A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for about a month now and I have met one of his friends, but the other night he went to dinner with a large group of friends after a football game { which is fine } but he didn't invite me. It kinda hurt my feelings but I am cool with it the thing was he wanted to see me after the dinner at like 9pm at night ??? He also said he was really tired so I just acted like this didn't bother me and told him to have fun with his friends and I would see him another day. ( since he was tired)Question ? Was this a booty call ?? or was he blowing me off ?? I did the right thing I feel by not going to hang with him at his house, because after all I wasen't even invited to dinner . Right ??? any thoughts I am worried about this relationship .
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 I see it like llifton. Why should he have necessaryly invited you to dinner with his friends ? Maybe it was a boys only night. Maybe they were all work colleagues, or ex college classmates , stuff like that. Maybe the other people weren't bringing their partners . People can have a happy, healthy couple life AND also have, on occasions, a personal social life, - one does not need to squeeze their partner into each and any social occasion, including those where for whatever reason the partner would not fit just perfectly.
Plus, the dinner ended at 9p.m., not at dawn, so he did not necessarily want a drunken booty call before falling asleep.
Maybe he just wanted spend the first part of the night with friends, and since there was still ample time for more, spend the second part of the night with you. Regardless of possible sexual activity.
Then again, since it's a new relationship and you don't know him that well, it was not a bad idea refusing to go. Rules need to be defined , negotiated and agreed upon from the very beginning, and if your rule is, a date is a date, not just " hanging out " at home whenever there's time left, or , you don't share the spotlights with friends- if he goes out with you he must give you the full night and full attention... whatever your rule / requirement is, now is the time to let it be known. Both in words and actions.
Don't be so passive aggressive in future. "It kinda hurt my feelings but I was cool with it "? What does it mean? You can't have both, pick one. Either you are cool with something- but then you do not brood about it, or you aren't cool with it and you say it before , or while, it happens.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (24 November 2013):
 For me, I don't see anything wrong with him going out and hanging out with a large group of friends and then wanting to see you after. The way I see it, what's the big deal if he doesn't invite you? you've only been seeing each other for a month. Even if it's been years - everyone needs their own separate time with their own friends. He has friends and you have yours. No biggie. Try not to let it hurt your feelings.
I don't think it was necessarily intended as a booty call. It may have. But maybe he just wanted to hang with his friends and then spend time with you after.
If he hasn't treated you as a booty call yet, I wouldn't assume it now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 November 2013):
 I think you did right in declining the "9 pm" meet up. I think setting some kind of "rules" for what you find OK and what you don't - such as just coming over for a "roll in the hay".
It's only been a month, so I would just try not to over-think what he wants and why you weren't invited.
If it's just guys having dinner you might rather met them at another time.
I think it's GOOD that he is still doing things with his friends (and so should you) - it's ONLY been a month. Little to early to expect being joined at the hip.
Relax and try and let the relationship evolve organically.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): I am not sure that it was a booty call, but you did the right thing of not seeing him that night. Don't pretend that you are cool with something you are not. This relationship is new, so at this point you don't really know where you stand with him. The fact that he didn't invite you to dinner with his friends tells me that heis not sure also where you guys stand. But also if he invited you to dinner it wouldn't mean anything anyway. See what pattern of behavour he chooses. If he will repeat this scenarium over and over again, then be aware that it is a booty call, and you are his late night girl for sex. Trust yourself. If there is something you don't like, most likely it's real. Over the years I learned to trust myself, and my life became much easier. What you see is what you get, that's my rule. I was dating a guy for 4 months, but it was just once a week. But Saturdays were mine with him, and because of my busy life I didn't mind. But then he changed this routine. Saturday's became Fridays, then Sundays, Then Tuesdays. I waited another couple weeks and then asked him if there was anyone else. He said, of course, no. Next weekend (#3) when I was again switched for Tuesday,I said goodby. It was clear to me that I became his weekday girl. So, don't wait too long, if it happens couple more times, it's time to say goodby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): You don't put your lady on hold; while you go out to dinner with a separate group of friends. The considerate move would have been to invite you to dinner to meet his friends.Why wouldn't he invite you out to eat? Is he some kind of cheap-ass? I can't think of a any good reason why he wouldn't have invited you out to introduce you around. Yet have the huge cajones to make an appointment for a "booty call" at 9 PM, later that same night!!! Yes you nailed it. It was a booty call! As if you'd sit by the phone and wait like a good little girl. You aren't even entitled to dinner and drinks first?You pass with flying colors! You saw right through it! You've been going out for a month, and he has only introduced you to one friend? Sounds like he doesn't plan to have you around very long.You handled the situation like a pro, and saved your dignity in the process. Do address the fact that you haven't met his friends, and do let him know you were hurt that he didn't extend an invitation to dinner with the group. Don't mention anything about the booty call. It didn't happen; so it requires no further discussion. You handled that on the spot. He got the message.I don't think this guy is really interested beyond sex. So he's giving you limited exposure. What's his status on Facebook? Where does your picture appear?You might want to give him the boot before you get too emotionally attached. Seriously!
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