A
female
age
36-40,
*rettyinpink22
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. A week ago he said he needs some space to decide whether he's happier with or without me. I admit that I have been picking fights almost weekly and that probably pushed him away. He said this space is not about any others girls, its to decide if our good times outweigh the bad and by how much. He's never done anything like this before so it was very much out of the blue. How do I give him space, without giving him too much space? I want him to know I love him and would do anything to be with him. I know that we're meant to be together. Please help!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 May 2008):
 They're important to you, but if he's not having inappropriate friendships, could you see where he may feel as if you're attempting to control his activities.
Here is my beliefs around having relationships. Neither person has the right to dictate to the other person who they can and can not associate with. Both people extend trust to the other they will make decisions which doesn't compromise their relationship. If they do cross the boundaries, their right to that relationship is terminated, unless the other person chooses to compromise, forgive, and continue the relationship.
I know that's easier said than done. Why do you feel threatened by his friendship with females. Most of my friends are girls. Partially because if I have a girlfriend, unless their lesbian, I don't feel threatened about them trying to pick up on her.
You have your reasons, but have you sat with him to talk, without arguing about it. Try seeing the issue from his side, but not really judging him for having his view of the situation.
As far as you showing how much you care for him, you've done that by coming on here and asking advice. Caring for someone is done by actions and choices, but not the actions he's demanding from you. That saying more like, "lets see how much you can kiss ass." Which is not a relationship characteristic.
Now the perfect relationship, I see is, two people who are all ready happy with who they are, they don't need eachother, but choose eachother to share their happiness with another they already have. Then they are able to love without expecting the other person to fulfill any area of self that may be off balance.
Remember this. Love someone is about you. It's a choice you make. It's that choice that allows people to overcome. If you are having financial problems. It's that choice that reminds you that the finances are not direct problems of the relationship, but with love two people can work together to overcome them and not loosing any part of who they are with eachother.
I hope this helps you. Take care.
A
female
reader, prettyinpink22 +, writes (4 May 2008):
prettyinpink22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit wasnt like i picked fights about nothing. it was about things that seemed important to me at the time (mostly about his friends that are girls) and he said that he wants space but wants me to show how much i care about him basically by doing things for him (like visiting him every few weeks). i just dont get it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 May 2008):
Why are you picking fights? Is confrontation amusing to you?
Weather a good relationship or a bad one. Either way, it's created by those in it. By doing or not doing determines what you get or don't get. The problem is, once you hook them, and know they're with you, it's so easy to slide into auto mode. If you really want your partner to feel special, and needed. Auto mode is not a place you want to be.
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder  +, writes (3 May 2008):
 I think he just wants to work out for himself how much you mean to him, as he wants space he probably just wants to see how much he wants to see you when he has set himself a goal not to, if you get what i mean?
I hope this helps
good luck
Love & Hugs
tasha x
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