A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Relationship is about effort, isn't it? And adjustments. I've adjusted to a lot for this man, except one thing.He doesn't really go out of his way to please me, even when he knows it'll make me happy. Some man have to grope in the dark and guess what his girlfriend likes, but I told him directly what I like. And he's a student, like me so I know how it feels like to have our budget stretched really thin.I told him I don't need expensive gifts like perfumes or jewelery, and I understand that he can't treat me at expensive restaurants etcI just NEED my occasional sweet gestures from him like an 'I love you' note that he could probably slip into my notebook (I always carry my notebook around in my bag when we go out) or a simple CARD with the most ineloquent message he could come up with - I don't care as long as it's from his heart.For his birthday I mustered the courage to call his friends that I barely knew to throw him a surprise birthday party. I also took time to burn 4 CDs of songs he likes because his old CDs are all scratched up. I even included a personalised message from me on the CD. He said he loved it. It took me 4 days to do it because I'm really bad at these things - but the point is I went out of my comfort zone, read technical articles online and downloaded various applications just to burn the CDs.He has done other sweet things for me like driving for an hour just to see me and hold my hand for 2 hours, even when he has class the next morning. He loves taking photos of me and editing them will take him ages and he posts them on Facebook and we'll both get nice comments... He would always hold my handbag when I feel tired, he would never reject me when I make a move to hug him, he says he loves me all the time and he has the sweetest smile in the whole world.I really appreciate them all, but these are things that doesn't require him to go out of his way too much. I've driven to his place unexpectedly to give him a surprise and see him for an hour before leaving - it's not a hard thing to do. He said he doesn't know what to write, but I'm not expecting Shakespeare, and he knows that. Sometimes I think he's too much of a perfectionist, if it can't be perfect he won't do it. But then nothing would be done, would it?If he were to fold an A4 paper into half, and draw some stick people on it with a simple 'you're the best girl ever' I swear I'd frame it and keep it until I'm dead.Can you believe I even gave him suggestions of what would make me happy? (When a simple Google search of 'cheap ways to make girlfriend happy' will give him thousands of results). I told him I liked flowers - wild flowers included. I told him a single stalk of flower is more adorable than a bouquet (which also means less costly). I told him I like unexpected cards and letters (doesn't have to be 10 pages) on normal days, and not wait till it's my birthday. I told him I love chocolates. Books. REALLY SIMPLE THINGS.My birthday is coming up really soon, and a month later it'll be Valentine's. I'm not expecting anything at all. I'll be flying somewhere soon, and I bet I won't get a card. Just a normal video chat and a simple Happy Birthday and a I'm sorry I can't do anything for you. But he can. I just don't understand why he won't.We had a fight over it just now, and now we're not talking. I burst into tears, and a part of me thinks it's silly to not talk to him over him not giving me cards and notes, but I NEED these things. I'm just that type of girl. I've said it to him so many times, and he said he'd do it. I'd wait for 3 months. Nothing. When I bring it up, he said now he can't do anything because I've asked for it and I'll have to wait some more.And then once he even said that he'd do it at least twice a month, which of course never happened. It's been half a year. I love this man, but now I feel like I need to take a break. Maybe for 6 months or so, to give a chance for both of us to grow up. Maybe he'll grow up to be more sensitive. Maybe I'll grow up to care less about these things. We're both 23 now. I just need to know why it's so hard for him to do it when he could clearly see how much I want it and how it would mean to me. I thought a man would prefer a woman to be direct? Wouldn't you want to make the woman you love happy? Especially when the things she like are so inexpensive and simple?Please tell me what you think. And what you think I should do.
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female
reader, Skitzette  +, writes (26 October 2016):
It breaks my heart because this is like six years later. You sound so sweet and like you keep trying to make him feel special no matter how you get treated. You'll probably not see this but oh well. It makes me upset that guys can be asked and begged to do the little things that matter to us the most and they constantly rub it in our faces that it doesn't matter to them. They're so vacuous and non committal it's impossible to tell if they know and don't care or if they're really that absent minded. Either way, I'm pissed because I'm sick of always giving all but not worth any inconvenience on his part. Why is it that women are expected to do all kinds of sexual favours to be a good girlfriend, but it's too much to ask when we want it and he's tired? They don't think we're tired when we're woken up at 2 a.m. to blow him, because sex is too much effort? Gagging for five or ten minutes and getting your hair all stuck to your face is just part of the job, but if he doesn't want to get his hands dirty taking out the rubbish before work then of course that was always too much to ask.
A
female
reader, jenn2204  +, writes (27 November 2010):
hi i just want to tell you that as much as you love HIM, HE is not willing to fullfil YOU. my husband was just like that he was never willing to go out his way and do something nice for me, we ended up marrying and OFCOURSE he hasnt changed it actually has worsen, and im only 20 years old.........dont make the same mistake.
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A
female
reader, PurityChild +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Basically llove is about comunication and if you dont comunicate what you want from him then how is he suppose to know what to do. Him not making him happy is just as bad as you not telling him, because boys dont know what they are doing wrong. My advice to you is to just sit him down and tell him how you feel. Dont hold your feelings in because this will make the situation worse just let him know.Or you can make him a really romantic dinner with candles and flowers, the works. Then let him know that this is how you would like to be treated sometimes =)
Hope this helps
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