A
female
age
36-40,
*ixieGwen
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend..we have been dating for 6 months. We got along great, he makes me laugh and i could see myself marrying him(he said the same about me and talked bout the future alot) cept for a few important things that bugged me - we hardly saw each other (even tho he called daily) and we hardly had sex. He used to work near me and we saw each other every night on his lunch break and hed call daily, we also had sex more but ever since he lost his job there..hes gained weight, constantly thinks hes fat or unnattractive and i guess u can say hes depressed. He knows i love him and i dont think hes fat or anything like that but it didnt change anything.All he wanted to do was lay there and cuddle. So after 3 wks of no sex on account of him feeling unnattractive, goin out of a town for a funeral and being gone for military work.. I told him things needed to change. He stepped up a lil and kept telling me itd get better/bear with him but it didnt change much (this was within that last 3 wks). So i broke up with him - he was very upset and has been callin daily tellin me he misses me etc. We saw each other this last sunday - watched a movie and ended up sleeping together (i know it was a bad idea..but it happened) after, he kept asking if i enjoyed it and then he wanted me spend the night..and i ended up leaving when he fell asleep. He called me the next day 2x and when i called him back he said that he was just seeing how im doing and if i regretted us having sex.I dont regret it..I havent seen him this whole week..we had plans the other day but school and military stuff has popped up...i feel hes legitimately busy but it still sucks (being able to retake a quiz/having to study/having to do military work on base.I see hes making little changes here and there but im an impatient person and sometimes i feel like its not enough.He offered to purchase a book for me from school and said he didnt mind helping me out(he never offers stuff like that) and even though are plans fell thru the other day - he made sure to call me right away to let me know..instead of letting me know at the last min.He said "Im calling you right away and doing that common courtesy thing we talked about"But still.. i havent seen him since sunday and hes called 2x daily since then. Should I be happy hes making baby steps, calling me frequently and give it some time to see if he steps up more and sees me more..or am i wasting my time?
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broke up, depressed, lost his job, military Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (4 March 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well it seems that we were more sexual before and the closer we get..it seems like it's changed. The sex we had the other night was fantastic..obviously because it was makeup sex plus it had been weeks.I don't mind if he has his me time.. or hangs with friends. Yeah I do require a lot of attention and affection..He claims we don't have sex much because of stress in his life.. (before it was work, now he goes to school) and he said he also doesn't feel attractive.. I cant change that - I've been eating healthy, losing weight and he eats junk still.. we've talked about hiking or working out at the gym together but he never follows thru..It also seems like a lot of bad things go wrong for him..I feel like he's pushing me away a little or is unhappy with himself. He said he's somewhat happy with himself/his life but knows it could be better..but he's happy w/me.I'm trying to allow him to do all the planning because we are not together anymore..and even though he calls me a lot..I want to see that he wants this to work. He said he wants to get back together.. but I don't know.And I know that everyone has flaws. But I don't think seeing me a few more times a week and us being intimate a little more is changing someone..Hypothetically if we lived together or were married.. I wouldn't need to worry about seeing him more..because I'd see him all the damn time and would just do my own thing..as would he.. not sure about the sex part though. I'm sure that sounds weird.So seeing that I love him and he seems to be making a little effort..is there a way to encourage him to see me more or to improve things? I do want to get back together.. I just want it to improve first. Sorry for rambling
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Both. It depends what kind of person you are.
It's good that you have been able to work out some compromises , that he did not brush off your concerns , that he is making tangible efforts to change his ways. It means that he acknowledges there is a problem, and that he cares about you .
But ultimately, you can't change grown up people to suit perfectly all your needs. Either you can basically accept them , warts and all, - or you can't. Then you have to let them go.
It may be that ,regardless of weight, he has a lower sex drive than you. Maybe you are a person who needs a lot of attention and a lot of physical closeness- and he needs more space and " me time ".Maybe you feel that in life your first priority should be your partner, who should always come before anything else- and he does not see it this way, he feels that , once the relationship is secure, you should not worry if he gives lots of time to work of social stuff.
These are not " faults " to be corrected- your faults, his faults, are two different ways of being, and of seeing life. It's only up to you to decide how much he can adjust to yours, and viceversa, of course.
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A
female
reader, Danica Jane  +, writes (4 March 2011):
If you still care about him then why not give him another chance.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Yea i think he's doing well considering. He could have hit the bottle like some but he will slowly get there. And with you around i'm sure he will get there quicker.
I think you should try to be more patient. It isn't hard when you put your mind at it.
You obviously really like him and he really likes you and he is trying hard not to lose what he got with you.
I really hope this helps =)
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