A
male
age
36-40,
*olinsky
writes:Hey,I'm a guy, 24 years old and recently I started a new job. The place is great and most of the people are really nice.THe HUGE problem is that I'm a total looser. I'm one of those introverted melancholy type of people. Not to mention I've got a major lack of assertiveness.With that being said I'll quote one of the most popular phrases: So there is this girl... It would be a waste of words to describe her. Let's just say that I adore the ground that she walks on and be done with it.You'd think that someone my age would have a better attitude when it comes to women, but right now I feel 13.So I've been there for 3 weeks now and I see her in the corridor every now and then, but I'm simply dumbfounded. I can't peel a word. And the more I reinforce this, the worse it gets, because at one point she'll realize I'm just shy and passive and all that. Oh, and a virgin. Yeah.I wish for once I could make things work for me, but I blew it again. I'll never have the courage to talk to her. She probably has a boyfriend anyway and even if she doesn't... what would she find in a butt ugly moron like me.Sorry for having you read this. I guess I just needed to vent. It's hopeless anyway.Thanks.
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male
reader, Kolinsky +, writes (13 July 2009):
Kolinsky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not fair to say that, Charlotte. The events that you've been through shape your identity. I am who I am, because of the things I've been through. Either way..
I asked around about her today and, oh what a surprise, she has a guy. Figures... A girl like her would never be single.
Thanks for the kind words, guys.
I guess life has to go on.
A
female
reader, xcharlottex +, writes (12 July 2009):
you seem sure that this is who you are, and you're not willing to change your outlook, or attitude about anything, or try anything new and different. If this is the case my only advice is this walk up to her in the corridor and say "hey, I always see you around, what's your name (or if you know her name, how are you doing?)" if a conversation gets going followup by asking questions like how old she is, where she's from, does she live with her parents, any siblings? etc. She might be into you so give it a go and if she's not find someone else who likes you for you. If you don't think anyone will like you for you, (im sure you'll find someone though) then live on and accept it, or try what I've suggested and change your outlook and try new things. As much as some of us wouldn't admit it, we are who we want to be, we make our own choices that got us here and made us who we are, no-one else.
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A
male
reader, Kolinsky +, writes (12 July 2009):
Kolinsky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut my idea of exploration is hardly that exciting. And I've tried being spontaneous and passionate, but I'm just not. I'm introverted and even though I've been told over the years that intro and extro are not bad or good, it seems that being extroverted is FAR better than being a solo player.
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A
female
reader, xcharlottex +, writes (11 July 2009):
"how do I make myself not boring?" the most attractive thing I find in a guy is someone who likes to explore life, likes to take trips away, try new things, maybe even go bungeejumping, even if it's something like teaching yourself how to cook, experimenting with different foods, going out to different places. someone who likes to explore life is never boring.
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A
male
reader, Kolinsky +, writes (11 July 2009):
Kolinsky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter a few weeks? Wouldn't that be kinda slow or...?
I guess I'm not that much of a looser, because I do smile and I did say hi to her a couple of times and so on, but it's just weird. She looks like someone who, unlike me, has a life and a really rich life at that. I'm more of a book geek and not exactly outgoing.
Confidence or not, I know for damn certain that women HATE boring guys. You can still be sort of shy and passive, but if you're boring, you're done.
So how do I make myself "not boring"?
Hmm... that's kinda like asking "How should I live my life.". And here is where people tell you - Do what you love. Well, I am! I love computer games and that's what I'm currently doing. I'm a game designer. Women however don't really find that interesting and I would know.
Luvstrucken - I could, but we only see each other in the corridor and it would be awkward to just stop her there and start chatting. That is unless I have something interesting to say... which I don't. Thanks though. I know what you mean.
Anonimous - It is a possibility, but it's a slim chance. How about you? Do you like guys who are unpopular? Do you have any friends that do? Doubt it... :/
Charlotte - I figured that one out on my own, but it still doesn't change the fact that right now I'm a nobody. I'm just not aggressive and assertive enough. Never have been.
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A
female
reader, xcharlottex +, writes (10 July 2009):
alter your attitude and you can alter your life.remember that.You are in complete control of where your life goes,and you do have the power to make it anything you want,Most girls do prefer confident guys, but you do get some that prefer the underdog.Oh and learn to love yourself, that's the most important thing of all, if you died knowing that all your life you treated yourself like this, you would've died with one hell of a regret.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): Attraction is a funny thing. You'd be suprised at how many people are NOT drawn to the popular fun guys. Sometimes when someone you have never noticed before smiles at you it can start something off that you would never have considered. So go on smile at her - you are just being friendly - its kind of a job requirement anyway. The worst that can happen is that she doesnt smile back and then you do it again the next day until she does!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 July 2009):
 Stop beating yourself up. So you are shy. So you feel goofy around her.. So what?
Make yourself say hi to her when you see her. Nothing more nothing less. That isn't so scary is it? Then after a few weeks of hi, branch out. Put a few words together, Like hi, how are you doing? and WAIT for an answer.
If you can't talk, just smile & nod.
If you don't "force" yourself it will just gets worse, and look creepy.
You can do this.
She might not be the ONE, but you have to practise those social skills. She is a good start.
I used to be a very shy person ( I still am to a point, I HATE big crowds or gathering, unless it's family & friends) but my mom taught me a game to beat it. Set yourself a goal as to how many people you are going to talk to in a day (a greeting is fine) then meet the goal and beat it. Took me a little while but it was kinda funny how after about a month I knew the names of most of the people in the stores in my neighborhood and they knew mine. It was kinda nice after a while that everyone in the company I worked in ( about 200 employee's ) knew me by sight and name.
If you can, take classes in public speaking. It is HORRIFYING but I tell you, when you can talk in front of a roomful of strangers, saying hi to a cute girl is easy.
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A
male
reader, luvstrucken220 +, writes (10 July 2009):
 the best thing to do is take a deep breath, walk up to her start a small conversation. and remember, have confidence in yourself. having confidence in yourself will make you less nervous and less shy. and remember to take it slow. you shouldnt ask her to see if she has a bf right off the back.
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