A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating off and on for two years but he seems to belittle me in every arguement we have. I think when Im right in the arguements he feels like thats what he can do to make me feel bad. I love him so much but its getting a little frustrating and to the point I want to call it quits for good. What do I need to say to him to make him understand how i feel? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we broke up today and Im really upset about it because its ten days before my birthday and we made so many plans together no they r cancelled now i have to get through this by myself. But thanks to all ur answers they were really helpful.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): "he treats me like a queen except wen we argue"
Another classic Dear Cupid red flag.
Translation: All he needs to do to make you forget his abhorrent behavior is tell you what you want to hear.
"Its been plenty times I want to call it quits but I find myself crying and sad."
Then by all means continue clinging to an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship with this loser so you can continue to find yourself crying and sad when he verbally abuses you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@youwish- i kno wat u r saying but its really hard for me to let the go and on top of that he treats me like a queen except wen we argue. Its been plenty times I want to call it quits but I find myself crying and sad.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): "What do I need to say to him to make him understand how i feel?"
He already knows how you feel, and he doesn't care. He knows he can keep on using you as a verbal doormat because you'll keep letting him.
Agree with CindyCares, the phrases "off and on" and "every argument" are huge red flags indicating there is something fundamentally wrong with your so-called relationship.
If you are so needy and insecure that you are clinging to an unhealthy, dysfunctional coupling because you "love him so much" then I suggest you seek counselling to better understand and overcome your skewed concept of exactly what constitutes "love."
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 March 2013):
 "What do I need to say to him to make him understand how i feel?"
How about
"Get the hell out of my life forever and never talk to me again, you useless fraction of a man!"
You've been dating off and on. Get it? Off and on. When you're doing yo-yo dating like that, it's doomed. End it. He knows he's belittling you, so you telling him how you feel and prolonging the doomed relationship does you no good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): Is he arguing for arguments sake or because he thinks he is right and you are not? Being made to feel small in an argument is a sign that you have lost. You both need to communicate and not argue. You will also have to accept that he may be right sometimes.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 March 2013):
 I know this is not the answer to your question, but : call it quits.
Your bf does not know how to fight fair, apparently, but that's more a symptom than the problem. The red flag is in the on and off per se - there's no reason for a relationship to be on and off, if there's a decent level of compatibility it just stays on without any major effort, if it goes on and off like a half spent bulb , one of the parties ( or both ) is just not interested enough to keep it going, or they would be interested but basically are not compatible.
Also, " every time we have an argument " would indicate that arguments are frequent, there's this myth that it is normal or healthy for couples to fight very often , it's not. VERY occasionally it's fine, it's impossible to always agree on everything- but a high level of petty bickering is one of the strongest predictor of divorce (as per an extensive study by Rutgers University ).
In other words, to make things last , you've got to get along, which would seem a " DUH " conclusion, but apparently is not , seen how many couples become frustrated spending their energy on " on and off ". .
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