

Love knows no desire or attachment, it is eternal and forgiving. What is Love still? Does anyone know?

Also, from social conditioning we are taught that you are supposed to love many people like your mother, father, sibling, relatives, even sometimes friends or "God" but are only allowed to love one partner (man or woman)? Does this seem to make sense?

What is love?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):

I don't think it is possible to be "in love" with two people. I also don't think you can be in love with someone whom you have known 3 months. It takes time to know someone and until you know their good points and bad points until they show you their real selves and not their representative you don't know them therefore you are only loving the idea. I think that people who say that they are in love with two people don't even love themselves, therefore how can they love anyone else. You shouldn't expect someone to fulfill something in you or make you happy. If you are not happy for you, independently, no one will ever make you happy. Eventually all those relationships come to an end. I think that is such a selfish act and to put two people through this is so wrong and unconsciounable.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):

yes, oh god yes.

"One slip and down the hall we fall. It seems to take no time at all. A momentary lapse of reason, that binds a life for life. one regret, we'll never forget, there will be no sleep in here tonight."

"is it love? or is it the idea of being in love? Or is it the hand of fate, that seems to fit just like a glove?"

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010):

Yes, this is possible. I have been on both sides of this crazy scenario and it hurts both ways. It hurts you and even the others should they know about the others.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010):

My answer is 'YES'. Absolutely 'YESSS!' Infact, I happened to look at this thread to find an answer for myself because am in the same situation what this discussion is all about... Am very much emotionally attached to two ladies that absence of anybody in my life would make my life difficult. And, if loving two people is cheating then 'NO', I dont have any intention of that bcz i like them, love them, care for them in the same way. Please note that am not in any infatuation.

One answer(among all the posts that are present here...) I liked the most is that am reiterating here...

"'Yes'! It is possible, but it rips your heart apart..! " Thtz wht is happening to me now..!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010):

being in love with two people has never occurred to me. Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and we get on really really well, we rarelt argue and have a great undertsanding of eachother. we are planning to move in together next month.

my other side to the story is a guy that i have known since i was born. I had a crush on him in my teens (he is a few years older than me so it has taken him longer to see me in that light) we started chatting on msn over a year ago. at first we flirted and i thought nothing of it. just harmless fun. i was flattered by his comments about me looking nice. as the months wetn by we touched on the dangerous subject of 'what if'.. what id i didnt have boyfriend or what if we were nearer in age. what if we were together etcetc. Ive seen him twice since and recently we met up on out own and went for a walk (my boyfriend knew about this and was ok about it as he trusts me

The whole time i could feel a connection between us. i naturally wanted to flirt with him and hug him.

he recently told me he is falling in love with me.... i dont know how i feel about this... i love my boyfriend but in my head if this guy found another girl now id be broken. am i really selfish???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010):

I think you can definitely be in love with two people at the same time.

I am married and recently fell in love with a colleague. The love I have for each of these men is different and I am drawn to them for different reasons. They each provide something for me that the other doesn’t and that is what makes the situation so hard.

I have known and worked with this other man for a couple of years and our relationship developed as a friendship through work. The team we worked in would catch up frequently for dinner/drinks and I found we naturally gravitated to each other because we are very similar in a lot of ways. We have a similar sense of humour and when we were together we would always be laughing and never run out of conversation. We became very close friends and supported each other when we were having problems with our partners. I supported him as he separated from his wife and he would listen to me and provide me with advice when I was having problems with my husband.

We always sensed we had a “special” connection, but we never did anything inappropriate until one night, after a few drinks, we had a hypothetical conversation saying that if we were both single, we would be attracted to each other. This conversation caused us to realise that we had feeling for each other and we eventually shared a passionate kiss. After we kissed, we realised what we had done was inappropriate and agreed not to let it happen again. So far we have maintained our commitment and nothing else has happened. We have reduced contact with each other to almost nothing.

The lack of communication with him has not reduced the desire I have and I have since realised that I am in love with him. I know it’s wrong to love this other man because I am married, but can’t stop thinking about him or stop my feelings.

I don’t think I would have fallen in love with him if I had not been having problems with my husband. When you don’t get everything you need from your partner you seek those things from other people.

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A female reader, GENETANYA United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2010):

hi. i realise what i'm about to tell you makes me seem like a selfish, stupid person, and that's what i am, but i dont's think i use to be, or i really fooled myself.

i think it's very possible to be in love with two people.but i'm not sure why it happens. if you think about it, it makes sense, because you can really love two people if you know them at different times, so it's normal that you should love them at the same time under the right circumstances. i'm only 19 and i've alrady managed to screw up my life because i let myself fall in love with someone else while i still loved my boyfriend.

for 17 years no one was ever interested in my, no man whatsoever, and i really liked some people, but never fell in love. when i changed schools i met a guy that was very nice but seemed far too serious and seemed to like me for the wrong reasons, according to what he said to me he didn't even seem to know what i was really like he said he fell in love easily and thought he wouldn't be good at having a relationship. he had always been rejected because everyone he liked saw him as a friend. after a year, when i finally got the internet we started talking all the time. for a year i har already liked him a bit, but he never opened up and so i didn't really know what he was like. he opened up and i asked him out beacuse in a month i had fallen in love with him.i tell you this because i'm not the sort of person who meets someone who they find interesting and are atracted to and just fall in love and get obssesed. things where great when we started going out, we were very happy. after a few months i discovered that he didn't like depending on anyone, and i'm not the sort of person who likes to see their boyfriend six times a week or they get mad, but i would like to see him at least twice a week...but even in summer beacuse he had to study two hours a day he wouldn't go out, or let me come round for an hour. basically we would talk on the internet but he dint seem to miss me as much as i missed him, we live less than half a mile apart and yet...we never see each other beacause he's use to not going out much, and if he studies two hours one day then that day is dedicated just to studying and he doesn't leave the house, he says that's just the way he is. but when that goes on for a month you start to wonder, is it just the way he is?or if he was some other girl, would he need to see her?believe me, i tried to say, can i come round for an hour, can i pick you up at the underground and walk home with you?i can see he misses me, it's just the way he is, he gets it into his head he has to study for a month and even if he has 7 hours to spare after studying, he doesn't wanna go out, eben in summer, it's the way he is...and maybe i'm a weirdo...but that hurt me, beacuse i wouldn't want him to change his personality, but if you miss someone and you have looooads of time to see them, go and see them or at least let them come to you...but the thing is, i hardly ever tell anyone off about something they've done that bothers me, and i know he's very sensitive, so i just kept quiet...and also, i didn't want to tell him off, i just wanted him to want to see me, cause that's certainly what i wanted. but no matter how much that hurt, we talked on msn, and he was always there for me, treated me right, was never controlling, was very trusting, and i really loved him and still do. we've been together a year and five months (we've known each other for 3 years. when we'd been together for 3 months, i met a friend of a friend who started going out with us all the time, i turned 18, and the guy was 20 so he could go out every day, after work, and it was summer so i went out most days. as i said, my boyfriend hardly ever goes out, even when he can, so i saw him as often as possible but when i dint i was with my mates, eventually this guy fell in love with me. after a month and a half.he told my other friends, an beacause they all saw how well we got on and thought we'd be really good together, they encouraged him. everyone thinks i have and extremely low self esteem, because i was picked on for 15 years. so, i din't realise what he felt. and i had NEVER had a friend like that. eventually he told me. my other friends told me i had to see him less and be less affectionate towards him. i'm generally affectionate, but they were right, in this case, it would have catastrophic consecuences. i told him we should see each other less, and he got upset, and everyone says i'm too nice and weak, and so...every time i tried to do see him less he'd get all dramatic and say it didn't seem like i cared about him bla bla and as a friend he never disappointed me so i kept seeing him. i also tried to stop drinking when he was around beacuse he would hug me and etc and i wouldn't think and hug him too much back, be too affectionate considering how he felt. and i argued with him, i stopped, but...i'm easily convinced and he wanted what he wanted, for me to be his, even though he thought my boyfriend was a nice bloke, so basically he would always convince me to see him all the time and often drink.meanwhile my boyfriend hardly ever went out and thought proved he loved me in many many ways, he never proved he needed me. and he wasn't there sometimes when i needed him..i tried to tell him subtly...but no luck...my friends got sick of the situation eith my friend even thought they'd encouraged him in the first place!!apaprently he usually tried to see me alone, made the other not come practically, and i didn't know that. he was the person i saw the most, and i really cared about him and thought that under other circumstances i could maybe be happy with him but i loved my boyfriend. i never consciouslly felt anything i shouldn't for him...whan i'd been with my boyfriend for 10 months, it was this guys birthday, and he got very upset cause he was drunk, and told me he loved me and all that, loads of stuff, stuff no one had ever said to me...and precisely that week my boyfriend was proving again that he didn't need to see me for a month, when i could easily go see him for 15 min a damn friday or anything. that day, i was very drunk, had been drinkin abscence, rum, etc and we kissed, i regretted it and cried, cause i managed to remmember i had a boyfriend, ans i stopped, and the guy understood, i couldn't understand...i nearly failed my exams even though i had loas of time to study, cause i felt awful, even thought it hadn't been for long and i had stopped it. my friend didnt get angry but he did cry a lot and doesnt cry easily.and i tortured myself, and cried, and yet a month later, when i hadn't seen this guy for a while, we started getting closer again, and he persuaded me to drink and we kissed for hours. we went to my house and nothing happened (hed stayed at my house other times)but in the morning, when i was sober, we began to kiss again, basically beacuse i thought that's what i wanted, after all i had NEVER thought i would cheat on someone i loved so i thought it must be beacause, after all, he was the one i wanted to be with, but when i kissed him sober i not only felt bad for what i was doing but i also realised i couldn't i loved my boyfriend and din't want to lose him, i had an anxiety attack. i told my boyfriend and though he was shocked he forgave me, but it happened again, again drunk, extremly, so much that i cant remember at all, and the reason i drank was i thaoght i had cancer, something i'm yet not sure about, i don't think it's cancer but there's deffinitly something wrong with me according to what they say, and i was scared. so i drank even though i had stopped drinkin when i was with my frine djust in case. my boyfriend forgeve me but made me not see or speak to my friend. i was very sad, i'm sorry, i know i really hurt my boyfriend...and i was quite angry at my friend beacuse it became clear that he wanted me for himself and would do anything, didn't even mind me being drunk he'd still kiss me. i din't see him for two months, but eventually my boyfriend felt sorry for me cause i could hardly go out with my friends, i never saw them. so he let me see him. my friend was angry at me but he forgave me and talked to me about another girl and we tried to be friends like at the beginning, this girl liked him but didn't want anything serious, so she really jerked him around. meanwhile things with my boyfriend were complicated, cause we could be very happy, like at the beginning, but also be depressed, believe it or not i ALWAYS felt bad about what i'd done,it even became psycosomatic, id throw up and get headaches and have insomnia,cause i felt really bad about screwing things up.eventually my friend gave up on the girl, he never fought for her like he fight for me, he's obssesed, thinks i'm the love of his life, and of course, i had begun to admit to myself that i was in love with him. and had thought about wether i really loved my boyfriend, and knew for a fact i did, and was willing to do almost anything to keep him. he was being a bit cruel sometimes though, understandable, after what i'd put him through, and one day he really upset me, and so did my father and i went out with my friend. i had started out NEVER DRINKING this summer, when my boyfriend said i could see my friend again, but beacuse his feelings seemed to have changed i began to drink a bit, and he never tried anything, so i felt confident drinking a bit. this time, between the fact that he knew things weren't going well with my boyfriend, the girl was telling him to give up, and him and i ware seeing each other more, well he started kissing me but i wasnt't drunk enough to cheat on my boyfriend so stopped him and got a bit angry. i'd told him from the very beginning that i loved my boyfriend, and yes i made many msitakes, but he kept insisting despite the fact that he knew we'd both get hurt, and that made me mad,because i always felt like it was all my fault, i still couldn't sleep or talk about anything else. anyway, he said sorry and things were ok for a while. i went to london with my boyfriend and it was great, we were happy except for two days, one day we both cried and he doesnt crey, EVER. i came back home and i was upset...and anyway i had lunch with my friend and he insisted we get rum, and i argued with him for five hours, but eventually gave in, said i would pour my own drinks. it was a birthday "party" and i was just chatting to everyone and drinking a tiny bit, and eventually as i talk a lot i just started drinking more and more, i can usually hold my licor but it really depnds, on my mood and if i've eaten recently, and i was quite drunk and was wearin boots so nearly fell over and my friend caught me and somehow we wound up alone together and he started kissing me, and i just can't stop, i know i love him, but i bury that most of the time, because i love my boyfriend so much that i just can't imagine not being with him. the last two times i've described there was more than kissing, but not sex, and we had the opportunity...i really don't think it's gonna happen before it does, and i get physically sick afterward, and yet i happens, and i stupidly keep drinking. beacuse of this, my boyfriend now says i can't see my friend anymore, or speak to him on internet, and should avoid him on the street, if not, he will leave me. my friends think both me and my friend are to blame, beacuse he selfishly goes after me all the time, and admitted that he knew i wouldnt be able to resist when i was drunk, and took advantage, his words. even so, because i'm the one who has a boyfriend and has made many mistakes, i can't see my friends, and many dont want to see me, they'd say hello on the street but...they don't really care about me anymore. so i can't see my friend, he gets to see friends that i had YEARS before he did, and my boyfriend doesn't trust me or love me as much. and i've considered going to a mental hospital because of the confusion and guilt, i can't sleep. i understand i hurt my boyfriend and should do everything i can to make him feel better and keep him, but i feel like a traitor saying to my friend that i shall NEVER speak to him again, beacuse though he's been selfish when it comes to me, because he wants me to be HIS and he makes me feel bad so i wont see him less, wont let me be just his friend but,was there for me for months, and after all, it's my fault also, i never meant to hurt either of them but i did cause i was stupid and naive and also didn't realise my own feelings in time, and disnt tell my boyfriend that i was often sad beacuse he made no effort to see me or let me see him. i told him not long ago and he said i was completly right, that he'd been awful to me.

the point is, this has really destroyed my life, and yes, i let it destroy my life, but i still think falling in love with two people is one of the worst things that can happen to you. i know that if my boyfriend leaves me, i don't wanna be with anyone else, because i don't wanna hurt anyone else, or lose anyone, or feel as guilty as i do.

i advise people to lern from my mistakes, tell their partner if something bothers them, and not think that someone in love with them will get over it in no time (i said before i have low self esteem. i thought he'd get over it when he realised he was being foolish but tomorrow he's gonna try and convince my boyfriend to leave me so that HE can be with me...) and ceratinly try and distance themselves from said person and not bloody listen when they get all dramatic and sad, because it'll be better for the three of you, believe me...

sorry for all this...but i spent all night looking for people talking about being in love with two people. and believe me the story is much longer than all this, even so, sorry to be a pain and write so much. good look with all of your own problems

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010):

Okay so here is my opinion - I think yes you can love 2 people @ the same time. But you have to love one more than the other. & if you really do love both of them - then you wouldn't do anything to hurt one or the other. Example: Cheating. why would you cheat on anyone you love to satisfy your own desires to be w 2 people you know? that is not love. that is selfish.

xoxo!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010):

Yes, I know it is definitely possible to love two people at the same time.

I had this once already and it is now happening to me for a second time. I feel not just love like the love you have for a friend but I feel actually being "in love". It felt a bit strange and confusing for me when it happened for the first time but now I know what it feels like and I am not confused anymore.

I think part of the "problem" is the fact that human life doesn't come with a manual. And the manuals that are out there only provide a very conservative and restrictive view on love as to how we are supposed to live our lives. But the fact of the matter is that we are given free will and anything can happen to us. There is no place, no rule of law where it says you can only love one person at the same time. So why do we think there is such a rule? Is it dogma, religion, ideology, own experience? I don't know. But I do know it is possible to really being in love with more then one person at the same time. I know this for a fact because I experienced it more then once, and judging from the responses on this forum, I am not the only one. I heard people saying it is not possible before, but they just haven't experienced it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

How you go about and deal with it is another matter. Clearly we live in a society (at least, most part of the world) where we can have only one lover at the same time. For me I have one real girlfriend and the other is "just" a friend but I am in love with her as well. They do know about each other but they never met. Maybe it is better that way. Both girls never experienced being in love with two people at the same time. And unless they experience it for themselves, they will never really understand.

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A female reader, jaclyn007 United States +, writes (18 August 2010):

I think many people can't distinguish between love and infatuation. Love is something you do everyday, love is choosing a partner and living for them. Infatuation is thinking someone is attractive and interesting and long term material, but love is something that is built out of infatuation. At one time I was infatuated with an ex and began dating another man, soon my infatuation came to rest with the new man, and eventually I began to love him and I realized I never loved the other man. You can't love someone you don't know, if you have to ask them what they want for breakfast, or you don't know the noises they make in their sleep or you don't know what every part of them looks like you're not in love with them because you haven't been with them long enough to be in love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010):

If I was asked this a year ago, my answer would have simply been NO! However, I can honestly say it is possible. I started talking with a man as friends and it developed into so much more. I fell in love with him and he with me. I considered leaving my current partner however, that thought of being without him ripped me apart as well. I was going to completely change my life and that scared me to death. When you think you have your life going in one direction and everything is mapped out and that changes it is scary. We have since stopped talking and he hates me because he thinks that my feelings were not genuine. I still love him to this day and I know I will forever, at this point I realize how much he was hurt in this painful situation. I have let him go and he thinks that because of this I was not being truthful with my feelings. I do want to happiness and I know now that this kind of a situation will only cause harm to everyone involved.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010):

I am on the other side to a lot of you! I truly believe it is possible to love two people at the same time! I met my partner 3 years ago, my marriage was a mess and I started a friendship with a younger man I met. We lived in two different countries but spoke for hours every day!I triednot to fall in love but it happened. I moved to be with him but his intense affection seemed to cool for a bit, this gradually came back stronger and stronger. He worked away a lot but we rented a house and he was home weekends and holidays and my relationship with his family is so close! Then I found out he met another much younger girl whilst I'd been living abroad said that it was all online at first but he wasn't sure I'd actually leave my husband to come over and had continued the friendship, she 'd moved nearer with her baby son - not his! We decided to keep going and I trusted him again but then discovered he wasn't working away but living with her in the week. He broke down told me he loved us both and couldn't be with out either. He'd hope something would prompt him which he should be with but that moment hadn't come all he knew was he loved me somuch he didn't want to be without me! He is so affectionate and truly in love with me I can tell though it hurts he loves her also when I think about it! We just bought a house together and things felt right until she recently discovered she is pregnant. He says he doesn't want a child and is very unhappy but will not walk away from her especially as he still loves her but he says he deeply loves me too and won't let me go. I know he loves me the way he is with me and the way he looks into my eyes when he makes love to me. He is so torn I can see and as much as it hurts I can't let go, he's here so much all weekend and Xmas, new year holidays but she knows nothing about me at all she believes he goes home to his family that also know nothing about her! I know all his friends and he spends all evening text talking with me when he is there! I live in the hope that it's because he really loves me more but feels some sort of misguided loyalty to her through love but not as strong as ours! She doesn't really know the real him, she doesn't even know about his cars his house anything. I do believe it is possible to love more than one person I just wish it wasn't! But I will live with it if it means I get to be with my one true love (& I already have children of my own and don't want more, we did loose a baby last year).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010):

MAYBE...but, we need to know the difference of IN LOVE with the person OR just FALLING IN LOVE with LOVE...or what LEVEL of LOVE would you feel in both person...SOMETIMES it is more a lot of sacrifice of letting go rather than hurting the other person or complicate things for oneself happiness. IT IS BUT BEING SELFISH LOVING 2 PERSON AT THE SAME TIME. IT WILL TAKE A LOT OF MATURITY TO CHOOSE ONE PERSON TO BE WITH for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010):

yes U can love 2 at once but..it will tear you heart apart

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010):

I know feel better cause I am not crazy and not alone with this confusion. It is confusion because I can't be clear on my feelings. I have loved and yes I do know it is love this person for many years to be exact for about 6 years and he time and time again has a girlfriend or the worst got married and I found out online. The point is every time I have tried to tell him, the moment is not right, he is working, he needs to leave etc.... The right moment just never seems to exist so I have learned to lived with this love and move on, but the same time staying in his life or atleast trying to.

Now my second man of the moment he is the complete opposite of my great love, there are times when I think I can just walk away. But I start at the middle of the story, let me back track. Me and my second man parted ways and now until recently last year got together, he doesn't love me and I honestly think he will not ever cause he doesn't want a girlfriend in his life just a friend. This he reminds me in the worst of moments. Point is my second man is nothing like the other and my if my second man found out that I have feelings for another he would just well lets just say a very bad reaction. He doesn't take rejection well.

Any how to answer what the original poster asked yes it seems to be that you can be in love, remember you didn't ask if it was right or wrong, that is only something we can mediate on and find the answer in our own head.

As for me I know and I tried living without my second man but I could not and now I don't want to anymore.

But also I know and I have tried to live with out my greatest love and I know I can't either.

Point I love both in different ways and different levels,and I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to hurt.

So the question is really like in the movies we chasing someone, but who is chasing us? Look back cause the answer for me at the moment is no one and I even with all this love I feel, I think I need to find the way to break free and learn to love again no matter if right now I think that is impossible.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010):

now i get it! for the last three months, i have been in confusion. i have been dating a wonderful young man for 6 months and i have been very happy. then i met someone i knew though not too well and we got close. i thought it was just a crush, no big deal, then it got worse. he told me he was in love with someone else and i thought hey, we were not in relationship and didn't mind initially coz i was in love with someone else. but when he started a relationship with her, i was happy for him because i knew how much he wanted to be with her but i found myself crying because i was afraid what we had shared was no more!

i still love my boyfriend very much, but the love i have with him is different from the love i think i have for this guy. for two months, i have battled to forget the second guy, but it's not working, we are friends after all. i am trying to be as unselfish as possible, but i feel i need both of them very close to me in my life.

i have always believed it's impossible to love more than one person so it is very hard to understand all this. but one thing is for sure, from what someone on this site said, you can have a romantic, deep relationship with someone and a close friendship with the other, but the type of love is different. so i am going to be content with the fact that i love the second guy, but not for a relationship and just a as friend. the only thing is i will have to create a little distance from him since it is already affecting my relationship.

if you are in this dilemma, maybe you should consider this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010):

You know what I have to agree with you. Are they

really in love or is it confusion? Are they saying it because

they feel like they need to? Or just appreciate you

too much to actually ley you go, so they figure that

telling you that they love you is going to keep you from

moving on. My x boyfrinend that I have known for almost

four years now, but dated only for almost a year

comes back telling me that he likes me but can't come back

to me because he is with someone else and doesn't want to hurt

her, when I have been wating for him these past four years

thinking that he'd come back, loving him desperately but only to find

out that it's not going to happen. It's devestating....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010):

Gosh I'm surprised as to how many of us are going through the same thing at the moment. I've been with my husband for 7 years. I thought I had it all. Big house, two cars, lovely holidays and trying to start a family. Until 1 month ago the phone rings and its my first ever boyfriend with whom I havent been in contact for 15 years! Damn facebook and stayintouch!!! He would have never found me had it not been for these networking sites. He is married has 4 (!) lovely daughters but we hit it off again over the phone as if we had never left each other. Then I went back to see my family abroad and met up with some school friends, including him. We chatted all night and hugged for hours. Nothing more happened but we speak for hours every day and text as much. I even ended up driving back abroad to see him again just to check that this was not just a one off situation that was fuelled by a little too much too drink. WRONG - things got even more complicated. We have been through everything a million times, talking for hours on end. We even decided to just be friends which lasted all of 12hours before the calling and texting started again. I came back home to my husband a different person but can't bring myself to tell him that I have fallen for my ex who is married with four children. He is even coming to visit me tomorrow whilst my husband is away. I feel so guilty but at the same time extatic. What on earth are we doing to ourselves and all the people around us who love us? I am so confused and can't believe this is happening. HELP.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010):

No, if you truly love one of them, then you would not be able to love the other.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

I have been going over the answers to this question and find it interesting how the mindset has changed from the majority answering ‘no’ in 2006, to the majority answering ‘yes’ now 4 years later. I think what is most important for this man to know is that love is a part of our nature and he needs to clarify if she is ‘in love’ with him or is confused and simply has developed ‘a love’ for him. He seems truly disturbed by the situation and this could point to some repressed feelings surrounding her as well, thus he is also himself confused.

Relationships grow and mature and friendships can often give rise to emotional bonding between people that can only be described as love. What we must understand is that it is an emotional bond and does not necessarily imply a romantic kind of love. What she feels for her ‘other guy’ may be a romantic, dedicated, commitment to a relationship, whereas with him, it may simply be a dedicated commitment to his companionship…something she does not want live without.

Sadly, I have experienced the same thing; I was the ‘friend’. (Please note I say was, because both parties must be mature enough to understand the link that friendships often result in, especially if there are many years invested in the relationship, if not friendships can be easily destroyed.) I met a young man whom I was very fond of we became close friends and over the years, I developed a true platonic love for him. In the meantime, I met and fell romantically in love with a dear man whom I later married. I understood the difference between the two and I felt lucky that I had two men that I could lean on when I needed them and I could be there for both of them when they needed me. Don’t ever expect this situation to not lead to tension, that would simply be naïve. They simply tolerated each other, men are naturally territorial. I told my friend that I loved him and he felt betrayed by me, telling me I was being unfair to him and, not willing to talk to me about it; he simply cut off all communication. I overestimated his emotional maturity, I terrified him and he ran away from me. Once it's said, its too late to re-evaluate the situation or ever take it back. We’re still friends but it’s just not the same, he doesn’t seem to trust me anymore, our relationship now is just civil for the most part.

What is required in a situation like this is open and honest communication, on behalf of all parties involved. He needs to have an open and honest dialogue with his friend and they need to reach a compromise in this situation. She needs to discuss this situation with her partner in order to be fair to everyone. Limits need to be set, borders need to be established and everyone needs to be willing to abide by the ‘rules.’

My husband has grown to understand my love for my friend; he understands how upset I am that our friendship is now so strained. He knows that he could never fill that void. My friend said it was unfair for me to love him and not leave my husband; he was merely being selfish and refusing to acknowledge that we’re better as friends. I also hazard to guess that he has some confusing reciprocal emotion for me as well. We still find ourselves drawn together at times and occasionally he allows himself to relax around me but it’s usually only transitory. I still hold out hope that he will one day find someone to love and finally understand what I’m talking about. Just because he was my friend, doesn’t mean my heart isn’t any less broken than if I’d lost the love of my life.

Speaking from experience, yes it is possible to love two people simultaneously, and no, don’t ever expect it to be easy. Everyone involved needs to be open, honest and mature enough to handle the relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010):

Hi there,

Yes, i think we can be in love wid two people or i would say love can happen twice!

or if you are with the first guy n fall in love wid the other one .. it may b u the case dat you just cant tell the earlier one.. u dont have guts to cheat him or hurt him. but m sure love can happen twice....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010):

It's possible, I do it every day for the past three years. if I could NOT be in love with both of them it would be a lot easier. I have made a choice of who to be with, 2 years ago, but the love for the other hasn't diminished at all. I didn't make the wrong choice, I just made the best choice for me and I hope them both. Love is a complicated thing, it is more an act than a feeling, its something you actively do, not just something that happens to you. But you can have that with one or more people.

I don't love one less because I love the other. It's not a matter of "I can't really care about the first if I fell for the second." That attitude is only naive.

More importantly, it is destructive to all involved. It causes pain that is really not worth it, move on and find someone who can give their heart to just you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010):

the answer is YES,untill its happened to you no can judge i have been with my boyfriend seven years.the past couple of years things have changed with us both,and i found my self feeling very lonely,feels like im going insane sometimes,i no he loves me very much,and i love him''' but not in a passionate way theres no excitement anymore,your proberly thinking leave him, if it was that easy i would of!i am also in love with a guy that i have known for eight years and hes in love with me. never been in such a mess in my life i no how your friend is feeling and wish i had the answer x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010):

Well, i think that there is a time when we are all put into this situation at some point. Where it is either out of choice, or just out of chance. I'm not sure if any one person knows what 'love' really is, just that it is something we all aspire to have or to create at one point. So, perhaps it is even a possibilty that you and the woman involved has never actually loved before? but only been in love with the idea of love. Humans want so desperatly to be wanted, all teh time. We have to be wanted becuase otherwise what are we? I think that it is possible to want to love more than one person. I think that it is very much under our control whom we love but it is the subliminal choice that determines who we actually do commit ourselves to. isn't love an unconditional reflex toward another person? If so, then i feel taht it must be impossible for her to be in love with two people at the same time becuase she would not even be considering another peron if she truley was in love. I think what may be happeneing is that she is in teh stage in teh middle. A sort of 'love limbo' where she is undecided, and the confusion of falling in love with one person, and out of love with another may be leaving her with conflicting thoughts. the fact that you are writing in regard to this womans feelings must mean that you are considering such an act yourself. And so, i think that you need to be clear with what you want before you have any conversation with this woman so you don't ruin what she has, what YOU ahve and what you may have together if that is the path that you both choose. I am just a 16 year old. I have no idea what love is. So i wouldn't listen to every point i make in this response becuase i am jsut as confused as you are.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010):

It is only selfishness to tell someone else that you are in love with them, when you are already involved with someone that you love. It is human nature to want what you cannot have.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010):

No!!!! It only brings PAIN to the two people you claimed to love. At the end you end up loving one more than the other. :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010):

It's plenty possible. Love is a deeply variable thing, so very tangled in embedded societal norms and subjective experiences that you're left with very individual perspectives on love. For me, love is organic, full of shades of gray and impossible to place in a tidy little box with a tidy little label. Closing yourself to "being in love with" a single person seems strange to me - falling into all the beautiful nuances of another human being, learning the quirks and quandaries of their psyche, caring and being cared for on every level... it's a deeply satisfying feeling, and I share it with multiple people. For my particular situation, it requires quite a bit of trust and real commitment to communication and compassion, but again... it depends so much on the individual! I find it strange when people make these huge generalities about the (im)possibility of situations like this when all you can really know is your own. My two pence anyway. ^.^

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010):

I am deeply intrigued by the quantity of female responses to this situation. I guess I have been indoctrinated to a point where I thought this would be an issue more often dealt with by men than women. I suppose it could also be the case that men aren't searching as hard to resolve this internal struggle. I also believe that we are absolutely capable of loving more than one person and part of love is attraction. Whether it is physical, emotional, spiritual, anything. We are infinite creatures who desire infinite love. If we define infinite love we could say that it is a love that will always add more love. Why would we want to love only 1 person? I understand commitment and feel that it is a valuable paradigm but only if built upon enlightened, deeply aware states of consciousness.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

Yes, it's deffinitely possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. I'm warning you though, if she's unsure of what to do about it you're going to have to be patient until she figures it out.

(By the way most the time women don't have sex with both the people she's in love; They wait until they chose one or the other before having sex w/ someone other than their current.)

Well, good luck to you and hope she makes you happy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010):

YEs, it is possible to love more than one person at a time. There have been times inmy life where i have found my self confused between 3-5 men.In love with 2 and lusting after others.

Currently i have a boyfriend of almost two years(which is long distance, but we always see eachother.) who i love and have known since junior high. The other is someone i had a sexual relationship in college with and fell in love with after. He told me how he felt when i moved away and i was already building my relationship with my no, boyfriend.

I am still with my boyfriend and go out of town to see the other guy and when im with him i feel like a queen. with my boyfriend i'm happy. But i also have sexual relations with someone else that has recently come in to my life. I know he likes me and i like him.

I know it sounds like i'm just a terrible person, but i don't know what to do with myself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010):

No confusion. You really can love more two people at the same time. Why is this? Why must us human beings act so "selfish" as some call loving more than one person at a time?... well that's because we are selfish creatures. Being this way is not a bad thing, our minds, emotions, feelings and thoughts are programmed this way. For instance, i'm completely passionately and madly in love with two men right now. One being my long-term boyfriend, the other being my male friend.

The thing with my "selfish" theory is that I noticed we love more than one person because EACH person gives us something different emotionally. This feels good. Of course the guilt and pain of loving two people does not but being with each one and enjoying them as their own unique self is beautiful. Loving completely two different people makes sense because you, let's say, "get to eat your cake and have it too". One person may please your emotional needs in a certain manner whereas the other in another manner.

Loving more than one person at a time natural and very possible. Humans have twisted and constantly changing moods, our emotions change constantly, which is why you can love a certain person, and yet somehow love someone completely different in a different mindset.

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A male reader, seneca United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2010):

Of course you can. Head-over-heels, flat-out in love with two girls at the same time.

Very confusing. Very difficult situation to resolve. No easy answer.

Just be scrupulously honest with everybody concerned - (including yourself, most difficult of all) - and life has a way of working things out.

Many years ago, just as the dinosaurs were leaving, I was madly in love with two lovely, intelligent girls, one blonde, one black-haired. They turned out to be very best friends. They suggested we all three go away on a two-week beach holiday together, in a Volkswagen Camper, during the hottest summer weather for years. I was very young and too scared of handling such an explosive situation, so I ran away. Fool. Worst thing I ever did. I still kick myself for having been so stupid. What memories I missed out on!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010):

I am tormented every day by this question. I have recently reconnected with my ex-husband and we have been talking for over 2 months now. He is married and I am married and we both have terrific spouses who love us very much. We both have families and we both have full lives, but there is still that spark between us (or should I say fireworks!) that cannot be denied. When we first reconnected in April we talked about getting married again, leaving our current spouses, and what our life together again could be like. Now we are re-adjusting into a beautiful friendship, but I am still in love and eventually I will have to choose him or my husband. It is complicated and it hurts, but life is complicated and hurts also. In response to the question, I feel that it is possible to love more than one or even two people at the same time - and possibly to love them all forever.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010):

Love does not exclude. I don't think it's fair to call someone selfish for loving two people. Choosing a monogamous relationship is great in that it follows our societal norm, but you need only to look at a handful of relationships to know matters of the heart don't always correspond to our societal structures. If your lady friend put a lot of value on traditions, and had good self awareness and control, maybe she wouldn't let herself be in the position of loving two people. That being said, I think it's perfectly natural to do so. You can be in love with two people or hundreds if you're the type to fall in love easily, and have a broader definition of love. I am currently in the exact predicament of the writer below. I am in love with my ex and my current partner and each day my heart may sway a little more to one side or the other but I can't imagine my life without either of them. I'm honest with them, but I feel I need to choose sooner or later and this still torments me every day (my ex is moving back soon to try and win me over, so it's not like I'm physically cheating or plan on doing so). Think about if you lost your adored partner due to circumstances outside of your control. You still love them, so would you never love again?

That's my take anyways.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010):

I believe it is possible, but not by any means recomended. I still love an ex from my recent past. We were together two years and had been through everything but things happened and I tried to move on by falling in love with someone else. Now the ex wants me back and I still love him but now I also love my current boyfriend. We havn't been together long compared to my ex and I. Some love will never go away even when you love someone else. It's hard to believe it's possible until you experience it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010):

I believe it is possible to love two people at the same time. I have done some research for a class, and I found that it does exist. There are polyamorous relationships. For many people it does work. Not many Americans will accept this form of intimacy. Anything is possible I say. Also it depends how you define LOVE. Everyone's definition is different. =)There are many forms of love and intimacy. It is all about communication. With out it my relationdhip fail due to trust issues. Good Luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010):

to be in love with two ppl is not possible u idealize one while what u may have already is what u really want have to look in side your self and realize what is right and not hold to hearts at bay cause of your selfish ways and your heart and head have to meet have way to know whats right

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

I dont belive you can be in love with two people at the same time, when your in love your enable of hurting, betrayal, you would never touch or think about someone else!

I guess when you find your other half you would feel this way!

But this is just me. Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010):

I think it is possible , and i am only 17 years old. Ive been in love with a girl for about a year and a half and we can never be together. I also recently got a girlfriend who i am falling in love with but the girl i allready love and mine's bond is getting stronger. It is epic pain and will probably drive me to making the wrong choice

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010):

I've been married for over 15years. We have not had sex for 10years, despite marriage guidance and help. I love my husband as a friend, companion, we're comfortable with each other. But there is no passion or excitement.

I have had a lover for 7years, an ex boyfriend who is single, who I have known for over 20 years. We share passion and excitement as well as being great friends, but we couldn't live with each other.

Two men - I love them both and they both love me. It happens, but I don't recommend it, the guilt and mind games are not pleasant.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010):

To the man who says he loves but is not "in love" with his wife... Why are you still with your wife? If you are in love with someone else and dateing them why do that to both the wife and the girlfriend? Either get marriage counseling and dump the girlfriend or get a divorce and be with the girlfriend instead. If you think you are doing your wife any favors by staying with her under those circumstances you are lying to yourself. You are being terribly selfish.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

ya it is possible if u can find the better picture then that you have already drawn

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010):

I've been married 9yrs, and WAS In Love with my wife, but she has always given me the cold side of herself throughout the entire marriage instead of being happy and appreciating what a good husband I am (or was). I met someone else, a really pretty girl younger than me and we were friends for awhile, I never even thought of ever being more than just friends, but she was having problems with her other half, and we would talk to eachother about our other halves and how impossible they are to please. Well, eventually we started building feelings for eachother, and fell in love with eachother, now we are dating (yes, in a cheating kinda way) but we both are happier than ever and I don't feel I'm in love with my wife, but yes In love with my girlfriend now. I have LOVE for my wife which is different than being in love with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010):

you most certainly can be in love with 2 people. i have a girlfriend of 3 years now. and i have a female friend that i have been friends with for 5. my friend and i have had feelings for each other for as long as we have known each other. we recently both decided that if we are ever single at the same time to get together.

this is hard for me. i can't live without my girlfriend, she gets mad easily and we argue often, but we do anything for each other. but my female friend and i feel like nothing else is in the world when we are together. i go back and forth in my head at times, depending on whom i am with. AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT IT MAKES ME FEEL LONELIER BECAUSE OF IT. i just wish i didn't have to choose

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010):

yeah you can cause there is this girl i like a lot and have feelings for then this other girl that i like also s i don't know who to ask out i know them both but i don't know who to choose but yes it can happen to love 2 ppl at once

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010):

i agree with the guy, i believe that you can only really be in love with one person but have love for others. if loving two people at once was possible then whats the point of trying to find the right one to settle down with. smh people at the end of the day you going to choice the one that really makes your heart skip a beat and leave the other heartbroken! so you can only be in love with one!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):

i think its totally possiable , ive been witha guy for 4 years , my first boyfriend , my first evrything. And i very much do love him. we have been through so much together but it seems like everytime we're together we argue. then he leaves and i feel bad like i did someething wrong, now theres another guy tht i have known for 8 months and i also love him , he helped me trough my ups and downs with my boyfriend. and i see him and get such a feeling like the the world has stop and its just me and him. i think i love my boyfriend beacuse he was my first and we have been trough so much together and i think im in love with the other guy , SO THE POINT IS YES ITS POSSIABLE BUT IT SOMEONE ALWAYS GETS HURT OR MAYBE MORE THAN JUST ONE PERSON , SO I ADVISE THT YOU REALLY SIT AND THINK ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP ON SOME ONE WHOS THERE FOR YOU AND IS YOUR EVERYTHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE , OR STAY UNHAPPY KNOWING YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE, MAYBE MORE THAN THE FIRST PERSON. HEAHACHES AND HEARTBREAKS IS HOW IT ENDS.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010):

I don't know if love is the right word here... but I guess we're all trying to figure things... I've been intimate in every way with someone who has a girlfriend. They have been together for 2 years and he's admitted its not the best but that he is also not ready to leave her. After getting so close to him, eerily close, I mean in spite of knowing that he's cheating on someone with me, I trust him. Knowing that he has someone else, I still trust in his feelings for me. This all confuses me so much. How could I feel this fire for him and see his for me and yet, he can't leave who he is with? I told him I couldn't be intimate with him anymore. We are just friends now. He is still such a good friend and tries to convince me to "come back" every single day. I'm not budging because I can't share him anymore. I've learned that it is possible to have strong feelings (love, maybe) for two people, but we still have to make a choice. He chose to stay with his girlfriend. I chose to not be the second. My advice? As adults we are faced with difficult decisions, but we have to make a decision nonetheless. You must choose the one you cannot live without.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010):

I am reading the last response by the 68 year old and I have to say wow.....You've still got it...i think with your wisdom and life experience this one should be quite easy....ask yourself...which one of them reminds you most of your first husband and then dont choose him ;-) good luck and keep going strong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010):

My situation might be different than most because of our ages. I just turned 68 (people think I´m 52) and my two lovers are 72 and 78 (both look and act younger than their years). At least that gives everyone hope for love in the Golden Age! I have been married twice, first for 33 yrs (ended in divorce) and then 15. My last husband passed away. I met this man, "G", that swept me off my feet the first time we saw each other. The feeling was mutual. We had many things in common. We even went on a 10 day driving trip together and I helped him look for a condo in Florida. He introduced me to the son and daughter-in-law that live here and, over the phone and Skype, to his daughter and son-in-law who live in Italy. He was thinking of a serious relationship leading to marriage. However, he had fallen from an attic and had compression fractures of the vertebrae that started giving him a lot of pain in the back and leg, so much so that he had to start using a cane. He said he did not want to be a burden to me or to anyone and, when he left for Italy, told me I should date other men while his health improved, to be patient with him because he had strong feelings for me. So...I did just that, date other men. I met this other man who is wonderful, "R". It was not sparks at first sight like with G but he started growing on me quickly. We also had many things in common though different things than with G. R is a sweet, funny, kind and considerate man while also being a great lover. G is wild, funny, adventurous and courteous and also a great lover in a different way. They are completely different from each other and I love them both. G has kept in touch with me through email and has started getting closer to me again. This makes me think I will have to decide between the two when G gets back from Italy. I don´t want to hurt anyone but someone will be hurt. I sometimes wish I had not started dating anyone else but...what if G would have decided not to see me again? Oh, life´s dilemmas....I really would like to keep both, I love them.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010):

its true, you can be in love with two people at the same time and the feeling of it is not so good. you might be confused, but she is in a situation where shes in guilt and frustration.

and the self-loathing you feel at your betrayal its not an easy feeling at all, and yes it is TRULY true coz i have felt the same, and at the end of the day you feel like you just want to ran away... give her time to think

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010):

I think it is possible to love two men at a time. I had a friend like 15 years ago...we loved each other but never said it openly... Coming from an orthodox family I knew it was not possible to get married to him..then 2-3 years later I fell for another man who is now my husband while i was still friends with the first guy. I know my husband for 10 years & Iam married to him for 5 years & i truly love him, but I still have feelings for my friend & relationship with him has only grown stronger. He is now my best friend. He is also happily married but we both know we still feel for each other. To conclude both of us made the right choices to select friend & spouse. It is possible to love two people at one time but in the best interest of everyone you have to make a choice with whom you want to spend the rest of the life & keep the other one in your heart.

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A female reader, shadowonawall United States +, writes (25 May 2010):

I must say that it is really possible to love two men... I do at this time and always will. It is really hard to explain but they are two totally different people in personallity. One is everything that the other is not so rolled into one they are the perfect mate. NO IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX. So yes I believe it is possible if it truly is love.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010):

I cannot answer the question about if it is possible or not to love two people. But I can say one thing; loving two people will almost always end up in heartache, frustration, and unfortunate situations.

I can understand the belief that it can "just happen". However, there is a point where you have allowed yourself to be open to it as well. Let's face it, if you believe that being in love only involves the being "swept off your feet" part, you are missing the point entirely.

If a person is in a committed relationship, they have an obligation to protect it. Allowing a second romance to grow and take hold tarnishes all you have set out to build with the one who was there first. If you feel like romantic feelings are starting to form somewhere else, you have an obligation to cut it off for the greater good.

We have a mind that can see the truth, but most of us tend to ignore what we know. We often feel we can manage the situation and allow it to grow. We seem to be romanced by the temptation and believe we can leave at any point so we continue down the path even when we should not. But at some point, we make a choice to stay even though we are aware of the consequences. We just choose to ignore them.

Is it possible? Probably .. Can we avoid it? Definitely .. Does it hurt people and cause damage to those we love and the world we live in? Absolutely, without question!

It's all about responsibility and respect for those that we care about. If you find yourself in love with two people, maybe you need to look a bit closer at yourself and what got you to that place to begin with. I find the entire thing completely irresponsible!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010):

At first I thought NO WAY. IF you "love" someone then you wouldnt be looking somewhere else. Right? Well, I have been with my husband for 14 years (married only 7) but we have been together for a long time. Since we were 15. He was my first love and i never experienced anyone else. Over the years we kinda drifted apart and didnt communicate much. Someone else found my heart and I totally fell in love with this person. I told my husband what happened and he also came clean that he had cheated on me more than once, but that it was just sex and there were no feelings involved. He always loved me. Now I have 2 men fighting for me and I am sitting on a fence. Some things are good about my husband and some things drive me crazy. I will always in the back of my mind think about hime cheating on me for years. Then the other guy is great, we talk all the time and get along really well. I know that if I knew my husband cheated on me before i met the other guy I would have left, but now I guess i feel guilty and feel I should stay. I do love them both, but I question what kind of love i have for them. Am i IN love with them or do I just love them. All I know is.... this fence that I am on is driving me nuts and i wish i could make up my damn mind. I know what I should do is stay with my husband and we should raise the kids together, but I dont want to let my best friend go.... and I know I will lose one of them. Right now I am the most unhappy person and it is my own damn fault

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010):

I'm totally confused because both men Are great in their own unique way. I am in love with 1 For 15 years but have fallen in love with another man in 3 months. Problem or maybe it's a good thing is that he's marrried so he doesn't seem to be a threat. The dillema is I don't want to leave either one I love them both but emotionally its killing me and I feel confused. Do I continue living like this, how realistic it this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010):

It is possible without a doubt.

I find myself in that situation and have been in it for six months now. My first parter and I got together four years ago, whom I love ever so dearly. Then six months ago I made an encounter with someone new who did not replace my first partner's place in my heart but just managed to find another spot. I sometimes feel bad, because I wouldn't want to be on the other end of this all. Both are aware of each other and have been so supportive but I think I have to let go of the new one. It isn't fair for my first, especially with everything we've gone through.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010):

I thought I was alone in the world. Dont you feel alone when you are in this situation? I sure did. Until I read this and realised Wow!!! There are others like me. I chose to stay with my husband and break the other persons heart. And now while I make love to my husband I close my eyes and picture him. I loved them both and I had to make a choice. How sad life can be. I imagine what life would have been like and sometimes I think. Is this fair to my husband now, for me to close my eyes and imagine him? All i know is life is not fair and I had to make a decision. Cutting off all contact is usually the best way...Its like cigarettes. You just have to let go and move on in some form or other. Ill miss you :-(

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A female reader, louise667 United Kingdom +, writes (12 May 2010):

I truly believe you can be, the problem of course is if you love them you need to be honest with them but how will they react when they find out about the other. Plus i think generally there will be one love who receives more of the attention and this can be soul destroying for the other lover (i have been that person and believe me it is).

I think you need to try and judge how they will both feel if you tell them the truth, but people are quick to judge in these kinds of situations so i guess you need to prepare for some backlash.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010):

Oh, it's entirely possible to be in love with two people. And most likely, extremely painful at times. I have been married for 15 years, and I love another as well. Huge mutual attraction there. Just won't go away.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010):

I have a slightly different story. I fell for J. J fell for me but wasn't ready for a relationship and did all sorts of nasty things to me. But despite all that, I still loved him so much that I forgave him each time. But he STILL kept screwing up.

In the process, B comes along and confessed. My principle is every deserves a chance. So I gave him a chance.

A month into the relationship, J came back to me and confessed that he realised now all he has done has pointed only to one thing - that I am the one he wants and now he wants a chance.

I love J because we clicked. I love B because we've built something together through committment.

So what am I supposed to do? For a moment, in all the madness, I found a drop of clarity - to sitck with B and leave well enough alone.

But at the end of the day, both men offer different things and I guess the determining factor would be which "package" do I value more? And I would have to go with that because going with BOTH at the same time would end up hurting them both. And I don't want to hurt the people I love..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010):

I never believed that it was possible to be in love with two people. How could anyone be truly in love with someone and want someone else? My answer, they never truly loved the person they were with. Thats how i felt. I am dating someone that i absolutely love, want to marry him, he makes me completely happy. Even better, is that i make him just as happy. About a month ago an ex contacted me through FB after six years. I loved this man with my whole heart and soul, i never had a doubt where our relationship was headed, Wedded Bliss. This is the relationship i had compared every relationship to all these years, I wanted to feel the way i did with this man, i wanted the man to feel that way about me. But he made a bad decision and choose a lifestyle i couldnt follow, it broke my heart. He chased me and said he could change but he wasnt truly ready to change, and it was over. Six years later i have the greatest man, i love dearly that can offer me the world. But then my ex still holds my heart and love never left. He is exactly the man i fell in love with those many years ago, only better, because of what he has been through. I keep telling myself that he had his chance. I have someone that loves me and is so good to me and can give me the world. But yet i still long for the love i had with him, my ex. I battle with my self, my mind says that it would be a mistake, my heart wants him just as much.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010):

I never in a million years would agree it was possible until a short while ago. I have been extremely happily married for 16 years to a wonderful guy. He talked me into signing up for FB and I did and started gathering friends. One person I looked up was a guy I dated 32 years ago for only two weeks but we have a mutual friend and I always kept up thru him. Never thought anything more of this but a friendship. He texted me and the things he revealed about his feelings for me threw me for such a loop I am beside myself. He has also been in a very serious relationship for 16 years. We can't leave each other alone, we are calling and texting constantly. I feel like such a creep to my husband for having these feelings. And even though we haven't even seen each other yet besides pics, we are driving each other insane with these phenomonal feelings we're having. I miss this guy so much when I don't hear from him, I can't wait for his call to hear his voice, it's the worst thing I've ever gone through. My husband loves me so much, he calls me several times a day to tell me, we still hold hands, if he ever found out about this he would be devastated. And the other guy is pushing to get with me and get this whole thing out of our system but I'm afraid it wouldn't be that easy and he has agreed, we think it might just make everything a hundred times worse. I have been a basket case over this situation and would never ever have thought I would be in a situation like this. I totally understand what all of you are going through. It's a nightmare. I hope we all find the answers we are seeking.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010):

I just typed up a long story that explains everything that has happened between myself with my best friend and my boyfriend, but decided that it was way too long and that I sounded like a selfish bitch who wanted everything. So here's what I have to say after deleting it all:

I definitely love them both. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, but I know that I've already hurt my best friend by moving away from him. I should just settle with my boyfriend and stop causing people pain, because if I choose to leave my boyfriend it will hurt him, and who knows if my best friend can even handle being with me after all the shit I've put him through. I hate this.

Good luck, everyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010):

Reading back on all the comments below no one has actually managed to give proper helpful advice. This is what I came looking for...

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, he is perfect for me in every way and when I met him I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Then a couple of months ago I met another man through work who has totally swept me off my feet. He also has a partner who he has been with for 4years. At first it was nothing serious we were work mates having a chat and nothing more. Then the more we spoke the more my feelings grew. I am now in love with him and he feels the same way too. It's as if we are connected in a way I've never felt before. He claims he will leave his partner so that we can be together (as he is no longer in love with her) my problem is I still love my boyfriend but I love this other man too.

I've tried to stay away from him but I'm just drawn to him. In the end my boyfriend found out about this other man and begged me to give him another shot. I'm so confused because I love him and I do want things to work but at the exact same time my heart is aching at the thought of letting this other man go....

The advice I have been given is to follow your heart but what do you do if your heart doesn't know what it wants? What do you do if your heart wants two people rather than one?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010):

Thank the Goddess. I thought I was alone here. I have been with my BFF for 11 yrs now. We started as best friends then it turned to a relationship produced a beautiful, smart child, and then drifted back to BFF then to friend...In the mean time here comes mister "OMG my knees are weak"..that although 5 yrs of "affair" has yet to become any thing other than playing..is now a serious bond...both of us are starting to catch on to our feelings for each other..but the kids in this come first.. we are planning for our future after kids grown..but won't they know on some deep level mom and dad aren't complete...can u really stay n love with some one without connection on a regular basis for that long...should we drop it all now to be together? stay with what we know and forget each other? leave slow stedy always be there flame for white hot fast burning flame?? can't i please ?? if I'm a reeaally good girl have both??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010):

Im going through this aswell... im so confused. im very happy with my boyfriend, he is everything i have ever wanted. a bit controlling at times but thats down to his confidence. before me and my partner got together, i used to talk to my friend every day by text, we talked about anything and everything, i used to look forward to getting his messages, he was someone who made me laugh and someone i could open up to (the only person ive really truely opened up to) and most of all he was a lovely person. We both decided it was best that we stop contacting eachother, because although it was all innocent, my boyfriend being as insecure as he is, it would hurt him if he knew i was in contact with another man. When we said goodbye i found it really hard.. to the point where i was fighting back the tears. my friend also found it hard. and so he texted me again. we then gave it another shot at saying our goodbyes, and the same thing happened.. we met up for 5 minutes and just had a cuddle. we tried to stop again and so it continued (nothing more then a cuddle and kiss) and now today we have finally taken the plunge and for the sake of my boyfriends feelings, we have stopped contact. we both know that if it carrys on feelings will get stronger and someone will truly be hurt. i know its the right choice.. but i cant help but cry when i think of him.. its so emotional.. i cant imagine him not being in my life anymore. its brutal to have to completely take someone out of your life.. but i know its necessary. i know by the way i feel that i love him.. this feeling took me by surprise :( i also love my boyfriend and he doesnt deserve to be hurt so therefore i will fight these feeling i have for my friend and try to get over them. i wish everyone who is going through this.. good luck.. it hurts but a choice has to be made :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010):

I agree I met this guy I liked he also liked me but was in a tricky situation with his ex , and he got back with her but says he had strong feelings for me also i think its just torn between too people ? wondering which one to pick but its a very hard choice to make I Guess .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010):

I agree that it's not possible to be in love with two people at the same time at least not on the same level... Tough situation though. As soon as you start falling for someone else, feelings you have had for the other person diminish. The most important thing is to identify what you really feel.. and this can be hard, really hard. It is not that obvious whether it's a simple crush on smbd, or smth more. You just do not know.. and this can drive you crazy. At this point you get confused and broken from inside out trying to figure out what's going on with your feelings.. Yep, it is addiction in its sense. But there is always an event that triggers the falling in love. Maybe trying to analyze what caused the feelings, can help to understand yourself and your feelings better... Unfortunately, we are all humans and all prone to this dilemma.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010):

well, i am in this situation now and its KILLING ME! the guilt is just devastating me.

i am in a serious relationship with an amazing guy since 4 months now...it started over the net but he came back to our country for good since almost 2 months.

during his latest trip before he came back for good, i met my ex by accident and since then, i could not take him off my mind.

our brake up was quite violent and i'm so confused that i can actually think about him still!

even when i am with my boyfriend...its terrible

my mind tells me to stick with my boyfriend but my heart beats for my ex and i miss him so. everything reminds me of him.

my current boyfriend is great but since we had some arguments that made me feel disappointment and resentment, i feel the flame is gone. i believed so much in us when we first met...it was true love.

now they are both wanting to be with me and say they love me.

i am so confused and scared to death. my hands are tied and i cant live with this situation anymore.

if anyone can help i'd be so grateful...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010):

I agree with everyone who says they didn't think it was possible to love two people at the same time. I didn't but now it has happened to me, it is ruining me from the inside out. I want to tell people, to express how I feel, but I cannot risk it coming out and getting back to my current boyfriend. I have pro's and con's about my boyfriend and the other guy i'm in love with and it literally makes me feel physically sick when i think about what i'm doing. Although my adultery has not moved to a sexual stage, although we have kissed, I truly believe this makes things worse that i know i love him without that experience? I find it amusing that many people that have posted on here are sharing this experience including myself and yet none of us can give advice or good advice because none of us know what to do. I almost feel as though i'm on an equivalent to a drug addiction website speaking to other other addicts because it's something that like drugs, makes you feel so alone at times. How can we pretend everything is alright with our current partners when we are thinking of another? But why do we not have the guts to break with our partners and try again, start anew. Because humans are cowards. I am a coward. You are a coward. We all will remain cowards until we decide to do something. Anything.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010):

Yeah it is possible.

I was with my ex for 9 months, things wern't amazing but I fell for him majorly. Things were awful if I'm honest, I was told he cheated on me by his best mates wife, he was addicted to weed, he was lazy, made me feel like crap alot of the time because of the way he acted to things I did. We broke up because he moved away, then I found out I was pregnant with his baby.

I've now had the baby and am with somebody else. I love her so much, she makes me happier than I've ever been. We've been together 7 months now, have an amazing life, my daughters love her and she's like another Mum to my 2 month old. Everything is just perfect.

My ex doesn't want anything to do with my daughter and completely ignores me now, yet I can't get him out of my head. I can't stand this hold he has on me, it makes me feel sick. It hurts so badly and at the same time I hate him so much. But I can't stop feeling that feeling that I had for him when we were together.

I wish it would stop because of how bad it makes me feel, inside and how upset I get and feeling like I'm cheating on my girlfriend. I would never hurt her intensionally or cheat on her, and I don't wana be with my ex at all, I just can't get rid of these feelings.

It's slowly getting a bit easier, but not very much.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010):

I honestly believe this is possible. Only because at the point right now, I love two people. One is my boyfriend and 75% of me loves him but the other 25% is in love with this other guy. He is amazing, and I cannot live without either. Therefore, I believe you can be in love with two people whether half and half or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010):

I know you can be in love with two different people at the same time. I have a child with my first love, we had a whirl wind type of love, very emotional, very passionate that lasted for three years. He did some things and landed in prison-mind you we were young loves at the tender age of 18 and when he went to prison I was 21 with a two year old. So he was the reckless bad boy type. But its not his type that i love, it's how he makes me feel. Like butterflies and my heart skips a few beats when i see him-to this day nine years later. I did not wait for him, so in the mean time while he was away, I met the most wonderful man. He is the other half of me, he is my best friend, my rock. He makes me feel like just being me is enough, and he loves me unconditionaly. We have been together for five years and are planning a wedding come this fall. I am way to afraid to let go of him. I have not gotten closure with my sons father but we both understand that we do still love each other but it would never work out. because of the situation? because i have someone else? this is a theory i will not test. i can not loose my love, my life partner, we have made it through so many ugly situations together. but its hard to watch my sons father move on-he has another son with a different woman now,they have since broke up. he attributes his failed relationships to me. he says that he always compares them to me, and they just are not me. but i think we are both stuck on the "first love". i wish my love for him would just go away, so i would not feel so guilty. I could never see my fiance with someone else, i think i would die inside. so this is how i know i am where i am supposed to be. i wish i could be selfish and have them both, everyday, all day. hahaha. no, not really. its like loving the sun just as much as you love the moon. this is really hard to get over. but i am hoping it will get easier.....so far it has not.....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010):

I can say that it is very possible to love two different people at the same time. I know this because im in love with two men right now. I feel like Joe (current fiance) and Zack (my ex) compliment two different parts of myself. They both make me equally happy and i cant imagine my life without either. I cant decide between them because i dont wont to loose the other. Aaron Ben-Zeév (President and Professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa) has even stated that "Empirical evidence clearly suggests that humans are capable of loving and having sex with more than one person at the same time" heres a good link to read up some more. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200803/loving-two-people-the-same-time

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010):

sorry bro only one person if you truely love that person you wouldnt have feelings for anyone else.all it is, is just a crush they may want to get away from there partner for a while having a break but there mind automatically starts looking for someone else. which isnt love. its a crush they have, its not love theres only one true love for every person out there.people shouldnt have little flings but now days it tends to happen more often,all because of the crap on tv and movies people or should i say humans with out realizing think that crap is true.think back to adam and eve. its not adam eve and josh.

you know what i mean.Girls tend to think about there ex bf when in relationships and can cause problems, i say to the girl or guy just get over them they arent the one they went out of your life for a reason.get over it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010):

I Have been married for 15 years and had an affair for 13 years. I had children and stayed married for the sake of the kids but I knew deep in my heart that I loved this other man and he loved me he stayed with me and kept asking me to marry him. I also loved my husband and was stuck in a situation that I put myself in but would not make a decision, the affair ended and not by choice. I'm not completely happy because in my heart I still have very strong feelings for him. He is always in my mind, but I cannot see myself without my husband. I do believe that you can love two different people.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010):

I am in the same situation now, i Loe my fiance so much i rally couldnt imagine myself without him, but recently my ex has contacted me and every time i see him or hear his voice or even his name i feel like i hae been stabed i still have vey strong feelings or him. somethimes i can say i love him other itmes i cant... when i think about sill loving my ex i feel like i have betrayed my fiance because i do love him. i am so confuzed i really dont know what to do... if any one has any advice or help please please let me know. /3

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010):

it is possible. i'm in love with my absolute bestest guy friend and hes also my boyfriend and i'm also in love with his friend. they both like me too. but it is possible because if you love one person, then you can love another and it can be at the same time just like my situation.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010):

Yes you can be in love with two people at once. Society makes you feel guilty about it, but you shouldnt. I am in a relationship with the funniest,most caring, most mature, most beautiful (inside and out) person I have ever met. He loves me and I love him. We make each other happy. We met 2 months after my breakup with my ex, I have never considered him a rebound...and I didnt know what it would lead too...but it turns out it led to the best relationship I have ever had...yeah like all couples we have had our bad days, but I have never once thought of betraying him. I do however, think of my ex...probably more than once a week. I felt terrible at first...kept trying to repress it and forcing him out of my mind...The relationship I had with him was very different...I trusted more I was more carefree...with my current I feel paranoid and anxious and jealous of other women if they so much as talk to him (not healthy I know) after my break up with my ex I changed in a bad way when it came to my emotions...I thought Id never be able to trust my current boyfriend completely...even though he has NEVER given me reason not too...I was out with my boyfriend last night, when I saw my ex...I didnt get butterflies in my stomach but I did think of him the rest of the night...I even found myself annoyed of my boyfriend... I was very confused to say the least...but when I awoke this morning, and woke up in my boyfriends arms...I knew I was completely in love with him too...I was happy about that...but then I had to solve this ex "situation"...so after some thought I came to the conclusion that...I am in love with them both...and I am jealous, and paranoid and anxious with my boyfriend because I feel guilty about my emotions toward my ex and if I have feelings for someone else then that means he can too...I cant see myself with anyone else but my boyfriend...I would never act on my emotions toward my ex...and If I have two siblings and love them both the same then why cant I love two men the same?...but the most important thing I realized is that if I repress it and fight it I wont ever be happy, I wont ever move on...If I just go with it and accept it I can slowly but surely get over my ex...With that being said...If you or someone feels like they love two people at once...just let it be...if youre in a relationship respect that person and dont betray them...either end it or stay if you know thats who you should be with...otherwise be alone until you figure it out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010):

What I believe is, yes you can, at some point, 'think' that you are in love with more than one person. But you will eventually find out wich one you trully love. If any.

Not everyone is true to themselves, unfortunately. But if you love and care about the person you are currently with ( you admire that person, you desire that person, you care about his/her feelings, etc. why would you look for something else outside the current relation? And in some cases, actualy get yourself physicaly and mentaly involved? )

Doesen't sound like you love that person you're with.

Sounds like someone is not being corageous enough.

I had a long term relation and I really wanted it to work. I fell for a classmate at some point - nothing happened- but I found it awkward.

Still I stood by my boyfriend 4 more years! We supported and cared about each other. Had our fun. Lived together (...)

Only for me to find out later that I really never trully loved him. Something was allways missing. And I kept searching. Whie wasting mine and his time.

I wanted to believe I loved him. But I was just afraid of letting go.

Now I'm alone, I don't regret a thing. And my advice to all of you is; try not to decieve yourselves.

I fell for a married man who is now claiming he loves both me and his wife. He wants to find out who he loves more.

As you can understand.I won't be there to wait for his answer.

Let him be unhappy or happy as he wants.

Let him figure out what he trully feels and wants.

But I won't allow him to play with my feelings, just because his playing with his.

Tell her how you feel for her. Ask her what she thinks she wants.

Respect her dedision even if it isn't the best.

And carry on with your life.

Don't get stuck in situations like this.

Love more than one person or not. Everyone deserves a monogamic beautiful relation. And to be set free by those who don't know what they want.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010):

I know you can fall in love with two people. I have been married for almost 2 years and about a year ago, things started changing, first i was starting to get bored with my marriage, (weve been together almost 4 yrs.) and I also have a friend i am very attracted to, who is a great guy, well he and I started hanging out, just as friends, lunches, riding his motorcycle, playing sports together, etc, Anyway its a year later, I am completely in love with him, I want to be with him so bad, but have no clue how he feels, because I am married, I am afraid to ask, nothing has happened other than friendship thus far because we are both cautious not to get into a situation that could cause us problems, however, I dont know what to do. i love my husband, almost like a friend though, I am not in love with him, the idea of being sexually intimate with him doesnt sound appealing, and hes my husband, i should want to be with him. Instead all I want to do is hook up with my friend, which I feel guilty for feeling, even though its not like i chose this, it just kinda happened. Anyway my husband has no clue, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, because i dont want to hurt him, but i want to be with my friend, I am just scared to go through a divorce and risk losing someone who is a great guy just on the chance that things could be good with my friend. I dont know if i should talk to him first or just make my decision and live with it. But if i stay married I worry that i might have regrets down the line also, and maybe some resentment. So anyway trust me i know how it is.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010):

Very appropiate question my partner of 11 years has told me she is love with me and someone else .After a 8 month affair mainly on the phone .The problem is when emotions feelings and thoughts are divided between two people conflict will follow causing upset and turmoil .I have told my partner that i will let her go in order for her to pursue her love for the other person but she will not let go of me .Maybe its because she is frightened of what she is going to loose and will regret the decision or is it because her feelings are stronger for me then the other person who knows only time will tell .So the answer is yes it is possible to love two people at the same time but eventualy a choice has to be made

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010):

Honestly, I've been struggling with this question for a while myself. I have been asking the people whom I trust, and their opinions vary. Some say that is it impossible to love more than one person at a time, because it would not be love with both of them. I respectfully disagree.

I am with my boyfriend. I have loved him for over a year now. Our relationship as been rough and we have had some conflicts and one break-up. But we are together now and he makes me happy. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

On the other hand, I am in love with one of my best friends. We have been good friends for just about as long as my boyfriend and I have known each other. But when I realized that I had feelings for him, he was already with his current girlfriend. He loves his girlfriend. But I believe that he loves me, too.

We both understand that our situation is complicated. There is no doubt about that. And I honestly cannot say whom I love more. It does not work like that. I love them both in very different ways, but I still cannot imagine my life without either one of them.

So my answer is this: yes, it is TRULY possible to love more than one person at a time. She is not confused about one of you, she is simply tangled by her feelings. Do not be angry with her. Her feelings are probably tearing her apart and the idea of hurting either one of you is probably killing her. The best thing to do is to respect her decision. She does not want to hurt either one of you. Trust me, she doesn't.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010):

Honestly, I've been struggling with this question for a while myself. I have been asking the people whom I trust, and their opinions vary. Some say that is it impossible to love more than one person at a time, because it would not be love with both of them. I respectfully disagree.

I am with my boyfriend. I have loved him for over a year now. Our relationship as been rough and we have had some conflicts and one break-up. But we are together now and he makes me happy. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

On the other hand, I am in love with one of my best friends. We have been good friends for just about as long as my boyfriend have known each other. But when I realized that I had feelings for him, he was already with his current girlfriend. He loves his girlfriend. But I believe that he loves me, too.

We both understand that our situation is complicated. There is no doubt about that. And I honestly cannot say whom I love more. It does not work like that. I love them both in very different ways, but I still cannot imagine my life without either one of them.

So my answer is this: yes, it is TRULY possible to love more than one person at a time. She is not confused about one of you, she is simply tangled by her feelings. Do not be angry with her. Her feelings are probably tearing her apart and the idea of hurting either one of you is probably killing her. The best thing to do is to respect her decision. She does not want to hurt either one of you. Trust me, she doesn't.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010):

Yes it is possible I have spent 2 1/2 years in love with two people and it has driven me crazy. You learn to deal with it with time, it is difficult all the same.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010):

One thing that you have to remember about "love" is that it is an erotic emotion between two or more people. There are no rules to love. Love is one of the most difficult words to actually define. We all know that it is a feeling that releases our seritonin levels, but if you ask someone to explain how it feels to be in love, that may be harder to do than expected. You can love your mother, father, sister, brother, friend. Loving in a sexual way is obviously different but if you can love many people in that way, why could you not love many people in a desireable way? There really are no rules to love. The way you perceive love, the way you want love is a way of making your own rule. Society expects typically a man and a woman to fall for one another and continue to remain faithful. But there is no reason for that. Different people have different ways of thinking. This woman that says she loves you, sees qualities in you that make her feel desirable toward you in a sexual manor. In that same way, the man she is with, also has qualities that she loves and does not want to let go. It is hard because we live in a world where women are supposed to pick a Mr. Right, which does not exist, so instead, we pick many different men with qualities that we are attracted to but other qualities may not be attracted to. If you really want my opinion, I believe you and her current boyfriend are both, unfortunatley, Mr. Right Now. Sorry!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010):

I know from experience it is possible. But in case you don't want to take my word for it, read the following article. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200803/loving-two-people-the-same-time

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010):

Well I'm 13 n yes I have a bf.! Iknw youu miqht think I'm too younq but it doesn't matter. Well I'm currently wit my boyfriend n I still hav feelinqs for my ex. So I think it's possible cause I know for sure it's not impossible.!(:

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

i'm in the situation at the moment because only a few months ago i started to fall in love with my ex gf but last time we went out was 3 years ago so in present time she has got a new boyfriend but my mates found out that i had feeling for my ex and told her so a few days ago we meet up and she told me that she still loves me and thinks about me but cann't leave her boyfriend because after 3 years of being with his family she feels like part of that family so she love me and him. but the answer to your question is that you can love two people at the same time but the person that loves both people has to decide which love is stronger

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010):

Oh yes, it's possible! Never would have thought it but i've met a Lady who believes she loves me and her BF. We seem to be fundamentally different, offer differing qualities and meet at different times. I'm clear she is in an extremely difficult place right now so as i'm not in the "driving seat", I have to be respectful of her primary relationship but it's hard. Any pushing from me and I might make her suffer more torment so I have to be civil, polite, respectful and very careful of what I say and do. What started as a friendship, a very suppoortive one where we both has some problems, developed into something more.

I guess, as has been suggested, each person can "fall" for people who provide what the other cannot. So hard for her, a killer for me, playing it straight, hoping, waiting and longing for her decision...........

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010):

Human beings tend to have a very self-centered approach to love. Everything is about me, me, me and heaven forbid it if they're not the center of their significant other's world. This is why people think you can't love two people; rather they don't WANT to believe it. But the truth is, you can. There is nothing inherent or natural about monogamy. Believe me I was one of those people who didn't believe it was possible. That is, until it happened to me. I can't imagine either one of these people not being in my life, but I know I'll have to make a choice. I don't want to. But I will.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

okay, im female and only 16, ive know this boy for well basically all of my life and we've had the best memories when we were growing up, i realy love him, and its kind of impossible not to since we've been through so much, yes i have been out with him before, but i reaallyy love this other boy and i think its hard to just throw away what me and the firstboy had, obviously, but i love them both in different ways, i dont no if thats possible or just my head but yeah :/ its shit

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):

Im in this situation right now. I'm with my gf, she loved her ex 4years ago. She went back to her country and saw her ex, and said she still loves him. But at the same time, I know she truly loves me, before she left our country her eyes says it all and true emotions shown. I'm sure she is torn between the past and the present and of other situations. It hurts like hell but I hope I will be chosen. I suck everything up for our relationship to work. And I know it is inevitable feeling to feel what she had in her country as he was her last memory.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

I'm in this situation myself.. I got married three years ago to my childrens' father and I married him because I love him. BUT, I have always loved someone else too. The other guy I'm in love with is married with children and he has a hard time coping with me being married. We always stayed in contact with each other for 19 years and I was thinking to myself if I really do love my husband. I just figured out why I love two people. My husband keeps me excited and he makes me happy. But the other guy is passionate and stand guard as a real man. They have their own ways of showing me that they love me. But should I feel this way about the other guy? Why do I love him so?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010):

im in love with two men one that im seeing and the aother my freind liked and akked me to text him with i did i didnt think i cud fall fall him and we meet up and he likes me alot he dont no i have a bf i didnt want to break his heart now i dont no wot to do but i will not cheat im not that sort of gal

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

Think of it this way, could you choose which parent or sibling you care for the most or which one is your favorite(assuming you had a decent family)? Most people would say no, that you love each family member for his/her own uniqueness.

So, why can't romantic relationships be the same way? My point is, they can. If she says she loves both of you, she probably does. However, from experience of loving a couple different guys, that love is different with every person. It's never the same. Sometimes it happens with a couple people at once, sometimes only one person at a time. What she has to figure out, is which type of love she wants: the one with the other guy or with you. Hopefully if you want this gal, you can show her that you have the most to offer her. It's ridiculous to refute the fact that she loves two guys, but what you can do is help her figure out that the reasons she loves you for are "better" than the ones for this other guy. Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

Hello everyone, I've been in the same situation, and it was and is very hard to comprehend with your feelings and logics and common sence, and responsibilities. Especially if you are in a committed relationship.

Then I've done some readings on relationships and understood that there different types of love. One person might trigger one set of emotions and another would mean something different. Some people do not feel it and some people do. Basic types of love are commited love, romantic, passionate, platonic, if to go in details, you could find more of these types or different characteristics. I just want to emphasize that it is absolutely normal and natural to be attached to more than one person since the feelings are just called with one word, but mean absolutely different things. You could be really emotionally close to your friend, but still love your partner passionately. The problem with your situation i think is that you do not know what to do and hat is going to happen next. I dont want to encourage or discourage you to do some actions, but usually people who love two people are having a really tough choice to make. It is very hard and very painful. Not only you are afraid to break your loved once heart, you know that you have to choose whose heart to break. You also know that you would keep thinking about the other person. You would be completely lost. So i think that your friend really needs your support. That usually works the best, to say that you respect her feelings and would help her to make the right decision. Do not pressure her, it could only push her away. Being there and being the one who brings comfort and positive emotions would work much better than any power.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

I absolutely think that it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. I know because i'm experiencing it at the very moment. I have a boyfriend of two years that I love with all my heart, he's my everything. On the other hand I love someone else who lives in a different country. We simply cannot be together due to our living circumstances so we simply cannot be in a relationship. It doesn't mean that I have to stop loving him, or that I have settled for my current boyfriend. Its just means that I fell in love twice. I love two men but am devoted to the one I am with. Simple as that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010):

You cannot love more than one person, that it just reddiculous. No matter how much you may think you love the both of them. It's a very confusing situation for anybody to go through. At the end of the day it isn't REAL love to love more than one person because real love is your heart falling for someone and you will do anything for them and cannot live without them. However, when people say they love two people at once, it's their head telling them that not their heart and it is the heart that loves not the head. Remember, the head just thinks and chooses, the heart has emotions. Even if you do really believe you feel for both people then you will go with what your heart tells you and which one you truely love and not what your head thinks.

I was in the same situation about a year ago and I thought I loved both men and I thought deep into it and went with my heart. I loved the one man in an exciting way but the other more in a romantic way which is what the heart loves more. I'm now with my boyfriend who i've been with a year now and the other man is with someone else. You soon get over the other one anyway.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010):

Yes it is possible for a woman to fall in love with two men ... They are commonly referred to as sluts! ~ One of the two men ~

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010):

im in the same position now its horrible . i have been with my bf just over a year and we have been through thick and thin together ,, but over the months my love for him was fading and now ive met this really nice man hes soo sweet and ive told him its not that easy just to leave my boyfriend ,last time i left him he got suicidal .. im stuck lol .

but how i think of it ,soon i will look back on this and think "thankgod i done this ,i followed my heart and im happy" :) good luck too everyone else x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010):

Yes, it is true indeed. I'm dealing with this too at the moment. I really love two girls at the same time, but I can't really decide whom I love more. And it is hard for you, as well as for your partner. As I had a discussion with my girlfriend before, about me liking that other girl more. But I don't know whom I love more. So it IS true that you can be in love with two people at the same time. Well, at least, that is my opinion about it. I don't know what other people say about it, but I think that it is true. And so do my feelings.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010):

Yes you can, I'm dealing with this right now and it's been the hardest thing I've had to deal with. It's kind of comforting to know that other people are going through the same battle though. My wish for everyone is that they find their true love. I ask myself everyday, who can I not live without? I'm still waiting for my heart to tell me the answer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010):

I definetly think that it is possible to love more than one person, actually more than two. I am in love with three guys and it is the hardest situation i have ever faced. I love all of them more than the other one and i dont know which one my heart will settle with. I often use to think that if you love one person then you cant fall in love with anyone but through experience i found thats not actually true. or maybe i am just in a state of confusion but when i think any of them being with someone else it really gets to me maybe its because all three of them are really nice to me and all in different ways.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010):

I believe it's true, because the same thing is happening to me, but I'm like the girl who's in love with her boyfriend, and also her close friend. In my perspective, I love both guys, but sort of in different ways. The more I hang out with my friend, the more I know that I want to be with him. But there's also those times when I want to be with my boyfriend, because I feel secure with him, but I still long to be with my friend. It's a pretty confusing situation. If you want to be with her, then hang out with her more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010):

Well to be curt, why do you think some religions allow a man to marry more than once? Christians are told to choose and only have one partner. This takes strength and great character. Yes love brings people together, but it can also tear them apart. This is why I believe marriage is more than about love. Its about commitment and honesty. When you get married there will always be challenges and temptations to lead you astray...you have to be strong minded and self disciplined to honour your vows. If you really loved someone with all your heart and they die then it is okay to move on - so if the relationship dies surely its also acceptable (which is why divorce is now permitted).

Having said all this, she still have to make a decision and stick to it. Give yourself and her some space (like a few months) and if after 3 months you still think of her and she still thinks of her...write her a letter. Tell her that you want to write her a letter as a friend and if she is still with this other bloke just keep writing her letters as a friend, telling her what you are doing and stuff.

But I guess by the end of the third month either you or her or both of you will have forgotton each other it will dwindle to nothing anyway. But never say never....life throws weird twists and changes to us all and who knows 10 years down the line fate might bring you together once and for all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010):

I believe this happens to all of us. It is one of those taboos that we violate- but, we love more than one person- the difference in people is in whether they express this love for both people. Right or wrong - it does happen to all of us.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010):

Realizing through the years, I understood that loving two persons is fine and avoidable how much you want too, the more I resist and not thinking about it the more I wanted that person. The only difference is, you should know your boundaries and limitations, you should be cautious with your actions that every move has an effect.. Be true to your emotions but be responsible handling it.. make sure no one gets hurt..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010):

yes, it is very possible to love two women at the same time. i am in that situation now and i can tell you that i love them both so much! if you feel jealous about them on something then you really have that love for them. it is simple, why would you feel jealous if you don't love them?

hope this will help.

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A female reader, Lorenn. United Kingdom +, writes (8 January 2010):

Personally, i don't think you can love two people at the same time. i think it's confusion as emotions do tend to take over and some people do not know what they want. You can't love two people, simply because that cannot be 'real love' your mind loves them, not your heart, if you was in love your feelings would project on one person, not two. This is just my opinion. But i hope it helped.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009):

It is the most difficult and painful situation ever. It isn't easier either when you're the person who loves two people. I have a boyfriend of four years, whom I adore and respect, but I am also deeply in love with someone who was my best friend. I hurt him in ways I could never forgive myself for, and that hurt makes me hurt due to the fact that I really do love him. I cannot bear to think of him with anyone else, yet I have to let go because I have chosen to make my current relationship work. It's horrible. I'll probably grow old wondering whether or not I made the "right choice" :-(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009):

well i will let you no something.. i fell the same way as her... i love my new boyfrind truly do but i still love my ex... its easy to love but to mean it is different.. but i can say i truly mean it wen i say i love them both .... if that helps u

if not sorry

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

ahm..honestly yes..and thats too hard!!!but i have to face it ..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

it is possible to truly love two people at once. Though it can be the hardest hing ever

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A male reader, vin_c_boy Virgin Islands - U.S. +, writes (6 December 2009):

Yes, you can definitely love two persomns at the same time.I dated a girl for three years and then she moved to another country. It was a case of "out of sight, out of mind", and we married other persons. Thirty five years have past since we broke up, but I have now found her. We chat online everyday and we telephone each other twice per week. She talks to me on the phone for three hours at a time. I love my wife and she loves her husband, but we are bonded by our past. We both admit that we are deeply in love with each other. However, we are not prepared to enter into an adulterous relationship. We wish our friendship to be platonic. Yes, we can deeply love two persons at the same time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009):

I am in love with my husband, and we have a wonderful family. We compliment each other in many ways, and he is truly my best friend. I am also in love with his brother. At first I was horrified, and we stayed as far from each other as we could, but eventually we could no longer deny it. The brother and I have become very close, and he spends a lot of time at our house.I never wanted to be that woman, the woman who says she loves and adores her husband yet has an affair-and with his brother no less! But here I am, madly in love with two men. Both of them fit me so perfectly, just in different ways. When all 3 of us are together, I feel like everything is perfect. I don't know that I could live without either of them.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009):

It is possible i am in love with 2 most wonderful people in my life i always wish to marry both of them and that they would like that i feel like god has given me love and i give it to the world through these two people i love them so much and losing one or the other would hurt me!!! I spend time with both but always confused in my mind when i am with any one of them i also had fights like any other normal relation shp and break ups... but i always try to patch it up :) the feeling after fight get even stronger thought i think it is possible to love every one in this world 1,2,5,10,100,1000, what ever number is, but finding time for all of them is virtually impossible. in this world the main thing is to live not for life but for love and that is what i am doing and no one can stop me because i will defend what i love with all my ability! To bad i am not muslim i guess...

I will put it simple though if you love a flower only one of its kind when you will look at sky you will know that there is none other flower like the one you have in any of those stars, planets, the flower is special to you and that is why when you look at sky you feel happiness the greatest joy of life... adding my opinion you can have more then one flower, loving them equally with all your heart and when you look at sky you will still know that there is no flowers like these two here any were in the whole universe.

I want to ask all of you to love each other and give love to this world it is the only real purpose in this world love will open you up to your self and others that you love it is the best gift of life there is it is part of nature and all created by god that lives within us! Cherish every moment of your life and know that what you have no one else has and admire that because it is all a gift from God.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009):

Over 40 years ago, I also fell in love with a young 19 year old woman at college, who claims she "loved" two men at the same time. It still hurts emotionally to care about a person and then be dumped, because she had an existing boyfriend back in her hometown (about 250 miles away)and she wasn't honest with me when she claimed she had stopped seeing this person. For 7 months we were basically married, but once she went away for the summer and the former boyfriend surprised her with an engagement ring, she said she got carried away in the moment, but that spelled curtains for me. What's interesting is that I would not ask her to marry me, because I deep down did not trust her. To this day, I cannot reconcile her words and her actions. I had several indications that she was cheating on me when we were at college, but I was too "in love" to break the relationship off myself. My advice would be to run like the wind if you find yourself caught in a triangle, where the woman is so confused about her true love feelings, that she is unable to make a decision early on so that someone's heart doesn't get thrown in the wood chipper! Then again, years later when I found out that she and her husband had engaged in the wife swapping scene, and she smoked marijuana on a daily basis, I thanked God that things worked out the way they did, since I would not have engaged in either of those activities. It's always nice to find out that you dodged a bullet.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009):

Well maybe,

But sometimes it does happen. Who says that out of the billions of us that wouldn't meet two people who we absolutely are dazzled by and love. It's not impossible but out there. Maybe you should see if you feel the same way for her. Or maybe she could leave for like more than a month without seeing you, sometimes we lose interest if we're not around them for awhile. Hope I helped somewhat, btw, you love both ur parents..hopefully and you couldn't pick over them so just thought i should say :)

I'm young in age but I tried ;)

BR

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009):

Love is just an emotion. You can love more than one person as easily as you can hate more than one person. This doesn't make you a bad person.

What's worse? Spending your life looking for that one perfect person, ditching relationships as you go? Admitting that you've fallen for more than one person? If the person you loved also loved another, would you end the relationship? Would you demand that they end the other relationship, forcing them to choose?

Personally, I hold to the simple truth that people are happier when they find love, and as long as everybody's happy, there's nothing wrong. In fact, it leads to fantastic feelings of compersion. If that's a mystery word to you, look it up!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009):

I am going through the same thing...I have been married for 14 years and he is a wonder man NOW...I have two children with him and he treats me great.. My husband had two affairs on me about 7 years ago and to keep him I promised not to talk about it too much and kept it to myself...but about a year and a half ago an ex came back into my life..my husband was never around always busy and I became lonely...my ex lives a bit away from me so we don't get to see each other very often but we talk everyday..and I am crazy about him...because of that I have started to rethink what happened with my husband and I can't get over it...I love my husband, he is a great provider a great father and I told him about this other guy that I had feelings for him and he is being a great husband now...but don't know if it is too late...I have tried to let the ex go, we went 4 months without any contact and I cried and missed him terribly...My husband doesn't know I am still in contact with this guy.....it is tearing me apart...cause I can't give either one 100% of my love..it is so painful...my ex would come to be with me in a heartbeat if I left my husband...so confused just don't want to make a huge mistake...but yes you defiantly can be in love with two people.

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A female reader, st496855 United States +, writes (6 October 2009):

Yes you can think you can love two people at the same time. But real love honors and respects the person you love. You would not cause them harm by any means, you would lay your life on the line in selflessness because of your love for them. That kind of love inhibits the creation on another love.

Although, love is an entity that needs to be nourished. It is possible that a starved love can go through a dry period and be reduced to an ember. That could cause you to seek that all consuming love elsewhere. Love requires maintainence. If you allow love to grow and create the atmoshpere for it, it will flourish.

Most people who find themselves in a position that they love two people is with an ex, former crush, co worker or friend. why? Because that nourturing has already taken place at some point and can be felt more readily.

Love is not to be confused with the natural human law of attraction when a chemical response is caused in us at the presense of certain phenomes in another person ie that crazy chemistry people talk about. That is in fact science.

Love is an emotion as well as a enitity ie when people speak of being "in love" out of the emotional realm and being in the state or abiding within the presence of love.

It is always important to protect your heart and peace of mind, as well as others. When finding yourself in a potential state of division one must avoid those catastrophic results at all costs. Very few people have what it takes to allow a partner to live out there love with another knowingly and in full freedom with the idea. Jealousy or societal pressure will often come into play destroying the relationship.

Take it or leave it. It is always best to know yourself, love yourself and search your heart and soul. Be truthful , honest and wise protecting your heart and happiness and those you truly love no matter the sacrifice. Life is too short to live in the "What Ifs" if your not wholely and truely happy make some changes for you do not look for completion in someone else. You will only find yourself tired and lonely in the end.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009):

I can say that its possible. You have to be able to understand that you have to be able to support emotionally to both partners about your love to them. Is it possible to be in a relationship with two people at the same time, yes but it also requires the other two people too care about each other as well as you. Just understand that you must make sense of your feelings and descern between love and infatuation between the two. I've been in love with to ex girlfriends but I don't know how to deal with these feelings because I know it will never work because they are different and they won't be emotionally strong enough to deal with it. But I know in my heart I will never be able to find someone who understands me and makes me feel loved and cared for as much as these two women that I care for.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009):

I can say that its possible. You have to be able to understand that you have to be able to support emotionally to both partners about your love to them. Is it possible to be in a relationship with two people at the same time, yes but it also requires the other two people too care about each other as well as you. Just understand that you must make sense of your feelings and descern between love and infatuation between the two.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009):

I have been with my husband for 21 years but I have also been in love with my first boyfriend for years and I love both of them and feel pain for them both. I do not want to leave my husband but I cannot do with out my first love in my life.We have never been intimate but their is a deep deep deep deep love. Does this make me a bad person.

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A female reader, IrishLass52 United States +, writes (17 March 2009):

I am with you, I am currently with who I thought was my soulmate, the love of my life, and he is also in love with someone else. I can see the difference in how he is with me, therefore, my insecurities have festered and I am just probably not helping matters. I cannot be in this type of relationship beause while I think you can have feeling for more than one person you can only truly be in love with one, the one who completes you, the one who you think of always. I am hurting so bad, he says he loves me very very much and doesnt want me to leave him but he also loves her and cannot promise an exclusive relationship. I dont know what to say on the matter as it is so fresh and new to me and hurts very much. But dont we owe it to ourselves to have someone who loves us exclusively.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

I didnt believe that you could love two people, i thought that if you were happy with your partner it would be impossible to fall for someone else but i have...

ive been with my fiance for almost 5 years, now im in love with a male friend of mine who tells me he loves me too but we only admit our true feelings when we've had a drink. when we're sober we dont acknowledge it at all. This sparks another debate- does alcohol make you speak the truth?

Up to now i have kissed my friend but gone no further, he wants it to happen and it has a feeling of inevitability to me, we will sleep together eventually, i know it. I just feel like such a traitor to my fiance as i love him dearly.

from Samantha (Britain)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

It is possible - and with our ideas about marriage and the fairy tales we are fed from the time we are born it is no wonder people feel torn. The reality is if people are truly in love with one another they will want what is best for the other person. You can love two people at the same time. Be honest with both of them. My girlfriend of three years is married to my best friend. We all get along great and everything is out in the open. It works for me as a busy professional because I cannot meet all of her emotional needs, and he tends to be deployed alot. It gives him peace of mind that his best friend is looking out for his girl while he is gone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009):

Yes. It is possible to be in love with two people at one time. I have been married for 22 years and love my husband very much. I have recently run into a friend that I have not seen in eight years. In my heart I knew I had feelings for him, but never realized it until we met about a year ago. There's always been the connection, but he felt it too. For a year now we have been seeing each other when he's in town and I truly love him, but at the same time, I truly love my husband, too. I'm not sure at this point, which direction I will go. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009):

I honestly don't think you can love two people at the same. I've recently gotten out of a situation like that. my ex-boyfriend says he loves me but at the same time was telling someone else that he loved her too. Soon his love for her became greater than his love for me. Just like the bible No one can serve two master, either he will love one and hate the other or be devoted to one and despise the other. This holds true to love as well.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009):

I am going through this, its very emotional for me...I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have a baby together...well before me and my boyfriend getting together i was with a guy for about a year, he always treated me very good, the guy im with now is just like opposites or something?? I mean he treats me good just not the same way...I recently was contacted by my ex, all of a sudden my life was turned upside down, like im in love with him like its always been there...My present boyfriend knows theres something going on but i know he doesnt like him...I dont want to choose, I love them both and i like where im at now but i always wonder is this what i want for the rest of my life, i guess its only human to wonder... but i cant have them both and i cant choose over either.... I dont know what to do about it...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008):

Being in love with two people at the same time. i do believe this statement can be true.

I have been with my husband for 15 years and in those 15 years we have grown closer and our love for each other has grown.

Before I meet my husband I meet a man with whom I admired and enjoyed, intellectually, we had one sexual encounter, he was a gentleman in every aspect of the way; he was deffinantly someone whom I wanted to be with and wanted to get to know much better. But he was with a friend of mine whom I disliked the way she was treating him, he was nothing but a piece of meat to her, a place to lay her head and a place to dig deep into his pockets. Never the less we lost contact and it has been about 19 years since I heard from him and I haven't heard from my friend neither.

Recently in the last 6 months I have been chatting online to friends and yes I have made some new ones. I started chatting with someone that I could not place and he did not have a picture of himself neither. At this point we started talking and this is the same man I had a sudden rush back into me and I felt something, a part of me come alive. I have thought about this situation for sometime now and I have had several conversations with my husband. My feelings for him have not changed and we both know that we are staying together, however, my feelings for this other man in my life are real. This man has brought back something that I thought I lost sometime ago and he can lift me up; make me feel like whole again. You can be in love with two people; I had thought I had forgotten this man and what he brought to my life and now that he is back I will never let him go. The old saying you never know what you got until it is gone; this rang true for me and I don't want to let my husband nor my companion go again. The three of us have decided to bring the three of us together has a team and enjoy each others company. Sometimes when life troughs you a curve you have to take it by the horn and decide what is the best thing for you. What will make you whole, full and what makes you happy. Sometimes it takes more than just one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008):

I believe you can be in love with two people at the same time. My entire college career has had triangle after triangle. At first I fell in love with the totally unexpected. I was setting my heart on a guy but what I fell in love with was a female classmate of mine. We ended up dating for over a year and because of my lack of experience in relationships, I took her for granted at times which ultimately lead to our break-up. Not even a month went by when I discovered that she was involved with a guy from her hometown. So a year has gone by and she's still in a relationship with this guy and after many attempts to move on I still find myself in love with her. Two guys have been in my triangle, but I always ended up choosing her over them. I guess this time karma's a bitch. Now she says that she's in love with him and me. She says that we're just "different." I understand that physiologically we are, but I still feel that even though the heart feels, we are still adults who should be able to make mature and responsible decisions regarding everybody's feelings and not just hers. I sacrificed my feelings for those other guys, why can't she? Sure, sometimes I wonder what if, but I own up to my decision. AND, I was completely honest with everybody in the party and I'm still cool with everyone. Her boyfriend is left completely in the dark but she says that it would be something that she would regret and wouldn't want to risk that if it made them break-up. So, I guess my question is, does she sound like she's in love with me? She'd do anything to protect her relationship with him, but when she's with me it seems like it's all about me. When she goes home, we have limited options to communicate because of where she's located and because of that she neglects me and spends all of her time with him, but when she gets back it's all about me again. AM I GETTING PLAYED?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008):

i think trully you can love two people, you love them for different reasons. But you cant be happy feeling the love .. you get torn and all partys involved get hurt ,so no one wins.. you cant adventually hide the feelings and either partner will figure out that you do,., not a good situation to be in,, however , we dont pick to feel ,,.

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A female reader, lostwife United States +, writes (5 December 2008):

Well I am married and I have recently started seeing another man. I thought it was just sex at first because my husband cant perform anymore. I only started seeing this other man to take care of my neglected needs, but I am in love with him now! I wake up thinking of him, I go to sleep thinking about him. I feel sick and lonely without him. I am lost! So yes You can love 2 people

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008):

Gay male perspective here:

I guess I just thought it was so cliche' to love your partner and to be "in love" with somebody else. But the reality of it recently reached up and grabbed me.

I've been with my partner for almost 20 years, but before he and I ever met I had a tremendous crush on a guy that I was very good friends with. He, I thought, was straight. He was married for many years and had a child with his wife. Recently, she left him. Now he tells me that he wants me in his life.

So I'm finding myself in love with him, but still understanding and recognizing that I love my partner. Interesting it isn't that different for him--he still loves his wife (even though she left him).

Life is WAY too complex sometimes. I swear, it sounds like I could go on some afternoon talk show with a story like this.

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A female reader, harper06082 United States +, writes (30 November 2008):

Oh most definitely you can love two people equally at once. I experienced it myself and now I am in the terrible situation where I am one of the two.

I am just so afraid if he does choose me then for the rest of our lives he is thinking about her.

I don't think there is a real answer for anyone is this situation. You can probably never make the decision unless

you are forced into it, such as one or both give you the ultimatum and you realize you can't lose them. I wish there was more written on this by professionals

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

I never thought it possible either but then it happened to me and it was honestly one of the most devastating things I've had to make a decision about. It was exactly the same - I was in love with my partner and fell in love with a friend at the same time. I chose one and I am happy with him, but I still think, wonder, and dream about the other one all the time and I can't deny that it was also real love with him too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

It is possible and it stings like hell. Avoid at all costs. It hurts either way you go and it hurts for a long time. A very long time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008):

Me and my best friend really like this guy and he won't choose between us and he told me that he loved me and told my other friend he loved her and we are just wondering if it possible for someone to like 2 people at the same time? Can you help us? We both really like this guy and we have excepted it and are not mad at each other for this and we both know we are in love with him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008):

Hi, what a difficult question to answer, I have been married for 16 years, love my Husband,but am not in love with him,we've had our problems,I met someone who I had very stong feelings towards, which turned into Love,a love so deep that I am now totally confused,A love that I have never felt for anyone else before in my life. I had an affair got found out and felt so guilty for all the heartache we caused, but even now my Love for that person will not go away even though I am with my Husband who loves me deeply,I live with this silently every day, it hurts so much, I have not known pain like it. I do not envey anyone else going through this. People may say that we are selfish but untill it happens to them, they will never know.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008):

This is a sad one. I met and fell in love with the love of my life as a gauche teenager and I have never loved another man since. When he didn't seem to return my feelings, I went away, because it just hurt too much to be around him and be nothing to him. While I was away (and I am talking years here), he married someone else. I came back to my home area some 20+ years ago and have been with my current partner for the last 10. It is a harmonious relationship in which I am reasonably content, even though my heart still lies steadfastly with my first love of 30+ years ago. No, we are not having an affair, and nor will we, but I now know that my first love returns my feelings. It is a bitter/sweet discovery for obvious reasons because the conviction that I was born to be with him has never gone away. Who knows what the future may hold, but one thing we are never going to do is seek out happiness together at the cost of another person's unhappiness. I have read lots of posts about women having affairs with men who won't leave their wives, and I don't sit in judgment, but you have to ask at the end of it all whether you would want a cheat as your partner. I wouldn't. To all those women tearing themselves into pieces over a man who will not leave his wife - my advice is that if you really love him, support his marriage, don't try to destroy it. Yes it sounds barking mad to say it, but I really love my old flame too much to put that pressure on him. He would be torn between two women he really loves, and that is not fair. Of course it hurts, but if you love someone, you put them first.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008):

I don't know if this answers your question but I am in a situation with a fella who claims he is in love with two people - me and his wife.

I recently fell in love with him when he came for a visit to my country. We both fell into it unintentionally while he was over, spending four of the most wonderful days together, and now we write daily and phone weekly. He says (and after much difficulty) I have come to believe him when he says he LOVES me and I mean the world to him. However, he has also said that he loves his wife and has suggested more than once that he can't give up his family but still wants to see me and be with me.

Now I know what you are thinking - I was thinking it too...PLAYER! But his words and actions don't seem like someone who is just out for sex. Surely to God, he could've gotten that in his own country!!

Anyway, we are talking about meeting in Europe in a few months and while I want to see if, for no other reason, to this is REAL (or just a holiday fling - which he adamantly insists it's not) I'm just not sure if there is any point to any of this.

That having been said, I can't help but wonder if he is so happy and in love with his wife, what is he doing with me? Clearly I give him something that is missing in his life.

Any thoughts?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008):

Yes, you absolutely can love two men at the same time. Take it from me, to keep your life much simpler and happier, just don't go there. I got involved, after 30 years, with my first love. I'd been very happily married for 25 years when just a phone call reignited the flame from so many years before. I'd been married for 25 years to some one I love dearly, who has been a wonderful husband and a fantastic father when I spoke with my old love after 29 years apart. The sexual tension was still there and I found it irresistable. This is not a reflection on my husband, he is wonderful in every way. Anyway, my first boy friend and I have had a nine year affair and have just recently ended it...sort of.

This has been a long distance affair with our seeing each other only 3 times a year, or so, but speaking daily. I had been able to keep my husband in the dark because he is so trusting and would allow me to travel with my "girlfriends" whenever I wanted to. But this has taken a huge emotional toll. I feel that I have given away the emotional energy that I should have been putting into my marriage even though my husband still thinks I am the best wife ever and loves me deeply. I love him too but I do feel that that love is diluted by the energy I put into my love for my boyfriend. I will do everything in my power to keep my husband from knowing of this affair, not to save myself, I believe he would forgive me anything, but to save him from the pain that would serve no purpose since the affair is over. I know this sounds like I am a bad person, but, you can't help who you love. I love my boyfriend who would have been a terrible husband and I love my husband who has been a wonderful life partner. The thing is that my husband and I were incredibley happy (and still are, as far as my husband is concerned)until I allowed this other love back into my life. I feel like (as they say) I am "tap dancing as fast as I can" to keep them both happy and I am the only one suffering. My boyfriend and I recently ended it and I am depressed and down but trying to hide it so my husband does not wonder why I am depressed. Any way, I do love them both but my advice to every one is to do all you can do not to put yourself in that situation. In our society it is just too unacceptable to be involved with 2 people at the same time and it is way too painful to have to choose. My husband is a wonderful person and I will do everything in my power to keep him from knowing about this. I think ultimately, this affair was an act of complete selfishness though I can say I truly love the other person.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008):

Well i grew up thinking that you were meant to be with 1 person i was a a relationship for 5 years and had a child we started having major problems mostly because of me we both ended up on massive pills and speed binge anyway 3 years down the track i find myself in love with my new girl who ive been with for 3 years since i met her in my drug binge and now that i am straight and have been for 2 years i find myself still in love with my ex and loving my girlfriend now and its doing my head in i dont know what to do or if it was actually possible typing in "can you actually be in love with two people" to google leading me here i also have bi-polar but i definalty am in love with both of the and for very different reasons i was going to write a book but thats what the net is for GOOD LUCK EVERYONE

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A male reader, markus United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2008):

the answer is yes. it is possible to love two people at the same time. even to the point of equal status in your life. enough to make you feel that you cant even choose to be with one .its a horrible fact as you could infact lose two people being in love with two people. how do you choose and let the other loved person down. its like choosing witch arm to chop off. you need them both for different things. and the fact the someone admits this confirms its true. she could of said. i am loving you but losing love for my partner. but she/he said that they love you both. if you truely love someone how do you let go of them. the only anwer that i am trying to confirm is that its possibly the most heart rendering experience of anyone life. and its 100% true that you can love two people at the same time. and the person going threw this just tends to push them both away as he/she think they dont have the right to be happy. major ups followed by major downs.

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A female reader, PhDiva United States +, writes (24 July 2008):

What an interesting topic...Love is a relative term - depends on who you ask. It means something very different to everyone who experiences the emotions associated with it. I tend to agree with those who understand the process of evolution and realize that what separates human beings from animals is our ability to reason, feel guilt and set boundaries. I have been married for two years and recently have "fallen" for a man I believe to be a compatible soulmate. As one of the other responders indicated, every individual brings different qualities to the table hence the reason we are attracted to others. It's more than just appearance (the fact that this man is a dead ringer for Lance Armstrong has nothing at all to do with it) - but seriously, it's about a "feeling" that you experience when this person is in your presence that elicits a physiological response that you find unexplainable. Making the choice whether or not to pursue a relationship while you are either married or in a committed relationship - is also relative. There is no right or wrong as long as you are (or plan to be) honest. My struggle is now to make that decision, my fear is that I am NOT with my life partner. Time will tell.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008):

I have loved more than one person at a time before. It is possible, and I believe that it is natural. Being an American human, living in society, we are taught that monogamy is good and right, and that it's the only way. If you take a look at many species of animal life on this planet you will see that not many are truly monogamous. That does not mean that there is no love shared (the need to protect, shelter, procreate and just be near others of the species) between these creatures. The only thing that separates us and the other animals when it comes to companionship is guilt and jealousy. Without those, we could live happily in poly amorous relationships. I don't think that that means you should cheat on a significant other; society’s rules are pretty powerful. But everyone should think long and hard about the relationships that they chose before making a lifetime commitment to just one person.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008):

Yes!!!!!! You can love two people at the same time. I have been married for over 15 years. I had my share of boyfriends and broke hearts and had all of my fun. I fell in love with him while we were freinds. He is my soulmate and I can't imagine my life without him. I miss him while he works, I call him all the time, I love his touch.

Two years ago I met a wonderful younger man than me and my hubby. It started out innocent because I am not the type to flirt or even bother checking other men out. He was in love with me from the start; I am a model. He saw my pictures and loved them. I also write for magazines and I met him through this business. I swear I don't know when it happened. I wish I could say that things were bad in my marriage. Not. We are closer than ever. We have been having this affair for almost three years. It's mainly emails and phone calls. We met once in a hotel, and anything could of happened but the guilt drove me out of there before I did something I could regret. But before I left he kissed me and I swear I have never felt anything like that and I am very passionate and so is my husband. My heart was beating so fast and I will never forget that kiss. He says he loves me and I believe him. He wants to come and see me again and I am so afraid because I know that I won't walk away twice. But bottom line, I stopped talking to him for a year. I stopped modeling, moved away and he found me again. No he is not trying to stalk me or anything. But the minute he called me and i heard his voice, I felt it. I had missed him for all the two years we were apart and now it's as if nothing has changed. I know i will love him for the rest of my life. But I will not leave my husband he is my first love and my soulmate. To those that are reading this and seem confused, just read it with an open mind. I use to say, 'Never' too and now I am living and loving two people.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008):

Being in love with someone has nothing to do with being honest fair. That's what you're suppose to be when you are committed in a relationship. Being in love is having very strong feelings for someone that you can't control. And yes, I think you can be in love with two people at the same time. I am in love with two men right now. Both of these men give me something different. I fell in love with both of them for different reasons. You cannot control your feelings. Love is a feeling just like anger is a feeling. If someone dies, you can't control your feeling of sorrow, or if someone makes you mad, you can't control your anger. You can try to hide your feelings, but they are still there. Same thing with love. It can't be controlled.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008):

I do not think it is possible to be "in Love" with two people at the same time. My boyfriend of three years and I broke up a year ago because our parents would not let us get married. After that though we were officially broken up we still saw each other and did things that ordinary friends do. Now it has been two weeks and I have totally broken off all contact with my ex boyfriend. Meanwhile there was another guy I had been talking to (over the phone and messenger) for the past month or so. As soon as I stopped talking to my ex boyfriend I felt a surge in my feelings for this other guy. Right now I am madly in love, I am so in love that my heart rate is always fast, I cant eat cant sleep. The most confusing part is I do not know which guy my heart is beating for. I know I cant have one, but I love him. I know I love this other guy because I can have him. But when I seek the answer deep down I know that I have truly loved my ex-boyfriend and am just infatuated to the other. If my parents would let me marry my boyfriend and his parents let him marry me, then I know that I would not even think about this other guy. "Love happens only once, the rest is life". I was reading some of the posts here where people are talking about cheating on their spouses and what not. DON'T DO IT!!! It is the greener grass syndrome as one person called it, soon that will be over and you will ask yourself why you did it. Unless you are in a meaningless, loveless, abusive relationship, don't leave your spouses for another.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008):

hi,

you know, i have the same problem...and question. There is a man i am in love with, and he said, he has fallen in love with me too....however, he also says, he loves his girlfriend too! So, what the heck? I don't think that's possible. Yes, there are different forms and types (and levels) of "love"...but IN LOVE? See, just "love", as wonderful as it is, can be given to many different things at once, yes, that's possible...like say for instance, you can "love" your dog, "love" your kids, "love" your car, "love" your spouse, whatever.....but that doesn't mean you are IN LOVE with that. I think IN LOVE is different. To me, this man i am IN LOVE with, who openly says he's also IN LOVE with me, DOES "love" his girlfriend, but is not IN LOVE!!!! BIG DIFFERENCE. Well, it certaily would be interesting to see others opinions on this!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008):

Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? This is a trick questions. Love has many different forms. If someone is truly in love with another person, then he/she would not be able to fall in love with someone else. There is the posssibility that he/she could be infatuated with another person. This has happen to me and for a few momnets, you think that you are in love with two people. That is not possible. The point is that infatuation is not the same thing as love and should not be mistaken as love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I've known him for two. I had my "first time" with him and he was the first guy who totally made me fall head over heels in love.

But I'm also friends with another male friend who I've known for 2 years now, we get on really well, and he's stated that he has feelings for me. We once both had crushes on each other before I got with my boyfriend but I guess I convinced myself we could only be friends.

Now we've been chatting more, my old feelings have come back. At the same time I still have my feelings for my boyfriend. So I do believe it is possible to be in love at the same time. I feel for you, as I don't know what to do in my situation. I love them both too much and I can't bear to lose them so it's really difficult to make a decision :( Good luck with whatever choice you decide to make :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008):

I think it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. I never thought this could be possible as to be truly in love with someone means 100% trust and honesty and not wanting to hurt that person; and falling in love with someone else goes against all of those things.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, I love him and have spent 6 happy years with him, never even thinking about anybody else and always picturing our future together forever. Recently, however I met a guy who I had an instant and very strong connection with, we have a lot in common and it's like neither of us could control the connection we felt when we first met. Over the past few months I have spent more time with him and can't stop thinking about him, i think i have fallen in love with him. It is very difficult for me, I know that i am in love with my boyfriend and it is killing me everyday to think that in my head I am being unfaithful by thinking about someone else, it is, however, uncontrollable and the only control I have over the situation is to stop myself from seeing the other guy before anything can develop any further.

I think in this situation you have to let things be for a while. Maybe spend time alone or with friends, stop seeing the other person and then you can give it a chance to fade away or realise that the love you feel for one person may be stronger than the love you feel for the other person.

It is so hard because no one wants to hurt someone they love but ultimately you have to follow your heart and i do believe that when you are head-over-heels in love with someone and 100% happy with everything then you won't fall in love with someone else. You may meet people that you connect with but you wont open up to this connection because you are so happy that you dont need to.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008):

I am in love with two men. One I live with and have been with for two and a half years. The other I have been friends for five plus years and have been in love with him the whole time, but we have never been in a relationship. I am considering leaving my current partner for my friend and he wants to be with me. But I don't know if I have the grass is greener on the other side syndrome or if I seriously want a life with this person. My current partner is a great friend and lover but just doesn't seem to understand me like my friend and my current partner and I argue alot and leaving him will hurt him and I don't want to do this. But I think that we argue because of my true feelings for my friend. So yes I think that you can be in love with two people, but how you decide which one to be with I have no idea. Sometimes doing nothing can be your answer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

Hey,

I think that it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. However, i strongly beleive that love and relationships take a on a certain route and go through different phases. I think that the first stage of love which i will call the "butterfly" stage is the only stage at which you mentally cannot be in love with two people. It is during this time that you develop the strong emotions and attachements. I would doubt whether your brain could manage to do this with two people and in a way i see it as the forming process and only one state of love can be formed at once. However, this does not discount the possibility of going through stage one with another person once you are at a different stage of love with the initial partner. In our society it is more about being committed and respectful towards your current relationship and not opening yourself up to enter the initial stage with someone else.

I also think that the stages are slightly different for each realtionship but that they form a general pattern, which i wont go in to here.

I, like yourself thought that this was impossible, but having found myself in a situation where i beleive i have very strong feelings for two people i have had to re-assess my analysis, and this was what made the most sense to me. For me, the second person was only allowed to enter into an interaction at the first stage because they were from my past. This meant that i had already opened up to them and attraction etc had already been defined. This is why people from your past that you once had feelings for pose the largest threat and are the most common reason why relationships may fail. In this sense, they can almost skip the first stage pass go and collect a new partner without.

This is obviously just my thoughts but i hope it helps

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008):

I think it can be possible. Your heart just grows for another,but if it comes to that....Then your in trouble because feeling will make you do things you don't want to. IF you ever feel you love two people, you need to try and stop them feelings............Before its TOOOOOOOOO late

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008):

yes u can love two people at the same time as you cant help who u fall in love with..

its hard to know if ur in love or ur in lust but take ur time and think bout it if u think or know ur in love with two people then find out who u wanna be with as u may love two but can only have one

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008):

i think u can love to people at the same time as u cant help who u fall in love with its part of life n the againi also think when u say i love you dont always mean love it can mean lust as lust n love feels n looks the same only way u wil know if you mean it is search deep down

feelin dont change like the weather so if you think u love two people or know it do somethin befor its two late

pick cause in the end 3 people or 4 will get hurt n u wil not have any of the guys u love

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007):

Yes it is possible to be in love with two people both equally and unequally. Being human beings and not being able to control the biggest organ, he heart, you can never dictate who you fall in love with. The idea of being in love in our modern society is man, woman, seeing each other and they simply melt in each others eyes. However the reality is that after a little while, you learn about each other, you learn about yourself and you realise that your partner is not who he once was and neither are you, but you are still in love with him. The problem is that as time has passed, he is no longer able to give you butterflies or make you giggle like you did before. You still love him, then someone else shows you what he doesnt anymore, you fall in love with him, but you are still in love with your previous partner. Partner one knows you, love you, challenges you, but doesnt cherish you, yet partner two loves you, cherishes you, gives you butterflies, knows how to wow you. How do you choose which one? Well you dont do you. The reason men in olden times had more than wife, was not because they were greedy, it was because one did something the other wife didnt do, For examples one was a child bearer, one was a very good cook, one was a good organiser and so forth. The same with love, you can love two people or three equally as they both conribute to different aspects of your life. You cannot be in love with two people that do exactly the same thing. Its like going to the shop and asking to buy two toasters, they do exactly the same thing, why have both, when you can have a toaster for toast and a grill for toasties. Simple answer is you can indeed be in love with two people and also make it work if you know what both parties contribute to you life and vice versa.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

I found myself in this predicament and went to therapy. My therapist says I love my wife, but I'm in love with "Mary." I don't know what that means. My wife knows about my affair and for the last seven weeks now, I have had no contact with the other woman. It has not done any good. I still think about the other all the time. I can't stand hurting my wife, and I'm scared to death to lose all I have, my friendship with my wife, my relationships with my grown children, etc. But I may be hurting her more by staying with her. Do I love my wife? I think so. Do I love Mary? I think so. This situation sucks. I don't wish it on anyone, but it does have me convinced that you can love more than one person at the same time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007):

Yes,I too,think it is possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time.My boyfriend who I am in love with has been gone in the hospital for 4 months,I met someone else and developed a strong friendship which has turned into love also.I love my boyfriend and in turn I love the other guy 2!I know this is true!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007):

I believe you can, it maybe be confusing and the long term effects can be very harmful, but you can truely love 2 people...I don't think you realize it until you are in the situation. Just be careful.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

No, I don't think it's possible to love two people at the same time, although I'm not sure, but I have been with a man for 2 years and I love him very much, I honestly do, but I am not that old (18) and it's a long time to be in a relationship. I recently been seeing quite alot of my ex who I was with for a year and we have had such a good time and I really miss him and well I've never been entirely sure that I was over him but I now honestly think that I simply miss the fun that you can have at the begining of a relationship and the unknown. Although I havn't be cheating I still feel incredibly guilty about how I feel. I think I just got into a serious relationship soon possibly too soon, but I am willing to give that freedom up becasue the man I am with at the moment is amazing.

I hope this helped but I wrote it partly for me too because I wanted to see if this is actually how I feel, and it is :).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007):

I think it is possible since it has happen to me. I have recently read in a book that as humans we are meant to have many partners either at the same time either in a period of time but the only thing that keeps us away from that lifestyle is modern society and norms (sometimes laws).

So i think that this is possible, yeah definitely....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007):

Your friend isn't confused. And if she is, I must be also. I am in love with two men right now. At first, I thought I was crazy because I am married with 2 children and have been for the last 9 years, but I met back up with an ex who I have always thought of even on my wedding day, but had no way of finding. I don't think I ever fell out of love with him and now we are seeing each other again. I love my husband, but I love this other guy also. I want a divorce, but I don't want one at the same time. My ex knows I am married, but my husband doesn't know how I feel. I know it would crush him, but I can't help how I feel. I know this can't go on forever and I will have to make a decision, but I just need more time. Give your friend more time and she will figure out what to do. Do you love her? In that way, I mean. You said you were just friends and she may just feel like that because you are so close. We women are emotional at times, so you just always being there as a great friend can open that love door. Don't talk for awhile and see how she feels after that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007):

Yes you can and I should know.

I'm married and I'm also in love with someone else and have been for the past 8 years. This man will always be in my life and I never want to loose the friendship or love we have. He sees a side of me i can probably never share with my husband. I know that is wrong, but that is how it is. He makes me happy as does my husband, but just having them both in my life is happiness for me. I know that i make him happy also. Don't get me wrong I love my husband as we have been together for a long time, and he is wonderful. I just don't think he is like my soulmate as i feel that this other guy might just be.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007):

I know exactly how the feeling is.. i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i have been hanging out with him and his cousin for one of those years. Well a year ago we had slept together and i thought it would be a one time thing. well it wasnt it happend a lot more after that. Then he would talk to me about a lot of things like o remember this and that. it hurt really bad. Then we stopped talking for a couple months and then it happend again.. i really love my boyfriend and i see my future with him but this man brings a part of happiness in my heart i never knew i had. i guess i need advice too. but yes you can be in love with two people.

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A female reader, bhianxie Philippines +, writes (4 September 2007):

bhianxie agony auntYes! it is possible... that you fall in love with two person at the same time. see the fact that if a person found another person that she or he thinks deserve the love that she/he have. if in that case the reason for that is this... that the love that you are giving to the person is not enough or there is something wrong with your relationship, another reason is that you change something with your partner especially the way that you are treating her/him. you can't blame the person if he or she look for another one because he or she might found someone that can give what she desires that you can't give..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007):

I do believe it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. We are all complex individuals with varying, sometimes even paradoxical character traits. This being said, there are cases where two separate people fulfill all facets of YOU. It is gruesome, and confusing, and yet there is a sad beauty in it. Our society keeps us so bound: when did love and happiness become an ultimatum? Besides, read any history book--this "phenomenon" has existed since the beginning of time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007):

yes it is possible. but it must not be simply in the bedroom. it is about getting groceries, paying the bills caring when one, two or all when sick. it's planning birthdays and holidays TOGETHER. it must be equal from all angles to prevent foolish envy from creeping in. as with a "normal" two-party relation, it is about coming together in all aspects of life for the greater good of the family unit. it is about giving, not getting. when we give of ourselves that we really get the most. i should know, i lived it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

Yes you can and do but trust me its dangerous and heavy stuff worth talking about to people I am 8 years in to this and its eating me up big time!

hope it works or doesnt for you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

Yes! It is possible! I think anon from 25th June has it spot on! We are all very complicated unique beings with intricate personalities.. and as well as the basic needs of food, water, sex etc we all have tiny intricate needs which need to be met - a lot of the time we dont realise what these are until we meet someone who brings them to the surface... then we feel close to them as they've uncovered something which has laid dormant/unnoticed. We can also sometimes feel a little vulnerable becuase of this and so feel a stronger need to be with them.

I have been in a long term relationship for 3 years and truly truly love my boyfriend. I cant see myself with anyone else in years to come - he's there in my future. However, another person who I clicked with upon meeting a couple of years ago (innocently clicked) and have been in regular touch with for work purposes has made his feeling known to me and after spending time together we discovered that there were strong feelings there. He taps into a part of me that I forgot was there. I dont love my boyfriend any less in fact, this has all made me love him more!! I feel like a more enriched person as new/sleeping parts of my personality have been uncovered.

I've no idea how this will work out .. i've told my boyfriend what is going on, after hiding it for a small period of time. We're trying to work through what this all means and it has been pretty heartwrenching... but honesty has definately been the best policy and it's the best advice i can give anyone in the same position.

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A male reader, McCool United States +, writes (28 June 2007):

No, I don't think you can be in love with two persons at the same time.. I think it's more a case of you love one and you are "In Love" with the other. Loving someone and being in love with someone are to totally different feeling.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007):

Why, yes. Absolutely. Finding one’s true love does not, I think, preclude other loves. Here is my reasoning:

One’s personality has many facets. When you looks for a soulmate, or a life partner, you build up a picture of the perfect individual from the most devastatingly intimate standpoint: being inside your own skin. You know yourself and your life experiences and desires, and construct an ideal based on them. But such a person is an impossibility, as others cannot know you as you know yourself. No one person can simultaneously satisfy every one of your desires. There are people who come close, and they end up being the ones with whom we would commit to a lifetime. But even with a near-perfect partner, there will always be parts of you that are not fully explored by your relationship.

That does not mean that your relationship is unsatisfying – on the contrary, it may be rich, fulfilling and extremely important. You may be very much in love with your partner, but part of love is accepting that your partner is a unique individual with a unique personality.

And part of that uniqueness necessarily involves slight mismatches between your vision of the world and his. You may love and cherish those differences, but that does not mean they do not exist.

There may be another individual who satisfies those desires, who brings out in you things that may have been swept under the carpet with your other love. There may be multiple individuals who each make a part of you fall in love with them. And in fact, this is bound to happen, even in the happiest relationship. The very uniqueness of your soulmate dictates it.

There is usually one constant person, to whom you will return and with whom you will always be in love, but even that is not a given. There may and in fact will be others with whom you will fall in love periodically, perhaps even forever. Different people speak to different parts of your personality, and you may fall in love with more than one such person. It takes time and introspection to work out whether your emotions are more properly infatuations or passing fancies. Perhaps even a therapist ?.

But if you remain in love with multiple individuals after this process, such a state is not only possible, but probable, and ought to be celebrated as an expression of your own individuality and the strength of your personality and desires.

And there’s nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The mistake most moralists make is in their assumption that love is some finite quantity that you dole out to the “right” individual, and that multiple loves somehow weaken that bond. I rather hate to sound mystical about this, but there are infinities in your soul, and every lover you have has your entirety, without diminishing what you are capable of giving to someone else.

In summary – no, there is nothing absurd about being very much in love with two or more individuals. It does not impoverish either relationship, and may even serve to energize them both. Love is not a scarce resource. Loving two individuals who speak to different parts of your personality is quite natural. But if at all possible, none of the individuals concerned should labour under false pretences or illusions. Such things destroy relationships, and poison an atmosphere of trust which is integral to love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007):

I am also in the same situation of loving two people( being male of course). I love someone, but we have had problems in the relationship then for some strange inconceivable reason i started a relationship with a guy from work and i fell in love very quickly and now i can't decide who i want to be with as they both have different qualities, which i love and am now in a total dilema. It's not that easy when you are in a situation, which could totally change your life, depending on who you choose.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007):

No, you can not love two people at the same time. At least not in a healthy and enduring realtionship. To stay with someone who says that they love you but also love another is self destructive and devastatingly painful for all involved. Eventually, the healthier partner will leave the triangle, and the confused and ambiguious lover will start searching for another person to triangle into the relationship. There are a few reasons for this. One an ambiguious lover likes the drama of a triangle. Two, the lover likes the attention. Three,the lover fears commitment and or intimacy. Four the lover is a misogynist. It may be a combination of all of the above. Bottom line, anyone who claims to love another would not put someone they claim to love in this situation. And the people who are supposedly loved, will never trust that they are the only one, even if a choice is eventually made for one over the other.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007):

I am in the same predicament and I know that I am totally confused!!! Love is not always enough. Sometimes something or someone you WANT is not always what you NEED. It is so hard to let go of the one you WANT. I pray for the courage everyday to let go of the guy I want, knowing that the other one is who I need!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007):

I do not believe you can be IN LOVE with 2 people at the same time. I have been with a man for over 5 years. We have recently had some rocky times and long story short tells me he loves me and someone else. WTF?! It is not possible. He either does not love me or does not love her. It's one or the other in my book. I love this man with ALL my heart and I don't believe feelings this strong can extend to more than 1. Call it confused, limbo whatever. He is just scared to commit or does not want to be in a long term relationship any longer. Whatever it is he is not coming clean 100% with either of us. What he is actually doing is pushing me away. That is not love. That selfishness!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007):

God, how I wish I knew the answer to that question. I have been married for almost 12 years to a wonderful man, however, I've been friends with the other guy for 10 years and have been having an affair with him for the last 3. He too is married and has been for a long time. I just recently admitted to him that I loved him. Of course, that's when the question came up, "Can you be in love with two people at the same time"? I truely feel I'm in love with him but I know I still love my husband too. I say yes, you can be in love with two people....I can't imagine my life without either of them. What a heartbreaking situation to be in. I warn anyone that is contemplating having an affair, please reconsider, I see only pain in my future.....and worst of all, I won't have my best friend (my husband) to console me when it happens.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007):

Yes you can.

I'm single. Not young. Find myself in this position. It is not lust. It is two very caring men that I happened to date casually and found myself loving both of them and being their friend.

It has become a living torture. I can not juggle the situation much longer..I am NOT enjoying myself because of the emotional strain. I do not want to hurt anyone. I am in pain just thinking of the outcome.

And yes, I could lose both of them.

It is true you must decide what is best for you. And I do not mean to sound selfish. Most people would think what a terrible person I must be.

I often think of just ending it with both. They will be confused and hurt.

And yes, one relationship was not going great so I felt no guilt in seeing the second man. This is probably the key. It was my responsibilty to speak up to make things better with the one man and I did not do so. Therefore I am responsible for my own mess.

ALWAYS speak up in a relationship. If it costs you the relationship it was not meant to be...speaking up can heal it if it is solid. Speak up and then decide if you wish to see the other person.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007):

Of course it's possible. I'm in love with two people right now. One happens to be my husband, and the other is my girl friend.. my best friend for years and years. Over the years my love for her has grown immensely. Now, if I were straight, everyone would think it were ok for me to say "I love my best friend". But because I happen be be bi-sexual, well, it's suddenly not ok. It's just another illogical double standard that people think they need to hold. I'm trying right now to figure out if it's ok to have sex with my girl friend, but apparently, just the feeling of loving her is bad (because I'm bisexual).

If you want to add to the advise people are giving me, you can read it at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-married-and-bisexual-if-i-were-to.html

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007):

I am in the same situation as you are. I am married, but found myself in love with someone else. The problem is that he is married and has kids. I don't have any kids, but I find myself giving more effort towards him than to my husband. He had told me that is in love with me as well. I will say that the past year has been the hardest for me. It's not healthy to feel this way about two people. I ask myself this question all the time "can you be in love with two people" my answer is I don't think that you can. If you were in love the the first person you wouldn't need anyone else in your life. I think that she is scared to tell her current partner the truth. I believe its more of a comfort issue with her and doesn't want to leave her partner because of the uncertanity that she may have with you. I would stay away, I got involved and it has been one of the worst and hardest things for me to deal with.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007):

I have been in your shoes and went with it....for 3 years! I really fell for him and because i was his friend first and foremost, i gave him so much understanding. Please don't do this...stay strong. The fact that she told you she loves both of you means she is in a very confused place. Tell her exactly how you feel and give her some space to figure out what and who she wants. Do not start something while she is with her boyfriend, it is not a nice place to be. Take care of your heart.xXx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007):

I believe it is possible, as I am in a similar situation myself. I never thought it possible because I always thought that if you do, then you are not being loyal to the first person with whom you fell in love. After about year 9 in a 13 year relationship, I was undeniably drawn to a person and 4 years later, at year 13, determined I was in love with a second person. It is awesome but at the same time because of my prior beliefs was somewhat hurtful because I felt I was not being true to my first love. Love happens. How many times have we heard that you can't help who you fall in love with. I believe this now. I think that most people will have a problem understanding how this can be true until it happens to them. I can honestly say that I love two people. Words can't describe it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006):

I completly agree with you I think you can only truly love one person ,because if you are in love with that person than you are not even thinking of someone else.Now i think your friend is just confused and needs to decide between the two.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006):

I'm currently in the same predicemint you are in, but I'm married. Now what am I suppose to do. Cheat on my wifr. I don't know. The thing to remember is the choices you make today will effect the life you lead tomorrow.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006):

I agree entirely with Yos...I am,at present in a very awkward situation where I think I am in love with two people, to make things worse they've both said they're in love with me also. The difference is, one is and old love of 11 years that has me bound and the other a new love that runs very deep. I know this cannot go on (hence agree its temporary) and I have to choose...you could say this is a win win situation but I also lose. I question whether I truly love my partner or do I love the life and comfort zone we have and am too scared to step out of it but I also question whether I truly love this most wonderful new person or do I just love the way she loves me ? I wouldn't wish this on anyone and eitehr way someone, one of them and me will get hurt...?

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A female reader, bonym United Kingdom +, writes (7 September 2006):

bonym agony auntI agree with you Yos, using a real example always makes better sense as well, but as I said before, I dont really think you can truly be in love with 2 people at the same time.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (7 September 2006):

Yos agony auntPerhaps another way of putting it is to say that you can temporarily love two people, but that it is an unstable situation, and cannot last. That you (or your emotions) will have to decide one way or the other. It's not sustainable.

I was 'in love' with two women for about a month once. It was completely unbearable. It convinced my that it's not possible to be in love with two people at once. If that makes any sense.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

I'm in the same perdictiment but you can be in love with two people at the same time....its not neccerely like that though shes probably falling in love with you but loves her partner.....shes confuse of who to be with shes not going to dump her partner if you dont feel the same way about her....girls are afraid of being alone.....but the feeling she has for you right now is the best feeling

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

I'm in the same perdictiment but you can be in love with two people at the same time....its not neccesarily like that though shes probably falling in love with you but loves her partner.....shes confuse of who to be with shes not going to dump her partner if you dont feel the same way about her....girls are afraid of being alone.....but the feeling she has for you right now is the best feeling

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (7 September 2006):

stina agony auntHello Anonymous,

I think it's possible to have feelings for two people, but to be in love with them both? I don't think that's possible. And it seems to me that you already know why.

I think this girl sounds rather insensitive. If she was really "in love" with the both of you, she wouldn't want to hurt anyone - including her current boyfriend. Has she told him? I doubt it. That's not love.

When it comes to you, if she really loved you she would have dumped her current boyfriend to be with you. Because I seriously doubt that you would go for the whole 3-way relationship thing. Right?

I think this girl is just confused. She's struck a point in her relationship with her boyfriend that seems to be going nowhere and because of this she thinks that something new would be more exciting. That something new seems like it would be you.

I'd leave her alone for a bit so she can figure out what she really feels. It seems as though she is just very confused and needs some breathing space and - more importantly - to have a talk with her boyfriend about why she wants to stray from the relationship. I would encourage her to do this. (However, I wouldn't necessarily tell her to let her bf know she loves you - that's just unnecessary hurt). Hopefully she can patch things up with her current guy.

So to sum things up - no, I personally don't think that one person can be in love with two people and yes, I think she is confused.

Take care.

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A female reader, destined for happiness +, writes (7 September 2006):

I do believe it's possible to be in love with two people but it's extremely complicated. You shouldn't allow yourself to be caught in that web; in life you need to do what benefits you. Although you may love eachother, you should let eachother go to see if it truly is meant to be -don't wait around for the drama and hurt to yourself. If you do stick around and do get hurt, you have no one to blame but yourself.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

BonyM Girl you rock my nads!!

I love the Bible as it is so full of wisdom and all of life's lessons and problems are in it as well as solutions; it is so underrated and overlooked as a book of guidance and counsel.

It sounds like she is lacking something from her main man and therefore relies on you to "fill in the gap" which isn't very healthy and shows that she doesn't fully understand the words LOVE and COMMITTED.

I do my best to stay away from such individuals who can rip through other people when they use them to fill a need.

There is no mutual giving and taking in her relationship or she just doesn't care about these things.

While we strive for "perfection" it will not be attained in this life. This should not discourage us from still giving our 100%.

This woman is not someone who can be reliable or trustworthy as she doesn't understand nor live the 100% rule.

I say stop being there for her; back it off for some time.

She needs to be strong on her own and not go back and forth between you two in hopes one of you will make her decision for her.

I haven't met one person who is happy with someone who is confused.

Let it be and wait for someone stronger and better suited for a good man who desires a long term relationship where it is built on a foundation of trust.

Good Luck.

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A female reader, bonym United Kingdom +, writes (7 September 2006):

bonym agony auntNO. I dont care if people go on at me for mentioning the Bible but I dont care, it says in the Word that that NO man can love two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other..... basically, you cant love 2 people at the same time because while one maybe nice to you, the other one may be nice also, but the fact you are with someone else means you are not loyal to person A whilst with person B etc so how can you truly love 2 people at the same time? How canI possibly TRULY love my man, and have the cheek to say I love another man, it doesnt work like that. If I truly love my partner, no one else, will or can come into the relationship. You may LOVE one and be FOND of or LUST another one. but TRUE love for your partner cannot be halved, or split in any other way xXx

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (7 September 2006):

Yos agony auntI don't think its possible. At least not in a true sexual partner love way. I see an aspect love as the desire to be in a deep connected relationship, the kind that you can only maintain one of at any time.

It's possible to have a crush on more than one person, and to lust after many. But that's a different thing.

With your friend it may be that they are not getting their emotional needs met by their partner and are looking to you for that. Be careful.

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A female reader, Helen1986 United Kingdom +, writes (7 September 2006):

Helen1986 agony auntmy personal opinionis no. I do think however it is possible to lust over two people. Maybe you should stop seeing your friend for a while and let her follow her heart. I am sure that she will be able to get her head together if you give her some space to think. Good luck hunny

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A female reader, joeymac +, writes (7 September 2006):

Just to reply to the anonomous writer who says u can be in love with 2 people...

HOW? one sexually and one emotionally??? then neither of them are love! love is a bond that u share every part of a relationship with. just because my best mate is the most hilarious person ever, doesn't mean i'm in love with her because of that part of the relationship. we'd be in love with everyone we knew if that were the case. if someone isn't fullfilling u in a relationship then maybe u just don't love them as the connection isn't that strong.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

I don't think she loves you, I think she's probably just having a hard time with her boyfriend, not that something's happened but perhaps the novelty's gone and her attention's on you now. I think she just has a crush on you and the thought of starting a new relationship seems exciting, whereas she's prbaly feeling a bit fed up of snuggling every night with her boyfriend, but thefact she even says to you she still wants him proves she loves him and not you. she shouldn't even be saying that to you, don't get involved she's just a bit confused and curious, everyone goes through it, don't let yourself, her and her boyfriend get hurt.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

I think that you can be in love with 2 people, which makes life very hard sometimes. If you look at your relationship with both people, you might find that both relationships have different meanings to you. Possibly neither one on it's own fulfills you completely, but together they possibly do? One partner might fulfill you emotionally and the other sexually. These are powerfull emotions and to suggest to turn away from one of them, will be devastating for you. Can you be sensitive and caring to both people, or does the one relationship suffer, because of the other?

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A male reader, davie Australia +, writes (7 September 2006):

She either only "truely loves" one of you, or nether of you! If she feels so torn that she loves you both then maybe neither is real true love - as if it was she'd know which of you she wanted to be with.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

It sounds like she's leaving herself an option for when(there is no "if") she and the other guy split up. Please save yourself grief and don't get tangled up in this... wether you want to see it or not, this is a mind game. Don't fall for it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006):

I honestly don't think it's possible. If you truly love someone they become your everything and you don't want to be with anyone but them. And you would never do anything to hurt them. She might just love either you or her current deeply and be in lust with one of you but being in love is completely different and I think a lot of us forget this over time. We take each other for granted and I think over time the true meaning of being in love gets lost or blurred. If she truly loved either one of you she would be able to choose because she wouldn't want the one she claims to love to suffer.

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