A
female
age
41-50,
*cc
writes:Hi,My boyfriend won't participate in the relationship. refuses to answer any of my questions such as how did you feel about me when we met or your being very distant and always just doing what you want without any consideration of us.He spends lots of time with me and treats my home as his own. He cooks for me which is lovely and I wash up, but will not clean up after himself generally. He ignores my worries about his lack involement and says he loves me and that should be enough for me. I inquire about our future together but he just goes along with what I say. My parents don't want to know him because he never takes me out or treats me even though I've looked after his dog for a year and a half.When I explain that this is not the kind of relationship I'm looking for he says he doesn't know what to say and leaves it and acts like I've never had any concerns then continues like we are madly in love.I never get any compliments and don't push to hard or nag I think my concerns are vaild and would like a little reassurance at times but receive nothing.My question is its making my increasingly unhappy and he is aware of this do I just end the relationship and move on?
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female
reader, scc +, writes (10 December 2009):
scc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour answer is really appreciated and I think it would be a move in the right direction to end this relationship as your viewpoint is correct if I leave it I may get hurt.
Thank you
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 December 2009):
He just isn't an emotional guy. Some guys just can't open up, some can. He can't. So now you have to make a decision. Can you stay with a guy who is naturally never going to open up, or can't you. If you're looking for a guy who will open up, listen and communicate about emotion, I just don't think he will and I think you're better of moving on now, so you don't end up feeling hurt.
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A
female
reader, scc +, writes (10 December 2009):
scc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1
Thank you, although it seems so simple his actions of not accepting my distress confused me. You have made a difficult situation alot clearer.
Once again thanks.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 December 2009):
 I think he's made it pretty clear that you're getting all you are going to get from him in terms of the relationship. If it doesn't work for you, then I think it is time you move on. You sound very unhappy and as though the balance is not the way you want it.
You could suggest counseling but I doubt he'd participate in that if he's not willing to talk with you now, and essentially the goal would be to get you two to communicate your needs in a positive and constructive way, and it sounds as though you have tried that already. If you have tried to do that with no success, well, it may be time to concede that he is what he is, and you are what you are and the two of you just aren't compatible when it comes to the language of love and communicating.
Good luck.
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