A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:As a guy, when you are dating a woman would you be put off if she had 'emotional baggage' or some kind of traumatic past? Even if she's had therapy and gotten past it and moved on, would it freak you out if she asked you if the two of you can take things really slowly because of her previous traumatic experience? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 It depends...
for sex, most guys do not care, and they are not interested in a long term investment. They just want the sex.
for relationships, you would need to prove that you could address his emotional needs first. Once you do that, a guy will be willing to deal with her sexual dsyfunction.
Some guys have had really bad experiences with girls of trauma pasts, and make it a rule never to involve themselves emotionally again. If you feel that a relationship might get serious, then you need to let them know that you have to go at your own pace. You do not need to tell them everything. You DO have a right to your privacy. Those that will bail will bail fast.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): I view abuse during childhood as being totally out of control of the person. I can totally accept that. But abuse as a late-teen or adult? I feel differently about that. It's not a totally horrible thing that I can't forgive or anything. However I just know how thankless it is to try and deal with someone who has allowed themselves to be that abused when they were already so late in their emotional development. I've been through that with other people already and I am sick and tired of it. Im sorry those problems can exist in the world, but I just don't want to deal with them anymore.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 If someone really cares for you it should not put him off in the least.
It would be rather insensitive of him to show you some attention, then not give you some room to handle past problems.
No, don't you worry about it. I think if he is any kind of gentlman at all he will stick with you. Doc
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): Im not a guy but I will say that the good ones will do anything to be with you and wait as long as it takes. Go into relationships, be honest about your past and assertive with your expectations. Most guys can start with a clean slate and not dwell on the past (infact most of them would rather not know)- its the future that counts right?!
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