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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm not sure I'm ready for another relationship.For most of my post puberty life I've been in love with one person or another. I just (Three months now) got over a messy relationship with my last boyfriend and already I find myself in love with someone else.He likes me too. There's a reasonable chance of a relationship, with all the warm, supportive trapping. The thing is: I'm not sure I want one or if it would be a good idea at this time in my life.Love is not so scarce that I think I can't get it again, and though he’s a great person (and all that) I’m worried my loneliness will make me leap into a commitment I can’t live up to.I’m just about to start university and I can’t stand the thought of spending obsessive amounts of time with anyone, for fear of losing them. My last boyfriend pretty much became the center of my universe and I suspect that the same thing could happen this time round.How could I have this male without it taking over my life? I want something light, comfortable and casual, monogamy because it’s practical not like last time, where the emphasis was the stressfulness of being The One. Is there a way of making it clear I can't handle much more then a promise to be faithful? :(
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (19 August 2006):
 Honey, it sounds like you are searching for something... the one true love. Take it from one who knows - you will succeed in your search if you turn it inwards.
Given that you have spent your young life looking for love in someone else, the following concept will sound bizarre to you. If you invest the time and energy in feeling comfortable in your own skin you will realize that to discover true love you must first learn to love yourself. You won't find a course on how to do it in university BUT you may learn it nonetheless while you are there.
A lot of people find university to be a positive life-changing experience. It probably has something to do with all of those new and exciting experiences, but it more likely has to do with seizing the opportunity to step up to a higher plane of existence. In my case, I saw university as my chance to get unstuck from the rut of my high school experience and surround myself with people who made me feel comfortable in my own skin.
I think you have the right attitude as you go into this next phase of your life. Why get tied down by your past perceptions of relationships when the future of endless possibilities is a few weeks away?
Start with a clean slate and work at being comfortable in your own skin. University is an ocean compared to that little pond in high school, and I'm sure you'll be able to surround yourself with people that make you comfortable in your own skin.
There is a lot more about the university experience that I could share with you - if you wish to send me a private message, please sign up here at www.dearcupid.org.
Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): just because you date someone doesn't mean that they have to become the center of your universe. i've been with my partner for well over two years now, and we've both agreed to spend plenty of time apart. having friends and a life of your own is the most important thing in a relationship. it not only keeps you sane, but it helps keep your identity firmly established. and take my word for it, you don't want to go into college shutting yourself off and only spending time with that one guy. because there's so much to experience in college. and it can work out that you can have both a life and a relationship all in one, but you just have to make a conscious effort for it. just talk to him. tell him that you want to be with him, but also want your time to yourself and to friends, too. because it's only healthy that way.
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A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (19 August 2006):
 No. No one has a crystal ball to know how it's going to go. Why not just be friends and see what happens without worrying about the faithful bit. If you really like him and he likes you and your main commitment is university, then that is the only way. After all, in a few weeks your world will open up a whole new set of friends so I think it is better to hold off for now. Just be honest and say you like him but that is your position for now and see what happens.
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