A
female
age
30-35,
*oniqueEE
writes:I care about my boyfriend, but in bed there is no satisfaction.He won't do things for me and I'm beginning to think that he is very selfish. Although he asks me what I want him to do, I don't feel like he will listen so I don't bother.I'm starting to think that we should break up, I mean the stress I'm feeling from the whole thing is making me act resillient towards him and it is not healthy.Breaking up with him will hurt me more than I can even imagine and we will lose our friendship but this issue wont leave my mind and although sex is not the most important thing, it saddens me that he doesnt seem to care.What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MoniqueEE +, writes (4 September 2009):
MoniqueEE is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow you guys really helped. We ended up really talking and he said everything you all did. Basically I need to voice my opinions more.
My problem is that one of the things I would love him to do would be to go down on me, I already do it to him because I know he likes it. We talked about it before but he said he wouldnt do it.
Of course I don't want to force him but how can i persuade him? It would really make sex better.
A
female
reader, jessjess +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Just talk to him. He clearly DOES care or he wouldn't have asked you what you want from him in bed. Maybe he isn't very sexually experienced and needs you to tell/show him how to please you. If you just 'don't bother' and go all sulky on him that's not going to exactly encourage him is it! You have to be open, honest and communicative in a relationship in my opinion or it will not work. Especially if one of you is unhappy about something.
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A
female
reader, Youngmummy +, writes (2 September 2009):
 why dont you tell him what you want and see
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): You are not giving him encouragement so he is assuming you're not bothered and happy with the way things are. Take the lead next time and maybe discuss what you like in advance so that this adds to the excitement and build up. You are too young to be worrying about it so just experiment and see what you like - but give him a chance to satisfy you...it sounds like he's trying to?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 September 2009):
 "Although he asks me what I want him to do, I don't feel like he will listen so I don't bother."Read that back to yourself - your clearly not giving this poor guy a chance to make amends! He clearly wants to know what you enjoy in bed so he can pleasure you, but you have already decided what his actions would be therefore you dont bother to try and change things!Have you tried thinking positively for a change? Perhaps if you tell him what you want him to do....shock horror....he might actually do it? I mean why would he bother asking if he didnt care?! He asked you because he cares about you enjoying yourself in bed, and he wants to know what to do! So by you ignoring him and jumping to the conclusion that there is no point in telling him, you are encouraging him to be selfish.What you need to do is talk to him, even show him how to pleasure you etc. While men love sex and a lot of it is selfish (and sometimes there is nothing wrong with that), they also love to pleasure a woman. To a man, the idea that he can give his girl orgasms and turn her on in ways no other man could - that makes him feel amazing. Men love to feel like they are great in bed, it boosts their egos to no end! So give your boyfriend a chance, I think maybe if you start being more positive about things rather than in this negative state of mind that you have right now, then things might change. Just get it out in the open - tell him you feel he has been a little selfish in bed and it is starting to bother you. Tell him all the things you like and want him to do to you, make sure he knows what you enjoy! Then take it from there! I'm sure if you just talk to him then he will change, at the moment he probably just doesnt realise what he is doing and thinks that you are enjoying your sex life as it is because he doesnt know any better! I hope this helps and good luck!
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