A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just over a week ago, I posted about moving overseas to be with my boyfriend, only to feel like leaving again:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ive-left-everything-behind-for-him.htmlSince that time, my boyfriend's Dad, who is staying with him, has invaded our privacy, taken over the house with his belongings and makes a loud noise doing pretty much everything he does until late into the night. I have had to clean the house from scratch. Each day I have explained to my boyfriend that the situation is getting unbearable - his Dad was supposed to be touring elsewhere for a few weeks. He has been living with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months and I think this is part of it - it's as if it is his own house now.The stress of leaving my family, coming here and facing this has kicked off a migraine and I made the decision on Monday to move out (packing my suitcase yet again) and am now staying, at my own expense, in a studio room in the city. I cannot work in this country until I get a de facto visa with my boyfriend. I feel unwell and my boyfriend who is 34 years old is more bothered about his Dad who is a very demanding and needy person. I understand that blood is often thicker than water - but there is no respect for what I have just given up. I am trying to save my sanity and health, not to mention the relationship, but feel it's now all my effort.My boyfriend said that he would never kick his Dad out (ok I understand) and could not expect him to pay for accommodation - yet he appears quite happy for me to. His Dad is going home in a week and my boyfriend is expecting me to just fall back into line and live with him but I have started to wonder as to this cruel streak of his and whether everything is always going to be on his terms.As I am in this holding position, with my own space, I have time to think and would appreciate any thoughts on what my next move should be. Should I move on from this relationship, potentially go home?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Good for you for moving out. Your b/f wouldnt listen to your very reasonable demands and I couldnt have put up with his very selfish father either! Imagine if the boot would have been on the other foot, I very much doubt he would have tolerated one of your parents behaving this way.
Now that you have moved out I think you need to stand back and just breathe. Dont make any rash decisions. Its disguisting that you have had to pay for accommodation and I think unless your b/f apologises profusely and shows his true commitment to you very soon, I wouldnt count on him for anything. Have some time to yourself and dont make any hasty decisions. Let him come to you and show him how sorry he is and how much he wants you.
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