A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for the last three years and have always struggled with insecurity and sometimes jealousy.We work on the same floor now and I often find myself consumed with jealousy and paranoia when I see him talking with certain girls.There is this girl at work who is attracive, who he has started talking to despite them not even working together (i know i can't say this in itself is wrong as I find other men on the floor that i don't really know will try to strike conversations with me and obviously would be polite, because its work)...but I feel like he goes out of his way to chat with her etc etcI found recently (yes I should not have been looking) that he had messaged her on this chat messenger thing we have. I asked him what it was about and he said he'd felt he offended her and wanted to apologise for it...i saw and said kind of how he was glad they were back on friendly terms and how he was logging of...i just didn't understand why her approval would matter so much to a girl he apparently 'rarely speaks to' and doesn't fancy!!We had a big fight as I thought there was something going on. He told me how he only wants me and that he just speaks to her and that there is nothing too it...then the next day at work right in front of me he walks past her (to me looks like he was checking out her behind...he's says not) and starts having this really animated, cheery conversation...and it made me feel really bad as he knows I am paranoid about her and I felt like he was rubbing it in my face...and honestly i could hear the conversation and nothing was funny enough to explain the massive grin he had....I asked him if he could be more sensitive when i am around and he got annoyed saying he had done nothing wrong so he didn't think he was insensitive...he was like im not going to not talk with someone because you don't like it...I can see his point and i wouldn't say he should stop talking to her as its not my place to but I thought i was being reasonable in asking to just be a bit more sensitive. Am I wrong to ask that? Be glad to hear other people's viewsHe knows im insecure so i don't know why he wouldn't want to make it worse, when i said is she more important than me then, he was like no it's the principle its not about herAhhh its driving me mad!
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at work, girl at work, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): I agree with the man who replied. You must leave this man, his behaviour is dangerous. If you live together, start thinking about changing that. Love is about respect, and you are valuable, we all get insecure at times and it is up to the people we love to be compassionate and make us more secure not less. X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): OP I don't know if maybe your bf is chatting to this girl in front of you on purpose in order to deliberately wind you up and make a point.However, he shouldn't have to alter his behaviour because of your paranoia and insecurity. YOU need to work on these traits because they are very destructive. You cannot stop your bf talking to other women. It's a very unhealthy approach. Has your bf's past behaviour given you cause to be so insecure?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): "He knows im insecure so i don't know why he wouldn't want to make it worse"I do. He wants to exploit your insecurity in order to use it against you and therefore exert emotional control over you.
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