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female
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*hellyamber
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We were engaged 11 years ago, but broke up only to get back together 8 years later. I found out he lied to his parents about our breakup to make him out to be the good guy and me the bad. He has to yet to set them straight and we have to sneak around. He lives about a mile from them, so I can only come over at night. His mom works for him, so we can't spend any time during the day or at lunch or phone calls. He is with his parents all the time and will not tell them we are together. He says he loves me and wants thing to stay this way for now. He says that we can't be anything more because he doesn't want to disappoint his family. What do I do? Force the issue with him or expose us to his family and see what happens? BTW, this is a 40 year old man.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (8 April 2009):
 Shelly Amber writes: "He says he loves me and wants thing to stay this way for now." Interpret this to say "I'm using you and I want this to stay this way forever"
And to him it looks like this is working out pretty well, He has managed to string you along for four years now. He doesn't want to make a commitment.
He blamed the original breakup on you to spare his ego. he may be so full of himself that he can't admit he changed his mind. The more likely answer is that if he admits to his family that he is having a relationship they will pressure him to make a commitment.
So to your question: "What do I do?" That depends a great deal on what it is you want. If you force the issue with him, he will stop seeing you because he isn't getting what he wants without making a commitment. 4 years leads me to believe that he is simply never going to make a commitment. If you expose the relationship to his family, he will break up with you and you will get the satisfaction of being right.
On the other hand if you want a real relationship with acknowledgment and a future. Dump him and find a real man.
FA
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): He is treating you like a doormat. Yuk - how utterly selfish and patronising. If I were you I would feel completely humiliated. I definitely think you should just turn up at his place of work - but only to finish with him - and bring some evidence with you (such as something he left at yours or his the previous night). You need to anticipate that his 'Mummy' won't believe a thing you say as her precious little boy is as good as gold - but with evidence it should wipe the smile off their faces. Just walk away - there is absolutely no justification for him to treat you like a part time 'lady in waiting'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): OMG!!!! you have to be joking; a 40 yr old man?
I wonder why he is so scared of what his family thinks. For one if he lied to make himself look good thats selfish, matter of fact hiding you from them sounds like he did some real damage. If he loves you he shouldnt want you to be a secrect to anyone even mom and dad. Is he making any progress to show his family you two are together cause if not he should be an ex still. I think you need someone better and less baby like in mind. This guy sounds like a teenager.
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