A
male
age
36-40,
*uaris
writes:I was wondering if anyone else thinks that the type of relationship your parents have can affect the types of relationships a person has as they grow older. Like if your parents argued a lot when you were a kid if that will make you more prone to arguments? Or if your parents arent happy with each other if it could keep you from knowing how to be happy in your life? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (12 March 2009):
 You bet, honey! I'm glad I could be of help.
A
male
reader, Luaris +, writes (22 February 2009):
Luaris is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you all for your encouragement. Especially Mrs. Mom, it sounds like youve been through the same thing I'm going through now.
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A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (22 February 2009):
Yes, absolutely. This has been demonstrated over and over again. Your parents' relationship affects your own attitudes about relationships, and what they taught and showed you has an impact on your skills within a relationship.
That said, many many people have come out of unhappy families determined to do better than their parents and have succeeded. If it's what you want, you can get it.
Be aware of things you do and say that you just do without understanding why. These may be remainders of your early training, and it is helpful to take a step back and ask yourself, "Why did I do that? What was I expecting to get out of it? Realistically, how would I expect someone else to react to that?"
Being aware of your own attitudes and actions can be a huge benefit in having a healthy relationship.
Good luck!
P.S. I came from a pretty unhappy home with an alcoholic father, determined to have a happy marriage and children. It's taken a lot of work and self-reflection, but I've done okay. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): Yes, definitely, your upbringing can effect your relationships, but sometimes no matter how you fight it, it happens anyway. That's probably why there are so many divorces in the world!
It seems like the more I fought to not have a marriage like my parents, the worse my relationships were! My father is very passive, and my mother has always been the dominant figure. I swore I would never marry a man like my father, so I ended up with dominating, controling, assholes! You see, I went to the other extreme and regretted it! Now when I look at my parents (both living, together, and in their mid-eighties) I realize even though they are still bickering constantly, that they love eachother and it all worked for them. My dad is such a kind, caring and loving man...I would be lucky to have a man like him! It's amazing how age and wisdom go hand and hand!
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A
male
reader, massdestruction3 +, writes (22 February 2009):
 Parents are a big part in your life and how you turn up but ultimately it's your decision. My mom and dad argued a lot, and my dad left when i was 5. I hate my mother, my brother and grandma which live with me but i still love them very much. I learned to ignore them, and there all inconsiderate and non caring.But i am the most caring, loving person you can ever meet. So i think i turned out OK
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