A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I could really use some advise and wise words about this guy I've been seeing. I met him online, we emailed back and forth for a week before meeting in person. I think everyone knows the dangers of online dating and the creeps out there, so I'm cautious and taking this very very slowly. As of this moment, I see him as a friend and that's how I treat him. There are a few warning flags. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if this is something that I need to be concerned about:1. He doesn't have any friends. He said it himself, he doesn't have friends, just colleagues. He's not unsocial or antisocial. He's quite talkative and seems to get along quite well with his coworkers. I've been to his office, also he uses his work email. he claims he doesn't have a personal one. 2. His apartment is empty pretty much. He has the minimum amount of furniture, it looks like he just moved in though he's been living there for 2 years now. There's no personal touches, no pictures, no books, no paintings, nothing. The reason for this is because he wants to move out soon, but 2 years. It's like he has no personality or interest outside of work.Do these things seem strange to you guys as well?When we talk, I talk about myself often, I talk about my family, my day, my friends. He talks about....nothing. Not even work. He spits out facts to me. talking to him is like talking to the history channel. Do you think he's hiding something from me? I feel like I don't know him at all though I've known him for quite a few months now. Thank you for your help
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the person that said he's renting an apartment..that's kinda a big expensive right? I mean I'm not sleeping with him or even kissing him and he's put up with that for months now. And I usually call his cell, but when I do call his home phone, he always answers.
Lol you're making me so paranoid now
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): Is there a chance he could be married and just hiring an apartment? Just a thought...
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A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (26 June 2011):
He might me, he might not. Just coming out with facts when you talk to him sounds like someone with autism/aspergers which also explains (to some extent) why he doesn't have many friends and the strangeness about not furnishing his house. So have a look at the sympyoms and see if any more relate to this man. If not then other possible reasons are:
1) He's hoping for some no strings fun and therefore doesn't want to introduce you to his actual friends, the not having a personal email seems odd especially as he's on a dating site.
He's antisocial.
He has social anxiety.
2) Again very strange behaviour, apart from what I've already mentioned can't think of another reason for it at the moment.
Basically it's possible he dangerous (so carry on slowly as you are and take precautions) but in all honesty unlikely. However he is definitely odd/eccentric and if you don't think you could tolerate this behaviour long term then you might want to have a rethink on seeing this guy.
Another option if you really like him may be to simply ask him about the friends thing by slipping it into conversatiion. If you're just chatting online and he takes offence or something, you can just sign off, block him and never see/contact him again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): it could be many things, but one type really fits the profile:
http://menwhocantlove.com/
the advice to take it even slower is very sound, and there isn't much else to do.. why don't you encourage him talk? maybe you ll find him so boring that you'll much prefer to be alone..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): i would seriously be very careful people like this that prey on women on the internet are usually loners have no friends have no family etc he sounds very odd to me i would cut all contact with him for your own safety they tell you all this to get you to feel sorry for them like you are the only friend they have and if you didnt talk to them or meet up with them they would have no one they do it to make you feel so sorry for them that you will meet them and he could be anything a murderer rapist or paedophile DO NOT MEET HIM FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): whatever it is... he's weird... all you have to say is "it seems like he has no personality" and i'm worried.
i would take it EVEN SLOWER. or just leave.
unless you are attracted to his empty personality, i would leave. but if you happen to be attracted to this empty creepy mysterious guy, i would just ask him more questions directly.
but then again, if he's hiding something, i doubt he would share it if you asked.
so your options are:
1. tread carefully, until maybe he starts to seem normal
2. leave.
do you want to be with a guy like that forever? does he have traits you admire?
you came to this site cause you were concerned enough to ask someone for advice, that's a sign something's off.
-Andrew
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