A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, this will be our third year together. We never go out during the week, and I always though it was alright because he works during the week, but when the weekend comes around we never go out either. Just sit at home, him playing a game or messing around on the computer, playing his guitar... It's like he doesn't want to leave the house ever. No movies, no dinner. But when his best friend asks him to hang out, he drives all the way across town to pick him up (Anytime I've ever asked to go across town he has told me it's too far and he doesn't want to) and afterward when I ask what they did, he names off so many places they went. Is it wrong for me to feel jealous of this and spiteful when he goes to hang out with his friend?
View related questions:
best friend, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (11 March 2011):
Well, I guess you need to tell him that this isn't your version of "doing something." I know, easier said than done. Yet, if it's that difficult for you to live with the situation, it's time to say something.
Maybe you can take the initiative? Say that you would like to go see a particular movie this weekend, and ask if he would rather go to the 1PM or 4PM show. If his response is negative, then ask what he WOULD like to do with you this weekend. If the answer is to hang out at home, then maybe you need to go do something with friends or family for the evening. If he gets upset with that, tell him (CALMLY!) that you simply can't take another Saturday night sitting around his place. That you're not trying to make him do anything, nor are you making him join you, just that this is what you are doing tonight. Then go do it. Because if you don't follow through, he'll never believe you.
You want to do things with him, he doesn't seem to want to do things with you. If my suggestion doesn't get him off the couch, maybe you can try something else. If nothing works, you either accept him as he is or get out. My gut says get out, but as women we always like to give the guy a chance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhenever I have asked why we don't do anything he will say us driving to McDonalds or Taco Bell and bringing food back home is doing something.
...............................
A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (10 March 2011):
What does he say when you ask him why this is? That's the only way you're going to find out. Once you have the answer to that, you can decide if this is a deal breaker or not.You'll need to say it calmly and in a non-threatening manner. If I had to phrase it, I would ask, "I'm wondering why we don't go out to do things? When your friend X calls, you take the time to do things with him. I would like to go out to do things with you too." If he gets angry and defensive, stay calm and let him know that you want to spend time with him, and that you're not looking to take away time that he spends with his friend. Just that you would like time with him, too.
...............................
|
