A
female
age
30-35,
*h105
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 months. he initiated sex a lot in the beginning and i really liked that. for the last few months, our sex life has been awful and i am rarely satisfied. whenever i try to initiate something, he laughs it off or says he's tired. i want to have sex as much as possible to give me a better chance of finishing, but i think he's discouraged since i'm never satisfied. i'm all for spicing things up and have purchased some things to help, but even though says he's open to it, he doesn't ever express real interest. so i did something bad and looked at his internet history. there was a lot of porn. and a few links to some casual sex/dating sites. i really don't care if he watches porn as long as he's still enthusiastic about me, but the casual sex sites scare me. he is not that type of guy at all and he tells me how happy he is with me constantly. i spoke with a friends and she mentioned that these sites could've just been pop-ups on regular porn sites. is this common?if he says he has a low sex drive yet watches porn any night we aren't together, does that mean he just doesn't want to have sex with me? why not let that desire build up for when i get there? i really don't want to be in a relationship where i'm not sexually satisfied but i do love him and want to fix this. i've cried about his lack of desire for me countless times and tried to make him understand what i need and nothing changes. what else can i do?
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porn, says he's tired, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 April 2012):
 He doesn't listen to you, doesn't care about your needs, why waste any more time? He will not all of a sudden become cognizant of your needs and wants.
6 months in you should still be in the crazy-about-you phase, not in the blah-phase.
If you think he otherwise is worth trying to make it work, then next time you are having sex, TELL him what you want/need - SHOW him. If he doesn't improve at all, well honestly, I would find someone who IS interested in you and your sexual needs not just in porn and his right hand.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): "i spoke with a friends and she mentioned that these sites could've just been pop-ups on regular porn sites. is this common?"
Yes very common, especially 'adult friend finder'.
You know beyond all this porn thing there is one thing you haven't mentioned. Have you told him awful your sex life is?
I mean have you sat him down and told him straight up that the sex you have is not leaving you fulfilled and you're not getting enough sex either?
Don't just try and make him understand tell him very directly that he's not doing enough to satisfy you and it's leaving you very sad and down. That you'd like him to make you orgasm more often and put some more work into your sex life.
Forget the porn because that's not the issue but it does make this a hell of a lot worse. OP don't beat around the bush here, tell him that something has to change and you don't know how much longer you can go on in a relationship without regular satisfying sex if he's not going to do anything about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): Seems like he has a porn addiction :( there are alot of other questions about this.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (4 April 2012):
One question here.
You say you want sex as much as possible to give you a better chance of finishing and you think he has become discouraged by you not being satisfied.
What have you done to help him make sure your buttons are pressed so-to-speak when you have sex?
It is vitally important in a successful sexual relationship to know what makes each other really go.
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