A
male
age
36-40,
*teppenbrick
writes:I need help.I am a 29 year old male and I was in a relationship with a 21 year old female.I met her about a month after ending a flash in the pan 3 month relationship and when I met her, I tried to go slow for both our sakes. I was her first everything, and I really tried to be considerate of that.About two months after we started dating, I was in a terrible car accident, and I couldn't return to work. I was in recovery for the next six months, and it was a generally tough thing to go through.Long story short, over the next year I fell in love with her and she admitted that "I won" and she was starting to have feelings for me as well. We were both very stressed in the relationship (which I explain to my self as being situational, and not us) but we went through a lot together in that year. Last August she broke up with me after having a pretty big fight. It felt like it happened after I maybe realized something a bit too late. She said she was feeling exhausted and that she needed time for herself.2 weeks after the break up, we saw each other for coffee, and we decided to try to work things out. Over the next 5 months, we talked a lot, decided to let go of certain things and move on. Over the next 5 months we broke up and got back together at least 10 times.By mid January, she told me that she had kissed 8 people(she's borderline bisexual) since the break up in August and the way she said it was so nonchalant that it hurt. She had suggested having an open relationship many times, until in February when she told me she didn't love me anymore.I told her that I did not want to talk to her anymore and she felt insulted. I felt like I was right when I told her that she didn't care about me and only saw me as a stepping stone of experience.I felt like I tried to be the best boyfriend to her, partly out of responsibility, age, and because I genuinely loved her. She asked a lot of me, and I made best efforts to give her what she wanted. It felt so lousy when it didn't seem like she reciprocated.Last time we talked, she made it seem like we decided together "to not talk for a very long time", that she was going to "see a counselor for herself, not the relationship" and that there shouldn't be "any expectations to get back together."That was over a month ago, and I find myself still hung up on her and confused as to how I should proceed.I went back to school in January, and I find the relationship affecting my school work. I've gone out, met new people, haven't contacted her at all, deleted her on facebook, but I still find myself drifting back to her and explaining the relationship's end on the situation and not us.What should/ could I do? Any advice would be appreciated. I really do need to sort this out.Thanks,
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): Its tough when you are with somebody who has no prior experience and you want or expect them to have the same emotional maturity as you do. This is not your fault but be aware of this in the future. Having had no prior experience before you she had nothing to compare your relationship to and perhaps did not know how to act or love.Relationships should be easy not exhausting.............maybe she thinks that's how all relationships are and she just freaked out and wants to be free! Perhaps she is even hesitant of opening herself completely to a man at such an early age("you won" and her tendencies with bisexuality". The accident was probably overwhelming for her to deal with and felt obligated to stand by you( people need a solid foundation of years and years together before they can succesfully deal with such things)The girl was clearly too young and inexperience to be able to meet you half way. This was a life lesson for her and you should think of it the same and move on. You need to let her go and cut all contact with her and focus on your return to school.
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