A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I need Help, I have been with My Boyfriend Almost Ten years, and I have hinted to Him For awhile that I want to Get married. He has a son that I just adore and He is know asking his dad why we are not married. I feel that it is Time for us to Get married and to show his son that marriage can work if you Love each other, Because No One on Either side of my family or his is Married, And I am Concerned we are sending the wrong message to his son that is OK if you Live with someone for ever. Has too much time passed to Get a Proposal because I have accept it for so Long that He loves me But not enough to marry me, I do love him and He is my best freind, And He Does complete me, But If He does not ask me soon I think for me I need to Leave. I am Sad about this because I do not want to lose him or his son, But I Should not have to give up my believes to make him happy should I? Please help Me I almost giving up. I Feel Like a fool because I have let it Go on for 10 years. any advice ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Marriage may just be a piece of paper to some but it can come in useful and handy for legal and bureaucratic purposes.
You have gone on far to long to get married officially and some men do not see the point in getting a piece of paper. Cases like yours are quite prevalent in Australia.
You could discuss it with him about making it official and see if he is willing to accept your views.
What if he does not agree with you ?
Would you give up your happiness and present lifestyle all because of a piece of paper?
I hope he agrees with your perspective and you don't have to come to this cross road in your life.
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 My opinion on this is probably a bit different from other's opinions.
Some people just don't want to get married, but still want to commit to one person. I know this, because I am one of those people. I will gladly commit to someone, but without marriage. This COULD be what he thinks, also.
Marriage is just not for everyone.
I think everybody needs to let go of the view that if he hasn't married you yet, then he doesn't want to commit. This isn't necessarily true. If he doesn't want to commit to you, then he wouldn't be with you would he? But he is with you. You don't need to get married to be with someone forever. Marriage doesn't require any more commitment than a long term, de facto relationship - the only thing is, marriage is a legal contract.
In short, I suggest YOU propose to HIM - that way he knows where you stand completely. Stop 'hinting' and stop being passive about it - just ask him if he wants to get married. But also know that if he doesn't want to get married then that means he doesn't want to commit to you, because he clearly does if he's with you.
I'm surprised that a lot of people think people who aren't married can't commit. That doesn't make any sense.
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A
female
reader, ashlydance33 +, writes (9 March 2010):
 If his love for you is real then he'll marry you. Ten years is a long time but it's never too late. If marriage is something that you really desire then he should be able to recognize that
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A
female
reader, themisses +, writes (9 March 2010):
I agree he should see nothing wrong with a piece of paper that solidifies the relationship..
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Why not propose to him? Let him know you're serious. You really want to get married and it means a lot to you. He might think you're not that bothered as you've stayed with him unmarried for so long.
Tell him you do want to continue being with him and that it would mean the world to you to get married and have that piece of paper to confirm your commitment to each other.
Even if this doesn't prompt him to agree straight away, at least he will know you are REALLY serious and you can hopefully talk openly about it and find out his reasons not to, if he still resists. You might be able to work through them with him. I'm sure if he loves you he will be open to discussing it.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 I think its already a little too long. 10 years is not anymore a joke. I think U deserve to get what you want now. Every woman dreaming of marriage and you are not diffirent with US. You can talk direct to your live in partner. I think you're both not anymore teenage now, Talk to him straight, tell him what that you wanna move on the next level of this relation, i think giving a straight talk and right topic is better than just giving a hint. You are not thinking any bad thing about this you just wanna be a part of his life and his son for official. See what he is going to do, listen what he is going to say. Dont be afraid to say it. you must know your position too in this relationship, you have a right to have that. We have to face the truth we are getting older everyday, we can not have what we want by just only waiting. Sometimes we need also to do a step. I wish you all the luck dear..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 You are basically his mother now. If you leave then you are telling him I don't want to be part of this family because daddy decides not to marry me. As a 10 year old he's not going to understand and would assume you don't love him enough to be his mother. You should not use his son as a reason to convince your boyfriend to marry you. You just hinted you want a marriage? Have you discussed why he doesn't want to get married? Possible reasons are: He's still married to his estranged wife and didn't follow up on a divorce? He thinks marriage is just a piece of paper?
I do think that it's fair for you to get a title and be recognized in his extended family. Would you be okay with a court wedding?
You are acting like husbands and wives right now. What's wrong with buying a ring and celebrating each other's love?
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