A
female
age
51-59,
*egui65
writes:I have another serious question. my boyfriend of 4 years has been trying to bring my confidence down. i've been told I am very pretty, have a nice body, and great lips. I am 5'3" 132 lbs. I should feel confident of myself but I dnt. My boyfriend has been telling foe years that im fat, not very pretty and that no man will want me. He never compliments me. Now he is not the best looking man but im always telling him he looks n smells HOT but never compliments me back. Im trying to understand why most men do this ro their loved ones. Men tell me I am very attractive and most women unless they are models are no where as pretty as me, so why do I feel like this n what should I do ro make the boyfriend stop his mean ways? Im even insecure to have sex wit him because he tells me im fat.
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female
reader, segui65 +, writes (22 December 2010):
segui65 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for all ur support and advice... I have joined a gym to slim down some more which people tell me I dont need. But I get out and meet new frenz at the gym and it does make me feel better bout myself. i have been dressing sexier and styling my hair daily. He still wnt compliment me I know I'm looking even better than i did before. He is not attractive and slightly overweight and have been told by frenz that i make him look good when Im with him. Im now starting to believe that he is the 1 with the low self esteem and threatend that i will leave him. I already told him i dont want to be with him and he is not taking it well.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Don't stay with someone who does this to you, this is cruel and abusive.
Don't try to stop him from doing it, leave if this is what is going on.
If you aren't sure, and you think maybe this is "all in your head", then go to counseling with him, but don't allow this to continue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): He's insecure and he wants to control you. It sounds like you are considerably more attractive than he is so he feels threatened and scared to lose you.
Do not allow your confidence to be shattered. Please...this is very important. I know what it's like. Take care of yourself, go to the gym, dress up in flattering clothes. Don't neglect your appearance. Hold on to your confidence and self esteem, and realize that he is the one who has the problem, not you.
If he can't handle it...you will have your answer about the future of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Wait a second, you spent 4 years with a guy who doesn't think your pretty, puts you down and tells you no other man would want you? There's something wrong here... Why would you subject yourself to this sort of treatment, by a guy who doesn't appreciate you? This is also classic controlling / mental abuse.
Personally, I think he is reflecting your current self esteem levels.
I am not sure what you can do to "correct" his behavior, other than to tell him it hurts, but I think you'll need to weigh the thought of spending another 4 years with a guy who (from the sounds of it) thinks he can do better and enjoys putting you down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): I think he is insecure himself, so he puts you down to make himself feel better and also to control you. You are beautiful and the man who you love should be telling you this each and everyday! Don't stay with someone who does this to you.
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