A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of one year asked me "What if I needed to borrow $200, would you let me?" I responded, "Maybe after we have been together for 5 years." Now he is mad and thinks I would never be there for him. Am I in the wrong for saying this? I love him, but he has never told me he loves me, but his actions say he does. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Ok, just say your boyfriend of 1 year who you were madly in love with, but you just aren't sure if he loves you, but you know he care deeply for you, asked you "What if I needed to borrow $200 would you let me?" What would you say?
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 June 2009):
Well let him know that you can't depend on babies either so maybe he should hit the road. And while he's at it, you'll find someone that's INdependent and not dependent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Thanks for your input. I honestly felt like he was testing me to see what I would say. Now he says he doesn't think I will ever be there for him, and that he can't depend on me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Your boyfriend should know that when you ask a yes/no question you should expect... a yes or no, I don't understand his surprise, and neither the utility of such questions at the beginning of a relationship, after only a year you are still in the incipient phase. Wouldn't it have been better if you had managed to laugh it off, without attaching so much importance to such a little significant event... and to concentrate on what really matters in a relationship: communication, seeing if you have similar or matching lifestyles and other such things? You can tell him something similar to what I wrote here. He may have intended this as an indirect manner of asking your help. I don't know how close you are or how (un)stable your financial situation is, but these aspects are best discussed directly and specifically. For me, there would be no need to test a relationship in this way. There are enough setbacks in the long road already. This should not be a major concern so talk it over and throw in some light (for example state your reason and be sure you see why exactly he asked the question in the first place). Otherwise continue to enjoy the relationship as it is at this stage, hopefully it will move forward if it's meant to.I need to add: think why your boyfriend needs (such) proves of love, if this is the case (it is how I see it based on what you wrote). There can be many reasons for this: low esteem, failed relationships where he was not returned his affections - in which case he should start becoming less vulnerable to simple talks and maybe words said in a half serious tone, etc. I also glimpse a bit of immaturity if his way of solving this was by getting mad as you said, hopefully it wasn't just a strategic reaction to convince you to lend the money... and if you say he has proven you by actions he loves you then it was most probably not.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 June 2009):
No, I don't think that you're wrong with what you said. It was kind of vague, but like what KiwiiTOS said--it depends on the situation. Money can be a hardship on any relationship depending on the circumstances. If you don't trust a person to pay you back, then certainly you shouldn't be lending them money. And with today's economy, $200 is a lot of money! So if he was just asking to "test" you, then he's being childish. If he legitimately needs the money for something then lend it to him if you have it, just make sure you have him sign a promisary note. It may be awkward or still make him annoyed, but oh well. You'll be happy you did it if you need to take him to small claims court to get your money back!
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