A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey,Last month I organized a home party for my birthday, to which my girlfriend was invited as well (obviously). The thing is, she had way too much drinks, after which she did some things with another guy I didn't like at all. In my own house. Under my own eyes. Not cool. Especially since she did a thing like that last year as well (I wasn't there then, but she confessed it afterwards). No sex or something, but you know, kissing.I broke up with her, explaining to her I still loved her, but that I couldn't go on in a relationship in which I would be worried like hell everytime she went out without me - after all, if she was doing such things under my own eyes, who knows what she'd do when i wasn't there. And as she's in a student club (as an organiser), there will be a lot of parties to come on which i will not be present.Anyways, she cried a lot, telling me she was terribly sorry, that she still loved me, that she made a mistake, that she was drunk etc, but eventually she admitted i was right. She realised she did some pretty stupid things when being drunk, and that such things made a relationship very difficult to maintain. She promised to do something about it though, telling me she'd prove that she wasn't the girl I saw that night on the party. She said she would get her priorities straight cause she knew she blew it (twice).And that's my question. She still hopes that we can get back together - and if I'm honest, I hope the same thing. I know she's doing her best (p.e. she left the student club organisation team), but I don't want to be hurt again. Can a person change like that? Is it possible to get back together - and to have a decent relationship? I've been hurt twice, I don't want to get hurt another time - but we still love each other a lot.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): If she really wants to change then she will, but the hardest thing will be for her to gain back your trust.
I was unhappy in my relationship at one point, and I cheated on my boyfriend with a random guy probably because I was mad at my boyfriend and I felt lonely. After awhile I felt really bad about it and kind of embarassed that I even did it. Luckily, my boyfriend never found out about it, so I was able to turn it around and stop cheating. I realized that he didn't deserve that and I was being selfish and reckless. So, yes I think people can change after cheating.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
 Never get involved in a relationship with an addict, because nothing, not health, not money, not love , not even life is more important than the next fix.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Yes, she can change. Alcohol makes most guys more aggressive and a lot of girls loose. My girlfriend and I were at a big party a year ago and the whole crowd was boozing it up pretty good. I was in the kitchen talking sports crap with my friends and realized my girl wasn't anywhere in sight. I went into the living room and found my girl sitting on a couch between two guy friends of mine yaking it up. She had one hand on one guy's upper thigh and her other hand on the other guy's upper thigh. Well that really pissed me off, but then it got worse. One of my "friends" took her hand and placed it on his package. Then she starts to massage it through his pants! Well I freaked out and we had a big fight. She was all "What's the big deal... his pants were on!"Well the next day after we sobered up, she and I sat down for a chat. She was so so sorry for rubbing his package and blamed it on the alcohol. It has never happened since, because she cut down on her drinking to almost nothing. It was the alcohol making her do things she normally wouldn't do.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (3 September 2009):
It seems that your girlfriend needs to learn how to drink responsibly, and that is something we all have to learn how to do at some point in our lives.
Hopefully she has now learned her lesson, and in the future will be able to enjoy going out for a drink without getting so drunk that she starts to act like she has done previously.
I don't see why she can't change in this way, and therefore she is worth giving a final chance to prove to you that she can - especially as it seems clear that you both love each other and the only issue is her behaviour when drunk.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): you have been hurt twice..BY THE SAME GIRL.leaving the student club is not the answer, she needs to stop drinking.if she wnats to turn over a new leaf and show that she is not the party good time girl with an unsavoury reputation, then she needs to work on the drinking problem. starting today
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A
female
reader, Ndapewa  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 Yes! She can change. If she is willing to give up her student club, then thats a sign that she is trying to change. Please give her a chance.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): You will never trust her completely again. Everything she will ever tell you, you will have doubts about. She destroyed all trust in your relationship. No matter how much you love her and want to believe her in the back of your mind you will always remember. Even if she wont do anything like that again, you will still doubt, and its not fair to you or her.
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A
female
reader, AlexCM +, writes (3 September 2009):
im sorry, but im my experience once a cheater always a cheater ESPECIALLY if its happend more than once!
sorry that thats problery not want you want to hear
xxx
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