A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in my early 50s and my boyfriend is 5 years younger. We both have grown up kids. He is financially much better off than me. He has successful couple businesses, owns few houses. I think his worth is couple millions dollars. His living habits are same as mine. We are not big spenders but we like to travel. We take weekend trips once a month at least..and 3-4 times a year week or 2 week long trips abroad. We are together for almost 5 years now. The issue is not new. Suddenly it started bothering me.more than before. I also have a business which brings me moderate salary, but not shabby at all. My house is paid off. My daughter makes Tons of.money so she doesn't need my help. I am set in my ways and have certain budget. I save yearly quite a sum. And I have 150k US on my saving account. For some of you it won't sound like.muvh but I am.comfortsble and I think I accomplished quite a bit. My boyfriend keeps pushing me to do more. He makes comments about very little savings I have and how I don't strive for more. The thing is that I don't want to strive for more. I am ok where I am at my age. I just don't have all these ambitions he has. Yesterday he told me i am too quite for his type. I said ..then what is the problem? I don't think you should settle..really..find a woman who fits your type exactly. He laughed and said.no it's ok. I just wish you were more enthusiastic about life. You mean money, I said. Other than that I am very much enthusiastic about life and have many interests. The conversation left me wondering. At my age I don't want to be alone and I am happy with him in other areas. But lately I feel resent about his comments . Any thoughts?
View related questions:
ambition, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2021): Anonymous, I am not expecting him to pay for me, but I also can't share expensive life styls that he can afford. This is not a problem. He doesn't have appetite for luxury spending anyway.
Kenny, you right, I wish though he stopped this notion. It became unsettling for me ..really
A
female
reader, CarrieSoa  +, writes (20 January 2021):
 I had this problem with my previous partner. I was a Professional (ballet)dancer for 24 years and retired at 29 years old. I travelled the world for 11 years of our relationship. When I left the arts, I went back to uni and graduated with a 1st. I moved to London with him and got a management role in a biomedical science company and have been here for almost 7 years now. He would continually tell me it was important to progress in your job, get more money. I was perfectly content. I paid 50/50 of everything and never asked him to buy anything for me. He was a high achiever and he was in the same role for the same number of years (progressed to senior roles) I had a career and wasn't looking for another one. He would try and belittle my job, the people I worked with and the enjoyment I got from it. I never could understand why he did this. It got to the point that I never spoke of my job or any achievements I made in the role because he would always say that if I did as he advised then I would have achieved more. Eventually I left him. He was devastated and believed that the only reason I could leave such a great guy was because I cheated. I didn't. I left because he was making me unhappy. It was the right decision for me.
You have to ask yourself, why is he expecting this of you if you do not want anything from him other than a loving, supportive partner. How does it make you feel when he says those things to you? Is it something you can handle or does it crush you and hurt your feelings?
It is something to weigh up. For me, it lead to a mentally abusive relationship so leaving was the right thing to do.
I wish you the best in life. Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2021): I had the same problem with my first husband. I was studying, improving, passing examinations, working very long hours, he was happy to do a normal job for normal pay. I got fed up with it as he expected me to share my money and all of the efforts and achievements I made with him. He would not save, he would not work harder, he would not improve, but he expected me to spend my money on him.
So I ended it.
If you are happy to go without, and you think that having great holidays and all the rest does not matter fine. But you can't expect your boyfriend to try harder and work harder and save harder and then share it with you.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (18 January 2021):
 If you are happy with him in other areas then stick it out and stay, its just about how you feel really. But never stay with someone just because you don't want to be alone.
You are happy with what you have achieved, you are happy with where you are in your life right now. He has got to be accepting of this, accept who you are, what you want out of life.
Sounds like he is trying to belittle you somewhat, and be rather controlling. Tell him to back off, tell him your happy where you re in life, and what you have achieved.
He sounds very materialistic to me, and his only focus in life revolves around money, and he looks down on people who have not done as well as him.
Yes its great to have nice things, we all love having nice things, but the best things in life are the things that money can't buy.
Stick to your guns, tell him how it is and your happy where you are. If he dosen't like it tell him he can do one.
...............................
|
