A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my new boyfriend and I are both 26.On nights out, he had tried to chat to me for a few months and I haven't wanted to speak to him as he was always so drunk with his friends, plus I wasn't ready to date after a break up. One night I gave in and finally started talking to him. We've been dating now for about 6 weeks. He's wonderful. A true gentleman so far, he's funny, we have everything in common, we talk and laugh for hours when we're together, the chemistry is amazing. We've talked about going away for a break. I've met his parents briefly. Initially he didn't leave me alone, texting throughout the day, arranging dates, meals and things to do. I saw him 2 nights ago, we had a brilliant night, but I mentioned he'd been quieter than his usual self with texting and calling. He said "yeah I get like that some times". I hadn't thought anymore about it as we had a brilliant night. He went out with his friends last night, and I haven't heard anything from him since yesterday morning. I dont know what to think. On one hand I might be looking too much into it and he's probably just hungover and spending the day in bed. Another option could be that he has been slowly stopping texting me as he's no longer interested. My friend says that he has me now, so he doesn't need to put in as much effort now we have agreed we're a couple. It makes no sense to me. Why was he so intense and now its only a couple of messages a day? I know its only been 6 weeks but I don't want to be used or picked up and dropped when he feels like it, but I also don't want to over-react now and lose someone who has been pretty wonderful to me so far. What do I do next? And why is he not contacting me so much anymore?? Is it innocent or is there something more dodgy going on?Any advice would be appreciated, thanks
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 There are two important bits of data that will help with a reply....
You write: "...now we have agreed we're a couple." Now... have you and he been initmate?
If the answer to that question (being intimate) is "yes"... then you and he are - predictably - done. HE has gotten what he sought... and YOU (lucky Lady!) have been duped.... It's traditional "guy" behaviour.
Otherwise (if the answer is "no") then your dalliance has run its course, and you'll be wise to move on....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): You and many women have to learn that the intensity and depth of a relationship is not measured by the frequency and response-time of text messages. That is done during the how-do-you-do stage of a relationship.
When exactly do you realize that a guy likes you, and he is willing to spend his time with you? he takes you to parties, dinner, the beach, plans vacations, and goes broke trying to entertain you.
Why does he have to spend a lot of his time sending you messages to prove he's still interested and accessible 24/7?
Grow up and be a woman.
Babies cry a lot if they know you'll hold them around the clock. They learn to stop when they realize you won't. Are you a baby or woman?
Things start to level-off. He has other things to focus on.
It's not all about you. Don't be selfish or greedy. Send him a "hello, hope you're having a great day!" That's it.
He'll get back to you. Sometimes life is crap. We just need a little recoup time. It's not your fault. We have jobs, family issues, dealing with life-junk in general. Just like you.
Only you might turn to us, when you can't deal with it alone. Guys don't. It's not manly. We will when we absolutely have to. We need you soft sweet shoulders to rest our heads on. We just won't tell you when we need it.
We take it.
We hide in our caves like wounded bears. We also have buddies who demand our time, or call us "whipped"; if we don't. We don't like to be called "whipped." It's true, and they're jealous; but we don't like to hear it.
We sometimes get caught-up in life. Don't expect a honey-moon throughout the relationship. You are important to him. He has a life to tend to when you're not around. He even gets tired of you. Yes, he even gets tired of you.
That doesn't mean he cares any less, he just wants some "me time." He'll miss you, and he'll be back. Allow him to miss you. Don't send a thread of drastic and desperate text messages followed by ultimatums.
INSECURITY KILLS RELATIONSHIPS!!! People who read my column know I say this a lot.
Chill, you're always on his mind. You're his sweetie and his little sex kitten. How can he forget you?
If he is uninterested, wait until he says so; and then be upset. Until then, stop speculating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): OOps, Im sorry!
I gave you a wrong advise. Its not meant for you.
Well, you friend is kind a right,
When you agreed to be a couple with someone, its expected that there would be a slight change on the guys end.
Because he already got his prize.
So he can just slack off.
Well if I were you just LET HIM BE.
He works hard for you, I guess.
Let him enjoy his prize, You.
I think now that his your bf its ok to be sweet to him and show him you really care for him.
Its your time to show your affection for him.
Your worried, so, work on your worries.
Time to do the gf duty.
You know how to make him crazy for you, So, just do it.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2013): Hi there!
Your bf is obviously giving you the break it to her gently sign. to know more about this read my article:
i copy and paste it for you. (if you want to have full view of my very helpful articles kindly go to my column)
To help you end your confusion i have here a "Checklist or Winning signs to tell your bf is no longer in love with you"
or(Losing interest)
1. Time. If he cant spend the amount of time he used to spent with you, its a sure sign his pulling back a little. Its called break it to her gently sign..
2. He will tell you he loves you more often, but can't be with you.
He has some where else to go.(If you love someone you want to be with them more than anything unless its between life and death situation)
3. He cant call you or text you 'coz his busy or he forgot to do so.
I mean seriously?? Busy is another word for an asshole...
It takes a minute to text and call. Forget? really? you forgot the one whom you shared intimate moments with? Tell it to the marines...
4. His o.k disappointing your expectation.
Because if you mean the world to him he will always see to it that at least he meets your expectation. Not all the time but at least will consider your feelings.
5. If he don't contact you for a week, two, three or a month or so. 'Coz if he loves you and still have interest it would not take that long.. he'll be crazy Not to.. But since he can.. Time to face it his no longer in love and have lose his interest.
6. If you catch him looking for a female friend online or talking to his ex gf, girl your not good enough for him anymore so he starts looking for someone else.
So are you still in a dream land or my 5 signs have given you a more realistic answer to your confusion. Sometimes were just so blinded by baby i love you lines, your so pretty, ill marry you someday.. but is he really making an extra effort to those words he say?? Remember words without action is empty.
Any actor can deliver those lines even with tears. I hate guys who use tears to make their lies appears so real. But then their action doesn't support their words..
But on the other hand, its still our choice whether to buy those lies and continue to ask and confuse ourselves. The truth is men are so easy to read, there's no confusion about their actions.
You just have to learn to accept when they start to lose interest, Its really Over.
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A
female
reader, ginmagpie +, writes (22 July 2013):
I'm going to side with your friend on this one. I think now that you and him are together I doesn't feel that he needs to text you constantly because....now you're talking in real life! You said yourself that when you hang out you have a lot of fun together. You're interacting in person so you don't need to interact by text as much. You say he now only texts you "a couple of times a day". That's still a lot! As you know, girls talk more than guys so the fact that he's still texting you that much is a positive sign. Guys like the chase. He texted you all the time at first, chased you but now he's got you and probably feels comfortable and secure enough not to feel he as to keep tabs on you all the time.Don't worry about what he's saying by text. Enjoy the time you have face to face!
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