A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for 4 years and he cheated on me once. I forgave him and tried to move past it because he said that it would never happen again and it hasn't in two years. But all of a sudden there is a new girl that expressed an interest in him and didn't know we were dating. When she found out she was heartbroken and begged him to reconsider. He told her that he couldn't date her, but that he would gladly be her friend. So they are now acting like best friends and it really bothers me. I told him that he needed to give her space to get over him and move on, but he doesn't think that it is necessary because she claims that she is over him. I know she isn't though. I can see it in the way she looks at him and acts around him. I have confronted her and asked her to not hang out with him alone or do anything that would make me uncomfortable. She agreed, but a week later they were at his house, alone, at night, watching a movie. I was furious with her and told him that he should have known better. I told him what she had done and he said that I was just being unreasonable and I should stop being so paranoid. I don't want to stifle him, but I feel so uncomfortable and worried when they hang out. I wish she was just out of the picture, but considering the fact that none of his friends have any free time and I am away at college, she is the only one willing to hang out with him. What am I supposed to do???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, snowbear  +, writes (18 January 2009):
Hi.. How would your boyfriend feel if it was you in his situation instead? From your letter it seems he's enjoying the flattery of two women and not too willing to give it up either. He's cheated already on you and you are fine to trust your own instincts. Precious feelings don't come cheap and should be earned, you have forgiven him already and it isn't the girl's fault he's misbehaving. Men are not weak creatures when it comes to women,and are well capable of controlling themselves even if a woman is throwing herself at him. Relationships are based on trust and respect, that your feelings are protected and cherished no matter how trivial that they may seem. The problem is real to you and he should have respect for them. The answer is inside you and only you can answer the question.
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