A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently asked for a break because he says stress and fatigue has him confused about everything in his life, including our relationship. I asked whether or not he was just trying to ease his way into a break uo but he claims that he doesn't want one, just some time to clear his head about what's going on in his life. Although extremely hurt, I've been supportive of his wishes and have given him his space. Since our "break" began, I've refrained from calling him at all. However, he still calls me. Not quite as regularly as he used to, but quite a bit more than I would have expected owing to our "break".Half of my friends are telling me not to talk to him at all, others say to talk to him when he calls. I'm so confused I have no idea what to do.Is it a bad thing that he's calling me? Should I ignore his calls? Accept them? Alternate between both? I'm still very much in love with him and I want to believe there is a chance for us but I was never one who believed in breaks so I'm very new (and confused) about this. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I am such a 'black and white' girl--no gray areas in my life. I have always found 'little breaks' like this in relationships, just another smokescreen for people to have their fun while keeping the other one hanging. Either break up, make it final, move on or stay together and learn to negotiate/compromise/communicate, while loving each other. All relationships have trouble, but you work it through together. Soo, if you and your signifigant other have a basic, solid foundation, that just needs some tweaking and fine tuning, then why even call for a 'break?' So this why I am so suspect of 'breaks'.
Agree or disagree, but this is the way I look at this. When a person calls for a 'break' it's really, because they are not feeling for the other, in a romantic way. Because if they were, the break simply would not happen, would it. If your bf called for this break, I want you to do one thing and you will need to be really, really strong, girl. Listen to those friends who have told you and I will repeat: Do not talk to him, do not email him, do not telephone him. If he calls you..you are unavailable. And now you need to be real here and give some thought to the possiblity of letting go and moving on. Why do I say this? Because you deserve more than this. Life should always be moving forward and that each minute you spend 'stagnanting' and waiting for him to come back, you will be left behind. You need to keep taking care of number 'one' (you) during this tough time and if there ever was a connection it will work out and you both will find each other, again. But just don't hold your breath and wait anxiously. Get on with your life. Let him miss you and allow him to see what life is like, without your love. I know-I know. You take a chance but two things are happening here; 1) you are being politely dumped so he can pursue other interests or 2) he just need some time alone to think, if you both have had problems and he's losing that lovin' feeling. But again, commonsense dictates to me that all humans love giving love and being loved by other humans. This is truely when we are the happiest, in spite of the little quirks and quarks that happen in relationships. Usually we can overlook those little things and work it through with our beloveds...together-no breaks are necessary..right? So if your bf loved you, why is he 'taking the risk of losing you'...forever? Just some food for thought, dear. Good luck and take of yourself.
A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 I would seriously stop answering his calls. BUT tell him beforehand that he has made a decision to break up with you and now he has to let you go. Then tell him that you will no longer be speaking to him. This I can promise you will get a reaction from him and you will have an answer of whether or not he really wants to ease into a break. Don't keep him at arms length because he gets to have you on call but still consider himself single! Good luck
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