A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there everyone,So me and my boyfriend recently got together. We were together for two years, split up for six months, and are now back together again. During these six months, I saw a couple of guys for a few months each but that didn't really work out so we split up. It was all on great terms and we remain friends, although only speak every so often as we decided it was for the best this way. I was also taken advantage of by someone I was close to. It wasn't wanted and I tried to fight it off but it happened.Now my boyfriend is saying that he doesn't trust me as much because of all that has happened during the time we were separated. He says that me being taken advantage of was my fault because I didn't try harder to fight him off or I didn't scream for help (I was petrified so didn't scream) and says that there's no way I was getting away with this, and he now sees me as a different person. He also says that there are more males interested in sexual relations with me and so he doesn't trust me because of that, even though I've done nothing to lead them on or encourage them at all.He says that I need to help him build the trust back that he used to have in me. I'm 21 and my boyfriend 22. During the six month split we had no contact at all and he was in a relationship (and had been from two days after the break up from our relationship).My question is; is it fair of him to be saying all of this or is he being unreasonable?Thank you all in advance
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (10 April 2011):
I'm agree with Cerberus 100% and I won't add anything about what he wrote.But there is something I don't get. You have been taken advantage of by a close person. Do you mean he raped you? Some situations I fail to let go to midterms. This is one of those. If it is what is seems to be, you have to report this to the police. I don't want you to speak about that here. I'm just telling you this can't be left alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Honestly OP I think you're missing the bigger picture. I think you both are. You were together two years and it didn't work, it looks very much like it's not going to work now either. You spent 6 months apart and didn't talk at all and now all of a sudden you're back together trying again? You really need to sit down and have a long hard think about your reasons for wanting this. You've had some pretty shitty dating experiences since your break up and it no doubt has had an effect on your thinking, perhaps you think you can magically go back to the way things were before you had issues with your boyfriend. It doesn't work like that OP. The reasons you broke up are still valid and the reasons you want to get back with him are suspect and no, love is not a good reason for anything OP, it's not a reason at all.You need to look at the practicalities here, you're only trying to get back together at the moment and already there are major trust issues and arguing. If that's not a wake up call as to the futility of this then nothing is.My honest opinion OP and forgive me for being blunt, but this is a load of bullshit. Nothing about what he said is fair at all, not only that but he has no right to even question your trustworthiness but he is anyway. OP he;s treating you like crap and blaming you for something which is not your fault. Remind me why you want to get back with him? Oh yeah love. Well love doesn't hurt this much, love is a beautiful thing and when the person you love only brings you anguish and pain, makes you doubt yourself and blames you for being forced upon then love is not worth it.You really need to rethink this whole thing, it is probably the worst idea ever and whatever makes you think that you can make it work forget it OP, because it never will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Oh honey he's being major unfair. You guys wernt together so why is he getting so angry at something you did when you were single? He's even got the nerve to get mad at you for something that you didnt act upon. Don't let him say all that to you, tell him what you did during that 6 months is your business not his. As for the trust issue? Talk to him and ask what did u do to make him not trust you? And hopefully it'l work out better for you from there. Good luck girl x
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