A
female
age
36-40,
*ls022
writes:Hi everyone, I'm hoping you can help me decide what to do here because I'm really worried but not sure if I should be more mad than upset.My boyfriend of 4.5 years was playing a gig with his band. He is the drummer and has to drive, so he told me he'd be going straight home. However we agreed to meet today for lunch.I text him at 11am (thinking he might still be asleep) asking him what time he wanted to meet at. When it got to 1pm I tried to call him and it went straight to voicemail. It's now 4pm and I still can't get hold of him. I'm pretty worried now and am on the verge of going round to his to check on him or calling his family. The only thing that's stopping me, is in the first 1.5 years of our relationship, he stood me up like this a few times because he decided to stay out with mates and get wasted. When I called him on it, he promised to change and for the last 3 years he's never done anything like this again. I really thought we'd got past this, but I can't get rid of the nagging voice in my head that's saying he's fine and just doesn't want to see me. So do I go round to his house now, or wait a bit longer and assume he is ok? I know the gig went ahead as the venue posted about it, he's not been on Facebook since then.Am I stupid to be worried or stupid to wait? Thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 February 2014):
 I would not worry. If he was in danger or hurt his family would notify you. they don't have to notify you for him being an idiot and blowing you off.
He's probably fine and just sleeping off a long night that probably involved too much booze.
My husband prefers to sleep all day and as such I never make plans with him before 2 pm on the weekends...
the BIGGER problem is that YOU immediately assume he is doing this to AVOID you and not be with you when in reality it's not about you at all. It's about him doing what he wants to do for HIM.
IF this is the first time it's happened in three years and the first thing you think is that he does not want to be with you... consider why.... and consider that this man does not make you feel loved or cherished enough to know that missing ONE date (maybe for a good reason) is not reason to assume he is leaving you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 February 2014):
 You're stupid BOTH "to worry" AND "to wait."
This guy has you hooked and you're acting like a defenseless fish..... You can - and should - do better for yourself....
Good luck...
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