A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok need some advise please ppl i went out clubbing the other night with my bf we had not spoke most of the night tbh we were out with friends he was with the boys an i was with the girls me and 1 of the girls went out for a fag and some bloke started chatting me up an feeling my bum i told him my bf was in the club an he still carried on so then my bf went mad at me stormed off told me to f off an said he was leaving me i dont think i deserve to be treated like this as i was not doing anything an he is still going on about it what should i do because i feel really bad about this an hate the things he has called me i dont think its fair i would never cheat on him an ive tred to tell me but he wont listen to me .
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 I'm sorry but my first reaction to your statement about a man feeling your bum is to wonder why didn't you DECK HIM?
If a man came up to me and put his hands on my bum or my boobs or any other part of me other than my arm to stop me from walking into danger he'd not be told "my partner is in the club" he'd be on the floor for violating my personal space.
NO one but my partner or myself can touch my bum, my boobs or any other of my private parts.
you did not react to the stranger strongly enough.
A
female
reader, Echo85 +, writes (2 April 2012):
 Why didn't you tell him to 'sod off' and follow it up woth a slap? Your boyfriend has a right to be angry! When would you actually of acted and pushed him away? How far would you let him go?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): "i told him my bf was in the club an he still carried on"
Oh yeah? That's not stopping him OP, that's standing there and letting him feel you up with only a very pathetic attempt to stop him. Why didn't you smack his hand away, or push him back and walk away?
You see the one thing a lot of the ladies who posted before me and a lot of ladies in real life think is that it's okay to kiss other guys, to let them feel you up as long as you don't initiate. Well newsflash ladies, it's not. If you let a guy "carry on" then you cross the line of acceptable behaviour by not stopping him. Only an idiot of a man would accept the "I tried to stop him but he carried on" excuse. What else is she too weak to stop guys doing? Guys have touched my girlfriends ass, tried to get too cozy with her and she's pushed them away and told them to fuck off, the couple of guys who have taken exception to being told no and tried to violate her have ended up with their faces smashed by me. She wasn't in the wrong because she was firm with them, she made sure they stopped instantly.
A guy grabbing your ass is not on as far as that other guy is concerned, but if a girl doesn't put a stop to it instantly and definitively then it's on her. If you can't stop a guy feeling you up and leave him there free to carry on with only a very weak attempt to stop him, then what else will you only "try" to stop and let guys carry on with? If you can't trust a girl to say no, or to have the strength and intelligence to stop guys doing things like that to her then how can we trust her when we're not around.
What's worse OP is in your lame attempt to stop this guy you said your boyfriend is around, which could very easily be interpreted that if he wasn't around then it would be okay.
Let's get one thing straight OP, standing there letting it happen is doing something. If you don't stop it then you're a willing, active participant. I've dated girls who thought they were blameless in such situations and they didn't work out because weak-willed men and women just can't be trusted and any time they go out you have the fear that the next guy who tries it on won't be stopped by them and they'll go too far. If you don't find anything wrong with not completely stopping a guy doing things like that then who's to say you won't rationalize a kiss or sex in terms of you initiating and "trying" to make him stop "but he wouldn't listen."
Girls like you are too much of risk because you see no reason why it's your fault either, you don't take responsibility for not stopping this guy.
If you want to fix this then admit you should have been more firm with him, tell your boyfriend you won't let guys do that anymore and if a guy tries you'll make sure he doesn't get to carry on. If you don't take some responsibility for this then I wouldn't blame your boyfriend for moving on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 April 2012):
 Did you smack the guy feeling you up or tell him to keep his paws off your ass? Or did you just stand there and pretend to ignore it?
If you did one of the prior, I think your BF is a drama llama and was "showing" off in front of his friends.
If you did the latter (letting some random guy feel you up) then I think he had a valid point being mad at you.
Put yourself in HIS shoes. I would let him cool off a bit and then talk to him eye-to-eye and one-on-one.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 April 2012):
 his reaction was OTT but if he was with his mates he would have felt he had to do something & I bet they were calling you or wynding him up he would feel humiliated Add drink to that & yea he would be mad. You would be mad if some random girl was touching his bum.
Give him time to cool off now & if some random guy gets too touchy again move away and tell him to get lost.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 April 2012):
 Hhmmmm...
Now when this bloke was inappropriately touching your bum you just when on to tell him you had a boyfriend? You didn't swat his hand away, tell him to knock it off, back away from him, etc?
I know guys can get "touchy, feely" in clubs, but it depends how you respond to that behavior. If you don't give them a negative response, then you're more or less giving their naughty behavior the green light. I wonder if that's what your boyfriend saw.
True, you can't control the blokes touching you. But you can tell them to knock it off. I think your lack there of actions is really what made your boyfriend mad. HOWEVER, I don't believe he should've told you to F-off and stormed out. What a hothead!
To rectify this situation, give your boyfriend some space to cool down and then let him call you once he's over it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): Hmm. We'd really need to know: to what extent did you resist the other guy feeling you up?
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A
female
reader, lovely_minx +, writes (2 April 2012):
 If you honestly tried hard to get that boy to stop feeling you up then your boyfriend should cool down. Explain to him calmly what happened and that you would never cheat on him in any way, and then (and this is important!) leave him alone! Let him cool down! Give him about 2 weeks before talking with him again about the matter, and no matter what you do, do not get defensive or the matter will get worse. Good luck!
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