A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for one and a half years, and everything's always been really good between us, but lately I feel like he's not puttin in any effort. Since I met him we literally spoke everyday, where as lately We speak once every few days or I might get a message saying 'sorry had a busy day good night' and when we do speak since I'm upset it's awkward. He used to surprise me and take me everywhere where as the past month he never wants to do anything and all we do is stupid things like hang out in his car or go for coffee. This might sound stupid, but this is the guy who calls me everyday for the past 1 and a half years and never goes a day without speaking to me and would call me 11 times in a row if I did t answer and would come and surprise me and wanna spend the majority of his time with me. I'm scared if our relationship is falling apart because I really love him and know he loves me. Any thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, frndz4life  +, writes (10 September 2012):
hi i completely agree with tisha- i have been through this and i know its damn miserable feeling even though i understand that he was way too busy with his work loads. what i did was i got myself involved in other things that i enjoy doing hanging out with my friends, readings, clubbing. it just kept my mind out of cell phone expecting for his calls and text.n my bf actually starting missing me, wondering why didnt i call or text.
so i would say ya gaps are very much required to get back that magic.just take your mind out of it for a while.
all the best !!!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 September 2012):
 It's really hard to sustain that honeymoon level of passion in the later stages of a relationship. Fire needs oxygen in order to burn. Maybe too much closeness and intimacy has smothered the spark a bit, and giving him and yourself some space and air will open up a bit of a gap. Gaps are necessary for sparks, you know.
Relax, breathe, enjoy time with yourself and with your other friends. Make plans without him a few times and give him a chance to miss you. Get back your own bounce and your own sense of self and he'll remember why he fell for you in the first place.
If all your current interactions involve you being miserable because he's feeling distant, surprise him and be light and bright and a bit mysterious for a few weeks. Make him WANT to be with you by giving him some of the delicious old you, the one that thought he was the best thing since free Wifi. Make him wonder if there aren't other men lurking about desperately hoping you'll look their way. I don't mean go out and start flirting with guys, I mean make him remember how attractive you are and that if he doesn't keep his attention on you, you have lots of other options. You don't actually say that out loud, by the way.
"What have you been up to?" -"Oh, I've been so busy with Sara, you know my girlfriend who's single. we've been heading out to some fun places and it's great to watch her flirt with guys. I've even had to fend a few off myself, what a hoot."
You said all you do is hang out in his car or go for coffee. Maybe he's low on cash and feels badly that he can't treat you like he used to. Suggest free outings (gallery openings, picnics, free movie screenings, etc.) or have him over for a home-cooked meal.
Surprise him by being really happy when he rings. Don't complain you never see him, don't be upset. Instead, be full of good ideas for your next date together (cheap things to do) or have spent lots of fun time with your single girlfriends.
If things don't improve within a month with that tack, then it's time to reassess your situation and your options.
Good luck!
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